soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Has anyone had a date with a person on one or two occasions that you were looking forward to, only to feel like your nerves take over when you meet them due to the attraction you feel to them...subsequently resulting in you not acting like yourself and not even daring to flirt? I met this guy twice and felt this on both occasions, in my head I was thinking 'good god he's so handsome and intelligent- I want to get to know him' and he gave me signals to show he was interested which I totally backed out of because I felt overwhelmed. He leant in closer and stared at my lips, placed his hand on my thigh and then arm, gave me a very lingering gaze (the kind that makes you feel a bit giddy). After the date, he said he didn't think it was worth pushing to see each other again, I later asked what didn't 'do' it for him... He said he didn't feel the lusty magnetism he would have liked and that I wasn't as direct as he was expecting. I can't help but think I've missed out on something here and because I didn't act on the physical instinct I felt..am I going to sound like a nutter/desperate if I make contact with him and explain how I felt?
smudge21 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Sorry but had a slight chuckle at your post as I think we all go through similar when you really truly fancy someone. I know I can talk to anyone without issue or concern, yet if I'm attracted to them, I hold back. I watch what I say and am unable to truly be myself. I would probably never make a move unless they were already virtually in my face. We basically just let our emotions take over and start overthinking every single little detail. I don't know how to fix that as I've done it all my life and still do. Even right now, I know I overthink with this one girl even though we've already get very close in the past, but that was before I felt for her as I do now. As for what you do now... well that's your call but ask yourself which is worse, the slight embarrassment you may feel from contacting him and explaining how you felt and how you wanted to kiss him etc... or the regret you may feel later on when you look back and wish you'd just made that contact. It may come to nothing, but then again, you won't know unless you try. 1
salparadise Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I can't help but think I've missed out on something here and because I didn't act on the physical instinct I felt..am I going to sound like a nutter/desperate if I make contact with him and explain how I felt? Yes, and you will also be swallowing whatever little bit of pride you have left. The guy is a five-percenter... one of those genetic rarities that women feel compelled to breed with, on the spot. The problem you have is that he can get any woman he wants, and you're not hearing what he said... he wasn't feelin' it. I don't know what you're thinking- that if he'd give you a mulligan you could turn him into a boyfriend/husband who will be eternally loyal? Or do you just want to swap fluids, no regrets? Or does he affect you in such a way that rational thought goes awry? You see, this is the average guy's daily dilemma. Needing to breed, beautiful women being aloof, playing hard to get. You have to decide when to fold and when to double down. If they tell you directly that you just don't make'em wet then it's best to move on. Sometimes the chemistry works both ways, and sometimes only one way. Swallowing one's pride is not usually recommended. 1
Author soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 He's not the most attractive guy I've dated, in fact I'd say he is really average looking. I can't help but wonder if I'd have reciprocated the flirting, it would have ramped up the tension a little. In between our second date, he texted me something respectful but suggestive which I didn't respond flirtatiously to- out of hesitation, not wanting to seem like I was just a flirt for the sake of it. I know it would be silly to make contact again, but I'm not one to let an opportunity pass, hence feeling this frustration now the moment has indeed passed. I'm not looking to marry him/jump into bed right now, just get to know him. He came across as a very loyal, down to earth man and we spoke about many deep subjects. I know in the dating game, it's an up and down, push/pull kind of world, but in a year of dating numerous guys, I've not felt this strongly attracted (on all levels) to a guy since my last longterm relationship.
Author soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Furthermore, I'm not sure why he would suggest a second date..surely he must have felt attracted enough after our initial meeting, or else why bother.
smudge21 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Stop trying to work out what he's thinking and do what is best for you. What do you want to do about this situation?
Author soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Stop trying to work out what he's thinking and do what is best for you. What do you want to do about this situation? I think what is best for my dignity is to not contact him right now, but I would very much like him to know how (in pleasant terms) how intimidated I felt in his presence and squashed any kind of flirting to focus on intellectual conversation. On our second meeting, he asked if I had any other interests or dates lined up, I said truthfully no, asked the same of him. He said no, no one else, only you. I may just refrain from contacting and if I feel the same in a few weeks, give it some thought.
smudge21 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Okay, do that then. There's no right or wrong here. If you spoke to him it could go either way, same as if you just step away for a bit. I get the whole dignity thing (I'm in the process of wondering if I should continue to chase or walk away too) but it is hard to really know what to do when you like someone. You can only really make a decision and then act on it, telling yourself that no matter what the outcome, this is the decision you made.
Author soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Okay, do that then. There's no right or wrong here. If you spoke to him it could go either way, same as if you just step away for a bit. I get the whole dignity thing (I'm in the process of wondering if I should continue to chase or walk away too) but it is hard to really know what to do when you like someone. You can only really make a decision and then act on it, telling yourself that no matter what the outcome, this is the decision you made. This is true. Is yours a similar situation? I guess time will tell- I may feel the opposite in a few weeks anywho! I might add- this forum saves me hundreds in cash, who needs therapy/gossiping with friends!!
kendahke Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Hmm... that's a two edged sword there. On the one side, if you'd allowed your lust to have its head, were there any assurances that he wouldn't have said the same thing when you two were done? On the other, you kept a tight hold of the reigns and he decided you weren't worth waiting for. I think you dodged a bullet.
