shyguy3543 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Hey guys, So last weekend, I had suggested to a girl from my kickball team that we meet up to celebrate the successes of both of our fantasy football teams. We don't really know each other well at all, but talked about checking out this craft beer spot. I figured that if it went well and we had a good time, I'd ask her out to dinner at the end of the meetup to and set up an actual date. I told her the 3 nights I was gonna be available. She said she couldn't the first 2 nights but would let me know about the third one (which was Thursday). I didn't hear anything back until I messaged her on Wednesday asking if Thursday night was gonna work out after all. She said she had completely forgotten, apologized, and asked if we could push it back to this coming week. I said "sure, no problem haha" She replied "Thanks. I swear, once my life is back to its normal, boring self (I hope next week), we can get together!" I sent one more message saying something like we'll keep in touch and set it up and that I hope her and her family were enjoying her sister's bday but I haven't heard anything back since then. Another forum that I'm a part of has a "singles thread" where a bunch of us communicate our situations. I told them of this and they were all pretty much like "yea, it's her turn to take some initiative. If you do it, you'll come off as needy or desperate" but I was speaking to one of my best friends today and told him about that and he was like "why are you playing games? We're adults, man. If you wanna get to know her better, ask her again." What do you guys think? I mean, the singles thread has guys that have been in there for a long time... maybe their advice isn't the best. But then again, my best friend had a terrible time with finding a girlfriend before his current one. He always came off WAY too strong (like, for example, he took one of my friends out to dinner shortly after meeting her and bought her a birthday cake and had the waiters sing to her and bring her the cake... which was melted by the time she saw it. She thought it was the weirdest situation ever).
Jammer25 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 So you haven't heard anything since...this past Wednesday if I'm reading correctly? Just put it into perspective that she has other stuff going on in her life, and you're not a priority to her. Check in tomorrow and ask her if she's free this coming week. It sounds like you're getting ahead of yourself on what might happen when you meet up, not to mention hanging on potentially asking her for a date. Don't get stuck on the idea of it. If she says she's busy, back away and revisit when you have another kickball game or something.
fitnessfan365 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Per my usual disclaimer, I'm not a woman and don't claim to speak for them. Also, this is simply my opinion based on experience. But based on common sense, I'd have to say she isn't interested dude. If you want to be happy in dating, NEVER accept anything less than mutual interest. In my experience, if a woman is interested she'll always text back and make it easy to spend time with her. She won't say no multiple times and then make you chase after her for an eventual answer. You'll get a yes on the first invite or at the very least a counter offer. Now personally, I'd be offended in your situation. I mean you're putting yourself out there and trying to show the girl a good time. Yet what's she do? Not only does she jerk you around, but she flat out says she forgot about you. If you're being honest with yourself, what does that tell you? My advice for future women is this. Ask her out ONCE. Only accept a direct "yes" or a counter offer. Anything else, you respectfully say "No worries. Drop me a line when you're more sure of your schedule". Then don't contact her anymore. Edited January 10, 2016 by fitnessfan365 3
Author shyguy3543 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 So you haven't heard anything since...this past Wednesday if I'm reading correctly? Just put it into perspective that she has other stuff going on in her life, and you're not a priority to her. Check in tomorrow and ask her if she's free this coming week. It sounds like you're getting ahead of yourself on what might happen when you meet up, not to mention hanging on potentially asking her for a date. Don't get stuck on the idea of it. If she says she's busy, back away and revisit when you have another kickball game or something. That's correct. We haven't spoken since Wednesday. And yeah, I do tend to overthink these things haha. Per my usual disclaimer, I'm not a woman and don't claim to speak for them. Also, this is simply my opinion based on experience. But based on common sense, I'd have to say she isn't interested dude. If you want to be happy in dating, NEVER accept anything less than mutual interest. In my experience, if a woman is interested she'll always text back and make it easy to spend time with her. She won't say no multiple times and then make you chase after her for an eventual answer. You'll get a yes on the first invite or at the very least a counter offer. Now personally, I'd be offended in your situation. I mean you're putting yourself out there and trying to show the girl a good time. Yet what's she do? Not only does she jerk you around, but she flat out says she forgot about you. If you're being honest with yourself, what does that tell you? My advice for future women is this. Ask her out ONCE. Only accept a direct "yes" or a counter offer. Anything else, you respectfully say "No worries. Drop me a line when you're more sure of your schedule". Then don't contact her anymore. That's what I'm hoping for. 2015 was a year with girls playing some dumb games with me and I don't want any more of it! I've told myself to wait for a girl who doesn't make me do all the work, even though the guy is typically the one who does most of the courting. I'm not really offended by her saying she forgot. She seems to be HUGE on family and she had posted pics of her with them throughout the week, but I did take it as a sign that she just wants to meet up to hang out and make a new friend. But this girl randomly messaged me in mid-December saying we should hang out (although when she said it, she meant with the rest of the team). Then a week later, I found out that she was on OkCupid because I logged in just to delete my account. After seeing that and knowing she was single (her Facebook pics had some pics with her ex and I assumed they were still together), I suggested the meet up. She seemed totally up for it but yeah, just unsure of the schedule. I'm leaning towards leaving this in her hands for now. If it doesn't work out, well, this next semester of school is gonna be intense and sure to keep me busy anyway haha.
