Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

January 12, 2016

I've had broken bones before. It's not that bad

Heh, I was thinking of that halo device they use when stretching the legs of a genetic dwarf. A male childhood friend who is a dwarf went through that. It was pretty brutal but of course that was decades ago and medical science has improved. Still, it's more than breaking bones; it's stretching blood vessels and nerves and muscle and ligaments and your ability to walk depends on the success of the process.

I hope, as is usual with this type of surgery, the surgeon refers you out for psych counseling as part of the pre-op process. IMO, that's important, since it's the head that's making the choice to alter the body.

January 12, 2016

Folks, since male height seems to be a perennially emotionally charged subject, I'll direct members to our announcement on managing that interaction:

LoveShack.org Community Forums - Announcements in Forum : Dating

Members are discussing their interpersonal relationship issues here and the site staff expects them to be afforded the respect our site guidelines proscribe. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.

January 12, 2016

...male height seems to be a perennially emotionally charged subject...

That's because male height is probably the most important aspect to his ability to have a satisfactory love life (as well as life in general), yet so many people (mostly women and tall men) will just deny it. They have no idea, NO IDEA, what it's like to be a short man (basically, a leper).

January 12, 2016

Thread starter, you're getting some leeway here since we tend to put more general discussions of height into a consolidated thread. My advice would be to remain focused on your particular experience and not trend to political rhetoric on height and dating. That keeps this thread open to your specific issue. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

January 12, 2016

It's a shame that as a man who will be in my mid 30s (in a year or two), I will have to (most likely) sacrifice my career to get to 5'10".

For me personally, life is simply not worth living as a "man" below average height. Women get to sit back and define what kind of men they want, and then choose from the tallest/highe$t bidder. It's as simple as that. I know in my heart the only way for me to get more power against these women is to get taller. It's the only way. I'm not afraid of broken bones. I'm just...sad that I'm going to have to quit my job. I like my job and everyone here likes me and acknowledges that I contribute a lot to my firm...but I can't accept being short and all the endless negatives that being short entails.

So anyway, that's it. I've made my decision. My only hope, that will get me through the next year or so, is knowing there is a cure for being extremely short. For me, it's get to average height, or nothing at all. All the people on here were nice enough, and I believe your little anecdotes, but it still doesn't change the fact that the height of a man is absolutely everything.

January 12, 2016

I haven't read all seven pages of this thread, but how do you know that these women are rejecting you just because of your height, OP?

I can kind of understand it if it was specifically written down such as on an OLD profile, but in reality no one is really going to be able to judge your height with accuracy.

I'm 5'10" and I've dated girls that are 5'7", which is 3" difference. If the average woman's height is 5'4" you're still four inches taller than the majority.

My feeling is that you have a lack of confidence and are looking for something to blame, and height seems to be the easy option. If someone says you can't do something you should go out and prove them wrong.

Have a look at this video about height (and look at some of her others too, she gives great advice).

January 12, 2016

...
Women get to sit back and define what kind of men they want, and then choose from the tallest/highe$t bidder.
...
.

And men get to define the kind of women they want and then choose from the sexiest, most beautiful, highe$t bidder.

Maybe I'm missing your specific point here...

Anyways, I wish you good luck with your surgery, since you've already made up your mind, and hope it allows you to realize your dreams.

January 12, 2016

TheArtist, you'd be singing a different tune if you were 5'8". Those two inches make an absolute WORLD of a difference. I know it sounds crazy, and when you look at 2 inches on a ruler, it looks like nothing...but it's a big visual difference, and women just want the number of 5'10" (it's the first "masculine" sounding height). Women are all about the numbers and what other women want, trust me.

You made the cut. Those 2 inches are super important, more important than even from going 5'10 to the magical 6ft. Anything under 5'10 (MAYBE 5'9) and you're out of the game with attractive women 9/10 times.

January 12, 2016

And men get to define the kind of women they want and then choose from the sexiest, most beautiful, highe$t bidder.

Maybe I'm missing your specific point here...

