Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

January 11, 2016

OP my advice would be to focus more on taller girls. I know that most people would say to date shorter girls (logic is because of the lower height and greater difference) but short girls usually the ones with the higher height requirements and with the height complex. Taller girls don't think too much about a guys height and they're usually more concerned about their own height. By tall girls I mean 5'6-5'9, maybe 5'5" at the lowest but certainly not less.

I'm about 5'9-5'10" and every girl I've dated has been only a few inches shorter than me, if not the same height. Every time I try to go for a girl that's 5'4 or under I just get the vibe that I'm somehow too short, sometimes they ask me what my height is (i.e. they are too short to even tell) and then they say it's too short.

If you got surgery then you'd be disappointed later as you wouldn't be tall tall (I think you can only get like 2-3" max before you hit deformity).

Edited January 11, 2016 by wb1988

January 11, 2016

I don't want to be "tall." I just want to average and blend in with other guys such that my height is neither a positive nor a negative. It's good to stand out, and I don't want to blend in in every respect...but to stand out for being short...that is NEVER a good thing.

I agree with everyone touting CONFIDENCE. It's probably the favorite word of people trying to give guys advice (usually it's women saying it...).Men are expected to be confident 24/7/365 from birth to death, and if they have any significant flaws (such as being short, in my case), we still have to be confident. For me, confidence and height go hand in hand.

Funny how I'm expected to be confident despite the fact that women as a whole (some buck this trend, but not many, and usually not the attractive ones - yes, as a short man, I have standards but don't want a model/10) are greatly turned off by short stature and despite the fact that society as a whole gives short men the shaft in many ways.

Height is the single most important attribute as a guy. To all the tall men on here saying "it hasn't helped me"...that's because you guys take it for granted. If you woke up my height tomorrow, you'd be suicidal and would do anything to get it back. Trust me on that.

January 11, 2016

Yes. It is. You made the cut, dude. Most women want 5'9/5'10 and up. You, my friend, are on a level playing field. I regularly compare myself (and yeah, I know I'm gonna get flamed for admitting this, but I didn't just wake up one day and start doing that, there's a reason I do it) to guys in the 5'9-5'10 range. You guys just make the cut and come off comfortably average. At 5'8" I look extremely short. There are so many men who just barely edge me out on a day to day basis in the 5'9/5'10 range, and that's where I want to be. I want to be average, and taller than most women in their oh-so-precious heels. I want to know I have the options of the average guy out there.

So how tall are you really?

I'm not going to tell you all the sensible stuff such as that there are man women out there (myself included) who are not fixated on height.

Instead, I want to know how tall you really all because you keep saying you're 5'8" but that if you were just one inch taller -- 5'9" -- you'd be in some other playing field. ONE INCH. Your entire self-worth is resting on ONE INCH.

Go buy a pair of shoe inserts and call it done.

January 11, 2016

So how tall are you really?

I'm not going to tell you all the sensible stuff such as that there are man women out there (myself included) who are not fixated on height.

Instead, I want to know how tall you really all because you keep saying you're 5'8" but that if you were just one inch taller -- 5'9" -- you'd be in some other playing field. ONE INCH. Your entire self-worth is resting on ONE INCH.

Go buy a pair of shoe inserts and call it done.

I promise. I am a legit 5'8".

When women talk about short men, it's usually men under either 5'10" or under 5'9". If I get the surgery, I'll shoot for at least 5'10", because that's the lowest a guy would want to be to be (mostly) safe from womens' height/hooker heel requirements. And to blend in with most men.

I keep saying 5'9" because I feel like I know so many guys who are just a little taller than me. They are in the 5'9-5'10 range. They appear average to me. I feel short next to them. I want to blend in with them. Each inch between 5'8 - 5'10 is very important. It makes a bigger visual difference than you would think.

January 11, 2016

I agree with everyone touting CONFIDENCE. It's probably the favorite word of people trying to give guys advice (usually it's women saying it...)

Well that might be because in general we find confidence attractive in a man. It's not supposed to be a negative thing!!

.Men are expected to be confident 24/7/365 from birth to death, and if they have any significant flaws (such as being short, in my case), we still have to be confident. For me, confidence and height go hand in hand.

