GWNN88 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago now since then we was in no contact until I tried to reconnect to him through text then he stopped texting and I realised he found someone else, I'm hoping it's a rebound relationship as we was together for 7 years and he didn't take him very long to move on and that just not like him. I still want my ex back and still have deep feelings for him even though he broke my heart when he broke up with me for his only reason he's not in love with me anymore, it was all a shock to me as I didn't see it coming and still think he only said that to escape the real reason he's not sure of to make things easy for him to end things. I'm running out of ideas on how to get him back, I thought to wrote a letter to say what I wanted to say all this time since the break and just to express my feelings as I wasn't in the right mind when we broke up to say what I really wanted to say. So instead of a letter to say good bye and wish him the best because I don't want to, I want him back and I want him to know this, but I'm worried if I express all my feelings and the rest in a letter it will make things weird or worse and now he's with someone would he even care and reach out to me, would it just be strange to send him a letter basically saying I think we should get back together with out actually saying it. I feel so lost on what to do, I just can't seem to let him go because I know he really is my one and I just don't think hes thinking clearly about things, I know you can't change someone's mind with a letter but I can only try to reach out to him through my letter explaining my feelings about us and after the break up. I've read so many things on what to write and not to write and it says not to do what I'm thinking but me writing a letter saying I accept our break up and wish them the best only makes me think I'm saying bye and good luck to him in his new relationship or whatever it is so I can't see how that will get him back, yes it may show I'm being confident towards him and moving on but I don't want to move on I want him and I feel this is the only way to. Had anyone got any thoughts on this? Anyone been in the same situation? I would really appreciate the help and advice thanks.
K2z Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 In the case you have laid out, i.e. highly emotionally compromised for now, no contact seems the best option. I would study the pinned No Contact Guide thread to begin understanding the rationale for that.
smudge21 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 You want him back... nothing more, nothing less. Whatever you write in a letter, your ultimate goal is to get him back. Be honest and truthful with yourself about this. We all go through that stage of wanting to address someone we've lost, someone who left us, but when we truly think about it, even when we're saying goodbye we're actually saying come back. As hard as this is to accept, you have to let this one go. Take it from someone who did all the letters and chasing. All it does it bring you down and keep you connected to that person, constantly living in hope. They move on and carry on living their lives whilst you miss out on yours. You say you think he's the one and that you don't think he's thinking clearly. This is just your emotions, your mental state controlling you right now. You're messed up like we've all been and it will take time to heal. You could ask on here how many of us thought we'd met "the one". Even now, I'm thinking I've met the one but by the fact I'm back here tells you that isn't the case. Yes, for us they may be perfect in every way, but for them, we're not... hence why they moved on. Plus you cannot be trying to rationalise his actions. He's an individual and no matter how hard we try to understand an ex (or anyone for that matter) the truth is people will always be people, they'll always do whatever they want to do. Just because you'd act a certain way doesn't mean anyone else will. I know this is hard but it does get better, but only if you let it. Living in hope is just not living, it's holding on to the past. I recently told someone that you should never let your past dictate your future, so you do need to let this one go (and I truly understand how hard that is to read). If these people wanted us in their lives, then we would be in their lives. All the chasing, begging, letter writing and hope will not change their mind or heart. Plus, would you really want to spend your life with someone who you have to constantly chase or beg to love you? 3
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Re-read what you wrote. He's not in love with you anymore. After 7 years that is why he broke up with you. If there was hope for your relationship, after 7 years he would have proposed, not ended things. For him this ran it's course. He has moved on to another woman. Nothing you do will ever bring him back. Do not write him a letter but do start a healing journal. Feel free to pour out all of your emotions & express what you are still clinging to but never ever show this journal to any one. It's simply a place for you to purge. Note you will not start to heal until you accept & make peace with the fact that those aspects of your life that involved him are over. You are going to ignore all of us & do it anyway. You will humiliate yourself begging him to come back. He won't. He may even show your letter to others & comment that he finds you pathetic, further humiliating you. Perhaps that is the level of unabashed rejection you need to spur you forward into finally letting go. For your sake I hope not because that will be the most painful way for you. 2
brothers343 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I wouldn't write the letter.....it would probably be a waste of time and the only thing that he will get from it is that he has you in the palm of his hand. Seven years is a long time but he moved on quickly and that right there should tell you something. If he wants you he will come back and if he doesn't, there will be someone else to take his place. Good luck.
