Xiomn Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) About 3 weeks ago I got this girls number off Tinder and set up a date. Because the university term had just ended everybody was going home for Christmas holidays so we agreed it would have to be in the new year when we return which was a long 3 weeks away. Being that the date was set a few weeks in advance I made an effort to keep in contact every now and then just to make sure I was still on her radar and she didn't forget me. (nothing too major as I prefer to leave the get to know each other stuff for the date itself) We sent some flirty texts back and forth when we first started talking and she was very receptive, flirting back and whatnot and the response times were pretty much instant so I felt she was into me. After that I cut the texting down a bit to messaging her every 5 days or so just simple messages wishing her merry Christmas on Christmas eve and then Happy New Year on New Years eve. When the time finally came when everybody was about to return back to university I hit her up again asking if she was still interested in getting together for a drink and she responded enthusiastically saying "yeah definitely". I set a time and place which she agreed and I left it at that saying I'll see you then. She messaged me the day prior asking whether we were still on for the date the following day and I said yes. (I'll be damned, a girl initiated. ) Whoa and behold the day of action finally arrives after all this time. I wake up nauseous from nerves, I go out and freshen myself up with a new haircut only to receive a message 1.5 hours before we were due to meet asking if we could postpone the date because she woke up with a big headache and as a consequence she can barely stay awake and she apologized. What a strange coincidence I think after all this time waiting and 1.5 hours before the date something just so happens to come up, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt in this instance as these things can happen since in the past I've randomly woken up with massive migraines for no apparent reason which left me incapacitated for about 2-3 days. However, she didn't specify an alternative date to postpone it to and I simply replied saying it's not a problem and hope she gets better. It has been 3 days and I haven't heard from her yet. I had high hopes for this one because she seemed really interested even going as far as to check whether the date was still on but right now I'm finding it hard to take her seriously to be honest after the anticipation had been built for so long. What's your take on this? Should I leave it to her to get back in touch with ME? Or should I initiate again? Edited January 10, 2016 by Xiomn
Redhead14 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 About 3 weeks ago I got this girls number off Tinder and set up a date. Because the university term had just ended everybody was going home for Christmas holidays so we agreed it would have to be in the new year when we return which was a long 3 weeks away. Being that the date was set a few weeks in advance I made an effort to keep in contact every now and then just to make sure I was still on her radar and she didn't forget me. (nothing too major as I prefer to leave the get to know each other stuff for the date itself) We sent some flirty texts back and forth when we first started talking and she was very receptive, flirting back and whatnot and the response times were pretty much instant so I felt she was into me. After that I cut the texting down a bit to messaging her every 5 days or so just simple messages wishing her merry Christmas on Christmas eve and then Happy New Year on New Years eve. When the time finally came when everybody was about to return back to university I hit her up again asking if she was still interested in getting together for a drink and she responded enthusiastically saying "yeah definitely". I set a time and place which she agreed and I left it at that saying I'll see you then. She messaged me the day prior asking whether we were still on for the date the following day and I said yes. (I'll be damned, a girl initiated. ) Whoa and behold the day of action finally arrives after all this time. I wake up nauseous from nerves, I go out and freshen myself up with a new haircut only to receive a message 1.5 hours before we were due to meet asking if we could postpone the date because she woke up with a big headache and as a consequence she can barely stay awake and she apologized. What a strange coincidence I think after all this time waiting and 1.5 hours before the date something just so happens to come up, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt in this instance as these things can happen since in the past I've randomly woken up with massive migraines for no apparent reason which left me incapacitated for about 2-3 days. However, she didn't specify an alternative date to postpone it to and I simply replied saying it's not a problem and hope she gets better. It has been 3 days and I haven't heard from her yet. I had high hopes for this one because she seemed really interested even going as far as to check whether the date was still on but right now I'm finding it hard to take her seriously to be honest after the anticipation had been built for so long. What's your take on this? Should I leave it to her to get back in touch with ME? Or should I initiate again? When I was dating, if I had to cancel, I would offer an alternate day/time, etc. to be clear that I was interested but genuinely had a reason to cancel/postpone. That being said, some people/women are not savvy daters and so she may just be clueless or she's lost interest. No way to really know. I'd give her a call just to say that you hope she's feeling better and ask if she is interested in rescheduling. And, go from there. If she doesn't reschedule or seems "off" to you, let it drop and move on. Frankly, I'd really just let it go now anyway. But if it's bothering you and you're still questioning, make the call. Whether you wait it out and are disappointed or you call her and are disappointed, either way, you're disappointed. Big deal, you move on. If she says, yes, great but continue to observe carefully. If she cancels again or isn't receptive or responsive, drop her. 4
Wewon Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Interested people act interest. My experience has been when a person is interested and something causes them to cancel, they usually want to reschedule the date for fear of putting the other person off. Luke warm people leave things to chance or fall into rigid gender roles. I would take her behavior as non interest and move on. 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I'm in agreement with those who have already posted.
