Emlarae Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I was in an abusive for 7 months, not physical but my ex called me all kinds of nasty names. I finally got out of it thanks to support of my co worker and we both developed strong feelings for eachother. He never ever gave me a reason to not trust him. He supported me on everything. Last night, he came to my house and we had a few drinks. He started to fall asleep on my couch and his phone rung. It was a girl, it was midnight. I panicked. All I could think was he was just gonna hurt me like my ex and I asked him who she was? It was girl I had no idea who she was calling him at midnight. I might have overreacted and approached him about it the wrong way. Here these 2 were friends for over 13 years, I apologized over and over again, told him I shouldn't have let my insecurities get the best of me. We have never ever fought. We had a pretty good relationship up until this. Now he won't even talk to me. He knew going in all the abuse my ex put me through, so why won't he communicate with me about this? Should I have never asked who she was or was I ok for asking? We are dating, but I also feel like if there really was nothing going on why won't he talk to me? I have no idea if we are even together or not, he never actually broke up with me.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I'm confused about your relationship with this guy. Were you an official, exclusive couple? You say you were dating, which isn't totally clear. Also, how exactly did you confront him about this phone call? Given that he won't speak to you now, I'd guess that: A) You really over-reacted and he didn't like feeling attacked and is now questioning the relationship or B) This girl is not just a friend A few more details would be helpful in getting better insight. 1
Author Emlarae Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 We are exclusive, we were drinking and when he fell asleep on the couch this girl called. I started crying. He woke up and I said can I ask you something, who's Lauren? I feel like I approached it wrong, but after he told me who she was, he was all like so you don't trust me? And I said I do trust you. And apologized. He seemed ok the rest of the night than yesterday I asked him if he was mad at me and he said yeah. Haven't heard since that.
katiegrl Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Sweetie, I am sorry but you are no where near being ready for another relationship. Take some time to heal....and forget about dating for awhile.. This actually may be a blessing in disguise. Good luck....wish you the best moving forward. Hugs 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 We are exclusive, we were drinking and when he fell asleep on the couch this girl called. I started crying. He woke up and I said can I ask you something, who's Lauren? I feel like I approached it wrong, but after he told me who she was, he was all like so you don't trust me? And I said I do trust you. And apologized. He seemed ok the rest of the night than yesterday I asked him if he was mad at me and he said yeah. Haven't heard since that. The problem is your initial reaction indicates you don't trust him. Him waking up to you crying was probably just a tad alarming . He is seeing that your past is still very much affecting your present. But you did the right thing in apologizing, and at this point, that's all you can really do. Give him a bit of time to cool off. Then have a discussion about this. If he's that upset about it, he needs to talk to you and explain where that anger is coming from. He might indeed be quite offended about your reaction, but refusing to communicate isn't going to help. If he sees this as a dealbreaker, he should have the courtesy to tell you. Up until this point, how's the relationship been? How long have you been together, and have there been any other instances like this? 1
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 You apologize for nothing!! A girl of no interest to him wouldn't be texting him in the middle of the night. I bet she was wondering where he was at. Just because someone helps you through a tough time doesn't mean they have honorable intentions. BTW you shouldn't be latching onto someone so soon when you are still healing for you last relationship. You need to step away or you will end up in an emotional mess again. 1
hippychick3 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 No matter how much you overreacted, the right guy would be forgiving and overlook it especially when it's so infrequent. His defensiveness and now silence is due to the fact it's either not so innocent or that he is a spiteful person who holds grudges. Both bad signs.
Versacehottie Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I'm confused about your relationship with this guy. Were you an official, exclusive couple? You say you were dating, which isn't totally clear. Also, how exactly did you confront him about this phone call? Given that he won't speak to you now, I'd guess that: A) You really over-reacted and he didn't like feeling attacked and is now questioning the relationship or B) This girl is not just a friend A few more details would be helpful in getting better insight. Yeah, explain "panicked".....
Author Emlarae Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Our relationship has been great. We have been together for almost 2 months, worked with eachother for a year. We never had any problems up until that night. We literally have all same interests. I thought it would be a wise decision to confront my ex who put me through so much abuse.
Versacehottie Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 The problem is your initial reaction indicates you don't trust him. Him waking up to you crying was probably just a tad alarming . He is seeing that your past is still very much affecting your present. But you did the right thing in apologizing, and at this point, that's all you can really do. Give him a bit of time to cool off. Then have a discussion about this. If he's that upset about it, he needs to talk to you and explain where that anger is coming from. He might indeed be quite offended about your reaction, but refusing to communicate isn't going to help. If he sees this as a dealbreaker, he should have the courtesy to tell you. Up until this point, how's the relationship been? How long have you been together, and have there been any other instances like this? I think he has been riding the wave of being the "hero" in your life. You just crushed that dream with your flip out and he's realizing that you're emotional. Not only to do with your ex (which was probably justified) but in general---which subsequentially knocks him of the pedestal he liked and he realizes he's in deep with some drama that is actually NOT over. Sorry. That's how I see it. My take is that girls who are friends don't text/call that late. Still better to react calmly but firmly so the guy can "hear" you. Not sure if your posts indicate what status the two of you are, ie how obligated and promised to you he is. It's hard to have so much drama up front. All you can do is when he talks to you calmly and somewhat briefly explain your position and say sorry for the stuff you did that was out of line. Make sure you use that convo to get on the same page. I do think it's probably too soon to be in a relationship as someone mentioned above. Good luck. Oh btw, one attempt at contact, then let him reach out to you. If you've maturely reached out to him to talk/apologize and he has not responded the ball is in his court.
Author Emlarae Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 I do trust him, I don't trust other girls.
Author Emlarae Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I already made my mind up after the end of today if he can't communicate with me, than there really was something with that Lauren girl. I texted him last night asking if we could resolve this over the phone instead of via text. I opened that window, now it's just a waiting game. I also feel like if it really was just a friend he should not be acting this way.
Versacehottie Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I do trust him, I don't trust other girls. Don't be THAT girl. If you trust him and he's worthy of it, you don't need to worry about other girls. They might try and he will stop them. Pulease!!! Girls that blame other girls are ridiculous. Your guy is the one who has the commitment to you. You either trust him or you don't. The insecurity and double talk is a turn off. Just saying. 1
Author Emlarae Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 The more he acts like this the more I'm starting to realize that maybe I was right, not the way I reacted, but about it all.
hippychick3 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Don't be THAT girl. If you trust him and he's worthy of it, you don't need to worry about other girls. They might try and he will stop them. Pulease!!! Girls that blame other girls are ridiculous. Your guy is the one who has the commitment to you. You either trust him or you don't. The insecurity and double talk is a turn off. Just saying. Exactly! If a man is trustworthy, other girls won't be a factor. Trusting or not trusting other girls should be irrelevant to your relationship. 2
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