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Posted

I won't go into the sob story of my ****ty breakup almost a year ago (there's a thread for that one) but after going through the whole process I met a girl that I really like a whole lot. I'm not sure what to do about it.

 

After my bad breakup I felt worthless/hopeless/nihilistic/blah blah blah/etc. but started to find out that it wasn't that difficult to hook up with girls. I did it a lot throughout last year. Cool. I was at my local hangout with some buddies on New Year's Day. Big hockey fan so I started the day with the Winter Classic and then ended up at the spot later that night with said buddies. We were standing outside by the fire pit and a girl walked up and started to hang out with us. Her and I immediately hit it off (like freaky fast). That's what I noticed first. The "click" happened immediately. Long story short, she ended up spending the night the next night and we had the best sex I've ever had. I mean that. Like I said before, I was with a lot of girls after my breakup (may or may not be a good thing, but I had fun) but this was so much more than that with this new girl. It felt way better than just sex. Her and I have continued to hang out every day minus one this past week. We've been to two hockey games, a hot spring, and had some fun nights out. My problem is I'm really starting to fall for her and I don't quite know if/how I should approach it. I've known her for a week but we connect like it's been a lifetime. I know it's very soon in the whole thing but I feel so much more excited about her than I ever did my ex. After a few days she talked about her previous relationship and how it wasn't healthy and how she needed a change in her life so she packed up and moved to somewhere she had never been. She broke up with the dude two months ago (soon, I know, but it doesn't feel like a rebound to me). She told me she has a bad taste in her mouth from that guy and is still trying to get over the thought that all guys are that bad. She said she doesn't want to rush into her next relationship. We haven't had sex since the first time last week and I'm fine with that. I certainly don't expect it. I genuinely enjoy myself spending time with her. We have a lot of fun and a lot of really great conversations. We flirt and cuddle and kiss and it's great. I understand that she's brand new to the city and will absolutely meet other people. I travel all over the country for work and I'm usually gone two weeks out of every month. My insecurity due to my job is fueling my problem of wanting to know if/how I should be with this girl. I feel like if I don't make "that" move that I'll miss my chance on a work trip while at the same time I feel like making "that" move might scare her away. Bottom line: I want to be exclusive with this girl. Advice?

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Posted

Tell her. Explain you don't have to consider yourself boyfriend and girlfriend if she's not ready, but you think she's amazing and you would kick yourself if you didn't seriously pursue this.

 

Real love is often inconvenient and always rare. Don't pass up an opportunity to be with someone who affects you so strongly. If this gal is so amazing that you're trying to figure out how to fit her into your schedule, you owe it to yourself to make an effort.

 

She may not feel the same way about you. She might be the mother of your children (and grandchildren). There's only one way to find out.

  • Like 2
Posted

just tell her you like her a lot and would like to make things more serious.

 

It really doesn't matter how you approach this, you have no control how she will react. roll the dice.

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Posted
She might be the mother of your children (and grandchildren). There's only one way to find out.

 

I really hope she's not the mother of his grandchildren.....:confused: Unless she's dating his son.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Posted

Here's a little a bit of an update:

 

She's spent the night with me a couple of times since my first post. We still haven't had sex since that first time. Is that something that should worry me? On a different note, I left for Atlanta three days ago for two weeks for work. The night before I left we went out together and I asked her if she would want to come out for the weekend; she gave me an excited "Yes!" So, she will be here in two days for the weekend. This is a good sign, right? Would it be appropriate to tell her I want to be serious after I get home from my trip or some other time?

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Posted

After..........

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  • Author
Posted
After..........

 

Ok good, I agree. By some other time I meant even further down the line than after I get home. Just to clarify, I'm on a work trip for two work weeks and one weekend in between. She'll be here for the weekend, and then I'll be back in our city the following Friday night. Is it enough time to talk to her that weekend or should I wait longer?

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  • Author
Posted (edited)

She went back home to our city yesterday. We had a really great weekend full of flirting, laughing, sex, etc. She initiated a conversation that has me a little sad today though. We were lying together one of the days and she told me that she can't stop thinking about how easy it is for her to be honest with me and feel safe and comfortable in telling me things she doesn't talk about with other people. She then started talking about her ex. She said he got back in touch with her a couple of days ago and has been begging and pleading and promising change and all that in hopes that she'll come back. She told me that it's confusing her and she doesn't think she should start something serious with me because she thinks it would be unfair to involve me in a situation like that. I appreciate and respect that. But damn. The rebound alarms have been sounding in my mind like crazy since then. Is it time to back off and let her come to me on her own?

Edited by somebrokendude
  • Like 1
Posted
She went back home to our city yesterday. We had a really great weekend full of flirting, laughing, sex, etc. She initiated a conversation that has me a little sad today though. We were lying together one of the days and she told me that she can't stop thinking about how easy it is for her to be honest with me and feel safe and comfortable in telling me things she doesn't talk about with other people. She then started talking about her ex. She said he got back in touch with her a couple of days ago and has been begging and pleading and promising change and all that in hopes that she'll come back. *She told me that it's confusing her and she doesn't think she should start something serious with me because she thinks it would be unfair to involve me in a situation like that. I appreciate and respect that. But damn. The rebound alarms have been sounding in my mind like crazy since then. Is it time to back off and let her come to me on her own?

 

For it to work out on a more serious/official level with her, she will have to be moving along in finishing her business with the ex.

 

It sounds like she's not there yet, but you can still enjoy each other's company and do things together as you have been.

 

Just bear in mind that she isn't emotionally free yet.

 

 

Take care.

Posted

I guess she's decided to slow it down and try not to get moving too fast because as you said, it took off really fast. I don't think she means she doesn't want a relationship. I think maybe it's too soon to say "Do you want us to be exclusive?" too soon, but it's really never too soon to say, "I'm only dating you right now, and I'm happy with that," and just leave it like that, so she has this measure of security, without asking her for anything in return. I just think it would be a nice gesture.

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