truth_seeker Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Gaeta, did you mean to respond to me? Cuz no, *I* did not say women were goddiggers and bytches. I would never! Truth Seeker did in his earlier post, which I **disagreed** with....then he posted again and I agreed with his second post in which he acknowledged that women do struggle. I also agree with you that not all men are losers, etc. Therecate many good men out there too! The point I was trying to make is that both genders struggle in dating, and both genders make mistakes too.... Hope that clarifies. All of us struggle because all us of want the same thing - love - but we encounter people we can't share it with. 2
katiegrl Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 All of us struggle because all us of want the same thing - love - but we encounter people we can't share it with. Thank you for acknowledging we all struggle with finding love. And yes we all encounter people who cannot share that with us - and when we do, we should acknowledge that and move on. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 The heart of the problem is his rudeness. OP did not come on here to ask about what is appropriate to ask or not. His offensiveness was unjustified. She is not a stranger. She is a woman he has been dating and were intimate with. He was rude and condescending. That's what I said. Please re-read the 2nd to last paragraph.
Woggle Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Men here are just defending him because he is a man. Women would do the same if the genders were reversed but it is wrong either way. People can put away the kneejerk defense of their gender for one second to look at the facts and right and wrong.
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 That's what I said. Please re-read the 2nd to last paragraph. I have no idea how I ended up quoting you lol. I should not post from my phone.
katiegrl Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Men here are just defending him because he is a man. Women would do the same if the genders were reversed but it is wrong either way. People can put away the kneejerk defense of their gender for one second to look at the facts and right and wrong. Actually no the men are not the ones defending him. The men agree he is an a*shole and the OP should dump him. The two posters who were defending him were women. 2
Woggle Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Actually no the men are not the ones defending him. The men agree he is an a*shole and the OP should dump him. The two posters who were defending him were women. My bad for not reading the entire thread but that is how things usually go. 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Abusers apologize all the time and do it again all the time too. Abusers also have in common that they minimize what they have done and that is exactly what this man did after telling her it was none of her business, he told her to 'not worry about it'. He minimized what he did and by the same time he dismissed how offensive his words where. You've just made me realize a couple of my exes were abusers. 2
William Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Another moderator worked this thread and I also noticed some language violations of our individual and group berating policies so anyone who loses posting privileges that will be your reason. Also, for any members wishing to arrange an ad hoc LoveShack cruise, please do so via our private message system. Moving forward, please focus on the dating issue presented here and be mindful of our guidelines regarding language and berating. Thanks!
Wewon Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Men here are just defending him because he is a man. Women would do the same if the genders were reversed but it is wrong either way. People can put away the kneejerk defense of their gender for one second to look at the facts and right and wrong. I don't see a gender divide here. Myself and I believe other men have recognized that this guy was out of line. Mostly because I don't see this as a gendered behavior so much of a sign of the times that we live in. And I would say the same thing if a woman responded this way; although I do find that the female version of this kind of ground-standing is to accuse the guy of being entitled or controlling versus the chest thumping in the OP. Two sides of the same coin. 2
Author Aisling.25 Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Just a little update : He came to my house because I wasn't answering his calls. He told me that he felt I backed him into a corner and that I freaked him out. He said that after 3 weeks were not at that relationship stage yet and that I can't dictate to him what he does. He said I can ask and he'll give me an honest answer. He told me that I am the only one his dating and he wants to take it day by day. I told him I need time to think because my feelings are very hurt and he didn't actually apoglize too me. I'm finding it very hard to forget about what he said to me.
Bobbi7 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I agree with the others....NEXT! That was just a rude response and he could have been more tactful. Imagine if you decide to keep seeing him and you ask him questions...he will answer you the same way. There was a guy that did the same thing to me. I would just ask basic questions.or maybe send him 2 texts. He would get angry and reply, "Shut up," "Knock it off," "Not if you keep asking in that way," "Stop nagging." And this was after we slept together a few months along the way... he seemed like he was verbally abusive with a bad temper.. NEXT! 2
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Just a little update : He came to my house because I wasn't answering his calls. He told me that he felt I backed him into a corner and that I freaked him out. He said that after 3 weeks were not at that relationship stage yet and that I can't dictate to him what he does. He said I can ask and he'll give me an honest answer. He told me that I am the only one his dating and he wants to take it day by day. I told him I need time to think because my feelings are very hurt and he didn't actually apoglize too me. I'm finding it very hard to forget about what he said to me. And after 3 weeks he is not a that relationship stage to show up at you home un-announced !!! Holy cow! Who does he think he is?? Hon, plenty of men out there for you to date! Please don't settle for this clown!! 6
Peachland Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 And after 3 weeks he is not a that relationship stage to show up at you home un-announced !!! Holy cow! Who does he think he is?? Hon, plenty of men out there for you to date! Please don't settle for this clown!! Exactly! OP, dating shouldn't be this hard especially after 3 weeks. There are men that will treat you well. Wait for one of them. Dismiss the rest with the quickness. 3
bathtub-row Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Yep. Still no concern for the way he made you feel, nor an apology for his harsh words. He's not relationship material, if you ask me. 2
