RaeB Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 When I was 18 years I met and worked with my soul mate, I was a young, naive and as innocent as they come. I worked for the Government and the man in question was my manager, 20 years older, married with two kids. For the short time that we worked together there was a chemistry, a comfortable, relaxed kind of feeling that you only get with knowing someone for a very long time. He was the perfect fit for me. Anyway life took over, I was married 18 months later and was forced to leave that job as my partner at the time wasn't comfortable with him being in my life. I loved my job but I left. My first husband was all wrong, loved to drink, but was a bad drunk, easy to anger. But two beautiful kids and 29 years later I said enough was enough and we went our own ways. There was so much water under the bridge that reconciliation was never a consideration. Three years later I am doubting my life and what to do, I am now 51 years old and fate has thrown me a curve ball, my 'soul mate' and I have been in contact and it might as well as have been yesterday. He is divorced now and has been for a number of years, all of our children on both sides are grown up and living their own lives. This is my second chance . . . do I take it. Do you believe in 'soul mate' Has too much time passed?
jen1447 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I don't know about soul mates but hell yeah you should give it a shot. Why not? 4
five2nine Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Why not go for it and see where it goes. Sounds like a good Hollywood script in the making
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Have you seen him now? 71 looks a whole lot different than 38. 2
basil67 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I don't believe in soul mates - but what have you got to lose? 1
Author RaeB Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 I have seen him and we have spoken on the phone many times. And yes, I agree even tho 30 years takes it toll, it just doesn't matter. Still attracted to the same man I met all those years ago. 3
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I have seen him and we have spoken on the phone many times. And yes, I agree even tho 30 years takes it toll, it just doesn't matter. Still attracted to the same man I met all those years ago. If you are both single then why hesitate? If this is meant to be a great love story then stop wasting time and enjoy it. 3
Wewon Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I don't know about the soul mate part, but if you two still get along together you can give it a go. Keep in mind, you were 18 when you first met, it wasn't supernatural, your attraction was most likely due to him being more mature. Do both yourself and him a favor and don't idealize who he was. 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 If you are both single and interested in pursuing a relationship....GO FOR IT!!! I see no reason why you shouldn't. 1
road Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 When I was 18 years I met and worked with my soul mate, I was a young, naive and as innocent as they come. I worked for the Government and the man in question was my manager, 20 years older, married with two kids. For the short time that we worked together there was a chemistry, a comfortable, relaxed kind of feeling that you only get with knowing someone for a very long time. He was the perfect fit for me. Anyway life took over, I was married 18 months later and was forced to leave that job as my partner at the time wasn't comfortable with him being in my life. I loved my job but I left. My first husband was all wrong, loved to drink, but was a bad drunk, easy to anger. But two beautiful kids and 29 years later I said enough was enough and we went our own ways. There was so much water under the bridge that reconciliation was never a consideration. Three years later I am doubting my life and what to do, I am now 51 years old and fate has thrown me a curve ball, my 'soul mate' and I have been in contact and it might as well as have been yesterday. He is divorced now and has been for a number of years, all of our children on both sides are grown up and living their own lives. This is my second chance . . . do I take it. Do you believe in 'soul mate' Has too much time passed? Yes too much time has passed for marriage to him. He is 71 and statically he will pass on when he hits 80. He can go sooner or last longer. Do you realize that he is on the downward side of life. You will wind up being nurse care giver more then a wife. Can handle being put into that role? 2
newmoon Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 i hear about these stories and find them touching sometimes.... but usually when they happen to reunite because something else torn them apart - like war, parents, etc. if it was a mutual decision to part ways in the first place then you really decided to separate initially (or not go for it). did you reach out to him? send FB messages and etc.? that's not 'soul mate' that is tracking someone down with deliberation and finding them to suit your own personal agenda and to make your own life better - perhaps at the expense of theirs. i'm not saying don't follow what you want to do - you're gonna do that anyway - but it doesn't always lead to a happily ever after, and pursuing the past is pretty much equal to living in the past, imo. it shows someone who isn't mentally healthy enough to have moved on.. their mind is stuck in 'what if' and recreating what they once had. a 51 year old woman should be able to have grown to the point where she could meet a 'new' guy and not dig into the archives for an old flame. imo:) 4
big dog Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I agree with newmoon .... you're mind is drifting back to another day..and another person. You need to be careful & go slow. You're "crushes & fantasies" that were one thing to you at 18 may not be the same 30 years later. He's much older now and you're much more mature. Don't expect reality to be what it seemed to be in in those days. 1
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I have seen him and we have spoken on the phone many times. And yes, I agree even tho 30 years takes it toll, it just doesn't matter. Still attracted to the same man I met all those years ago. Then go for it. 2
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Yes too much time has passed for marriage to him. He is 71 and statically he will pass on when he hits 80. He can go sooner or last longer. Do you realize that he is on the downward side of life. You will wind up being nurse care giver more then a wife. Can handle being put into that role? This is real. 1
sandylee1 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 You're both single.. sounds like you still fancy him ...so why not give it a go. The age gap would be my personal concern. .. you get close and with the law of average you'll be mourning his passing. At 51 you probably are more physical and sexual than he is.... will he be able to satisfy you? If so for how long. I'm not saying all 70 year olds are passed it. BTW. He could be superfit and in good condition. 1
