5 months now contact, feel guilty and still can't move on :(

January 9, 2016

So I haven't contacted my ex in 5 months. He has reached out a few times within the 5 months but I ignored because I felt it was just breadcrumbs and I'm starting to respect myself. He just kept texting how he's doing well and hopes I'm doing good too and everytime he'd text he kept telling me how he just wanted to tell me that he's doing really well which I thought was so mean of him. He also kept liking mt pictures on instagram. I stopped talking to him when he moved months ago, he never even wanted to commit so I have nothing to talk to him about. Problem is I feel guilty for ignoring, I feel like the bad guy but I did nothing wrong and I still can't move on. How can I stop feeling so much guilt guys?

January 9, 2016

There's no time limit on healing. Some people have long relationships and heal instantly, others have short relationships and take years to heal. It's all down to the individual. Expecting that you should be healed by now will just make you feel worse. Just accept that it will happen one day - you probably won't even notice when you are. And yes, you have done nothing wrong. It's just all the emotional stuff that is confusing you. You're healing, dealing with the fact that someone who was important to you no longer is. It's not guilt, it's just acceptance. It will get better. It took me a long time to realise that myself. You will too.

January 10, 2016

There's no time limit on healing. Some people have long relationships and heal instantly, others have short relationships and take years to heal. It's all down to the individual. Expecting that you should be healed by now will just make you feel worse. Just accept that it will happen one day - you probably won't even notice when you are. And yes, you have done nothing wrong. It's just all the emotional stuff that is confusing you. You're healing, dealing with the fact that someone who was important to you no longer is. It's not guilt, it's just acceptance. It will get better. It took me a long time to realise that myself. You will too.

Thanks you so much for that!!!

January 10, 2016

I've been in nc for 5 months with my ex too , she left me amd I haven't reached out nor has she but I've been thinking about reaching out and I would say exactly what your ex has been saying to you to try and get the ball rolling

He's not going to just text after a couple months nc and say "let's get back together " as if nothing ever happened

Do you want him back and who ended it ?

January 10, 2016

I've been in nc for 5 months with my ex too , she left me amd I haven't reached out nor has she but I've been thinking about reaching out and I would say exactly what your ex has been saying to you to try and get the ball rolling

He's not going to just text after a couple months nc and say "let's get back together " as if nothing ever happened

Do you want him back and who ended it ?

Thank you for your answer! The thing is he never actually commit to me, he had issues with commitment. You actually commit to your gf and made her feel loved and like a gf. I stopped talking to him as soon as he moved because he didn't move for a real reason he just moved cause he had friends there . If this person truly wanted me they would have never moved. I just feel like him contacting me is just him relieving his guilt and just to know that he still has me and I don't hate him. He's far, there's no point in talking... I don't wanna be his friend Him contacting me doesn't mean he wants a relationship with me or he wants to move back Of course I want to talk to him but I'm protecting myself.

January 10, 2016

You're doing so well, stop beating yourself up by trying to work out what's going on in his mind. Concentrate on you and only you. Don't let these feelings drag you back down. One person is not worth so much pain. Take it from one who knows.

January 10, 2016

You're doing so well, stop beating yourself up by trying to work out what's going on in his mind. Concentrate on you and only you. Don't let these feelings drag you back down. One person is not worth so much pain. Take it from one who knows.

Thank you!!!!

January 10, 2016

I agree that you're doing well. You have no need to feel guilty about ignoring his texts - but if you want to feel less guilty, then block his numbers and access to you on social media. If he can't contact you, then you won't feel guilty about ignoring him.

January 11, 2016

I agree that you're doing well. You have no need to feel guilty about ignoring his texts - but if you want to feel less guilty, then block his numbers and access to you on social media. If he can't contact you, then you won't feel guilty about ignoring him.

Thank you! You're right! But it's so hard to block

January 11, 2016

You know it is interesting that after dumping you (is that correct?) he reaches out several times and kind of bragging how well he is doing. "Fake it until you make it" I think he misses you and probably doesn't want to let you know that he does, he doesn't want to seem like a p..sy.

It's good that you are respecting yourself. I would tell him maybe "I am glad that you are doing so well. I wish you the best." It's a rather short classy response. Maybe he will elaborate after your response if he really wants something.

He either misses you or feels guilty or he genuinely wants to be friends with you because he likes you.

You know sometimes relationships don't work out because of bad timing. At the time someone is immature because of his age or lack of life experience.

It doesn't mean that it won't work out in the future. Keep an open mind, start dating others we just never know what the future holds.

