PurpleFlowers Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 I just need a place to vent all my anger. I am So full of rage. I dont know where to put it. I just have this surge of adrenaline rushing through me. Cant focus on anything. i want to call him and just let him have it. Say mean creul things that willhurt him as much as he hurt me. I started reading the thread about revenge.... I could so easily go down that road. fantasize ways to get him back... but I dont want to do that either. He treat me like garbage. Nearly a year of my life I let someone treat me like trash... why am i still doing this in my early thirties?????????????? Have i learned nothing from all the self help books, oprah shows, and hundreds of dollars I have spent in therapy???????????????????????????? What is my F'inf problem???????? What was I thining when i called him back 11 months ago???????? I am terrified of who I may date next... some charmer I will think is so great and then realize how psycho he is and i have wasted more time. I want a baby... and he seemed like he would make a good dad. That was part of why I stuck it out. He took so many chances so we would get caught and i could free him from his miserable pathetic self created hell that he shared with his miserable pathetic boring unattractive wife. I hate him. I hope he reamins lonely and miserable for the rest of his life. No one will ever love him becasue he is incapable of love and intimacy. He has no concept of sharing or trust or sacredness. I am going to take care of myself. Eat right, excercise, clean my house, go to work, hug my cat a million times, scream into my pillow, write angry messages on this life saving weblog... and just put him away in my file of losers that I have chosen and need to forget.
Author PurpleFlowers Posted June 4, 2005 Author Posted June 4, 2005 I so want to call him... Call him and tell him all the ways he hurt me.... tell him about the dog incident and the camera incident and party incident and night he went to the antique store without me... all those things that hurt so much.... He has not asked though.... He does not even care. I cant call him. There is no point.... I would be yelling into the phone at someone who JUST DOES NOT CARE. He is soooooooooooooo selfish. The best revenge is to just forget him. Treat him as he deserves... to just be forgotten. If I call he will just have more ammunition against me.... More ways to tell his wife and friends how "crazy" I am.... He had a midlife crisis and hooked up with the crazy chick who wont back off and leave him alone. Part of me would love to be that crazy chick....part of me IS that crazy chick. I want to key his car. leave him wierd message. tell his wife all the cool stuff he did for me. create a wild scene..... He is not worth this anger.... It is just a reflection of my hurt. I fell in love. I was betrayed and misguided. I am going to Move on. I wont call HIM.... I am going to Turn off this computer and go outside in the sunshine and do something nice for myself.
kkat Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 PurpleFlowers, I am sorry for everything you are going through. If you read back, you will find that some of us have been here, venting and suffering, for a very long time. I am still (as you know from your kind post) trying to move past a relationship with a married man that started in 1992, ended in 1996, then re-started in 2003. (Not a bad joke - I'm serious). You are going through one of many stages right now - a stage of anger You are angry at him, and at his wife, as per the comments you made in your last post. And you are angry at yourself. Do the things you said - like clean your house, eat right, get some exercise. Limit things that make you feel worse and do more of things that make you feel better. Make a list of each. Right now you need to survive the worst of this without doing things that eventually make it worse -- like calling him, saying awful things to him or his wife (not that he doesn't deserve it - he does - but it generally just brings about a destructive cycle - and as you know, she doesn't deserve it), doing things that hurt yourself or others. Sending you good thoughts. Keep posting.
ww Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 PURPLE HAVE THE TWO OF US BEEN DATING THE SAME PERSON????????????????????????
StillHurtin Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Purple, WOW, you are very angry! Sorry you are dealing w/ this. Can I ask you how long you and the mm have been split up? I was feeling a lot of this kind of anger at my H for having an A but then I started being more and more angry at them both, H and the OW. I just wanted to hurt her so bad, like she hurt me. I wanted them both to hurt. I think H finally started hurting after our kids and I moved away and that was his wake up call to make him realize what he lost. I agree that the best revenge is to let him go and never look back. Don't call him, write him, nothing. When H broke up w/ the OW she kept calling him, and flirting w/ him at work, she couldn't let go until I finally told her to knock the crap off. I don't know why it took me to do it though. GL
joodee Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 You sound like me today, just really pissed and angry. And it's a stage you'll go through before you fully get to the other side. Like you I am wondering what kind of guy I'm going to attract next, I don't have time to waste on a nowhere relationship. You said you're in your early 30's? Me, I'm 41, going to be 42 next month, and like you I want kids. At least you have a good decade more ahead of you than I do. I spent over a year with MM, for several months now I've been trying to keep him out of my life. I think I finally succeeded, and I'm started to feel better. I'm angry that he doesn't care like he says he does, and I'm angry that it took me this looooooooooong to come out of denial about his true character and accept that he's a liar and manipulator. Best to have no contact and move on and take care of yourself. I've been exercising and lost ten pounds! And I'm finally focusing on work and friends, and thinking about finishing my music degree. And I'm now asking God, "there's got to be something better than this!" Good luck and keep venting here.
Mr Spock Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 You really need to fix what's under the hood before you try and sell the entire car, know what I mean?? Then you'll be ready for good relationships instead of destructive ones. Be as angry as you need to be-but the best revenge IS living well.
LikkleMissConfused Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 My luvy, I really feel your anger and pain. It seems as though you spent more time on him where as my situation is similar but only spanned over 6 weeks. However I have also been messed about only to find out what he has been saying to his friends about me which is very disrespectful. I’m feeling very upset and hurt and can’t believe some people can behave in that way. I’m reaching thirty so obviously I feel what you are feeling Just so you know you are not alone. The only thing you really have is your self respect so try and keep that…That is what I am trying to do.
