corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 First off thank you for taking the time to read this, So a girl liked me on tinder last week and she opened saying she really liked redheads.....so we chatted, and we slowly worked up to meeting in real life. She was hesitant to give me her number at first because she said she's had problems with guys before. So that was cool with me so we chatted via snapchat. She sent me photos everyday and we chatted, and she told me how really handsome I am and everything. Im 26 and she is 23. Im an airline pilot with a brand new car and I always dress nice with expensive clothing and everything to look my best, always clean shaven too. We met for a date and I could tell she was flirting alot. The date went really well and she told me to come sit in her car with her and listen to music. So I did and we ended up kissing for a minute or two. We said our goodbyes and she said I didn't seem like a needy creeper so she finally gave me her number. The next day we kept talking about movies and things we liked and made plans to eventually do them. I thought for once I had a girl that was finally attracted to me. The next day she invited me for drinks with her friends and then we all went back to her place and we played drinking games and I found out she is very very sexually experienced, and she found out just how inexperienced I was.....Here I am the older guy who feels so low now because of the lack of experience I have and the fact I got my first kiss at 24,, I just wanted to crawl into a hole......the night went on and everyone was leaving so I grabbed my jacket and headed out as well. She quickly shooed her friends out and kissed me, we ended making out right there for awhile. She then broke the kiss and said "you're very respectful".....I didn't say anything and she said I could stay if I wanted, she even asked me how many women ive been with and its only been 1 (and that was out of pity)...she chuckled at that...I said that I was gonna leave anyhow but we could sit on the couch, we laid together and watched part of a show then I continued kissing her then she said she was sleepy. I said "alright", then continued for a little bit and she said she was sleepy again......so at that point I got up off her and said "okay, I guess I'll head out".....she gave me one more kiss at the door and I said goodbye.....that was that. It felt awkward at the end so I ended the night. She only texted me once the next day to ask me when I was leaving again and that was it......I sent her a few funny photos, and got monotone responses, and she hasn't made any initiative to text me since. Ugggg did I do??? Did I come on too strong the night before? I mean surely the way this girl flirted with me and how provocative she is she should not have been so creeped out by a make-up session right? Granted she's not super hot, she's a very cute average with a little bit of soft curves to her so she can't be out of my league or so I thought....... am I doing wrong!!!!! I played it very safe! I never initiated texts save for a few after she did to keep the ball rolling and im certainly not texting her at all!!! Im just so frustrated at this scenario happening all the time!!! I just want answers.. Sorry for the monologue but I'm just soo confused, why cant I ever get a girl to go out with me for more than a week or two????
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Dude that's what you did wrong....you played it safe with a very experienced sexual girl!! She asked you to stay in hopes you would be all over that. She's used to being fast moving with fast moving guys. She hasn't got time to wait for you to keep up with her. Confidence my friend. Read their body language, stop being unsure or nervous.
Author corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 The whole point she gave me her number was because she felt I wasnt gonna be a creeper and stalk her,....thats what she told me. She pointed out guys at the bar she took me to that she said were creepy and would say weird things to her.....The whole point is not to freak her out. She said she was tired, I didnt listen the first time and she had to say it again. I stopped the second time because she said so and out of respect. What was I supposed to do? force her to keep making out?
Author corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 "I'm very sleepy"= come to bed with me! ......and how was I supposed to know this after all her precautions about not wanting a creepy guy? Am I supposed to assume she just "wants" me to continue? Even at that rate is respecting her boundaries a reason not to continue seeing someone after your profile specifically says "Im not looking for a hookup"
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 As it happens, some people don't get sexual experience in their teens and early twenties. A lack of experience itself is not a problem because, the fact is, you pretty much start at zero with each new person. However, the reasons behind the person's inexperience may be worrying. And it's not unreasonable for a woman to wonder how come a good-looking pilot with a brand new car has only gotten laid once in his life by the age of 26. She really didn't have to know about your lack of experience. The truth is that there really isn't such a thing as "experience." People get all hung up on the idea that there are certain specific techniques that, once learned, make them good lovers. But that's not true. The certain specific technique that works on one person can annoy the hell out of someone else. One girl loved to be rubbed in baby oil. Another girl said, "Oh, hell, no, I don't want to get all greasy! Are you crazy?" Learning about the new person counts for far more than experience. If you haven't, consider therapy. Your lack of experience is not an issue, but whatever kept you from getting experience may be. 1
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 The whole point she gave me her number was because she felt I wasnt gonna be a creeper and stalk her The fact that she said that is actually a red flag to me. Why would the thought that you might be a creep even cross her mind? You never did anything creepy, right? Oh, is it the fact that you're a man, and men are creeps, and therefore...? That's why it's a red flag to me. We wouldn't tell a woman, "Gee, I'm so glad you're not a manipulative, gold-digging drama queen," would we? And if we did, I doubt they'd be flattered. 1
Author corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Obviously I didnt do anything creepy hence me getting her number. But yet thats what ive been afraid of my whole life with girls is coming off as a creep if im attracted to them....I dont want to show attraction for that reason. Ive been deathly afraid ever since high school and the way girls treated me back then.
