boyfriend gets engaged to someone else 4 wks. after our breakup

[freedom 43]

I need advice and I guess a little comfort! I have been dating a guy for almost 2 and one half years - off and on! About 6 weeks ago he called to tell me that one of his old girlfriends had come by his business and left her phone number. He had called her and he had asked her to come over to his house for dinner - as friends. He called to tell me that there was nothing to it and that I should not get upset. Well . . . 1 week laer he called to tell me he was going to start dating her "seriously" and then, 4 weeks after that they are engaged after not seeing each other for 25-30 years.

 

What are the chances of this engagement actually leading to marriage?

 

I am 43 and he is 52. The new woman is his age. She is physically nothing like he has expressed is a turn on to him. Could he be having a mid-life kind of thing that is a link to his youth? How can you know you want to marry someone after only 4-5 weeks?

 

Also, he is Catholic and will have to get an annulment (takes about a year) before they can get married and she will have to get one too since she has been married previously.

 

I haven't heard from him since the last time he called me - 5 weeks ago!!

 

Help!! I need advice!

[lindya]

Sweet Jesus. I don't know what the chances of this engagement leading to marriage are, freedom 43 - but I'd say the chances of this character and his intended ever escaping from La La Land are slim to none.

 

I'm so sorry you've had this experience

[moimeme]

About what? You were dating him 'on and off' and he's taken up with an old flame. You two weren't dating seriously and after 2.5 years I'm not hearing 'he's the best man I know' or 'I love him madly'. So what's the problem? They might marry or they might not but in either case you need to move on because if he had feelings for you, he wouldn't have dropped you for her.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by freedom 43

What are the chances of this engagement actually leading to marriage?

Probably close to 90%

[freedom 43]

Okay all you guys who responded to my first post -

I left some of the details out.

 

 

Yes, we were dating seriously! He told me he loved me the night before SHE came over for dinner. We hd been looking at houses together only 2 weeks before. The reason we weren't married is because we were waiting until our two kids (his and mine) graduated from high school in May 2006.

 

And yes!!! I am in love with him and I am going crazy because I am Crazzzzyyy about him.

 

Now what??

[alphamale]

Originally posted by freedom 43

Now what??

Move on and find another man cause he is most likely splits-ville.

[lindya]

Firstly, are you certain he hasn't seen her in almost 30 years? Dating someone off-and-on can sometimes mean that there are certain aspects of their life that you aren't privy to - however serious the time you spend together might feel.

 

If he really hasn't seen her for 30 years, then it's possible that their relationship is very much nostalgia-fuelled. It's impossible to say how that will develop. It doesn't sound like the best basis for a marriage, but then again it could be that what they're both now looking for is the comfort blanket of the past.

 

Now what? I think you have to start focusing on accepting that this is what has happened and do what you can to recover from it. I know that's a simplistic response in view of everything that you're feeling right now, and not what you want to hear - but I can't think what else to say. It does sound very much as if the matter is out of your hands.

 

There's a lot of advice on these boards on how to cope with a break up. Perhaps when you feel ready, it will help to take a look at some of those threads. Most of the advice is well intended, some posts will be blunter than others. You might need a period of recuperation before you discuss this in more depth.

[mazza32cott]

Firstly you say 2 children. Are they children you have had with him? Or is one yours and one his? How old are they?

 

I was married for 18 years with 2 children now 12 and 13 and I am now divorced. I left him and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but thank god I am through it. We HAVE to have contact because of our children.

 

Now back to you. I know you will be feeling very down and depressed especially since there is another woman involved. As hard as it is you need to realise that the relationship is over. I assume you have tried to contact him but have had no success.

 

He does not want contact with you. He is in another relationship. Whether that other relationship works or not will not have any impact on your relationship with him. You don't want him to move on because you want him there with you.

 

I feel very sad for you. I hope you have friends who will help you through this. You need to move on and realise that you deserve a better life and by keeping positive that will happen. It will take time but how long it takes will depend on you and the way you think about the situation.

 

Maz