RedRobin Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Really? You are 51 and still haven't resolved the daddy issues? Why would you want to go back to that anyway? Have a nice friendship with him... and save romance for people closer to your own age. 1
Author RaeB Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 I think it is a little harsh to claim the 'daddy issues' card - without a doubt this man is one of the most genuine people I have ever met. I myself have raised two children, own my home (with no help from my ex husband) run my own business and conduct myself in a way that allows me to look in the mirror in the morning and feel no shame for my past actions or behaviours so before you slam me with the 'daddy issues' syndrome maybe just maybe people are a little more inside than you give them credit for. Just saying. 3
RedRobin Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I think it is a little harsh to claim the 'daddy issues' card - without a doubt this man is one of the most genuine people I have ever met. I myself have raised two children, own my home (with no help from my ex husband) run my own business and conduct myself in a way that allows me to look in the mirror in the morning and feel no shame for my past actions or behaviours so before you slam me with the 'daddy issues' syndrome maybe just maybe people are a little more inside than you give them credit for. Just saying. If he is old enough to be your dad, it's daddy issues. I have friends that are both male and female. Men who are old enough to be my dad can be great friends and mentors, but I'd never romanticize one. 'Daddy issues' might have something to do with money, but usually goes a lot deeper than that... It really goes into how a young woman is socialized. If she was raised to believe her primary worth as a human being is sexual... Or she prefers a relationship dynamic where she is 'daddied', told what to do, makes decisions for her, and is generally submissive... That's daddy issues. You can care for someone who is old enough to be your dad without sexualizing it, and he can care for you too. Every woman (and man) would be very lucky to have much older people of the opposite sex as a friend and mentor. Usually, that is the function that an extended family provides. But if you don't have much of an extended family and aren't close to them, you can still make friends. I consider it a sign of a dysfunctional society and very poor judgement on the woman's part for her to tie herself romantically to a much older man... 2
craw Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Lol, some of you are talking to her as if she's a teenager. I believe in soul mates, the concept is skewed as we have many soulmates in this lifetime and the next. Just go for it. Enough with torturing yourself! 2
Author RaeB Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 If he is old enough to be your dad, it's daddy issues. I have friends that are both male and female. Men who are old enough to be my dad can be great friends and mentors, but I'd never romanticize one. 'Daddy issues' might have something to do with money, but usually goes a lot deeper than that... It really goes into how a young woman is socialized. If she was raised to believe her primary worth as a human being is sexual... Or she prefers a relationship dynamic where she is 'daddied', told what to do, makes decisions for her, and is generally submissive... That's daddy issues. You can care for someone who is old enough to be your dad without sexualizing it, and he can care for you too. Every woman (and man) would be very lucky to have much older people of the opposite sex as a friend and mentor. Usually, that is the function that an extended family provides. But if you don't have much of an extended family and aren't close to them, you can still make friends. I consider it a sign of a dysfunctional society and very poor judgement on the woman's part for her to tie herself romantically to a much older man... So let us all be judged by your 'standards'? But then who says you are right? What makes you so perfect that you consider one such as myself as having 'very poor judgement'. How hard it must be for you to be so closed minded when it comes to attraction and true and genuine feelings for someone other than those reportedly and conveniently around your own age bracket. I thought that this style of thinking died a long time ago, it's a shame I'm wrong. And for the record, just in case you believe I was deprived of an extended family circle, you couldn't be more wrong. 1
jen1447 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Rae, I think it's easy to find reasons not to do just about anything. The real show of courage in these cases is to do it anyway. 3
Toodaloo Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Go for it. Good luck! Add my vote as well please. I shall keep fingers crossed for you.
RedRobin Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 So let us all be judged by your 'standards'? But then who says you are right? What makes you so perfect that you consider one such as myself as having 'very poor judgement'. How hard it must be for you to be so closed minded when it comes to attraction and true and genuine feelings for someone other than those reportedly and conveniently around your own age bracket. I thought that this style of thinking died a long time ago, it's a shame I'm wrong. And for the record, just in case you believe I was deprived of an extended family circle, you couldn't be more wrong. Actually, there is lots of research to show that large age gaps don't work. If you are attracted to men old enough to be your dad, fine. I think women in general, and you in particular, can do much better than set themselves up as nursemaid... Or latch onto someone or something that is almost always unbalanced... I am not perfect... But I would never offer my youth or what remains of it to any guy. As a friend, yes. Never as a partner. You are selling yourself short. 1
RedRobin Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 There is no research that shows 100% failure rate. Not everyone has the same perspective as you. Some of us just find someone we care about and we want to be with them. It isn't a out offering our youth, or wondering if we can do better. About an 80 percent failure rate for gaps as large as the one in this thread... And about your perspective... When you agree to marry a woman 20 years your senior, I will believe you. As it is, most of the time it's older men trying to convince younger women to spend their best years helping him make up for lost time. Very selfish and self centered... Not at all in the woman's best interest, unless all she cares about is money or she thinks he's the only one who would have her... 3
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