IronZ Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Maybe for a second or third date, but for a first date? Nah, I'd mainly want to talk and get to know the other person to decide whether they are worth my time. What the OP set up sounds perfect for a first date. Having spent too much on girls by taking them out to fancy places and dinners on first dates, I agree with you. And many of those don't even work out. Why drop 80-100 bucks on a dinner with someone who's never gonna message you again? The best way to do it is how I had my first date with the woman I'm seeing now. We met at a park with the intention of just grabbing a coffee and hanging out and walking around. Since the date went really well and I feel we both connected, I asked her if I could take her to dinner, and she agreed. So that same night I took her out to a dinner. That was not something we had agreed on before the date, so if I didn't feel it going well throughout, I didn't have to make that commitment and waste either person's time or money. I've been seeing her for over a month by the way and we seem to be hitting it off really well. I'm pretty comfortable in saying we're in a relationship at this point. Honestly there's no need to pre-plan anything crazy and expensive or elaborate for a first date. If the right person comes along the magic will happen all on its own.
Author Xiomn Posted January 16, 2016 Author Posted January 16, 2016 (edited) Turns out with girl number 3 I partly own up to her flakiness. She got in contact with me today saying she presumed the date was no longer on as I hadn't contacted her at all since we set up the date exactly 1 week ago which was kind of my fault of wanting to leave conversation until the date itself, unfortunately, stupid as I am I didn't actually communicate this to her and I've only just found out she likes to get to know someone over text a bit before the date. Consequently something happened in the meantime which she didn't feel the need to tell me about as she presumed the date was no longer on and she made other plans so we've had to reschedule til next week again as our schedules dictate it. Got to wait another 7 days now ffs. I feel really bad now having already made a bad first impression. Have you heard from her at all since the canceling of the date? It sounds like she flaked out. Sorry dude.. but Tinder is the worst site to meet quality women on. You need to find someone mature who won't pull that kinda BS on you. Nah it's been 2 days since she left it hanging on the it'll depend when she finishes the house viewing. Very disrespectful. Done with her. If you're talking about online only then yes you might be right that Tinder isn't the best place to meet quality women on. However, I've tried both OKCupid and POF as they're free and have had no success whatsoever after messaging tons of women. On Tinder? I get lots of responses, lots of dates set up (4 this week) but so far non has come to fruition. At least on Tinder I'm actually making progress. Edited January 16, 2016 by Xiomn
IronZ Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Turns out with girl number 3 I partly own up to her flakiness. She got in contact with me today saying she presumed the date was no longer on as I hadn't contacted her at all since we set up the date exactly 1 week ago which was kind of my fault of wanting to leave conversation until the date itself, unfortunately, stupid as I am I didn't actually communicate this to her and I've only just found out she likes to get to know someone over text a bit before the date. Consequently something happened in the meantime which she didn't feel the need to tell me about as she presumed the date was no longer on and she made other plans so we've had to reschedule til next week again as our schedules dictate it. Got to wait another 7 days now ffs. I feel really bad now having already made a bad first impression. Nah it's been 2 days since she left it hanging on the it'll depend when she finishes the house viewing. Very disrespectful. Done with her. If you're talking about online only then yes you might be right that Tinder isn't the best place to meet quality women on. However, I've tried both OKCupid and POF as they're free and have had no success whatsoever after messaging tons of women. On Tinder? I get lots of responses, lots of dates set up (4 this week) but so far non has come to fruition. At least on Tinder I'm actually making progress. Let me give you some life lessons I learned in my dating adventures. One of my mistakes this past year was doing what you're currently doing now: going on a lot of dates with a lot of different girls. On one hand it definitely helped bring me out of my shell more and learn the do's and don't's of dating, but the bad thing was that I wasted a lot of time, money, and energy going out with girls who were never really all that interested. Tinder is going to give you the most results, you're right, but these are girls who are either unsure of what they want (clearly they wouldn't be on Tinder if they wanted something serious) or are just looking to fool around. And that doesn't always translate to a hookup. Sometimes they just like the attention. You will meet the most flaky women on Tinder, trust me. Now, if you want my honest opinion, I would try Coffee Meets Bagel. It's catered around the idea of giving you 1 (sometimes more) match per day, and if you both like each other you get to communicate and possibly take it from there. It's not going to give you the volume of women you're looking for, but it will give you girls that are honestly interested in something more serious. I'd say I've dated about 10 or so different girls from this app and not a single one had flaked out on me. I even met the current woman I'm seeing there. Naturally the other 9 just sort of didn't work out, but that's because we didn't click on the level we would have liked to. It was still worth a try though. As for your situation. I'd say stop talking to that girl doing the house viewing. It's been what, 2 or 3 days since she did that? And she didn't even have the courtesy to let you know the date was canceled? Just left it hanging like your time didn't matter. Not good. Someone who is clearly interested in you will clearly show that interest, and she's not doing that. You seem to have a shot with this "Girl #3" you speak of (can we have a nickname of some sort?). Focus on her for the time being. As you've already stated, watch how you are with her before a date. The disappearing and going NC until the day before/during the date thing is not a good tactic. I've had girls try to pull that on me and it's not a good feeling. She was probably left scratching her head wondering if you lost interest. I would try to communicate with a potential date at least once a day just to show interest. It doesn't have to be anything crazy, you could even just ask her how her day was. Something to let her know she's still on your mind. Good luck! 1
