How to not end up in friend zone

[morbot_k]

Be careful with opening up to a romantic interest.

 

Think of it this way...heavy stuff is heavy. Heavy things crush light things. Romance is light. Friendship is heavy because girls like to disclose their problems to one another. It's just not a primal exciting thing.

 

When a girl asks me about heavy things, I don't talk about it in an emotional manner or deeply personal. I give the facts and move on. I lost my dad a few years back. Sometimes it comes up. They get all mushy. I tell cool stories about my father but never fall into the trap of how I felt about the whole thing. of course I was upset, of course it was emotional, but A) they are never going to understand and B) in the early stages of dating, they really don't care because we are essentially strangers.

 

So I disclose, but in a non-emotional way - just matter of facts so I am not being evasive. If they ask about past relationships which they always do, I say you know what, relationships don't work out for a variety of reasons - you learn from them and grow. Stay strong, but most of all stay positive and avoid heavy conversation.

 

Remember heaviness crushes romance unless you are so effing good looking that nothing can screw things up for you. Don't talk about your cat that died, don't complain about your aches and pains, don't do anything that might elicit an "awwww" cause if you do, you are in trouble my friend.

 

Be a good person. Be a gentleman, but don't show your softness with words. Show it with actions. Show it by caring for others in the moment...if you actually care.

Edited January 10, 2016 by morbot_k

[Sunyata]

****, people. I need to heal my mind if I'm ever going to take care of myself. I also got high when I got home, and the experience and the drugs combined to remind me how much I need to heal my mind.

 

But anyway, my memory tells me that tonight was a night I'm chalking up to success because at least I put myself out there. Of course, my memory is afflicted by all the same problems as my thinking about the present situations.

But anyway, I got to the bar a little after her. We talked. She is very serious in a lot of ways too. But god, she was hot. She is hot. That is what she is.

 

But anyway, we talked for awhile, about a lot of things, and there were no awkward breaks in conversation, partly because she always had things to say. Eventually her friend arrives, the music is loud, there isn't much talking. I fear interacting with her in any way so I just try to dance a little. She occasionally includes me in the group by acknowledging me or saying something. Eventually her friend sees one of her boyfriend's exes there and has a meltdown, and she needs to give her a ride home. She initiates a hug goodbye which I interpret as mostly to be nice. I walk down the street. The end.

[fitnessfan365]

****, people. I need to heal my mind if I'm ever going to take care of myself. I also got high when I got home, and the experience and the drugs combined to remind me how much I need to heal my mind.

 

But anyway, my memory tells me that tonight was a night I'm chalking up to success because at least I put myself out there. Of course, my memory is afflicted by all the same problems as my thinking about the present situations.

But anyway, I got to the bar a little after her. We talked. She is very serious in a lot of ways too. But god, she was hot. She is hot. That is what she is.

 

But anyway, we talked for awhile, about a lot of things, and there were no awkward breaks in conversation, partly because she always had things to say. Eventually her friend arrives, the music is loud, there isn't much talking. I fear interacting with her in any way so I just try to dance a little. She occasionally includes me in the group by acknowledging me or saying something. Eventually her friend sees one of her boyfriend's exes there and has a meltdown, and she needs to give her a ride home. She initiates a hug goodbye which I interpret as mostly to be nice. I walk down the street. The end.

 

Sorry man. Did you know that it was going to be a group outing all along? If so that would've been another clue she wasn't into you going in.

 

But if you were under the impression it was just you and her, and then it turned into a group when her friend unexpectedly showed up, that sucks. It's a horrible feeling to be blind sided like that. However, at least you got to go out and hopefully you can treat it as a learning experience. Hope the next experience works out better.

[Sunyata]

Sorry man. Did you know that it was going to be a group outing all along? If so that would've been another clue she wasn't into you going in.

 

But if you were under the impression it was just you and her, and then it turned into a group when her friend unexpectedly showed up, that sucks. It's a horrible feeling to be blind sided like that. However, at least you got to go out and hopefully you can treat it as a learning experience. Hope the next experience works out better.

 

Not really a group. One other person. Knew beforehand. I wasn't expecting much from this, so I'm whatever-ing it. I've been really sheltered so something like this, while not necessarily big, is perhaps a sign I've chosen to start moving in the correct direction. This girl was awesome, but openly talked about how she still wishes her mother had gotten an abortion, so I wasn't exactly playing pickup with some average female.