katiegrl Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) Just a little update : He came to my house because I wasn't answering his calls. He told me that he felt I backed him into a corner and that I freaked him out. He said that after 3 weeks were not at that relationship stage yet and that I can't dictate to him what he does. He said I can ask and he'll give me an honest answer. He told me that I am the only one his dating and he wants to take it day by day. I told him I need time to think because my feelings are very hurt and he didn't actually apoglize too me. I'm finding it very hard to forget about what he said to me. Not only did she NOT get an apology....she gets more of the same shyt he gave her the first time! She can't "dictate to him what he does"? Seriously? All she did was ask a simple question she had every right to know! PLEASE DUMP HIM. He sounds horrible! And after only three weeks? This is when he should be on his best behavior! Edited January 12, 2016 by katiegrl 3
bathtub-row Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Not only did she NOT get an apology....she gets more of the same shyt he gave her the first time! She can't "dictate to him what he does"? Seriously? All she did was ask a simple question she had every right to know! PLEASE DUMP HIM. He sounds horrible! And after only three weeks? This is when he should be on his best behavior! I think that IS his best behavior. Lol! 5
truth_seeker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Just a little update : He came to my house because I wasn't answering his calls. He told me that he felt I backed him into a corner and that I freaked him out. He said that after 3 weeks were not at that relationship stage yet and that I can't dictate to him what he does. He said I can ask and he'll give me an honest answer. He told me that I am the only one his dating and he wants to take it day by day. I told him I need time to think because my feelings are very hurt and he didn't actually apoglize too me. I'm finding it very hard to forget about what he said to me. He came to your house and didn't utter any kind of apology? This guy gets worse and worse. Who raised this schmuck? If you continue with him there be another episode... and another episode... and another... rinse and repeat. I don't like him. You shouldn't either. Cut him loose. 2
katiegrl Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I think that IS his best behavior. Lol! I know! That's what I meant. If this is his best...can you imagine how he will act once they DO actually get into a "relationship"? What a creep. 2
katiegrl Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Aisling -- I hope to gawd you are not turned on by his faux dominant behavior. Many women get turn on by strong dominant men....but he's not acting strong and dominant. He is lording it over you -- like a bully! He is a bully! You get that, right? PLEASE say you do. 2
Leucine Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I think that IS his best behavior. Lol! That's right. He has no filter and clearly doesn't see anything wrong with what he has said and done. Unfortunately, that's the kind of guy that most girls fall for, thinking that they can chase him down and change him (which isn't going to happen). Wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if OP now proceeded to go down that path and found it out the hard way. 1
RedRobin Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) Just a little update : He came to my house because I wasn't answering his calls. He told me that he felt I backed him into a corner and that I freaked him out. He said that after 3 weeks were not at that relationship stage yet and that I can't dictate to him what he does. He said I can ask and he'll give me an honest answer. He told me that I am the only one his dating and he wants to take it day by day. I told him I need time to think because my feelings are very hurt and he didn't actually apoglize too me. I'm finding it very hard to forget about what he said to me. Oh whatever. Same shyte, different day. He's not freaked out at all. He wants to keep tappin that while he plays the field. Heres the deal... His version of dating, seeing, sleeping with, whatever... Is highly suspect. You shouldn't need a friggin polygraph and a dictionary to figure out his intentions. You know what the funniest thing is about this? He actually thinks that he is being upfront.... Or at least, leaving the impression he is. Notice the second attempt at the guilt trip? If he's so freaked out, then he can leave you alone so you can find someone who isn't freaked out about relationships. How's about that? Instead, he wants to weasel you into some FWB style situation and string you along. DUMP THIS LYING JERK. Never, ever, EVER feel like you have to suck up to some guy to be in a relationship. Backed into a corner. ha! It's not like you are proposing marriage. Damn. Edited January 12, 2016 by RedRobin
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 OP, you asked a simple question and he got incredibly defensive. Instead of just answering your question honestly, he immediately thought that you, "backed him into a corner and...freaked him out..can't dictate what he does." ALL THIS BECAUSE YOU ASKED HIM IF HE WAS SEEING ANYONE ELSE!!! Red flags, anyone? Girl, you can ask any type of question you want. The way a person responds to it shows you a little bit about who they are and how they act and think. This guy has deep seeded issues about women and relationships. This guy is super defensive, has major hangups regarding relationships, is rude and self absorbed. I guarantee taht you will have to deal with much more of this if you continue to see him. You've only been seeing him for a few months, LET IT GO! Why are you even contemplating seeing someone who cannot even see themselves? 1
katiegrl Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 If I had to venture a guess (since she has not returned)...it would be the OP has "forgiven" him....and continuing to date him. But she'll be back again, complaining what an aggressive macho bully he is, no doubt! That's okay.... sometimes people need to learn things the hard way before it sinks in. 1
Maggie4 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Just a little update : He came to my house because I wasn't answering his calls. He told me that he felt I backed him into a corner and that I freaked him out. He said that after 3 weeks were not at that relationship stage yet and that I can't dictate to him what he does. He said I can ask and he'll give me an honest answer. He told me that I am the only one his dating and he wants to take it day by day. I told him I need time to think because my feelings are very hurt and he didn't actually apoglize too me. I'm finding it very hard to forget about what he said to me. What I understand from the info you've given is this: he is not seeing anyone else, but he is open to it, and probably looking (hasn't found). Even forgetting everything else, that would be enough for me to back off. He wants to take it day by day? Doesn't sound like what you want. You're not on the same page. Often one person moves faster than the other. What hurts you more? How he spoke to you, or that he doesn't want to be exclusive? I think it's the latter. And that's not something he can fix with an apology.
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