Funny how I'm expected to be confident

I honestly don't think that anybody expects you to be confident. Confidence is good though, and it can make up for alot of things. Everybody who is trying to achieve something in life is counseled to gain confidence, like if you go to a coach for job interviews for example, they will work with you on your confidence.

If you have poor confidence, the thing to do is to work on it. Since you are obsessed with your stature, obviously you have some confidence work to do!! There are short guys all over the place who aren't obsessing about it and you can be one too if you want to !!!

January 11, 2016

I promise. I am a legit 5'8".

:lmao:

OMG!! I'm sorry to laugh but I didn't read the whole thread before I posted earlier. You are 5'8"!!!??!? My fiancees height exactly! I was thinking you must be 4' tall or something from the worry you have over your height.

He's sitting right here and I told him about this thread, he said to tell you "there's hope"!!!!!

My guy has always known he's on the short side but oh well! That's his attitude. I have NEVER felt like I was sacrificing anything by choosing him. I have had one other semi-relationship and that guy was 6'1" and I NEVER thought that he was better than my guy in any way just because of those 5 inches.

I have a feeling this isn't going to make any difference to you. It should though.

January 12, 2016

I just feel really short compared to other guys my age. I think that's the main issue. I know many women would be ok with 5'8". I just don't like being short compared to most other men. That's what really, really sucks for me.

January 12, 2016

I just feel really short compared to other guys my age. I think that's the main issue. I know many women would be ok with 5'8". I just don't like being short compared to most other men. That's what really, really sucks for me.

Look I don't mean to minimize your pain, I know you feel really bad, but your actual problem is that you ARE COMPARING yourself to those other men. Maybe you need therapy or some other kind of help to make you able to value yourself as you are, to accept that you're not gonna be every girl's cup of tea and to be OK with hanging in there and enjoying your life the way you are!

January 12, 2016

Except I don't. I CAN change it. The surgery exists for a reason. I've been researching it for a long time and know exactly what I'm up against.

I think I'll just work this year, resign or take a leave of absence, and do it about a year from now. I refuse to live the rest of life despising myself for something so critically important that I didn't choose.

What does a surgery like that entail? Do they stretch your bones or do a bone graph and add it to your thighs or something?

January 12, 2016

I'm 5'7 and only get annoyed when a 5'2 girl lists in her OLD profile that she only wants guys 5'10 or taller.

I am blonde (naturally) and when I did OLD, many guys had on their profiles they prefer brunettes.

I didn't care or get annoyed.... I just moved on.

Many men prefer women with a curvier shape (bigger hips, ass, and boobs). I recall reading some that wrote -- NO SKINNY GIRLS PLEASE.

I am skinny with a tiny ass! Boobs are average....my only saving grace.

Did I take it personally, get annoyed and allow it to get me down? NO. It did not phase me in the least. That is because I have a high regard for myself (in general) -- I like myself, I accept myself....and I KNOW there are plenty of guys who DO go for women of my shape and stature.

Which brings me to this point. There are women out there who actually PREFER a shorter man. A few have posted here (short women).

And Toodaloo, who just posted she TURNED DOWN a tall guy in favor of a man her height. And I have turned down tall men as well, in favor of a shorter man when I felt a mutual attraction.

Tom Cruise is 5'7".

Paul Newman is also 5'7".

Richard Burton who was a huge sex symbol was 5'8".

There are many many others.

So please.... just stop it.

Accept who you are.... and seek help for your overall low self-esteem cuz THAT's what at issue here.

Once you do that, if you still insist on spending a fortune on some half-ass surgery that could end up leaving you lopsided and/or walking with a limp... then feel free.

Edited January 12, 2016 by katiegrl

January 12, 2016

Look I don't mean to minimize your pain, I know you feel really bad, but your actual problem is that you ARE COMPARING yourself to those other men. Maybe you need therapy or some other kind of help to make you able to value yourself as you are, to accept that you're not gonna be every girl's cup of tea and to be OK with hanging in there and enjoying your life the way you are!

No I know you weren't trying to minimize my pain.

