Dating after a break up

[itisdanielle]

Hi guys

 

I would like some advice about dating after a long term relationship. Bit of background; my ex broke up with me at the beginning of October. I think I contacted him just once after that because I had questions (when he ended it I kind of just left without saying anything as I was so shocked). And we have not spoken since. He is blocked on everything and I don't have his number. I found out two weeks after it ended that he had kissed one of our mutual friends whilst we were together.

 

When it comes to how I've dealt with the breakup I feel okay now. I never have the urge to contact him. I do still think of him but I feel like this is more out of habit as we were together for three years. He was also my best friend so I think it's normal to still have thoughts about him?

 

I've started a new hobby (I discovered I love to knit and am actually pretty good ), I've made a few new friends and let go of some old ones that were a negative influence (pretty much all of our mutual friends completely ignored me after the BU). I feel happy.

 

Anyway, I've been speaking to a guy online from my city for the last week. He messaged me today asking me to meet up for a drink at the weekend. I'm not sure whether to go. I don't want to jump back into dating before I'm ready but talking to him has been interesting and he's really funny.

 

I don't really have dating experience. I had a relationship with a guy for two years, and then my recent ex for three years but they were friends first so we never really did the getting to know each other dating thing. So the thought makes me a bit nervous.

 

Also, I know this is stupid. But I'm already worrying about what I would do if I'm really not interested and have to tell him I don't want any more dates. I know this is ridiculous because he might decide he's not interested, or it could go well. I think it's a bit of a character flaw of mine, I just hate situations where I feel like I'm offending someone/letting them down etc.

 

Any advice?

Edited January 10, 2016 by itisdanielle

[TaraMaiden2]

It's not a character flaw; it's being considerate.

 

Look, I will tell you how I read this situation, and for that matter, the forum.

Guys will ask a girl out on a date because they're interested in taking things further.

He's not suggesting a date to just be your buddy, ok?

I'm sure he appreciates it takes time to date, get to know, go out, and become exclusive (eventually) with someone; but the guy has taken the first tentative step.

 

There is no easy way, or soft manner in which to say "I'm too soon out of a relationship to consider working towards another one right now". But that would be the fair way to tell him.

Before you go on a date with him.

Don't do it via text. Do him the courtesy of telling him either on the phone, or skype.

But that gives him the option (and you should suggest this) that if he prefers to call it a day, and forget the date, you totally understand. You just are not the kind of person to lead anyone on, or give them false hope.

 

Good post.

Thanks for coming in.

[D.r.e]

I would say go and have fun. If you aren't feeling the spark or connection just be honest. If you are still recovering from the break-up, be honest. I've run into problems in the past where I thought someone might be interested, as soon as they were honest, I was able to move on to someone else.