fitnessfan365 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) That's correct. We haven't spoken since Wednesday. And yeah, I do tend to overthink these things haha. That's what I'm hoping for. 2015 was a year with girls playing some dumb games with me and I don't want any more of it! I've told myself to wait for a girl who doesn't make me do all the work, even though the guy is typically the one who does most of the courting. I'm not really offended by her saying she forgot. She seems to be HUGE on family and she had posted pics of her with them throughout the week, but I did take it as a sign that she just wants to meet up to hang out and make a new friend. But this girl randomly messaged me in mid-December saying we should hang out (although when she said it, she meant with the rest of the team). Then a week later, I found out that she was on OkCupid because I logged in just to delete my account. After seeing that and knowing she was single (her Facebook pics had some pics with her ex and I assumed they were still together), I suggested the meet up. She seemed totally up for it but yeah, just unsure of the schedule. I'm leaning towards leaving this in her hands for now. If it doesn't work out, well, this next semester of school is gonna be intense and sure to keep me busy anyway haha. Well I'm old school and all about being "the guy". But a woman has to do her part and actually say "yes" to going out with you. Just keep telling yourself that if she was really "up for it" she would have gotten together with you by now. You seem like a cool guy. But my other advice is try not to be so damn nice dude. As the guy and the pursuer, have the mindset that you're the selector. Start holding women accountable for crappy behavior. If you make an effort with a woman and she says that she forgot about you, that is something you should take offense too. Especially since you asked her out THREE times. In the end, you won't attract everyone you want because everyone has different tastes. So you can't take that part of it personally. But what you can do is rely on common sense, take things at face value, and only focus on girls that show the same interest back. Edited January 10, 2016 by fitnessfan365 1
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I'm not really offended by her saying she forgot. . . . I suggested the meet up. She seemed totally up for it but yeah, just unsure of the schedule. I'm also going to vote for "not interested romantically." If everything lines up just right, and she's got nothing to do, and you suggest a beer, she'll say yes and even enjoy the conversation. But she doesn't sound interested. If she were interested, she would not have forgotten. She would have been thinking about it frequently.
Author shyguy3543 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 I gotcha! But, just to clarify, I haven't asked her out 3 times haha. I would've moved on by now in that case for sure! I suggested meeting up and said i was available on 3 nights - Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. She said right away that Tuesday and Wednesday were no good because she's been getting back to work after taking a week off and her sister's bday was on Wednesday but that she'd get back to me about Thursday... she just didn't until I contacted her on Wednesday.
Author shyguy3543 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 If she were interested, she would not have forgotten. She would have been thinking about it frequently. Yeah, that's pretty much exactly what I was leaning towards. Oh well lol. If she comes back and does actually ask to arrange something, sweet. If not, no biggie!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I'm a woman, I'll put it this way: If I'm really into a guy, I don't forget that he asked me for a drink. And I certainly don't cancel without rescheduling for a specific day. I wouldn't bother with her anymore. 4
katiegrl Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Per my usual disclaimer, I'm not a woman and don't claim to speak for them. Also, this is simply my opinion based on experience. But based on common sense, I'd have to say she isn't interested dude. . Well....I *am* a woman and this ^^ advice is spot 100% on..... Edited January 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
fitnessfan365 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Well....I *am* a woman and this ^^ advice is spot 100% on..... Haha.. Well I am happy for the endorsement Katie. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I am a woman & I agree with whoever said that when I'm into a guy, I don't "forget" he asked me to get together. While I agree she's not interested & you shouldn't reach out again, since you are on the same kickball team, when you see her again, you can still be cordial but make it abundantly clear that while you would willing to get together with her, since she flaked with the last minute cancel & failing to get back to you about this week, if she wants to meet you, she needs to make the arrangements. 1
Author shyguy3543 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 I am a woman & I agree with whoever said that when I'm into a guy, I don't "forget" he asked me to get together. While I agree she's not interested & you shouldn't reach out again, since you are on the same kickball team, when you see her again, you can still be cordial but make it abundantly clear that while you would willing to get together with her, since she flaked with the last minute cancel & failing to get back to you about this week, if she wants to meet you, she needs to make the arrangements. I'll stick with this. I'm just gonna play it cool.
fitnessfan365 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I am a woman & I agree with whoever said that when I'm into a guy, I don't "forget" he asked me to get together. That'd be me.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 If she were interested, she would not have forgotten. That'd be me. It was Robratory's comment that I picked up, not that I don't find you down to earth & insightful, fitnessfan.
phineas Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I'll stick with this. I'm just gonna play it cool. This is your best option. Be friendly and don't act like it matters she flaked because it shouldn't matter. If she comes to you, fine but honestly in this situation with a woman I never accept their first offer & reschedule for the next week then let them initiate contact to show they really are interested. Essentially I act happy to hear from them but they gotta make the effort. 1
Author shyguy3543 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) Well, I contacted her yesterday to ask about donating dog food to an organization she volunteers for. She mentioned that she didn't forget about meeting up but that work has been really crazy lately. We had a little conversation but she didn't seem interested in it so I just let it go and figured that was about it, especially after telling me she wasn't gonna be able to join me for the indoor soccer league. Today I got a message during my lunch break asking if we could meet up somewhere to watch football on Saturday night. I don't know of any good sports bars unfortunately so I suggested Buffalo Wild Wings and she seems pretty excited for it actually haha. We'll see what happens! Edited January 15, 2016 by shyguy3543 1
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