misty1114 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I still find myself wondering if this guy is into me but is inexperienced or if he's stringing me along. I've been dating a 23-yo guy who goes to a different school for the past 3 months. We used to communicate via texting every 3-4 days and see each other once per week or every other week. Most of our dates are in public places and he'd initiate about half of them. We still haven't moved past 1st base (he's not a virgin btw). He's not super affectionate in person. I usually am the one to initiate holding hands when we're in public. He has introduced me to a couple of his classmates and I took him to a social event at my school last week. He has told me that he likes me and he agrees to be exclusive. He also said he's looking for a long-term relationship. However, he said he hasn't dated anyone in over a year and his longest relationship lasted about 8 months. When I took him to the social event, I told him I wasn't sure how I'd introduce him and he said I could tell my friends that he's my boyfriend if I want to. He's always really nice to me when we're together. He offered to drive me and be my DD that night. I ended up being pretty drunk but I remember that he drove me home instead of trying to take advantage of me. A few things that make me doubt his feelings for me: although he now tries to text me at least once a day, he'd often take a couple of hours at least to respond to my text, even when he's asking me a question. He always answers the phone when I call him, but he's only called me once so far because I asked him to call me and I told him how much I like it when he calls. Yesterday he told me he'd call me but ended up getting drunk with his friends and didn't. He texted me this morning to apologize for not calling instead of actually calling me! He refused to put our relationship status on FB. He said he'd rather keep his relationship status hidden on there. He doesn't post on FB often but he does use it regularly. I find that very odd since I think he should be proud of introducing me to his friends and family. Am I reading too much into this?
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 This has been the constant theme since your first thread in early December of last year. And you had already been seeing him then, for 2 months... Every single thread you have posted questions his level commitment, and your lack of certainty. Honey, if you're not sure about him now? You never will be. 3
No_Go Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Are you joking, enigma? I'd NEVER post a relationship status on fb because I find it hideous and immature, not because I'm not serious with the person I'm dating. I'm sure tons of people feel the same way. This is really all I needed to see. This is a game guys like him generally play on girls like you. If you were his GF, he would have that stuff public on FB. He is intentionally hiding you. My guess is he is seeing other women, perhaps even feeding them the same BS. 5
Redhead14 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I still find myself wondering if this guy is into me but is inexperienced or if he's stringing me along. I've been dating a 23-yo guy who goes to a different school for the past 3 months. We used to communicate via texting every 3-4 days and see each other once per week or every other week. Most of our dates are in public places and he'd initiate about half of them. We still haven't moved past 1st base (he's not a virgin btw). He's not super affectionate in person. I usually am the one to initiate holding hands when we're in public. He has introduced me to a couple of his classmates and I took him to a social event at my school last week. He has told me that he likes me and he agrees to be exclusive. He also said he's looking for a long-term relationship. However, he said he hasn't dated anyone in over a year and his longest relationship lasted about 8 months. When I took him to the social event, I told him I wasn't sure how I'd introduce him and he said I could tell my friends that he's my boyfriend if I want to. He's always really nice to me when we're together. He offered to drive me and be my DD that night. I ended up being pretty drunk but I remember that he drove me home instead of trying to take advantage of me. A few things that make me doubt his feelings for me: although he now tries to text me at least once a day, he'd often take a couple of hours at least to respond to my text, even when he's asking me a question. He always answers the phone when I call him, but he's only called me once so far because I asked him to call me and I told him how much I like it when he calls. Yesterday he told me he'd call me but ended up getting drunk with his friends and didn't. He texted me this morning to apologize for not calling instead of actually calling me! He refused to put our relationship status on FB. He said he'd rather keep his relationship status hidden on there. He doesn't post on FB often but he does use it regularly. I find that very odd since I think he should be proud of introducing me to his friends and family. Am I reading too much into this? The reference to being strung along really doesn't go with this scenario. Being strung along usually involves intimacy. This guy hasn't been or even trying to be intimate with you yet. So that's perhaps an unfair characterization. If anything, the guy isn't sure about you or what he wants given his "experience" and is just not jumping on the train yet. He's not posting a relationship status because it's not an established relationship yet. Exclusivity doesn't necessarily mean boyfriend and girlfriend. He is not ready apparently to declare that. Technically, exclusivity is just another stage of the dating process where in the couple has decided to focus on one another to determine whether or not they want to become more "committed". Some people will not be too public about a relationship because it's not clear yet and they don't want the "embarrassment" of publicizing it only to have it end soon. I'd sit back and continue to observe if you like him enough to hold on a little longer. It's only been three months and kinda sporadic too. I'm confused about why you declared exclusivity, frankly. If you were at a point where you both were planning to be intimate or had been intimate, then you'd declare that at least. But until that's on the table, I'd have kept dating others in the meantime. Since you've agreed to exclusivity, you need to make a decision for yourself now. He's not escalating things at a pace that you're happy with. Either you tell him that it's not going in the direction you'd like and are going to move on or you stick it out a little longer. You could attempt to escalate the intimacy yourself and observe his response. At this point, there isn't anything wrong with doing that in a respectful way. The guy is pretty young and you probably are too, so what's the rush? I wouldn't say this if you hadn't declared exclusivity already. I would usually have told you to move on because the guy hasn't been stepping things up and being so unclear and seems to be stinging from his previous experience. That being said, he's taking his time and not rushing into anything. And, why should he . . . 1
SwordofFlame Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Perhaps invite him to Netflix and chill and see if he escalates. Assuming you want him to escalate the relationship physically.
No_Go Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 You could be right, for their age group... They're also dating only 3 months. Let me give you an exception - my BF - I'm sure he's not hiding me because we've spend several weekends in his parents home, been to each others work parties etc. But we never updated FB statuses (well, to be fair, he asked me to do so 2-3 months in but I rejected the proposition because of my personal dislike of fb...) I also have friends that got into relationships, got married!, and never updated their fb status. Talking about people in 25-40 age range. Nope, not joking at all. The only guys I know who resist putting a relationship status on FB are dating around. I have met no exceptions. Unless you bounce from relationship to relationship, withholding your relationship status is similar to introducing your SO as a friend. It would be one thing if they were an older couple, and used FB less, but they are not, and the OP says her BF uses FB often enough. Dude is most likely lying. I have seen it 1000 times.
hippychick3 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 This is just not true at all. My bf and I don't have a relationship status on fb. It's so silly to have to declare it on Facebook in order for it to be real. We have each other in our profile pictures and multiple pics of us together with us both tagged, so no one is being hidden. I don't even think about our social media "status". Facebook relationship status is not an accurate barometer of the seriousness of a relationship. 3
Author misty1114 Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Asides from the Facebook, any of you think the pace of communication is too stagnant at the 3-month mark? He has made some progress and attempted to communicate almost daily but it's usually just one or two texts here and there, still not initiating phone calls. I thought about just having a conversation with him and letting him know that I'm starting to become emotionally invested and I'm having doubts about his feelings for me. I just want some clarity on where things are at. Idk if I would come off too insecure if I do that or not?
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Well yeah, it's about time you actually tried to have the talk: I hate to say it, but some guys do need pinning against the wall... if he squirms and protests, I'd find that suspect myself. My H knew in just 2 weeks he wanted me for ever.... Married 5 years, now, together for 12.... 1
soph-walker Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Well yeah, it's about time you actually tried to have the talk: I hate to say it, but some guys do need pinning against the wall... if he squirms and protests, I'd find that suspect myself. My H knew in just 2 weeks he wanted me for ever.... Married 5 years, now, together for 12.... This! In this situation, I would advise having the talk. Best of luck with it.
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