Anyways, I wish you good luck with your surgery, since you've already made up your mind, and hope it allows you to realize your dreams.

I'm telling you right now, men do NOT care about money or a woman's confidence. We mostly care if we're physically attracted to her and generally enjoy her company. That's about it at least for the short/medium term. Long-term, we care about those things in combination with core values/life goals.

Women have much longer checklists, including height (which is very, very hard for us short "Men" to change), and money money money...

January 12, 2016

I haven't read all seven pages of this thread, but how do you know that these women are rejecting you just because of your height, OP?

I can kind of understand it if it was specifically written down such as on an OLD profile, but in reality no one is really going to be able to judge your height with accuracy.

I'm 5'10" and I've dated girls that are 5'7", which is 3" difference. If the average woman's height is 5'4" you're still four inches taller than the majority.

My feeling is that you have a lack of confidence and are looking for something to blame, and height seems to be the easy option. If someone says you can't do something you should go out and prove them wrong.

Have a look at this video about height (and look at some of her others too, she gives great advice).

What an awesome video....and of course she is 100% right on as well!

Which is the same thing as many of us have been advising him too....perhaps this video will have more of an impact than our posts have....hope so for his sake.

January 12, 2016

Those 2 inches are super important, more important than even from going 5'10 to the magical 6ft. Anything under 5'10 (MAYBE 5'9) and you're out of the game with attractive women 9/10 times.

I know I can't speak from experience of missing those two inches, but I have honestly never been asked my height when chatting with a girl. It only seems to be a dealbreaker online, and that's why some of those profiles are up for years.

Girls love confidence so don't let this get in the way. Show them that you don't care (even if you do). Confidence and chemistry are the things women want more than someone towering over them.

January 12, 2016

What an awesome video....and of course she is 100% right on as well!

Which is the same thing as many of us have been advising him too....perhaps this video will have more of an impact than our posts have....hope so for his sake.

Yes it is.

"I love being at breast height." ..lol.. That is indeed some chops!

January 12, 2016

I know I can't speak from experience of missing those two inches, but I have honestly never been asked my height when chatting with a girl. It only seems to be a dealbreaker online, and that's why some of those profiles are up for years.

Girls love confidence so don't let this get in the way. Show them that you don't care (even if you do). Confidence and chemistry are the things women want more than someone towering over them.

I know confidence is important. Girls haven't asked you about your height because you made the cut. 5'9/5'10 is almost always the cutoff for "Hollywood short male celebs," online dating cutoffs, the start of womens' general hatred and disdain for short men...5'9/5'10 is where a guy begins to look average.

I am usually right at 5'8" before bed (supposedly we're an inch taller in the morning, so I've always taken the more conservative measure at night). I need to be 5'9/5'10 at night. I want to blend in as average where to my height is a neutral and not brought up. As it stands now, my height is ONLY a negative and will ONLY hurt and work against me.

It's not fair that I'm expected to be confident 24/7/365 from birth to death despite having a handicap that 9/10 women care DEEPLY about. Women are able to wear makeup, push-up bras, heels, etc. to enhance their appearance. If I were to wear lifts, I'd be crucified. And men don't have a universal dealbreaker for women the way woman are with a man's height. Yeah many men don't like heavy women and many prefer big boobs/butt, but nothing equates to the importance women place on a man's height. Every inch below 5'10" it gets exponentially worse to the point where life really isn't worth living if you're a man below 5'9/5'10.

I am not at all afraid of surgery or pain. I'm just deeply saddened that I'm force to choose between my career and being happy and proud of my body, and living in a body that I KNOW women (that I actually like and am attracted to) are going to like.

January 12, 2016

OP did you watch the video? The presenter was talking about women meeting and becoming attracted to men 5'8" and under!

This IS what is happening....and just because this is not your experience, does not mean this isn't happening.

Fact is, there are many many shorter men who have no problem attracting women.... who are successful with women.

I know many, including the attorney I posted about earlier. But there are countless others as well....just look around!

I am sorry this is not your particular experience, but guarantee it is not yeiur height that turns women off.

