Swiftman Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 So i'm not really sure where to begin here but i'll do my best. first off i am 21 and have anxiety problems so i struggle being out and about (i am getting therapy for it). anyway i met this 18 year old girl online probably about 4 months ago and she actually lives in the next town so last weekend we met up. anyway it was a bit awkward for us both but in the end we had a good time. tbh i think she's pretty great and she accepts my anxiety and tries to make things a bit easier for me. Anyway a few days after we were texting as usual and her older sister had had a miscarage so she was quite upset about that, but it turns out that when she was 15/16 her boyfriend at the time got her pregnant (i'm not sure whether she had an abbortion or miscarage i didn't want to pry) anyway this has made me feel really unsure about where exactly i stand and what i should do etc. hope this makes sense so if anyone can give me some advice then i'd be grateful.
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Hi. One thing you could do is get in touch with her and ask how she's feeling. Ask how her sister is doing too. Don't let it become about you. This is a time when you have to be the one doing the comforting. Also, it's great that you're in therapy, but try not to be as open about your anxieties with her as you are with your therapist. Even very nice women are often not as understanding as therapists.
Author Swiftman Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Hi. One thing you could do is get in touch with her and ask how she's feeling. Ask how her sister is doing too. Don't let it become about you. This is a time when you have to be the one doing the comforting. Also, it's great that you're in therapy, but try not to be as open about your anxieties with her as you are with your therapist. Even very nice women are often not as understanding as therapists. thanks, i am still talking to her and have checked how everyone is doing and trying to look out for her if she needs anything. I don't say too much about my anxiety because i don't want it to be a focus in anything that may or may not happen. I think what I meant really in this is that i'm not sure exactly how i feel about her. I know it probably shouldn't make a difference that she got pregnant when she was younger but this just gives me this feeling of being really unsure about her, i don't want to seem like a horrible person for saying that
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 thanks, i am still talking to her and have checked how everyone is doing and trying to look out for her if she needs anything. I don't say too much about my anxiety because i don't want it to be a focus in anything that may or may not happen. I think what I meant really in this is that i'm not sure exactly how i feel about her. I know it probably shouldn't make a difference that she got pregnant when she was younger but this just gives me this feeling of being really unsure about her, i don't want to seem like a horrible person for saying that Dude your gut is telling you something here.....run away as fast as you can! And why would you be a horrible person for changing you mind? You are allowed choices you know. You can totally friends zone her if that what will make it easier for you.
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I think what I meant really in this is that i'm not sure exactly how i feel about her. I know it probably shouldn't make a difference that she got pregnant when she was younger but this just gives me this feeling of being really unsure about her, i don't want to seem like a horrible person for saying that Ask yourself why you're unsure. Are you worried she and her family are one big endless dysfunctional drama-fest? That's a reasonable concern. But you've only met her once, and you have no other prospects apparently, so don't worry and just see what happens. Just don't sign on any dotted lines!
Author Swiftman Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Dude your gut is telling you something here.....run away as fast as you can! And why would you be a horrible person for changing you mind? You are allowed choices you know. You can totally friends zone her if that what will make it easier for you. It may be naive of my but i personally think I need more than just feeling unsure about this to make me give up on it, i'd need a solid reason. Ask yourself why you're unsure. Are you worried she and her family are one big endless dysfunctional drama-fest? That's a reasonable concern. But you've only met her once, and you have no other prospects apparently, so don't worry and just see what happens. Just don't sign on any dotted lines! well her family seems decent from what i've heard but don't think the dad is still around. I guess part of what has got me worried is that I obviously don't want to be a dad at this age or anytime soon but if things went that far, what does she want? stuff like that.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Giving benefit of a doubt=setting up for failure.
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