SmartDude Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I have been having an issue lately and I know this is a common one. Perhaps others will have some insight into the situation. At the moment, I am temporarily holding off on seeking a serious relationship for various reasons. I don't want totally cold unemotional sex and I don't want a serious relationship either. Im looking for something in between? The women who I have found are most accepting of this "lifestyle" are artists like myself and other free-thinkers. People who enjoy their solitude but still need human interaction once in awhile. The problem is that I am entering the general dating pool which is a mix of people looking for serious relationships and others who are currently not in that stage of their life. I would like to avoid meeting women who are looking for serious relationships so that I am not wasting their time and they are not wasting mine. This is the ethical and obvious thing to do. The question I have is how to do this tactfully? I am using better methods now than before to avoid upsetting women who are looking for mr. right. It does not help that some women will attempt to shame men who are not looking for commitment. It can get very nasty, but I feel I am doing nothing wrong. It is just incomparable preferences. Is there any good way to navigate this mine field?
thecrucible Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 A girl I knew at university used to say "I'm not looking for Mr Right. I'm looking for Mr Right Now". Maybe that can be turned the other way? Honestly I think the best way is to tell them within the first few conversations. Maybe after a few exchanges you can introduce the topic and ask "so what are you looking for at the moment?", see how they respond and take it from there. 1
Author SmartDude Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Anyone have some good stories on this topic?..Situations that went to hell in hand basket? Either you were a serious dater and they were not, or the opposite?
xcupid Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 If you're searching online, just say in your profile that you're interested in casual dating but not looking for a relationship. That will filter out those who are looking for a relationship. In real life you date and tell the women you date early on that you're only looking to date, not a relationship. Then they can decide if that's okay with them.
Author SmartDude Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 If you're searching online, just say in your profile that you're interested in casual dating but not looking for a relationship. That will filter out those who are looking for a relationship. In real life you date and tell the women you date early on that you're only looking to date, not a relationship. Then they can decide if that's okay with them. Hmm yea I see what your saying. It is a common approach. Only problem is that they might think that I am only interested in sex. There are some women out there that feel legitimized in calling you a creep if you are only looking for sex.
Author SmartDude Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 I think it might also be useful to mention that if I am not careful, I can have the tendencies of a serial monogamist. So this is really a challenge for me. It is almost like therapy. The past few years I have simply hired a sex worker when the need arose. I feel that is being kind of lazy on my part now. Especially when I am a good looking guy with a lot of qualities that certain woman seek.
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 At the moment, I am temporarily holding off on seeking a serious relationship for various reasons. I don't want totally cold unemotional sex and I don't want a serious relationship either. Im looking for something in between? Is there some near-future event that requires this, like are you moving or something like that? And if not, if someone wonderful came into your life, would you not develop a serious relationship with her? I mean, you wouldn't break up with her for no reason, right? But of course, if their plan is marriage within two years, and you're thinking marriage maybe in ten years, that's not going to work, but it need not be a minefield. That's something you can talk about on a first date, along with what kind of music you each like.
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 The past few years I have simply hired a sex worker when the need arose. Oookay, let's let that be our little secret. Don't mention it to the women you date, and if forced at knife point to admit it, don't go into details. Seriously, many women will have a bad reaction to that. It's not like having previous girlfriends.
Author SmartDude Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Oookay, let's let that be our little secret. Don't mention it to the women you date, and if forced at knife point to admit it, don't go into details. Seriously, many women will have a bad reaction to that. It's not like having previous girlfriends. Oh yea, I am on board with you there. We all have our secrets.
Author SmartDude Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Is there some near-future event that requires this, like are you moving or something like that? And if not, if someone wonderful came into your life, would you not develop a serious relationship with her? I mean, you wouldn't break up with her for no reason, right? If she was into me like that and I felt the same,yea I would keep her. The type of women I am actually into ,in contrast to the women I have had in my life, are two very separate things unfortunately. I love women who are shy, tender, somewhat socially awkward and have an intense inner beauty. These types are usually locked away in their artists studios, completely happy on their own a lot of the time unfortunately.
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