How do I see the point of a relationship after my last one failed?

[Jc396]

I was with my first boyfriend for 5 years and I thought he was the one. Over the years we have went back in forth arguing countless of times and he even cheated on me. I thought the loyal thing to do was to stay with him and work on the relationship because at the time i loved him. After the cheating i helped him grow into a stronger person with better self esteem and what did he do? He left me and cut me out of his life because I wasnt as self secure as he was. Now i am blocked from everything, he is dating around and even talking to girl he cheated on me with. Its like i never even met him. All that work for 5 years to make us work and its all gone and I dont even have him as a friend at least.

 

It has been 4 months and i have been no contact (pretty much have no choice cause im cut off). While i have made great improvements to myself like getting a better job, focusing on friends, lost some weight, etc. I still cant see myself ever getting into another relationship. Sure there are guys I find attractive and want to get to know but i dont even see the point of talking to them cause the thought of them wanting to take things further repulses me.

 

 

Whats the point of relationships if this is the ultimate fate?

[Hoosfoos]

Good question, I have often wondered the same thing myself. Lately I have been looking at things from the perspective that every relationship is temporary, since they either end with one of the parties leaving, or with a death.

 

This doesn't make life sound like much of a picnic, but is 100% true.

[mrldii]

OP, did you stop learning to walk the first time you tried to take a step and fell down...throwing up your hands and saying (to yourself), "What's the point?!?"

 

 

Yeah...that's why. You take baby-steps 'til you learn how to do it the right way...so it doesn't hurt so much when you fall.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[Limitless159]

Was with ex for 7 years been split up for 8 months now. I probably could have made it work at the end but we were both stubborn and then when I tried to get her back it was too late. I feel like the worst is behind me now and its getting better. I also feel like you that it might not be worth having another relationship. Im 30 now get along well on my own. I have lots of friends and hobbies ect. There are times when i miss my ex still but too put all that effort in again with someone else doesn't seem worth it. The reality is that if your single and stay that way your not going too going too get blindsided one day with emotional stress of a breakup and then lose half your personal worth too make things even worse. I got off really lucky that way after my split with ex and don't think it would be so easy the next time. You wind up working an extra 10 years of your life too pay for the split up. I think learning too be happy on your own is one of the best skills anyone can have. Being self sufficent. Maybe one day the perfect partner comes along or maybe they don't and you get along just fine either way. When your single atleast you know exactly what you have and what you don't have.

[K2z]

Futility is the single biggest emotion I struggle with as well. Who wants to play in this minefield anymore? But remember, we are the wounded; our hearts are crushed and lacerated to various extents. An ICU patient in a full body cast doesn't think about running marathons. He waits. He heals. Excruciatingly slowly.