Watch the video again until it sinks in....cuz it's the TRUTH.

January 12, 2016

If you are not afraid of pain, how about being afraid of ending up deformed?? Your body lopsided, with a limp, or worse.

There are horror stories about that type of surgery!

Do your research!

January 12, 2016

If you are not afraid of pain, how about being afraid of ending up deformed?? Your body lopsided, with a limp, or worse.

There are horror stories about that type of surgery!

Do your research!

And if you really aren't afraid of pain, get out there and make these girls reject you, don't do it for them. In the process I'd be willing to bet you meet more than a few women that are attractive to you and for whom your height is simply not an issue. That's really all anyone can ask for.

January 12, 2016

OP did you watch the video? The presenter was talking about women meeting and becoming attracted to men 5'8" and under!

This IS what is happening....and just because this is not your experience, does not mean this isn't happening.

Fact is, there are many many shorter men who have no problem attracting women.... who are successful with women.

I know many, including the attorney I posted about earlier. But there are countless others as well....just look around!

I am sorry this is not your particular experience, but guarantee it is not yeiur height that turns women off.

Watch the video again until it sinks in....cuz it's the TRUTH.

I didn't watch the video because I'm at work (I suffer the most at work, being the midget of my company and seeing all the girls go for the 6'3" guys here, so whatever...)...but based on how you worded it, it sounds like the women the video discusses needed persuasion since you said "they BECAME attracted to short men." I don't WANT to have to persuade a woman to get over my height. F*ck that...I want her to like me exactly as I am, AFTER the surgery.

I've been researching this for months, and have been speaking with two doctors. The surgery is definitely happening, I just don't know when. I'm just sad that I have to give up my career to be a respectable, adult male height.

I will NOT be seen as a weak boy anymore by these women. It's going to be MY turn to be taken seriously by them and have more power against them.

January 12, 2016

I didn't watch the video because I'm at work (I suffer the most at work, being the midget of my company and seeing all the girls go for the 6'3" guys here, so whatever...)...but based on how you worded it, it sounds like the women the video discusses needed persuasion since you said "they BECAME attracted to short men." I don't WANT to have to persuade a woman to get over my height. F*ck that...I want her to like me exactly as I am, AFTER the surgery.

I've been researching this for months, and have been speaking with two doctors. The surgery is definitely happening, I just don't know when. I'm just sad that I have to give up my career to be a respectable, adult male height.

You are deciding what this video says without even watching it, just like you are deciding what all women want without even trying. (And no, having surgery is not trying.)

I will NOT be seen as a weak boy anymore by these women. It's going to be MY turn to be taken seriously by them and have more power against them.

This is actually a bit disturbing. Read what you've written here a few time and try to analyze it from a more objective perspective.

January 12, 2016

I didn't watch the video because I'm at work (I suffer the most at work, being the midget of my company and seeing all the girls go for the 6'3" guys here, so whatever...)...

***but based on how you worded it, it sounds like the women the video discusses needed persuasion since you said "they BECAME attracted to short men." I don't WANT to have to persuade a woman to get over my height. F*ck that...I want her to like me exactly as I am, AFTER the surgery. ***

I've been researching this for months, and have been speaking with two doctors. The surgery is definitely happening, I just don't know when. I'm just sad that I have to give up my career to be a respectable, adult male height.

I will NOT be seen as a weak boy anymore by these women. It's going to be MY turn to be taken seriously by them and have more power against them.

Quote in asterisk --- Wrong!!!!

Watch the [] video!

Edited January 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Spelling and language.

January 12, 2016

Quote in asterik --- Wrong!!!!

Watch the video!

Women **felt** attracted to the men from the get go! Upon the immediate approach.

The video explains why.

Again, when you get off work, please watch it.

January 12, 2016

I'm 5'8", and I've never had a problem meeting women. And some of those women were taller than me.