Erik30 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 You didn't come on too strong. She wanted to have sex with you that night, but you turned her down. I think she lost some interest after that. She might be using Tinder for hook ups, like a lot of people who use it do. Maybe you were actually moving to slow for her.
Author corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 But I wasn't turning her down! Is this really whats been happening my whole life and i just didnt know it? Because i was so nice to these girls by walking away they think i was turning them down???
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Obviously I didnt do anything creepy hence me getting her number. But yet thats what ive been afraid of my whole life with girls is coming off as a creep if im attracted to them....I dont want to show attraction for that reason. Ive been deathly afraid ever since high school and the way girls treated me back then. I honestly can relate because I used to have that fear too. The specific forces and events that imprinted that fear in us are no doubt different, but it's the same fear. You have to get rid of it somehow. Don't be embarrassed by your desires. In itself, it's not creepy to want to have sex with a woman. And assuming you know basic Western culture etiquette, it's not creepy to make it known to a woman that you're attracted to her. If that creeps her out, she's got issues, so back away slowly and then run like hell.
Erik30 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 But I wasn't turning her down! Is this really whats been happening my whole life and i just didnt know it? Because i was so nice to these girls by walking away they think i was turning them down??? You turned her down when you declined her offer to stay over, and again when she told you she was sleepy. She's not litterally going to say she wants to have sex. So yeah, I guess you didn't pick up on that. She's not really responding to your messages with funny photos because she's not looking for a guy to just chat with. 1
thecrucible Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Like smackie9 said, she is probably used to fast moving guys so she interpreted your leaving as you not being interested in her. I mean she practically offered herself on a plate when she started making out with you and dropping the big hint "I'm sleepy" hehe. And when she said "you're very respectful" that was probably a hint to loosen up a bit. 1
Author corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 Hmmm thats an interesting way of looking at it though
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 ......and how was I supposed to know this after all her precautions about not wanting a creepy guy? Am I supposed to assume she just "wants" me to continue? Even at that rate is respecting her boundaries a reason not to continue seeing someone after your profile specifically says "Im not looking for a hookup" She kept telling you that you passed, that you weren't one of those pervs.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Inexperience is noted when you don't pick up on the social/sexual cues or know how to react to them, not how few women you scored with. Anyways, this girl wasn't really a match for you. Don't let this experience deflate you, but let it teach you more what to look for, and to relax/go with the flow. Not every girl you meet is going to be a hookup girl. You must meet plenty of women on your job, or am I stereotyping pilots lol.
sin miedo Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 But I wasn't turning her down! Is this really whats been happening my whole life and i just didnt know it? Because i was so nice to these girls by walking away they think i was turning them down??? Sometimes you gotta take a risk and go for it! Being nice and expecting a woman to hand you sex on a platter almost never happens. You clearly missed her sexual cues - I mean, "I'm sleepy" is kinda cut and dry - but I'd just chalk it up as a learning experience. Also, I'm sure you're aware, but Tinder is not really a dating app; it's for people looking to have casual sex! So you should probably have that expectation going in, and adjust your strategy accordingly.
Author corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 She kept telling you that you passed, that you weren't one of those pervs. Ive had girls tell me similar things only to tell me later after I text her or try to continue seeing her she tells me im getting too attached or something like that. Its got me so paranoid Ive been just playing it safe, so I dont text, I dont call, I dont give them compliments so as not to offend, I have no idea what is going to turn the next one off.
Author corsair427 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Inexperience is noted when you don't pick up on the social/sexual cues or know how to react to them, not how few women you scored with. Anyways, this girl wasn't really a match for you. Don't let this experience deflate you, but let it teach you more what to look for, and to relax/go with the flow. Not every girl you meet is going to be a hookup girl. You must meet plenty of women on your job, or am I stereotyping pilots lol. Yes I see plenty of women on the job, including flight attendants, everyone said my life would change with meeting someone when I get this job and that its totally different. Well its the same......exactly the same as if i were homeless. Dont get me wrong, No one has to like me and to each their own. But everyone else seems to have such an easy time doing these things as if it were second nature. Im just trying to learn. The fact that it keeps happening is very disconcerting.... Perusing always ended up badly for me, especially in high school which is why i stopped. If they contact me then I am positive they are into me and I dont have to risk coming off as a creep. I do suffer from self image issues from how i was treated when i was younger by friends and girls. I never even had girls who were my friends it was so bad back then. So I kinda conditioned myself to believe there was something wrong with me and I stayed away from girls to "do them a favor" Yeah I realize it now but i cant change what happened and its not like turning on a light switch to overcome. Ive come along way and got my first kiss a few years back and can go on dates and im still trying to improve but I just dont have those basic social skills down and dont know how to act or respond or read signals. Then I just slip back into the whole " I guess I should just stay away mentality" Edited January 10, 2016 by corsair427
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Dude most grow out of the ugly duckling stage and move forward. Seriously let it go.
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