I know no one is everyone's cup of tea and that's fine. The girl below mentioned that some men online rejected her for being too thin. And while I'm no trying to trivialize her experience, a mans stature is by far the closest thing to a universal deal breaker. Almost all women care greatly about height. It just doesn't sit right with me to know that women (who pretty much already have the power in dating, which I personally believe in my heart of hearts, even though I acknowledge they have the troubles too - many women I know even say this) and society in general place such high value in an area where I massively fail. And can't really make up for it.

I just feel my height ruins me. I hate having to look up to all the men I work with. I feel so inferior compared to them.

January 12, 2016

No I know you weren't trying to minimize my pain.

I know no one is everyone's cup of tea and that's fine. The girl below mentioned that some men online rejected her for being too thin. And while I'm no trying to trivialize her experience, a mans stature is by far the closest thing to a universal deal breaker. Almost all women care greatly about height. It just doesn't sit right with me to know that women (who pretty much already have the power in dating, which I personally believe in my heart of hearts, even though I acknowledge they have the troubles too - many women I know even say this) and society in general place such high value in an area where I massively fail. And can't really make up for it.

I just feel my height ruins me. I hate having to look up to all the men I work with. I feel so inferior compared to them.

Bolded, that is absolutely not true. Yes many women do, but certainly not the majority.

What the majority of women DO care about is finding man with whom there is a mutual attraction and chemistry.

And despite what you (and other men) might believe, genuine attraction and chemistry go deeper than physical appearance.... certainly deeper than a man's height.

THAT is what most women look for. Unless she is shallow with zero emotional depth, and why would you want a woman like that anyway?

Get out there in the real world and start exposing yourself to different women. Volunteer, meet up groups, take a class, etc.. That way, a woman will be able to observe THE WHOLE OF YOU, how you carry yourself, how you speak and interact.... not just make a quick superficial judgment based on a photo posted on an on-line dating site.... which means jack shyt in the grand scheme of things.

Edited January 12, 2016 by katiegrl

January 12, 2016

I just feel my height ruins me.

If you feel like your height ruins you.... then yes it most definitely WILL ruin you.

Negative energy (which is what you project to the outside world) attracts negative experiences.

Positive energy attracts positive experiences.

Wish you the best.

January 12, 2016

If you feel like your height ruins you.... then yes it most definitely WILL ruin you.

Negative energy (which is what you project to the outside world) attracts negative experiences.

Yeah that's it in a nutshell.

I didn't read all the replies.

When I saw the thread I assumed OP you were 5 2 or something.

5 8 is slightly below average. It's not a big deal.

I have two friends 5 3 and 5 4 who have nice wives.

I have a work colleague 5 7 whose wife is 6 foot tall.

Didn't stop any of them.

Your height should not be a big deal at all. It's all in your attitude.

Sure, some women prefer taller guys but not all, and even ones that do can be swayed - especially as you are not really that short.

Sounds like you use it as an excuse to be honest.

January 12, 2016

Cofidence rediates from within, not from height. I know some short guys and they have beautiful woman by there side. It's the way you carry yourself that matters.

Just because theres some short guys that have beautiful women by their side doesnt mean there isnt a HUGE bias towards shorter men.

Everyone knows its true, but it seems many people try to hide this reality from shorter guys.

5'8 isnt even short but for some reason many women nowadays have done a great job at marketing that guys under 6ft are useless and not worth their time, even though they themselves tend to be 5'6 and under.

WHY do I never see women around 5'7 - 5'10 insisting on their dating profiles that they "only date tall guys"?? From my experience many of those women have no problem dating a guy the same height or just a smidge taller than them.

But the women with the biggest gripes seem to always be the shorter women under 5'6 putting it right on their dating profiles how they only date 'tall" guys.

January 12, 2016

WHY do I never see women around 5'7 - 5'10 insisting on their dating profiles that they "only date tall guys"?? From my experience many of those women have no problem dating a guy the same height or just a smidge taller than them.

But the women with the biggest gripes seem to always be the shorter women under 5'6 putting it right on their dating profiles how they only date 'tall" guys.

