He told me it's none of my business if he speaks to other women

January 11, 2016

I didn't know what to do when he said it to me I never expected that reaction. He told me I was the only one he was seeing but his obviously keeping his options open. He said we're no where near that stage where we can talk about that.

This is where I got that impression . . . and so did Versaci . . . anyway, it's done. Move on. It is what it is.

Yeah, "but he's obviously keeping his options open", which OP came to that conclusion two seconds after he told the the opposite. that's a bit irrational. She asked for reassurance. She got it. But she did not believe it. Ok, so why hang on if you think you guy is a liar? (not to mention rude) there's really nothing to discuss.

But yeah my first interpretation of that is that she had asked him before tonight's text conversation. So tonight was an interrogation. He felt it going that way and rebelled. Whether he rebelled because it was because he is really guilty of seeing other girls and feels "caught" or just annoyed by the interrogation and irrational nature of it all we don't know. It is a little pushy to be telling her that she is only one he is seeing but she doesn't believe him so gives her reasons. Like i said, if OP doesn't believe him, she shouldn't bug him about it, just dump him. These are major issues.

January 11, 2016

Yeah, "but he's obviously keeping his options open", which OP came to that conclusion two seconds after he told the the opposite. that's a bit irrational. She asked for reassurance. She got it. But she did not believe it. Ok, so why hang on if you think you guy is a liar? (not to mention rude) there's really nothing to discuss.

But yeah my first interpretation of that is that she had asked him before tonight's text conversation. So tonight was an interrogation. He felt it going that way and rebelled. Whether he rebelled because it was because he is really guilty of seeing other girls and feels "caught" or just annoyed by the interrogation and irrational nature of it all we don't know. It is a little pushy to be telling her that she is only one he is seeing but she doesn't believe him so gives her reasons. Like i said, if OP doesn't believe him, she shouldn't bug him about it, just dump him. These are major issues.

He asked me why I had asked so I explained.

January 11, 2016

Yeah, "but he's obviously keeping his options open", which OP came to that conclusion two seconds after he told the the opposite. that's a bit irrational. She asked for reassurance. She got it. But she did not believe it. Ok, so why hang on if you think you guy is a liar? (not to mention rude) there's really nothing to discuss.

But yeah my first interpretation of that is that she had asked him before tonight's text conversation. So tonight was an interrogation. He felt it going that way and rebelled. Whether he rebelled because it was because he is really guilty of seeing other girls and feels "caught" or just annoyed by the interrogation and irrational nature of it all we don't know. It is a little pushy to be telling her that she is only one he is seeing but she doesn't believe him so gives her reasons. Like i said, if OP doesn't believe him, she shouldn't bug him about it, just dump him. These are major issues.

Yep. The whole thing just got derailed too because of a lack of quality communication and expectations that were maybe a little too high for the stage it was at. I think this was part of it all.

January 11, 2016

He is not remotely interested in a serious relationship with you. Even if it were by text You said nothing wrong. He chose to make it something wrong. He could have simply answered yes he is seeing other people for now, or he could have answered you'll talk about it next time, or he could have answered 100 different ways that were not hurtful but he chose to send you a long hurtful reply. Block and delete.

This. It's also best not to become intimate with someone if you're not comfortable with where the relationship is.

Edited January 11, 2016 by BettyDraper

January 11, 2016

He asked me why I had asked so I explained.

Aisling, you did nothing wrong......and it certainly does not appear like you were *interrogating* him...jeez.

You were having a conversation (via text but so what)..something was troubling you, so you asked a question. I see nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

Please don't ever feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" with these guys you date. Don't ever feel like you shouldn't speak up when something is on your mind or troubling you.

If a guy doesn't like your question, or it makes him uncomfortable ....and he gets defensive, or responds rudely and obnoxiously, then I am sorry but NEXT. Seriously.

A man who cares about you, cares about your feelings will be more than happy to answer any questions or concerns you have...please trust me on that one!

I cannot even believe anyone would defend him on this...and accuse you of pushing him or whatevs.

I am actually appalled quite frankly...

You need to take care of YOU. It is not your job to *walk on eggshells,* questioning whether or not you should ask a question, and when. So as to not *push* him or god forbid, cause HIM discomfort. That is ridiculous.