Author Xiomn Posted January 16, 2016 Author Posted January 16, 2016 (edited) Let me give you some life lessons I learned in my dating adventures. One of my mistakes this past year was doing what you're currently doing now: going on a lot of dates with a lot of different girls. On one hand it definitely helped bring me out of my shell more and learn the do's and don't's of dating, but the bad thing was that I wasted a lot of time, money, and energy going out with girls who were never really all that interested. Tinder is going to give you the most results, you're right, but these are girls who are either unsure of what they want (clearly they wouldn't be on Tinder if they wanted something serious) or are just looking to fool around. And that doesn't always translate to a hookup. Sometimes they just like the attention. You will meet the most flaky women on Tinder, trust me. Now, if you want my honest opinion, I would try Coffee Meets Bagel. It's catered around the idea of giving you 1 (sometimes more) match per day, and if you both like each other you get to communicate and possibly take it from there. It's not going to give you the volume of women you're looking for, but it will give you girls that are honestly interested in something more serious. I'd say I've dated about 10 or so different girls from this app and not a single one had flaked out on me. I even met the current woman I'm seeing there. Naturally the other 9 just sort of didn't work out, but that's because we didn't click on the level we would have liked to. It was still worth a try though. As for your situation. I'd say stop talking to that girl doing the house viewing. It's been what, 2 or 3 days since she did that? And she didn't even have the courtesy to let you know the date was canceled? Just left it hanging like your time didn't matter. Not good. Someone who is clearly interested in you will clearly show that interest, and she's not doing that. You seem to have a shot with this "Girl #3" you speak of (can we have a nickname of some sort?). Focus on her for the time being. As you've already stated, watch how you are with her before a date. The disappearing and going NC until the day before/during the date thing is not a good tactic. I've had girls try to pull that on me and it's not a good feeling. She was probably left scratching her head wondering if you lost interest. I would try to communicate with a potential date at least once a day just to show interest. It doesn't have to be anything crazy, you could even just ask her how her day was. Something to let her know she's still on your mind. Good luck! Thanks for the advice man, yeah I fooled my self into believing that not contacting until the day before the date to confirm was the best way to go about things in order to prevent long drawn out 'get to know' discussions before the first date but I think I've learned from this experience that is not always the right way to go and can give the wrong impression. She was asking questions which fell under the 'get to know me' umbrella rather than generic 'how was your day' type of questions so I tried to just avoid it and didn't even bother to communicate that i prefer to wait till we're in person to get to know each other. Had I told her that she would of told me she preferred to get to know a bit over text before the first date and I could have potentially avoided all of this miscommunication. I will definitely remember this for next time. I just hope I haven't screwed up her interest in me by giving the wrong first impression that I wasn't interested in her anymore when I was, I feel like i've probably created a situation whereby there's an increased likelihood she will flake on me now but oh well, we'll see. I felt really bad about it too because well, even though I have no connection to this girl as of yet or anything like that, I haven't been on many dates (only been on 2) I was looking forward to the date for a week but now I'll have to wait up to another week all over again which is disappointing. As for the original house viewing girl I stopped talking to her, I didn't even bother responding to her text saying the date will depend on whether she finishes the house viewing before our scheduled date time. The thing is I'm not exactly wasting all that much of my resources in terms of time and money because the dates that I set up never end up coming to fruition for the most part anyway which Is what is primarily disappointing me. I'v also taken up your suggestion to download the app you suggested and created a profile. Not sure how good this app is as I have never heard of it and I live in a somewhat small city but we'll see. Edited January 16, 2016 by Xiomn
IronZ Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 You haven't totally screwed up yet. She's still talking to you and you scheduled another date for next week right? So try getting to know her a little bit like she wanted you to. You'll get a sense of how things are going once you get closer to the date. 1
Author Xiomn Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Had a date set for tomorrow from a girl off of Tinder, (technically today since it's the 18th now i guess) with who we will call girl #4, this time we had been texting before the date nothing major 1-2 messages a day, went in to confirm the date was still on and she said one of her flatmates is feeling very ill and has no one to look after her so she is going to stay behind and look after her (lol on par with being one of the most obvious pathetic excuses so far) She said we can reschedule though smile face emoji. I unmatched her as soon as she said that. That's 3 flakes this week. I'm on a roll.
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