Snakechammah Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Oh Soph! I know how you feel! I had a crush on a guy at work for 10 months and he finally asked me out. On our first date, I was so overwhelmed, I had to keep pinching myself. I acted all platonic and friend-friend to him because I was so afraid to let my guard down. I could see he was a little hesitant to make any moves because I was a bit standoffish. When he brought me up to a skyrise garden, he ushered me closer to the glass panel and then, stood behind me. He didn't know I have vertigo (I hate heights!) and when he placed his hands on my shoulder and inched closer to my butt, I FROZE. I stood like a tree. Heart hammering away. He asked me something, I didn't even hear him. I couldn't even speak. I had no clue how to react. I just stood there frozen for a good 5 minutes until he backed away and repeatedly asked if I was alright. That was embarrassing. On hindsight, it *could* have been a romantic moment if I had turned around and kissed him. But instead I stood rooted to the ground, facing the other way. I so know how you feel, my dear. At least, yours wasn't as bad. If you really, really, really like the guy, hey you have nothing to lose! If you see him in real life (do you work together? meet regularly?), you could flirt with him again and start afresh. If it's OLD, uhm.... well, I guess wait for a bit, and then send him a nonchalant friendly-flirty message. Not too emotional, not too aloof. Like breadcrumbs type of text. I hope you get your guy! It is super rare to find a guy who know how to turn your knees to jelly! Go get him! I wish you all the best! 1
smudge21 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 This is true. Is yours a similar situation? I guess time will tell- I may feel the opposite in a few weeks anywho! I might add- this forum saves me hundreds in cash, who needs therapy/gossiping with friends!! Yes, wish I'd found LS long before I went through the therapy phase many years ago. It's actually good to share problems and even offer your thoughts to others on theirs. Each day you may feel different and decide to do something different, but that's okay too. Just do whatever you feel is right for you each time. Don't do it because you expect them to react in a certain way as that never happens. Do it solely for the purpose of making you feel better. My situation is kind of just unsure at the moment. She's very off/on and is closed off (something she openly admits) so it's hard to know what to do. I've done all the running so far and I've been fine with that, but now it's quite long distance so if I'm going to make the effort I need to know she wants me to. I basically would love her to just simply say she wants to see me, but part of me feels she never will. My options are either to keep making the effort or just back off a bit. It's a tough one as like you, I'm trying to work out another human being. Humans are annoying at times!
Author soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Oh Soph! I know how you feel! I had a crush on a guy at work for 10 months and he finally asked me out. On our first date, I was so overwhelmed, I had to keep pinching myself. I acted all platonic and friend-friend to him because I was so afraid to let my guard down. I could see he was a little hesitant to make any moves because I was a bit standoffish. When he brought me up to a skyrise garden, he ushered me closer to the glass panel and then, stood behind me. He didn't know I have vertigo (I hate heights!) and when he placed his hands on my shoulder and inched closer to my butt, I FROZE. I stood like a tree. Heart hammering away. He asked me something, I didn't even hear him. I couldn't even speak. I had no clue how to react. I just stood there frozen for a good 5 minutes until he backed away and repeatedly asked if I was alright. That was embarrassing. On hindsight, it *could* have been a romantic moment if I had turned around and kissed him. But instead I stood rooted to the ground, facing the other way. I so know how you feel, my dear. At least, yours wasn't as bad. If you really, really, really like the guy, hey you have nothing to lose! If you see him in real life (do you work together? meet regularly?), you could flirt with him again and start afresh. If it's OLD, uhm.... well, I guess wait for a bit, and then send him a nonchalant friendly-flirty message. Not too emotional, not too aloof. Like breadcrumbs type of text. I hope you get your guy! It is super rare to find a guy who know how to turn your knees to jelly! Go get him! I wish you all the best! Oh crikey, bless you! That sounds like a doozy of a situation you were in! Ours was an OLD thing- what isn't nowadays:laugh: its reassuring to hear I'm not the only person haha, don't know about you, but my friends are all in longterm relationships and they get a glazed look if I ever mention dating escapades to them! Part of me thinks sod it, I don't care about saving face, but the other part is leaning towards NC. Goddam it. And smudge- you'll have to let us (me) know if anything develops re your situation, yours sounds like there are some positives, heck at least she's not told you she doesn't want to string you along! 1
LydiaLong Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Really, if all he was after was 'lusty magnetism,' you're well rid of him.
Toodaloo Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Soph. It happens. I was head over heals a while ago didn't work out. Felt myself going like cardboard. Its one of those things. Don't worry. The right one you will relax with and just go along with the flow. 1
Author soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Really, if all he was after was 'lusty magnetism,' you're well rid of him. Haha I was paraphrasing what he said. His words were along the lines of 'if I don't have the desire to see someone naked after seeing them once or twice then I don't think it can be forced' Yeah. On reflection...what an asshat.
Author soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 I need an off switch installing. It has also just occurred to me that our communication was done via the medium of FB and the one or two dating apps we were both on. At no point did he ask for my number of give me his, despite me telling him it's fine if he wanted my digits. I wonder if this means he could actually have a girlfriend, have not met a guy so dead set against digit giving...
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