Yeah I noticed this as well myself. I guess it's like if a poor woman would insist on dating a guy that's rich, whereas a woman that's born rich probably wouldn't care if the guy wasn't. Also if you're under 5'3 or 5'4" then you probably already feel intimidated often when in larger crowds so that's where the 'protective' qualities of being with a tall guy would kick in — I noticed this a few times when a short female friend of mine all of a sudden showed lots of interest in another friend who was fairly ugly but very tall when we were at this music event.

If it's worth anything, short women that demand a tall guy are rarely the type of girl you want to date anyway. They usually have pretty bad personalities, are full of one-sided rules, and likely to have a tall guy fetish (so you better be the tallest guy in the room always).

Edited January 12, 2016 by wb1988

January 12, 2016

I think I'm going to work for the next two years, do the best I can, keep banking money, and then quit my job (assuming I won't be able to hold onto it) and do the surgery.

No matter what anyone on here says, and no matter the anecdotal stories of all the women on here knowing short men who "do really well" with women, or even some women who have dated short men (after dating countless tall/"real" men prior)...my height completely ruins me, ruins the "package" I am, and makes me unattractive to too many women. I don't care about finding the "one" in a billion who I might actually be excited about it and attracted to who likes me back "as I am."...I care about hedging my bets and having options.

What people often fail to realize is that when a man falls in love...unless the woman does a complete 180 and becomes an evil witch over night, or gains 1,000 pounds...the man ain't gonna leave her (attraction has already been established). Women, on the other hand, are NEVER as loyal and committed as men. And when womens' feelings start changing, they start making decisions behind the scenes, and then leave the guy when it's too late and he can't do anything to save it. And yes...I have had this happen to men, it completely broke my heart (probably permanently, to a good degree)...so I'll never fully trust in a woman/love again. I will trust and put myself out there, but I want to have backup options from being the best catch I can possible be. That's why I'm getting the surgery. Women can't help but go crazy over height.

So for me...after going through countless rejections from women I'm attracted to and WANT to date, to finally get that one "yes"...while there's never a guarantee in life (and I know that - I'm not an idiot), I want to know that when the next one leaves me after years together (she's just not willing to try anymore/fell out of love, etc.), I want to know that I have options. I want to know that I can just go out there and either casually date (since getting married seems to be damn near impossible these days) or eventually/hopefully find someone. And height....being as marketable as possible to as many women as possible (we all know women tend to want what other women want, so there's that too) will be key.

There's a reason tall men play the field (they can - all women want them) and short men often hang onto relationships. If a short man lands an attractive woman he actually likes, believe me, he's gonna go down fighting trying to keep her. Dating when you're a short man is worse than Chinese water torture.

Edited January 12, 2016 by someguy391

January 12, 2016

I think I'm going to work for the next two years, do the best I can, keep banking money, and then quit my job (assuming I won't be able to hold onto it) and do the surgery.

Well if your mind is made up thats it then. Good luck with being in agonising pain for months for no particular reason...

No matter what anyone on here says, and no matter the anecdotal stories of all the women on here knowing short men who "do really well" with women, or even some women who have dated short men (after dating countless tall/"real" men prior)...my height completely ruins me, ruins the "package" I am, and makes me unattractive to too many women. I don't care about finding the "one" in a billion who I might actually be excited about it and attracted to who likes me back "as I am."...I care about hedging my bets and having options.

So you are doing all of this to sell yourself like some piece of meat in a grocery store for the cheapest deal... All I see are self esteem issues that surgery are not going to cure.

What people often fail to realize is that when a man falls in love...unless the woman does a complete 180 and becomes an evil witch over night, or gains 1,000 pounds...the man ain't gonna leave her (attraction has already been established). Women, on the other hand, are NEVER as loyal and committed as men. And when womens' feelings start changing, they start making decisions behind the scenes, and then leave the guy when it's too late and he can't do anything to save it. And yes...I have had this happen to men, it completely broke my heart (probably permanently, to a good degree)...so I'll never fully trust in a woman/love again. I will trust and put myself out there, but I want to have backup options from being the best catch I can possible be. That's why I'm getting the surgery. Women can't help but go crazy over height.

No comment because you are not listening anyway...

