Vicar Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Hi guys. I've got a bit of a complicated one but I'm at the end of my tether and I'm hoping some kind souls out there can give me some words of wisdom/a kick up the ass. I met her on POF. We exchanged messages, got on well. Then I drop the bomb shell that I know her ex. She breaks contact, then we get back in contact two days later. She breaks contact again, and now we're back in touch since around 4 days ago. We met for the first time yesterday, went for a drive and a drink and we got on well. However, she's not over her ex. He broke up with her two months ago, and she's confused about what she wants to do. I know she likes me. She's confusing in messages and text me after the date "she wanted to melt in my arms when she looked at me". Then she says she's not ready for any substantial. Tonight, she's having dinner at a friend's house who, coincidentally, messaged her during the date (which she ignored at the time) trying to seduce her with dirty texts. My question is: What the **** am I doing here? How do I let this girl go? Do I try to remain friends and risk seeing her be with someone else or break it off entirely? tl;dr - like girl. girl not over ex (2 months ago). go on "semi-date" with girl (as she called it). get on well. tells me soppy romantic ****. then says she doesn't want a relationship. with guy tonight "having dinner" who was sending her dirty **** during our date. Yeah, the tl;dr wasn't really any shorter, sorry!
Gaeta Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Don't touch that, not even with a 6' pole. Understood? She said she is not over her ex why in the world would you be hanging around? to keep her company while she gets over her ex! c'mon. Chances are she will go back to him and if not she will need to go through all of her mourning phases then she'll have a few transition relationships with jerks and unavailable men. When she'll be back on her feet stand assured you won't be her choice. Women don't move on with men they used as consolation price after a break up. 3
Author Vicar Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 As much as that is for me to stomach, it's what I needed to hear. Thank you for that, you're absolutely right. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Stay away from her, don't bother trying to be her friend. She's just not ready and you will get hurt.
ScienceGal Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 This is not complicated at all. You need to let her go and move on, or you're going to be in for a world of hurt.
mortensorchid Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I hate people like this. They put themselves out there to potentially meet someone else, then all they want to do it make others feel sorry for them for their emotional constipation about their past. Move on.
Author Vicar Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Alright so, I know a few of you here have been really helpful with this, and I feel proud enough to give you an update. Turns out she ****ed that guy. I made it clear if she had any sort of feelings at all, she wouldn't have done it. She felt "ridiculously guilty" about it. I get she's single but if you tell someone romantic soppy **** like melting in their arms you don't **** another guy. At that point it was really easy to let her go. I get people grieve, but stumbling onto a dick when I've tried to give my all kind of shows what kind of person she is underneath. Thank you so much guys. She's been blocked from everything - I don't need that sort of negativity in my life. All the best, and have a great 2016! 2
ScienceGal Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad she showed her true colors sooner rather than later. You deserve better. 2
mrldii Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Alright so, I know a few of you here have been really helpful with this, and I feel proud enough to give you an update. Turns out she ****ed that guy. I made it clear if she had any sort of feelings at all, she wouldn't have done it. She felt "ridiculously guilty" about it. I get she's single but if you tell someone romantic soppy **** like melting in their arms you don't **** another guy. At that point it was really easy to let her go. I get people grieve, but stumbling onto a dick when I've tried to give my all kind of shows what kind of person she is underneath. Thank you so much guys. She's been blocked from everything - I don't need that sort of negativity in my life. All the best, and have a great 2016! Ahhhh...so she's doing the "The Best Way to Get Over A Guy, is to Get Under Another One" method of healing. Yeah...if you're not into that kind of stuff, best to cut your losses. Sorry...but, it's probably for the best. Always a danger when someone tells you they're not[yet] over their ex...that you're going to be nothing more than the Rebound Relationship...even if only for a night. Lesson learned...best of luck with your new prospects! 1
Author Vicar Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 One last bit of advice. I'd like to make amends with the ex. We fell out over this, but I feel kind of bad considering I'm only now ready to make amends because I've finally told her to shove it. Will he see through that or is it worth trying?
mrldii Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 One last bit of advice. I'd like to make amends with the ex. We fell out over this, but I feel kind of bad considering I'm only now ready to make amends because I've finally told her to shove it. Will he see through that or is it worth trying? No harm in trying, though you're right...he may see through it. He may also not care to have a friendship with someone who will date others' exes, and who'll do it so soon after the break-up. His prerogative, yanno? 1
Author Vicar Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Yeah, it'll definitely be up to him. In my defence, I see two months as a fairly long time to get over an ex, especially one that lasted around a year. But everyone is different really. Thank you.
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Yeah, it'll definitely be up to him. In my defence, I see two months as a fairly long time to get over an ex, especially one that lasted around a year. But everyone is different really. Thank you. No 2 months is not enough. I would not consider 2 months long enough to get over a 1 year relationship. It took me 1 year to get over my last 6 month relationship. Too many variables to consider. Was she the dumper or the dumpee. What type of betrayal they dealt with, etc.
Author Vicar Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 He did the cowardly thing and gave her a ton of "problems" with the relationship in hopes she'd break up with him. When she didn't, he broke up with her by text the day after.
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 He did the cowardly thing and gave her a ton of "problems" with the relationship in hopes she'd break up with him. When she didn't, he broke up with her by text the day after. When a man gives a ton of problems to a woman and she is still not wanting to leave the relationship, then no, don't expect 2 months will be enough for her to get over him. She was ready to take all sorts of sh$t from him, she's not done loving him. 1
Author Vicar Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 The weirdest thing is I nod and agree with you now. A few days ago I'd be flailing my arms defending her. I know I've probably worn out this phrase in this thread, but truly, thank you.
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