Radio_Religion Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 So I posted here a few days back about the logistical aspect of breaking up when living together. I've been with my gf for just under 2 years and she was the best thing to happen to me in so long. She moved in after about a year and we basically did everything together. I'd never been as comfortable with her as I have anyone else. We watched bad horror films together, played video games, went on walks, etc. never one complaint. My problem was, I felt extremely guilty about the lack of sexual desire I was having for her. She is the sweetest, kindest person I've ever known, but our sex was just not that great. I'd say it was ok at best. This in part came from my declining physical attraction. I struggled deeply with my guilt over superficial feelings and constantly fantasizing about other women and past relationships. As great as she is, she just didn't completely do it for me sexually. After weeks and weeks of building feeling of guilt and stress, I finally talked to her about how I felt and told me that I wasn't feeling the relationship anymore. She was absolutely devastated and was in total shock. She wept like no one I've ever heard and it just tore a peice out of me. I felt physically ill and wanted to just die at that moment. We talked for hours before things finally mellowed out. No I'm sitting here in complete disbelief at my actions. Frankly, I'm petrified that I'm immediately regretting my decision. Was the sexual aspect really that big a deal? Should I have maybe communicated better instead of fantasizing about different women? We were both each other's entire social lives and now I have this gut wrenching feeling of being completely alone. Should I try and work things out? Or has the damage been done?
AT15 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 If you desired other women now (before marriage) then you made the right choice. I left my husband because we were sexually incompatible. I saw this when I was at the stage you are in. I should have ended it, but I thought sex was not a good enough reason to break up with someone I loved so much otherwise. Trust me it does not get better. I was miserable and cheated on him. Looking back, I should have ended it way back when I saw the signs. I'm proud of you for breaking it off, because sexual satisfaction is very important in a relationship.
Author Radio_Religion Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 If you desired other women now (before marriage) then you made the right choice. I left my husband because we were sexually incompatible. I saw this when I was at the stage you are in. I should have ended it, but I thought sex was not a good enough reason to break up with someone I loved so much otherwise. Trust me it does not get better. I was miserable and cheated on him. Looking back, I should have ended it way back when I saw the signs. I'm proud of you for breaking it off, because sexual satisfaction is very important in a relationship. Thank you very much for your reply. It's just so difficult because literally everything else was great. We're both total homebody types and have the best conversations together. She's been great to live with as well. I'm now deeply afraid that a.) what if that sexual compatibility I seek is never found and b.) if you love someone, why break up.
Captivating Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 You know AT15 is right that sexual dissatisfaction can ruin your marriage. Did you guys try to work on your sex life, did you communicate the problem to her while still in the relationship?? If the breakup was the first time she heard that the sex wasn't good enough for you, ugh, i would understand her being in shock and disbelief. It makes her feel inadequate and will mess with her self-esteem. Did you tell her that you desire other women?? (i hope not) It is such a sad situation because you guys are the perfect compatible match otherwise. You care deeply for her, you are compassionate, there is no question about it. Did you try in a playful way to change things around in the bed ?? Did you ever let her know what turns you on?? Did you complement her when she did turn you on ?? (tricks, the way she dressed, the fragrance she wore, her makeup, her seductive attitude when she is slightly tipsy on rare occasions If someone tells me what I do right I go an extra mile for continued complements That's how people are, positive reinforcement works wonders Counseling might be another option. I really hope that you guys can work this out.
Author Radio_Religion Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 You know AT15 is right that sexual dissatisfaction can ruin your marriage. Did you guys try to work on your sex life, did you communicate the problem to her while still in the relationship?? If the breakup was the first time she heard that the sex wasn't good enough for you, ugh, i would understand her being in shock and disbelief. It makes her feel inadequate and will mess with her self-esteem. Did you tell her that you desire other women?? (i hope not) It is such a sad situation because you guys are the perfect compatible match otherwise. You care deeply for her, you are compassionate, there is no question about it. Did you try in a playful way to change things around in the bed ?? Did you ever let her know what turns you on?? Did you complement her when she did turn you on ?? (tricks, the way she dressed, the fragrance she wore, her makeup, her seductive attitude when she is slightly tipsy on rare occasions If someone tells me what I do right I go an extra mile for continued complements That's how people are, positive reinforcement works wonders Counseling might be another option. I really hope that you guys can work this out. I made absolutely sure not to say anything about my sexual desires. I've been hurt before like that and would never wish to do it to someone else. A big part of me just wants to rush in and apologize, make everything go back to how it was. But I don't know if that's the right thing to do. She's a pretty girl, but it was hard to get turned on a lot due to her demeanor. Which is so sweet and innocent. That combined with the often poor dress attire made things so much harder. I love her; but I feel so incredibly guilty having these thoughts. I don't know if I'm pissing away something great and just don't realize it.
Recommended Posts