So for me...after going through countless rejections from women I'm attracted to and WANT to date, to finally get that one "yes"...while there's never a guarantee in life (and I know that - I'm not an idiot), I want to know that when the next one leaves me after years together (she's just not willing to try anymore/fell out of love, etc.), I want to know that I have options. I want to know that I can just go out there and either casually date (since getting married seems to be damn near impossible these days) or eventually/hopefully find someone. And height....being as marketable as possible to as many women as possible (we all know women tend to want what other women want, so there's that too) will be key.

So you are a decent guy trashing your mind and body because you have had a bit of bad luck and made some bad decisions when dating women... Those will still be there AFTER the surgery...

There's a reason tall men play the field (they can - all women want them) and short men often hang onto relationships. If a short man lands an attractive woman he actually likes, believe me, he's gonna go down fighting trying to keep her. Dating when you're a short man is worse than Chinese water torture.

What a crock of... rats I am not allowed to swear here.

That is like saying dating if you are a woman and fat is impossible... I know a woman who is a ten ton hessy. The woman is massive. She could lose 6 stone and no one would notice and she has men lined up. Far more than I have!

You need to learn how to respect yourself - with out any of that you can try all this and more and its still not going to get you anywhere.

Respect yourself, cut out the crap and expect that respect from others and you will earn that respect.

That is the difference between you and all these tall guys you are so obviously jealous of!

January 12, 2016

Respect yourself, cut out the crap and expect that respect from others and you will earn that respect.

That is the difference between you and all these tall guys you are so obviously jealous of!

I appreciate your response...but no...the difference between the tall guys (that I totally admit to being super jealous of, to the point where it's killing me) and I is that they don't HAVE to be insecure or worried about this. They may very well have other insecurities and problems in life...a girl who left them, a big nose, bad skin, etc. But they don't have a physical flaw that is almost a universal one and one that other men often make fun of to (even if passively, as in adults). So yeah - while they may have other adversities in life, they are free in a way that I will never be. In addition to other sh*t in life, I have the cross to bear of being a short man - someone that society in general always sh*ts on (every TV show, the girl is always describing her ideal man as first, and foremost, tall - and let's not forgot how the guys who are always stupid in commercials are short, while the tall guy is the good/successful one), and even studies have PROVEN that short men get paid less. It's no wonder women instinctively aren't attracted to short men.

Unless you are a short man, you simply can't understand what we go through. ALMOST (not all) every other flaw (weight, bad skin, bad teeth, etc.) can at least be significantly improved (in most cases) without breaking bones. They need to come out with a way to make men taller as adults. Life would be 1000x time better for all the short men out there if this one f*cking god damned dealbreaker was eliminated from the dating pool. And of course, women would win again, because they'd all get what they want (as they usually do).

And sometimes I kinda think women secretly like short man threads. They like knowing that some men out there can't play the field, that some men really struggle. I commend women on attaining the power they had (I believe and support gender equality), but now that you've got the power, I sometimes wonder if women truly wanted "equality." Things are NOT equal for some men right now, and all women seem to do is want to kick us while we're already down. Some of you women probably got rejected for whatever reason (physical or not) ,and I think you take pleasure in the fact that short men are men you can easily toss aside, make fun of, reject..I think many women take pleasure out of this.

January 12, 2016

OP, taking this down the road, and using the maxim that women prefer taller men, well, if short men became taller, not through breaking bones but rather genetics, it follows that men in general would become taller and women, preferring taller men (your assertion) would still prefer the taller men; the number would change.

Using personal examples, one MW from my past was 5'2' and married to a 6'5" husband. My exW, who is 5'1", her second husband is 6'2". When she married me, she married 'a shorter man', well, shorter than her second husband, but still nearly a foot taller than her. Would it matter if we were all six inches taller? Heh

Hey, if you want to get surgery and go through the recovery process to feel more positive about your life and place in the world, more power to you; it's your life and no one else can live it. People do this all the time and society has given their stamp of approval for a lot of it, yup, relevant to physical changes women prefer. Equality demands similar respect for changes men prefer. No one else is harmed by your choice and, if you feel it is healthy for you, do it.

January 12, 2016

...
my height completely ruins me, ruins the "package" I am, and makes me unattractive to too many women.
...

As has already been pointed out, your height is not what is ruining you. Most people feel that in one way or another they are unattractive to too many members of the opposite sex. It only takes getting shot down once.

