I think I finally pushed him away...no third chance for us...please help!

[TrueSmiles12]

Please help me out LS!!! I'm quite desperate of advice and help ASAP!!

 

so i think my insecurities and false accusations with my on and off ex finally got the best of me. we have been sticking around, letting things happen, for what i thought could be a third chance for us to finally make things right. the same guy who recently said, "no im definitely not limiting the possibilities forever" is now saying, "i dont see myself ever committing to a relationship with anyone". we're definitely hanging by a string. i mean we're not officially dating, but it's like we were climbing that ladder and now we're just sliding down that snake, like it's a game of snakes and ladders.

 

i need ANY advice u can give me as to assure him that it's worth working at something and that committment doesn't have to be an automatic, right away thing, that we can take it slow but together...

 

i don't know, i need help!! here are his main points:

- why would he want to commit to someone who always gives him a hard time about other girls?

- we hardly ever get along anymore because i always bring up that stupid girl i think he likes

- we never talk about pleasant and fun things anymore

... those are the main problems he states.

 

so please guys, i need things to say to him that would assure him that i really want to and honestly have been trying my best with these "insecurities" but he's just so difficult that sometimes he's not always willing to compromise. this is a fault that i've learned to accept with him, but there has to be some way to work around it. i really want this third chance and i know somewhere in him, it's upsetting him that he has to be so torn in finally putting his foot down and saying 'no more' with me..

 

thanks!

[westernxer]

He's not into you... it's never been more obvious.

 

Why can't you accept this and move on? I know, because you're in love with him. He's the one.

[lindya]

He doesn't have to be "the one."

 

Most of us generally stick with relationships only for as long as we're getting something out of it. It's not clear to me what you're getting out of this, but perhaps it's a kind of learning experience?

 

The thing is that when a guy tells you he doesn't think he'll ever commit to anyone, there's an underlying message. "Don't you dare to expect anything permanent from me - because you're definitely not going to get it."

 

Now if you can hear that message and still spend time with the guy because you're having a good time, then fine. It sounds, however, as if you've gone beyond that stage now. You're looking for something he doesn't want to give you - and the more you try to get it, the tighter he'll hang on.

 

I don't necessarily agree with Westernxer that he "isn't in to you". People on these boards like to paint things in black and white because life's a bit easier to cope with that way. He may well be into you on a certain level, but he's given you the message that it only goes so far. If you don't listen to that message and believe it, then he might well start taking the view that you deserve all the heartbreak and bad treatment he feels like dishing out to you.

 

My advice is walk away before it gets to that stage....but it's your call.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

He doesn't want this. It may not be something you've done so don't be so hard on yourself thinking that way.