Author Xiomn Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) I'm in agreement with those who have already posted. I'd give her a call just to say that you hope she's feeling better and ask if she is interested in rescheduling. And, go from there. I would take her behavior as non interest and move on. Elaborate Michelle? The responses seem to be conflicting. Edited January 10, 2016 by Xiomn
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Elaborate Michelle? The responses seem to be conflicting. Speaking as a woman, if I cancel and really want another date with you I will immediately offer up an alternative. I won't leave anything to chance. If I'm kinda/sorta interested or not sure about how I feel about you, I'll leave the ball in your court and see what happens and decide later if I want to carry on or not if you ask me out again. I'm indifferent to you basically. My feeling is she's not all that interested in you the same way you are with her but at the same time there is nothing saying you can't reach out one more time and test the water. As Redhead eluded to, you're kind of stuck in this limbo until you get some kind of clear signal from her that she wants to pursue things or not. It depends on your interest in her I suppose. If you're not ready to let this go just yet then reschedule and see what happens. Most men I know don't lay down so easily after all but if it doesn't pan out the way you'd hope the second time around, leave it be. Does that make more sense? 1
Redhead14 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Elaborate Michelle? The responses seem to be conflicting. They aren't really conflicting per se. Basically, we are both saying that there is a likelihood that she's not interested enough, however, one attempt to clarify isn't going to hurt anything necessarily. If you liked her enough and just want to get clarity for yourself, go ahead and call her but don't get your hopes up. Be prepared to be disappointed. If she doesn't call you herself to reschedule and you let it ride, you'll feel some disappointment. If you call her, you may still feel some disappointment. Balanced risk . . . 2
Author Xiomn Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Took the advice and just asked she said she's feeling better now and said sounds good to rescheduling proposal. I am interested in her by the way not sure where the impression I wasn't that interested in her came from but nevertheless. She's already made a bad first impression on me to be honest but yeah, if she flakes again I'm dropping her. 2
Redhead14 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Took the advice and just asked she said she's feeling better now and said sounds good to rescheduling proposal. I am interested in her by the way not sure where the impression I wasn't that interested in her came from but nevertheless. She's already made a bad first impression on me to be honest but yeah, if she flakes again I'm dropping her. by the way not sure where the impression I wasn't that interested in her came from -- She just said this to you? That comes across to me a "blame shifting". In other words, she flaked because she changed her mind, you called her out and now she's "blaming you". Did you actually reschedule something specific now or is it still open-ended? If you made specific plans and she accepted, make sure to confirm the day before. That statement from her makes me wonder . . . If I flaked on a guy because he didn't make me feel he was interested enough to start with, I wouldn't have accepted another attempt anyway unless I was immature and was an attention seeker who wanted a guy to chase me.
Author Xiomn Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 by the way not sure where the impression I wasn't that interested in her came from -- She just said this to you? That comes across to me a "blame shifting". In other words, she flaked because she changed her mind, you called her out and now she's "blaming you". Did you actually reschedule something specific now or is it still open-ended? If you made specific plans and she accepted, make sure to confirm the day before. That statement from her makes me wonder . . . If I flaked on a guy because he didn't make me feel he was interested enough to start with, I wouldn't have accepted another attempt anyway unless I was immature and was an attention seeker who wanted a guy to chase me. No, she didn't say that, I was referring to a sentence in this thread. Anyway we agreed for Thursday at the same time and place as we scheduled last time. I said I look forward to seeing you there (last time when she asked if the date was still on i just said "yeah" so thought i'd be more enthusiastic this time) But she didn't reply to say the same thing which would have been the courteous thing to do. Makes me think she's gonna flake again. Oh well.
carhill Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 You're always welcome to change your mind too and, generally, the person who cares the most about rescheduling pursues it. IME, it hasn't fallen along any particular gender or interactive lines. If there's a meeting of the minds, the reschedule occurs, not to be confused with the rescheduled date occurring.
morbot_k Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Her interest isn't that high or she would have countered on when you guys should get together - plus canceling a date for a headache is a bit weak but who knows, yall are in college. I say make sure you react to her interest level and not to yours. Youre very interested, more interested than she is, which isn't a great place to be. Remember you want someone who wants to be with you - if they act lukewarm, then don't take table scraps as a substitute for the real thing ya know? Make her earn your interest a bit.
Author Xiomn Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Her interest isn't that high or she would have countered on when you guys should get together - plus canceling a date for a headache is a bit weak but who knows, yall are in college. I say make sure you react to her interest level and not to yours. Youre very interested, more interested than she is, which isn't a great place to be. Remember you want someone who wants to be with you - if they act lukewarm, then don't take table scraps as a substitute for the real thing ya know? Make her earn your interest a bit. The second attempt at first date is scheduled now, as per usual going no contact until the day before to confirm we're still on if she doesn't do it before me again and if she flakes for 2nd time I'm dropping her and won't even bother responding to her if she comes up with another excuse. If anything she has seemed more interested than me, she replies instantly to my texts despite me consistently taking much longer than her every time. Also she was the one who messaged me initially to see if we were still on for our date before she flaked.
