Can't stop thinking about ex

[BWLovesEJ]

Sorry about the length of this, but please read!

Hey, I've never posted on one of these before, but I could really use some help. My girlfriend broke up with me the day before this past Thanksgiving. She was my first girlfriend and I'm 20 and in the middle of college, and she's 22 and in grad school and a ruthless internship at the moment. Now here's where I may lose you. We were only together for 3 months. And she had just gotten out of a four year long relationship just two months before. I met her at a amusement park that I worked at, she told me she didn't like the ride I ran and only kept riding because I would smile at her. She got her friend to ask for my number for her because she was too shy. We started talking that night and clicked instantly. I've never had that much in common with someone before. I'm a very intuitive person. I've had plenty of opportunities with girls at my school, but most of them don't want what I want, or are too immature for me. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but I don't smoke, or do drugs. And I don't really drink. This girl, (we'll call her Charleston). Didn't want a guy who drank, or smoked. She had just lost her dad a few years before in large part to his smoking. Her ex boyfriend was mostly a long distance relationship. He lived four states away but towards the end of their relationship he bgan drinking, not taking care of himself, saying hurtful things to her and even dropped out of college without telling her and lying to her about being in class after he dropped out. He even told her he wouldn't back for her, as they met going to the same school in her hometown before he moved away. He was awful to her and she told me she should've broke it off a year prior. Now she kept pictures of the both of them on her Facebook. It made me jealous, this was my first relationship and I didn't even like the idea of another guy looking at her, let alone seeing pics of another guy holding her the same way I did then. Even if they we're from years ago. This led to a few small fights, and one big one on Halloween. I finally realized how insecure I was and how I was letting this petty jealousy ruin the greatest thing I've ever had. We had pretty much broken up. She's the one who called me to fix it, and the fight was something she blew out of proportion. She later told me she was projecting feelings from her exes on me and that she was really sorry she doubted me. She said she was under a lot of stress at the time and she "isn't a nice person when she is." I forgave her instantly and told her I got help for getting over my insecurities. After that we were smooth sailing for about a month. Those three months, even though we fought a little bit, were the greatest of my life. I had never been so happy with someone. She was my first kiss, and she walked me through all the stuff I had never done before. We moved a little bit fast but were always on the same page. The week before we broke up was a great one it seemed. I promised her I'd take her to a football game (of the university she graduated from) We went to the game and it was a blast. We ran home in the cold. Her apartment was a few blocks away. We got home laughing and I just held her for hours afterwards in the dark. Not doing anything but just holding each other in the pitch black. She leaned up in my ear and told me she loved me ( that wasn't the first time) but it was so sweet. I told her the same, and we just laid there. The next week she seemed a little distant, but we had plans to take a road trip to meet her aunt and uncle who are very close to her. I've already met her mom, who loved me btw. She said her mom hated her ex and was surprised how much she liked me. The same was with her aunt, who is extremely protective of her. She hated her ex, but really liked me. We stayed up there all weekend and came home and made plans for Thanksgiving break. Now, I like to think I'm a very intuitive person. I had a terrible feeling in my stomach as soon as we got to her aunts, and was sick to my stomach all weekend. Couldn't explain it. But after we got back I was really excited to spend some time with her while she didn't have so much stress from her internship. I always took a backseat to her school work, not because she asked (she didn't) but I knew how important it was to her. The next day after we got back, she canceled the plans we had for the next day to just hang out like we always did, citing she just needed a day to herself. Understandable, she just four hours up and back from the road trip all weekend and on top of all the stress from her internship, she is very introverted and needed time to be by herself after being smothered by her aunt all weekend haha. I was upset because she made the plans and I got excited then she cancelled them. That bad feeling I had, only got worse and that night I had a dream we broke up and started sobbing like I was a baby. I hadn't cried like that since I was 9. That next I told her about all these feelings I was having and the dream. She would just reply with ":(" instead of reassuring me. I asked her if everything still felt right, she said no. She said she began feeling unhappy because she felt like she didn't have enough time to be single and it all got up to her. We were really serious but we always moved forward on her pace. I never pressured her into anything and I was very patient with her, when other guys looking for one thing would give up. We told each other we loved each other everyday and for three months it was a perfect relationship. I told he all I wanted to do was make her happy, and all I wanted was for her to be happy. She