TiredOfWaiting Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 PurpleFlowers I know where you're coming from, and I have/do feel much of the same anger. But when you break it down, and own YOUR role in the process, aren't you also VERY ANGRY at yourself? I know I am!!! I LET him do this to me. Now its time to forgive myself for all the wasted time and general hurt we have caused. Forgive yourself. Life is a journey. Live and LEARN.
jj003 Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Hi purpleflower, I understand completely how you feel, coz I am feeling the same way, but unlike you, I do not hate him...maybe a bit angry? I feel likt that all the things he did and said, he had never consider how I may feel, oh, boy, he called me inconsiderate for taking up his valuable time while he has a lot of stuff to do, while I said that I am low on his list of priority,he replied by saying that it can be lowered further...that in order for him to clear his list of things to do, he must cut down his time with me, if I am not happy about it, I am inconsiderate and he will " punish" me by further cutting our time together..it seems to me that he never consider I am also a human being, I also have needs? he just kept calling me inconsiderate, finally, I told him, the most inconsiderate thing I've done is to fall in love with a mm who is "totally devoted" to his w, and that how dare I even think of taking up his time? asking him to talk to me, do things for me, think of me..etc, this must be the most inconsiderate thing i have ever done. I think if this is how he feels, he can simply tell me so rather than finding all kind of reasons hate me or upset me..of course, I fully understand that I have no right to ask anyone to do anything for me that they are not willing to do...but also like you, I so want to tell him about the incident of this and the incident of that, but i also realized that there's no point, no point to tell someone who doesn't really care..you are right, I don't want him to think I am some crazy girl who won't let him go...so GO !! GO!!! I don't want him to be unhappy even thought he has hurt me.. why do I cry so much for him...? Yes, the best revenge is to forget him, let him means nothing to me, nothing at all...just like how he feels about me!!! Purplefower, i understand how you feel so well !!! how can we let someone treat us like trash???? how can i let anyone talk like that to me? that almost sound like I am nothing at all????? I must be crazy that I still miss him? still want to talk to him....still can't forget him, and still cry over him....!!!
kkat Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Mr. Spock said it beautifully. You really need to fix what's under the hood before you try and sell the entire car, know what I mean?? Then you'll be ready for good relationships instead of destructive ones. Be as angry as you need to be-but the best revenge IS living well. Thanks for that Spock. It's my mission for the week! Purple, Joodee - I will be 41 in a few weeks. I met my ex-MM when I was 26, young, full of life, great figure, and a handsome and wealthy boyfriend. I believed MM's love for me was true, broke up with the bf directly and honestly, and when MM left his wife "for me" lived with him and dealt with his BS for almost 3 years, only to have him return to his wife. I spent the next 7 years mindless of love, healing, and avoiding his attempts to contact me. Every time I heard from him it was the same story "I am still in love with you. It's unbearable. I am still in love with you." Two years ago, I caved in to what became, suddenly, a relentless (not exaggerating) pursuit on his part and his assertions that he was getting a divorce. So, fast forward, two years later, trying to heal again because of course, once again, he's a weak coward who isn't leaving his wife. So...you bet I am angry. Angry at myself, at him, angry for the lost years, the pain I have gone through and that my family suffered through, the fact that 2 years ago when I agreed to get together with him I told him I had no interest in dating - that I wanted to get pregnant and that if he was ready to marry me and father a child great, if not, please please please move on. Of course he agreed and talked about what a wonderful mother I would be to his child. Well, now I have a little dog I love dearly, but a child is not looking likely for me. However....back to Dr. Spock's comment...I have decided that I MUST look at this as a blessing. If I were in tip-top shape inside my heart and soul and mind, I wouldn't have gone back with him. I'm too good for him even if he were single! So...I'm trying everyday (you all know I have good days and awful ones!) to start fresh, to heal, to make myself better. Purple, it's no wonder you are angry. This man is a cad. He took a vacation from his marriage and I would bet you my last nickel that if his wife doesn't force him out, he will never leave her. By the way, just curious - what's his financial situation? Can he even afford to leave? Because that's always a big factor, especially for a guy of his age (just guessing on his age to be in his mid 40s or so?? - not sure where I'm coming up with that.)
newbby Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 hi purple flowers, i felt like you are feeling not too long ago. theres really nothing i can say you just have to go through it, which you will and you'll be fine but i'll just say this, i had an "incident" and i DID bring it up and his response to me was that i should not be feeling sorry for myself when his poor wife was being decieved (he did not say this in words as such he more implied it with a couple of words and a look). it was then i realised that if i did not get out of this that i would end up with his whole blame and resentment and disrespect because with MY actions i did not consider his wife, no matter that he was the one who married her and that he was the one who was cheating on her, no matter that he had lied to me about her and their marriage and his feelings to get me to participate in the affair. it is all so unfair and that is what makes us so angry, we get all the blame directed at us. the wives get the sympathy and the cheating mm get the forgiveness, and both of them usually end up with the love. it does feel so unfair i know. lately though i have begun to see my mm for what he really is, and i dont envy his poor wife and i dont consider him a good catch in the slightest. you too will come to this. my mm now feels that i look down on him!!( i do!!)
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