January 11, 2016

You know it is interesting that after dumping you (is that correct?) he reaches out several times and kind of bragging how well he is doing. "Fake it until you make it" I think he misses you and probably doesn't want to let you know that he does, he doesn't want to seem like a p..sy.
It's good that you are respecting yourself. I would tell him maybe "I am glad that you are doing so well. I wish you the best." It's a rather short classy response. Maybe he will elaborate after your response if he really wants something.
He either misses you or feels guilty or he genuinely wants to be friends with you because he likes you.

You know sometimes relationships don't work out because of bad timing. At the time someone is immature because of his age or lack of life experience.

It doesn't mean that it won't work out in the future. Keep an open mind, start dating others we just never know what the future holds.

Thank you so much for your response! I kinda thought the same thing when he kept telling me how good he's doing :/ We never had an official break up, I just vanished after he moved. The day before he moved I asked him what day he's moving, he responded and after that I completely ignored every text he sent me. He never commit to me, I never felt loved or like a gf. Honestly dating him was hell, he was always distant and kept sabotaging everything. I always felt hurt and sad and that's why I just decided to ignore after he moved because this person couldn't even commit to me when we were together and he definitely won't if he moved away. I know that he doesn't like when people hate him so I'm feeling like him texting also means that he just wants to be friends and doesn't want me to hate him. But I'm still very hurt and can't talk to him, not talking to him feels better than being in contact I'm just so sick of getting treated like a doormat. I don't wanna chase anymore. I need to respect myself. This is the first time in my life when I'm starting to stand up for myself and know my worth

Edited January 11, 2016 by walkingonair

January 11, 2016

I hope there was a time when you told all of this to him during your relationship. Always be clear about your wants and needs. Do you think that he felt similarly like you do after you "vanished" ?? He might feel like he didn't mean anything to you. Did you ever told him that you don't really feel that this is an actual relationship and you being his actual gf?

Lack of communication? Effective, constructive communication.

It's very important to know whether he really "treated you like a doormat" or you perceived as such due to communication mishaps/gaps.

January 11, 2016

I hope there was a time when you told all of this to him during your relationship. Always be clear about your wants and needs. Do you think that he felt similarly like you do after you "vanished" ?? He might feel like he didn't mean anything to you. Did you ever told him that you don't really feel that this is an actual relationship and you being his actual gf?

Lack of communication? Effective, constructive communication.
It's very important to know whether he really "treated you like a doormat" or you perceived as such due to communication mishaps/gaps.

He knows how he made me feel, I have told him about it in the past. He also always kept saying I know you hate me without me even saying anything. So he knows what he was doing. He also told me once that he doesn't see us being together in the future and those words really hurt me. I should've stopped talking to him when he said those words to me.

January 11, 2016

So I haven't contacted my ex in 5 months. He has reached out a few times within the 5 months but I ignored because I felt it was just breadcrumbs and I'm starting to respect myself. He just kept texting how he's doing well and hopes I'm doing good too and everytime he'd text he kept telling me how he just wanted to tell me that he's doing really well which I thought was so mean of him. He also kept liking mt pictures on instagram. I stopped talking to him when he moved months ago, he never even wanted to commit so I have nothing to talk to him about. Problem is I feel guilty for ignoring, I feel like the bad guy but I did nothing wrong and I still can't move on. How can I stop feeling so much guilt guys��?

Who did the breaking up in your situation? It seems like you want to really move on with your life but he is kinda holding you back by texting you and liking your pictures on IG.

The only way to really get rid of the guilt is to go full NC. You guys are in LC because he is still able to reach out to you via text or IG. If you really, truly want to move on and stop feeling guilty for ignoring him you have to do some drastic stuff here like blocking him on IG or unfollowing him. I feel like thats the way you can really move on...

January 11, 2016

Who did the breaking up in your situation? It seems like you want to really move on with your life but he is kinda holding you back by texting you and liking your pictures on IG.

The only way to really get rid of the guilt is to go full NC. You guys are in LC because he is still able to reach out to you via text or IG. If you really, truly want to move on and stop feeling guilty for ignoring him you have to do some drastic stuff here like blocking him on IG or unfollowing him. I feel like thats the way you can really move on...

Thabks for your answer! There was no official breakup. Him deciding to move was the breakup. The minute he moved I went NC without even warning him or anything, just disappeared. You're right! It's hard but I really have to do that

January 12, 2016

Thabks for your answer! There was no official breakup. Him deciding to move was the breakup. The minute he moved I went NC without even warning him or anything, just disappeared. You're right! It's hard but I really have to do that

I am with you in the NC boat.. we just have to remember there are others in our boat too. I send you all the strength you need to get through this difficult time ♥

January 12, 2016

I am with you in the NC boat.. we just have to remember there are others in our boat too. I send you all the strength you need to get through this difficult time ♥

Awwww thanks!!! Yes, we're not alone! We're actually stronger than we thought we were too

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5 months now contact, feel guilty and still can't move on :(

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