laberboi Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago now since then we was in no contact until I tried to reconnect to him through text then he stopped texting and I realised he found someone else, I'm hoping it's a rebound relationship as we was together for 7 years and he didn't take him very long to move on and that just not like him. I still want my ex back and still have deep feelings for him even though he broke my heart when he broke up with me for his only reason he's not in love with me anymore, it was all a shock to me as I didn't see it coming and still think he only said that to escape the real reason he's not sure of to make things easy for him to end things. I'm running out of ideas on how to get him back, I thought to wrote a letter to say what I wanted to say all this time since the break and just to express my feelings as I wasn't in the right mind when we broke up to say what I really wanted to say. So instead of a letter to say good bye and wish him the best because I don't want to, I want him back and I want him to know this, but I'm worried if I express all my feelings and the rest in a letter it will make things weird or worse and now he's with someone would he even care and reach out to me, would it just be strange to send him a letter basically saying I think we should get back together with out actually saying it. I feel so lost on what to do, I just can't seem to let him go because I know he really is my one and I just don't think hes thinking clearly about things, I know you can't change someone's mind with a letter but I can only try to reach out to him through my letter explaining my feelings about us and after the break up. I've read so many things on what to write and not to write and it says not to do what I'm thinking but me writing a letter saying I accept our break up and wish them the best only makes me think I'm saying bye and good luck to him in his new relationship or whatever it is so I can't see how that will get him back, yes it may show I'm being confident towards him and moving on but I don't want to move on I want him and I feel this is the only way to. Had anyone got any thoughts on this? Anyone been in the same situation? I would really appreciate the help and advice thanks. same here, been 7months already but still im into her.. we've been friends and chatting and been on trips when she got home here for holiday and when i discover someones lurking on her (a guy who was flirting with her that cause us fighting when were still ON) i was jealous and courted her but now i mess up she was irritated she said and on NC but not totally bcoz shes still replying somtimes, and i got drunk and called her many times and she blocked my calls. (her sister told me she said she not into me and doesn't like me no more) now i haven't on contact on her for 6 days.. i dont know what to do (want to her to be friends nad never expect to be together just wait what will happen) she will go back to US within 8 days , acted "hmm" on her FB deleting some of our photos already & posting some quotes.. >my message to you and im a Guy if he told you that he doest love you now after 7 years? and been on other girl ... trust me you may send her that letter telling your okay & moving on and letting him go for your peace of mind; do it! & do NC right away, "if he's still into you" he will come back after he read it and realize i promise!
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 trust me you may send her that letter telling your okay & moving on and letting him go for your peace of mind; do it! & do NC right away, "if he's still into you" he will come back after he read it and realize i promise! No. You think NC is a tool for manipulation, laberboi. It's not. It's about healing. You want it to be "absence makes the heart grow fonder." You mention the OP's EX still being into her. He said he doesn't love her anymore & he has moved on to another relationship. You're giving the OP false hope based on a misuse of NC. You are entitled to your opinion & if this type of game playing & manipulation got you the love of your life back, I'm glad it worked for you but it's not universally valid. 1
laberboi Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 No. You think NC is a tool for manipulation, laberboi. It's not. It's about healing. You want it to be "absence makes the heart grow fonder." You mention the OP's EX still being into her. He said he doesn't love her anymore & he has moved on to another relationship. You're giving the OP false hope based on a misuse of NC. You are entitled to your opinion & if this type of game playing & manipulation got you the love of your life back, I'm glad it worked for you but it's not universally valid. i do said that "IF He's still into you" then he will come back.. PS: sorry i havent inserted that she should also be ready to move on and dont expect.. thats why "if he's still into you" 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 He doesn't love you anymore, OP. No amount of letter writing or begging will change that. In fact, it will 100% just drive him even further away and will do nothing but show him that you refuse to move on. I can guarantee you he won't find that attractive. Also, he's with someone else. Since he has moved on so quickly you can bet that he checked out of the relationship before you even broke up. Telling him your feelings now would be pointless because he doesn't care. This is a sh*tty thing to go through and I know it hurts something fierce, but the only thing you can do is keep a hold of your self respect by leaving him alone and moving on. It gets better.