I will not deny that the general preference of women is for taller men, this has been fairly well established, but it is still just that, a preference. Sure there will be some for which it is an absolute necessity, but for many, even most, it simply isn't the dealbreaker that you elevate it to be.

January 12, 2016

OP, taking this down the road, and using the maxim that women prefer taller men, well, if short men became taller, not through breaking bones but rather genetics, it follows that men in general would become taller and women, preferring taller men (your assertion) would still prefer the taller men; the number would change.

Using personal examples, one MW from my past was 5'2' and married to a 6'5" husband. My exW, who is 5'1", her second husband is 6'2". When she married me, she married 'a shorter man', well, shorter than her second husband, but still nearly a foot taller than her. Would it matter if we were all six inches taller? Heh

Hey, if you want to get surgery and go through the recovery process to feel more positive about your life and place in the world, more power to you; it's your life and no one else can live it. People do this all the time and society has given their stamp of approval for a lot of it, yup, relevant to physical changes women prefer. Equality demands similar respect for changes men prefer. No one else is harmed by your choice and, if you feel it is healthy for you, do it.

I've thought of that too. 7ft will be the new minimum requirement. 7ft will be the new 6'2". If they ever find a non bone-breaking way to make men taller during adulthood, it should be such that if a man is already above a certain height (say, 5'11/6ft), he isn't a candidate. They should try to have all men in the 5'11"-6'2" range. That way it completely evens the playing field and (to a large extent) eliminates height as a requirement in the dating pool.

Sucks that I have to choose between the height and my career. I grew up wanting to be the best husband possible to a future woman. But I can't. I have to pick one. I'm going to be lacking in something. It sucks. But I think I want the height. Women are just as superficial (I'd argue more, actually, but they just don't admit it the way we do) as men, and since they're (commendably!) earning just as much as we are, they want a man they're physically attracted to more than anything. So I think I'm gonna choose the height.

I've had broken bones before. It's not that bad

January 12, 2016

As has already been pointed out, your height is not what is ruining you. Most people feel that in one way or another they are unattractive to too many members of the opposite sex. It only takes getting shot down once.

I will not deny that the general preference of women is for taller men, this has been fairly well established, but it is still just that, a preference. Sure there will be some for which it is an absolute necessity, but for many, even most, it simply isn't the dealbreaker that you elevate it to be.

I agree and disagree. I agree with you that I think many of us feel this way sometimes.

But a man's height is very different. It is very special. It is the closest thing we have to a universal dealbreaker in the dating world, and I absolutely believe that in my heart of hearts and I will always stand by that. Women go crazy over height. I see it on a day to day basis at my job. I work with someone who would be my "equal" - but he is 6'3". The women here throw themselves at him. He is picky to the point where he refuses to date women who like the beach. Because he has the power to be. I don't necessarily want all that power and I'm not that picky - but I want to know what that's like. I want to have some power instead of zero power.

Height is everything. Some of you have said things I partially agree with, and some of you are partially admitting this ,but most of you just don't get it. Height is the single most important and critical attribute of a man. For so many aspects of life. It's almost not worth living if you're below 5'10". It's that important.

January 12, 2016

the difference between the tall guys (that I totally admit to being super jealous of, to the point where it's killing me) and I is that they don't HAVE to be insecure or worried about this.

You don't have to be... Its a state of mind.

Sucks that I have to choose between the height and my career. I grew up wanting to be the best husband possible to a future woman.

You don't have to. You still can be a great husband if you change your attitude and start picking the right women.

January 12, 2016

You don't have to. You still can be a great husband if you change your attitude and start picking the right women.

Let me guess.

Random Woman: "Sorry, I only like men 6'2" and up. But don't worry, I'm sure plenty of women like short guys! As a matter of fact, let me hook you up with my (significantly less attractive/less educated/out of shape) girlfriend!"

It's a miracle I once had a long relationship with a beautiful girl. If I can't get one that I'm attracted to, I'd rather die alone. And I'm SURE all of the women on here are ready to pounce on me for wanting to date someone I'm attracted. Women are totally justified in having whatever ridiculous standards they want, but God forbid a man (especially a short man!) have any standards!!!

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Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

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