I know it is disappointing but please dump this obnoxious idiot.

You deserve so much better than that crap. We all do!

Good luck going forward.

January 11, 2016

Aisling, you did nothing wrong......and it certainly does not appear like you were *interrogating* him...jeez.

You were having a conversation (via text but so what)..something was troubling you, so you asked a question. I see nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

Please don't ever feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" with these guys you date. Don't ever feel like you shouldn't speak up when something is on your mind or troubling you.

If a guy doesn't like your question, or it makes him uncomfortable ....and he gets defensive, or responds rudely and obnoxiously, then I am sorry but NEXT. Seriously.

A man who cares about you, cares about your feelings will be more than happy to answer any questions or concerns you have...please trust me on that one!

I cannot even believe anyone would defend him on this...and accuse you of pushing him or whatevs.

I am actually appalled quite frankly...

You need to take care of YOU. It is not your job to *walk on eggshells,* questioning whether or not you should ask a question, and when. So as to not *push* him or god forbid, cause HIM discomfort. That is ridiculous.

I know it is disappointing but please dump this obnoxious idiot.

You deserve so much better than that crap. We all do!

Good luck going forward.

Thank you, your words really do me a lot .

January 11, 2016

He asked me why I had asked so I explained.

you're still not coming clean with this one. Explained what? That you stalked his instagram? And saw girls who made no sense to you?

Interrogated, stalked jesus. whatever. Instead of using common sense to decide if you should be as into him as you were you had to resort to stalking him and questioning him about it. Two wrongs don't make a right. He was annoyed because he found out your catalyst for asking the question. You were wrong to stalk--you wouldn't have to do that if you had already asked the question in the context of when you really needed to know: ie as you are getting closer to him and more invested to the point of being physical with him. You have a right to ask that question in the context of moving your relationship forward with him but it shouldn't be because you are checking up on him. You lost your value by not asking when you should have and asking when you shouldn't have.

January 11, 2016

A real man should never talk to a girl like that, especially when she's just asking a valid question. EVEN IF the question is annoying, you still do not say "it is none of your business" to a girl who you're dating.

This guy sucks.

You need to drop him, and find a true gentleman.

January 11, 2016

Do you plan to talk to him further or just block him without further communication?

When we had that little fight I suppose I tried to explain myself. He replied Haha don't worry about it.'' So I told him I was going to bed he told me sweet dreams as if like nothing happened. But I couldn't sleep cause I've been too upset because tbh a man has never been that horrible to me. So I don't see how I could ever be normal with him again he has showed me his true colours. So I'm just not going to make any contact with him.

January 11, 2016

But in the three weeks you've been seeing him, you told us that he already told you he was only seeing you. Bringing it up again so soon is going to be viewed by a new suitor as nagging in a way, already. That's what some of us are thinking now that we've heard a little more.
.

but apparently not too soon to have sex...

um...funny... a suitor? what's he pursuing? he already got what he wanted.

January 11, 2016

If you've started sleeping with this guy you have EVERY right to ask - and it is 100% your business if he's sleeping with anyone else. Case closed.

P.S. - This dude sounds like a total tool, please ditch him O_O

January 11, 2016

It is very much your business to know that you're not exclusive or anything. He could simply have said that.

January 11, 2016

Christ, Would you lay off the girl. I'm sure she's upset already without you and redhead b*tching at her. She made a mistake big deal. You are missing the point !!! The point is he had no right to respond to her in that way. He could have worded it differently but he didn't he choose to be aggressive with her, more or less bullying her into shutting up and not asking questions.

If you don't want any further contact - can you block him?

It may be easier than to have him question you further.

I can block him from my apps and stuff but I can't block his number from my phone. I'll have to ring the phone company to do it. I've already deleted him of everything so when he wakes up he'll know I'm not there.

January 11, 2016

I doubt he will lose sleep over it because his response made it pretty clear that she meant nothing to him.

January 11, 2016

I can block him from my apps and stuff but I can't block his number from my phone. I'll have to ring the phone company to do it. I've already deleted him of everything so when he wakes up he'll know I'm not there.