said I just need to be single and on my own for awhile. I told her I'd wait for her if she just needed a few months but she said it doesn't work like that. She needs to be on her own time, but she wouldn't forget me. About a week later against what my family told me I texted her, in a friendly way, and she responded well. We talked for a couple hours and she was using exclamation points and it made me happy. I didn't want to break up at all. I could really see spending the rest of my life with her. She fit all of my simple needs, and I fit hers. We even talked about a future together and she told me she's never clicked with someone like me and I was the guy she was waiting for. She's only had two boyfriends before me, that lasted a combined six years. She's very loyal, but also very independent. She's not the kind of girl who's constantly turning heads, I say this with the most respect, she is just a very conservative dresser, no daisy dukes or anything. She just didn't have great self confidence at times, but I told her how pretty and beautiful she was everyday, and I meant every word. I loved how she looked everyday. Back to the story, after awhile we kept talking, then my mom sent her a message on Facebook wishing her well and hoping we could get back together someday. She sent it again because they weren't friends anymore after I asked my family to unfriend her because I thought it should just be something between us. That night she blocked me and my entire family. I started messaging her on Twitter and Skype, only once each and then I was done. She got mad at me for doing that and sent me a text saying after she had seen my true colors since we broke up that there was no chance of a future for us, even after she thought we could get back together someday. I told her you could've at least told me why you blocked me. The last text she sent me said "Nice talking to you too" then she blocked me days later with no explanation. She said I did tell you why I blocked you, it's in our previous texts, but I guess you chose to ignore that and make your own assumptions. When I explained she only said why she unfriended me, but not why she blocked me and how hurt I was she didn't tell me what she blocked me after I thought she till liked talking to me, she didn't say anything. She was trying to make me the bad guy because her exes her always the bad guy. But she realized she was wrong. I wished her the best and she finally texted back wishing me the same. I did after is where I got desperate. I found out she was started talking to a guy online, but "we was really rude and illiterate." Don't ask me how I knew that. I did a lot of keeping tabs on her. I'm so depressed without her. I look at her Facebook with a friends to see if she friends other guys, I tried texting her and found out she didn't block my number but won't respond to me. I realize the one thing she asked for was time and it's the one thing I haven't given her. I just feel so helpless. I thought if I could remind her of the good times, she'd remember and want to come back. I still have a gut feeling about her. That she'll come back someday, but at this point, there doesn't look like much hope. She broke up with me over the phone. I haven't seen her since. I did leave her a voice mail the other night apologizing for what I've done and asking for her forgiveness. I hate thinking she hates me but I love her so much still. I can't sleep or eat. It's been almost two months and it only gets worse. I was perfect for her it seemed, I'm hoping that she'll see the only reason I pushed was because I was really hurt and thought this was like out last fight and we could fix it. I know she loved me a lot, and hopefully still does. At the end of the day it's tough to meet another guy who has so much in common and never gave her a reason to break up with me. I am a great student, I take great care of my body, I don't drink or smoke, and not once have I said a bad thing about her like her ex did. I'm still very much in love with her and hope she comes back. I tried moving on and I've got girls already falling for me (not trying to sound cocky haha) but I only compare them to her and I just want her at the end of the day, I am really desperate. She went to Nashville with her friends, they all dress really.. let's say extrovertedly and they all got hit on at a bar except for Charleston. It hurt her self confidence but it's bad to say, no matter how much I want her to be happy, I hope no guy hits on her. I'm so terrified of her moving on. She's not a girl who will go and have a one night stand or anything. She made me realize early you have to be patient with her haha. But that's not why I was with her at all. I was very attracted to her, but I got to know her before we started a relationship and above all. She was my best friend, and I really think I was hers. That's what hurts so bad. Losing your girlfriend and best friend in the same day. I hope I haven't driven her away, do you think she still has feelings for me? Do you think if I just give her time she may talk to me again? My gut tells me to not give up on her. I don't know but I still love her with all my heart. Sorry for making this so long but I wanted you to see the full story. Thanks.

[LetGGOO]

If it's meant to be she will come back. I feel like you have done everything you could do let her know how important she is to you. If she doesn't remember that someday then it's really her loss. For now, I'd say start to let go otherwise you will live waiting for someone you never know will show up. It's been 2 months you said? Since the break up...If she hasn't said anything yet, I'd say you let it go. I hope you feel better soon.