Author Xiomn Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Ask her out - on a planned date. On a Saturday. If she says no then it's done. I'd want a guy asking for a real date not just drinks on a Thursday. It is planned. specifically 2pm Thursday. It's a coffee date in a really nice cafe (which also sells alcoholic drinks too) in the middle of a really big, beautiful park to walk around and take pictures in meanwhile the cafe itself has nice windows to view the beautiful park from. What more do you want? it's worked before. It's already done now anyway. Going in with the expectation she is going to flake to be honest. Edited January 10, 2016 by Xiomn 1
sin miedo Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Ask her out - on a planned date. On a Saturday. If she says no then it's done. I'd want a guy asking for a real date not just drinks on a Thursday. Maybe for a second or third date, but for a first date? Nah, I'd mainly want to talk and get to know the other person to decide whether they are worth my time. What the OP set up sounds perfect for a first date.
carhill Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 It is planned. specifically 2pm Thursday. It's a coffee date in a really nice cafe (which also sells alcoholic drinks too) in the middle of a really big, beautiful park to walk around and take pictures in meanwhile the cafe itself has nice windows to view the beautiful park from. What more do you want? it's worked before. It's already done now anyway. Going in with the expectation she is going to flake to be honest. A similar comment in a prior post is what prompted my suggestion that any party to the date, including you, can change your mind for any reason, or no reason at all. Expecting her to flake is IMO a pretty darn good reason. It puts a negative spin on the whole interaction. Yep, I know what you're going through; got a lot of that as a young man dealing with women in demand. They were always changing their minds. The lesson was two-fold: one, it's OK for them to change their minds. It's not a negative expectation, rather part of being human. Two, heh, I can change my mind too, depending on how I feel at the time. If minds don't meet, the date don't complete. You originally expressed that she exhibited interest in meeting you, initially contacting you and then later contacting you prior to this reschedule. It appears the change has disappointed you. That's OK. Let it go and move on. Heck, you might meet your future wife tomorrow and this young lady will be forgotten. Life works like that. Let it flow. 1
Author Xiomn Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 Girl number 2 (different girl) has flaked on me. We had a date set for tomorrow and she messaged me earlier asking if I'm free on Wednesday instead. What is with all these women trying to reschedule dates. Maybe I'll get third time lucky and the 3rd girl won't try and reschedule or flake before our date on Saturday. Can I get a date around here? (that actually happens)
Author Xiomn Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 Okay so had the date with girl number 2 today, it actually happened. So the date lasted 1.45 hours and that was only because the cafe closed early and I'm glad it did otherwise I genuinely fear it would have never ended. She wouldn't shut up oh my god she was just going on and on forever I was wishing it to end 20 minutes in it was like a really really long never ending monologue. The conversation was one-sided and she didn't seem interested in getting to know me at all. She is really cute but I honestly don't think I could cope with her on a long-term basis it was actually really annoying.
carhill Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 It didn't flow so let it go. If you wish to express that to her so there's no ambiguity, do that. If, as another thread outlined, 'blow her off', do that. Stay true to your style and be authentic. She's a stranger, one of countless you'll meet in life. Perhaps, in the end, a few will matter. For now, keep meeting and greeting and hopefully enjoying yourself. 1
CaliGypsy Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Maybe she was nervous? I tend to talk too much in certain situations when I'm not very comfortable. 1
Author Xiomn Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 (edited) Maybe she was nervous? I tend to talk too much in certain situations when I'm not very comfortable. She seemed really confident to me, she walked, spoke and acted with confidence throughout the whole thing no doubt about it. She grabbed the menu before even sitting down and went to order, I was like "i'll pay" and she said No and walked off to order lol I was like Whenever I tried talking a little bit about myself because she had been talking forever she didn't seem interested and would go off talking about herself endlessly again it was horrible. She even brought up my ex at one point because she knew her and asked if I dated her which was a bit unexpected but I didn't mind. In fact she actually said she didn't like her which was funny. Towards the end of the date she started talking about this guy at the gym who she finds attractive i was like wtf. Edited January 13, 2016 by Xiomn
Author Xiomn Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) Okay so the girl that I was originally talking about when setting up this thread texted me back after I asked her if we were still on for our date tomorrow (Thursday - TODAY) She texted back saying she has a house viewing at 1 so it'll depend when she finishes that. (We set up the date 4 days ago for 2pm today) Going no contact, she's already asked to postpone it once and she agreed to the postpone date and time and she is acting all flaky again so. Funny thing is I restarted my Tinder about a week or so ago and about 4 days ago I was swiping right without much care and happened to match with her again. Edited January 14, 2016 by Xiomn
Author Xiomn Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 Had a date set tomorrow with girl #3. Messaged her over 5 hours ago to confirm the date. No response. 2 date flakes this week. All these flaky women, jesus. Get some bloody confidence will you.
IronZ Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Have you heard from her at all since the canceling of the date? It sounds like she flaked out. Sorry dude.. but Tinder is the worst site to meet quality women on. You need to find someone mature who won't pull that kinda BS on you.
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