Hey, I don't know about just disappearing, if that's the plan. I'd at least say, "I don't think we're on the same page with this relationship." Also, if you block his number and cut off other ways of getting ahold of you, he may just go by your house to have a conversation.

January 11, 2016

Hey, I don't know about just disappearing, if that's the plan. I'd at least say, "I don't think we're on the same page with this relationship." Also, if you block his number and cut off other ways of getting ahold of you, he may just go by your house to have a conversation.

I agree with this. I would let him know it's over with a very brief explanation. There's no real need for a lengthy conversation so that he can tell you he'll do better, etc. It's too late for that. Just tell him you've decided that the relationship isn't right for you. End of story.

Beware though if he's the controlling, abusive type, you dumping him will cause him to chase after you. Don't be flattered by this. Just completely ignore him. Abusers become extremely charming and convincing when they know they're losing someone.

The truth is, you'll never forget how he treated you and there's no reason why you should. Being overly tolerant with men who treat you with disrespect is a fatal error.

January 11, 2016

I agree with this. I would let him know it's over with a very brief explanation. There's no real need for a lengthy conversation so that he can tell you he'll do better, etc. It's too late for that. Just tell him you've decided that the relationship isn't right for you. End of story.

Beware though if he's the controlling, abusive type, you dumping him will cause him to chase after you. Don't be flattered by this. Just completely ignore him. Abusers become extremely charming and convincing when they know they're losing someone.

The truth is, you'll never forget how he treated you and there's no reason why you should. Being overly tolerant with men who treat you with disrespect is a fatal error.

He has already tried to ring me he must be awake. I can't block calls because I don't know how to on my phone.

January 11, 2016

If she accepts a little mean after 3 weeks then she'll be accepting controlling-manipulative-abusive in 3 months.

This is actually very true. And what a genius he is to manipulate you even now.

You ask him a legitimate question, he is rude back to you and you are wondering if you ruined it with him? You are dating and sleeping together, you have a right to know if he is seeing others.

The mean text telling you who else he is seeing is none of your business will pretty soon become more widespread when he has become more familiar with you and even more comfortable about being himself.

You will be picked apart.

You will not be able to get anything right.

Nothing you do will please him or make him happy.

You will waste your time and your energy trying to get that elusive approval and the feeling that you have finally succeeded in providing a moment of happiness.

As soon as it happens it will all go south again.

Then you will be miserable but try again.

DON'T GET ONTO THAT HAMSTER WHEEL.

January 11, 2016

He has already tried to ring me he must be awake. I can't block calls because I don't know how to on my phone.

You don't need to block him. Just call him sometime tomorrow and let him know that you're no longer interested in continuing with him. If he asks why, you could say something like, "your comment yesterday really just struck me the wrong way and it's not something I'll be able to overlook."

January 11, 2016

Block him?! That's getting a little weird now, if you go back and read the original post. Something spiraled out of control. There's a lot of emotional reaction here. First you blame yourself, then many posts later, he's being blocked. Hang on a minute, think it over. The truth is somewhere in the middle.

January 11, 2016

Block him?! That's getting a little weird now, if you go back and read the original post. Something spiraled out of control. There's a lot of emotional reaction here. First you blame yourself, then many posts later, he's being blocked. Hang on a minute, think it over. The truth is somewhere in the middle.

Why is it weird ? I've been thinking about it for the last 8 hours. I won't let anyone talk to me like that no matter how much I like them. If he would have asked me that I would have never been that cruel to him.

January 11, 2016

Is there any way he could apologize or backtrack that would change your mind? Do you want to give him the chance?

January 11, 2016

Is there any way he could apologize or backtrack that would change your mind? Do you want to give him the chance?

He already told me not to worry about it, but I've been thinking since then and I don't think so not after the way he spoke to me. He would never apologise anyway because he thinks he can do what he likes, he's already told me it's not my business.

January 11, 2016

I say go with your gut, OP. Of everyone who has posted in this thread, only you know precisely what his message said. If you've thought it over and feel that it crosses a personal boundary for you, there is nothing wrong with moving on.

January 11, 2016

LOL, he had sex with you and been dating you for three weeks and "it's none of your business"

There is no "spiraling out of control" here. He's a d*ck. Ditch him.

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He told me it's none of my business if he speaks to other women

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