Author GWNN88 Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Thank you all for your advice and thoughts. I know it was a silly thing to do it just think I needed to here it, I have thought long and hard about what I'm going to do and I feel for me to move on i just need to write to him and just accept the break up and say goodbye, i know it will make me feel better saying what I need to say to find closure for myself and I'm not expecting a reply as I know this is not what I want from this letter. I know you said he's moved on so quickly so why who he care but he's not the type to always have a girl friend I know what he's like but I feel he misses the connection with some one and he is in a rebound relationship because this girl is nothing like the type he would go for it know he's type and it really isn't her. I could be wrong but I just have a feeling and usually my feelings are right about those things. I also just want to say that he said he still loves me and he always will but hes not in love with me and I think I was because I was going through a bit of negativity towards myself and my job which I don't think helped our relationship. I know we all say this is the one but we both said it to each other and the 7 years we had together were great, we was a couple which never argued and truly was in love the couple that friends were jealous of, but things changed which made his feeling change towards me and now I have to accept that but he will always be in my heart.
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I also just want to say that he said he still loves me and he always will but hes not in love with me . That means he's not a jerk. He wishes you well & doesn't want to see you in pain but he won't date you. Send the letter if you must but before you do, write it out then put it away for at least one week. Re-read it at a later time then send it. I think you will get more closure & healing if after that week, in a safe place you burn the letter & watch the smoke. 1
K2z Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 It's a good idea to post the letter here (with identity & location specific details redacted) first. You can get constructive criticism from people who both care about your situation and have a suitable degree of distance and objectivity.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Good heavens girl, do not send the letter. He checked out before he broke up with you, I can guarantee it. It wasn't a sudden decision after seven years if you'd had a relatively good relationship up until that point. He probably had been preparing for this for a while, even though you didn't see it. Hence his ability to move on so soon. My ex of 7.5 years did something similar. The difference is that I was falling out of love too by the time it actually ended. And he moved on right away. In my case, the "other woman" had been around before we broke up. And you know what? I've moved on too. He is now married to her and they have a child. I am with a wonderful man and changed my life completely. I can see now that while we shared a pretty happy 7.5 years, we weren't meant to be together forever. I say this because you need to believe someone when they tell you they're not in love anymore. It's not because of a "patch" of negativity. It's a combination of factors and I really think you need to hear that. Sometimes people really do just grow apart. Time for you to start really closing that chapter. He already has.
theredpill Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 You don't beg, ask or do anything to try to get someone back who left you. This is a fools errand, will lead to more pain and heartbreak. He already knows you want him back and if this is what he wanted, you'd be together. We never like reading posts like this, they hurt and we rationalise that the person writing them has no idea what they're talking about. You must follow the NC guide FOR YOU, not as a means to get him back. Even if you did get him back, what do you think he'll do when things aren't good knowing you'll always be there to welcome him? It's a fast track to even more pain and heartbreak... read, take the information in and leave this one alone. The only reason you feel like this is fear, fear you'll never meet anyone as good or better. You're emotional brain is lying to you, there are millions of better people out there!
Blanco Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I wonder how many times "email" and "closure" have appeared in the same post on this forum.
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