kittyxo Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Hello everyone, My ex broke up with me after a heated argument stating that he was completely done with me and all the fighting. He needed to work on himself and figure his career out. When I said goodbye, he followed with "this isn't goodbye" and "who knows it may work out in the future" I hate when he said this because it was almost like he had control. Anyways, I have been really strong throughout this entire breakup (NO CONTACT in full mode) but part of me has been wanting to email him and let him know how strong I really am and how much progress ive made to move on. But I also dont want to go back to sqaure one since he thinks he has all the power still. How do I take the power away? My sister told me silence is the deadliest killer.. Is this true?
K2z Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 in most cases the idea that silence is the ultimate killer holds true. I, however, sent a final note because there were some things that really need it clarifying. I don't regret it. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Sending him an email telling him how strong you are will do only that: tell. It also runs the risk, as you said, of sending you back to square one. By staying NC that will show him that you're strong and don't need his validation or his approval. Up to you, though. 2
basil67 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I think that sending an email saying how strong you are shows that you're still thinking about them. It would disprove your point 3
Haydn Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I did. Then i got to LS and the advice from certain people `saved` me more pain. (Yes) Read the NC threads. It sinks in eventually. Good luck! 1
heartbroken555 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Don't do it. You will look like a fool. Feel like a fool. You will also gain NOTHING. Write a email. Read it in a few days, see how you feel. ( you will probably just delete it and never send it ) 1
Alamo657 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 It works in hollywood movies. In real life it makes you look like a pitiful being. It is catharthic to write down what you have to say, but to maintain your dingity and self respect, don't send a message or letter whom the answer to, or lack thereof, will disappoint you. 1
DrMario Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Your sister is right, silence is the deadliest killer, my ex went stone cold no contact before I could, and after an argument with my sister last month, she did the same, now I'm left to wonder what either of them are doing without me around and how easily they are doing it, silent treatment is a killer and it's driving me crazy, chances are if you've been a no contact God, it's probably driving him crazy too, let him suffer... 1
Author kittyxo Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Thank You everyone! I have decided not to send him an email. I think it makes sense in that if I do it will make it seem like I am still thinking about him and that I am not moving on because I am dwelling on him. I remember him telling me that his cousin's exgirlfriend continues to contact him even after they had closure. And he said that she still wants him and from that I looked at it like his cousin knows that his ex will probably take him back whenever he pleases. I never want to be in that position (again), so I will continue to do NC, and let him THINK that I will reach out to him like his cousin's ex is..but i wont! 1
burnt Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Yes, I have. I got dumped, again and again, by the same person--maybe 10, maybe 20 times. I lose count now. Each time, he ended, right afterwards (the same day), I acknowledged the break-up peacefully. I wrote an email with a peaceful goodbye, thanking him for the goods, and wishing him well. There never was a hateful word coming from me. It was amicable--I don't regret that. But in your case, I'm sensing it's been a while since the break-up. I think it's a bad idea now to contact him. It has the potential for undoing whatever progress you have made so far in moving on. If he doesn't reply, it will make you feel even more rejected; if he does reply, whatever he says can cause only more pain and open up old wounds all over again. When I said goodbye, he followed with "this isn't goodbye" and "who knows it may work out in the future" I hate when he said this because it was almost like he had control. That is an awful thing to do on his part. Yes, that is control, and it leaves you lingering up in the air. How do I take the power away? You don't. You do not need to remove his power to make yourself powerful. You have been strong on your own, so continue it. Your sister is right--the silence is what gives you the strength.
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