Right off the top of my head, I can think of at least three women taller than me where I've:

1) Dated her where the height difference wasn't an issue for either of us;

2) Rejected her advances because I wasn't interested (not due to the height difference);

3) Had physical encounters with

I may not be Tom Cruise short-guy good looking, but I know I'm decent looking; I've had plenty of attractive women tell me I'm handsome/good looking. So I believe it and go with it.

This is why I don't do online dating anymore; people reject possible partners based on stats filled out on a form without actually getting to know that person. The first woman was at least a good two inches taller than me, but we ended up chatting for about seven hours on our first date together. Things didn't end up working out, but she was definitely interested in me in spite of the fact I was shorter than her.

I dunno, man. I simply haven't experienced my height being a barrier to meeting women, and I'm a skinny nerd to boot. Maybe my other qualities make up for it (outgoing, successful, make good money, own my house, good father, etc.). If that's the case, then I'd say it's possible for you to overcome any potential issues your height may cause by having other positive traits.

January 12, 2016

Women **felt** attracted to the men from the get go! Upon the immediate approach.

The video explains why.

Again, when you get off work, please watch it.

I'll watch it, but I'm very, very skeptical. I was reading through the comments on Youtube, and all the men (who had apparently watched it) are calling bs on it.

I feel like the video was probably just made to console guys. Maybe the random women they picked are the 2% who don't care about height. But it doesn't change the facts. It doesn't change online dating permeating into real life, women having it much easier online, the pressure put on men as a result...

Again, I'll watch the video, and will try to watch with an open mind. But just based on the comments, I already feel like it's gonna be complete bs, and probably patronizing too.

We short men know what's up. We know women REALLY want the tall guys. We're not blind or stupid.

January 12, 2016

I want her to like me exactly as I am, AFTER the surgery.

This is the weirdest thing I've read in a long time. Listen to Katiegrl, she's a girl and she's telling you that height doesn't matter! You're not even short, you're 5'8". Tom Cruise is 5'8" and he dated Nicole Kidman and she's taller than me. Come on!

January 12, 2016

It doesn't change online dating permeating into real life, women having it much easier online, the pressure put on men as a result...

Then stop doing online dating. Seems like a pretty simple conclusion to come to. If you know a game is rigged, why do you choose to keep playing it?

There's a flip side to that, too. I've dabbled in OLD off and on over the past three years. A good portion of the women in my area who had profiles up back then still have active profiles up to this day. That tells me that they're probably never going to find what they deem an "acceptable guy" online. It's far too easy to filter out virtually everyone when so many options are available.

I think a lot of people view online dating as "build your ideal partner" software, and they actually believe that a person who hits every single criterion will eventually magically appear. That is an unrealistic expectation. But they keep hitting the refresh button, hoping that unicorn will magically appear.

Like you, I had terrible luck with online dating. In real life, I've had far better luck. I took my daughter and I on a trip for NY's weekend for three days. We ate at a popular local restaurant one evening, and she had to use the restroom. I took her to the ladies restroom and waited outside for her to finish. An attractive young woman held the door for my daughter to exit the bathroom, and she flashed me a very flirtatious smile while she did so.

Those are the kinds of experiences that OLD can't capture: real-life scenarios where you can truly see a person and how they conduct themselves.

January 12, 2016

Again, I'll watch the video, and will try to watch with an open mind. But just based on the comments, I already feel like it's gonna be complete bs, and probably patronizing too.

Yes, comments made by men who you are currently sharing a negative mindset with. The women on there is a dating expert, she's done a ton of brilliant videos and she really does know what she's talking about. If you follow her advice you'll do fine, but you've got to push yourself to do it.

You do know that you wouldn't be here if one of your 5'8" ancestors hadn't made sweet love to a lady, right?

Sign In

Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

Recommended Posts

carhill

William

someguy391

William

someguy391

TheArtist

WaitingForBardot

someguy391

someguy391

katiegrl

TheArtist

WaitingForBardot

someguy391

katiegrl

katiegrl

WaitingForBardot

someguy391

WaitingForBardot

katiegrl

katiegrl

sambolini

someguy391

TheArtist

sambolini

TheArtist

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...