Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

January 10, 2016

i'm 5'10, a very thin and attractive female and i see all of the taller men with women about 5'4 or under. i understand how you feel about your height b/c i also live with the thought sometimes that 'if i was shorter i would get more dates and attention.' whether short male or tall female there are dating dilemmas. but... that thought has never inhibited my ability to live, love, get dates, or carry on in life. i would venture to say, just imo, that a lot more is going on with you than just having issues over being short(er) than you'd like. you probably have other things going on and the height is something more visual you can attribute lack of success to. you can't manufacture confidence, i know that and think it's lame to tell people to 'be more confident', but you can do other things to make yourself stand out from a crowd. that's when you'll see results... when you make yourself a really rich and full person with a lot to offer

My beautiful husband is a true 5'8. I am one inch taller. Neither of us care AT ALL. it doesn't even occur to us that there may be a problem. You have to figure your stuff out because it has nothing to do with height.

Feel better.

January 10, 2016

What do you have to be depressed over??? 5'8 isn't short, the last guy that I was dating was 5'7- and I met him on a dating site, and on his profile it clearly said-5'7. The only things I look for in a guy is money and what kind of car he drives. Maybe you are the one that won't settle for anyone because you are extremely picky. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are a man, men have options...men age better and the can still get the hot 21 year old women at 70-regardless of height. There are plenty of sugar babies out there. The ones that look like hot babes.

Edited January 10, 2016 by Bobbi7

January 10, 2016

Yeah, OP, social rejection can suck. What I noted was, if it occurred in one demographic, that didn't mean it occurred, or sucked, in another. Variety, in this case, demographic variety, can be the spice of life.

Different era, I guess when men were shorter in general, the guy who sired this poster was your height and his first glimpse of the lady who would later become his wife was in a newspaper ad where she was modeling clothes. She was taller, in that era anyway, at 5'6". Such factors, whether demographic or personal, apparently didn't prevent them from getting together and being married for life.

You'll find your path. IMO, the more options you're open to, the more opportunities that will come your way. You are who you are, relative to your height. What you do with your life is completely under your control. That's pretty cool. Good luck.

January 10, 2016

What do you have to be depressed over??? 5'8 isn't short, the last guy that I was dating was 5'7- and I met him on a dating site, and on his profile it clearly said-5'7. The only things I look for in a guy is money and what kind of car he drives. Maybe you are the one that won't settle for anyone because you are extremely picky. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are a man, men have options...men age better and the can still get the hot 21 year old women at 70-regardless of height. There are plenty of sugar babies out there. The ones that look like hot babes.

I'm not extremely picky. But since you only care about cars and money, I'd never date you if you were the last wan on Earth. Lol I make nicely over six figures and have access to a car, but down own one because I live in a big city.

To some of the guys on here who have said being tall has never helped them...at least you aren't defined by your height. As a short man I have far less dating options and in business, you're just not as respected. Countless studies have proven this. Men are essentially defined by their stature. If you're a woman or an average+ man, you simply can't appreciate it.

And someone mentioned being empathetic. While it may not seem it, I am one of the kindest and most empathetic people out there. I am a super loyal friend/bf. People have even told me I could have been a therapist because I'm a super good listener and very caring of others.

And just to reiterate...I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A MODEL.

January 10, 2016

I'm over 6ft tall and it hasn't done anything for me over the course of my lifetime

I guess you could say that it has allowed you not to pin all of your dating or personal shortcomings on your height, which is a good thing. If you have something easy (if inaccurate) to pin your problems on, it can keep you from finding the real problem and improving what you can.

I talked to an ex who is over 6' about how easy some shorter guys think that taller guys must have it - he thought it was hilarious, given his own dating issues throughout life. Height doesn't guarantee anything.

There is a degree of shortness in a man that may indeed be a dating liability, but 5'8" is not short enough to qualify as a serious deterrent from getting dates.

January 10, 2016

To some of the guys on here who have said being tall has never helped them...at least you aren't defined by your height. As a short man I have far less dating options and in business, you're just not as respected. Countless studies have proven this. Men are essentially defined by their stature. If you're a woman or an average+ man, you simply can't appreciate it.

Are you really saying that women can't appreciate not being respected in business? Compared to a 5'8" man?

Try being defined by your female gender. That's going to hurt you a lot more in terms of being respected in business than being a 5'8" male.

January 10, 2016

Are you really saying that women can't appreciate not being respected in business? Compared to a 5'8" man?

Try being defined by your female gender. That's going to hurt you a lot more in terms of being respected in business than being a 5'8" male.

This has largely changed though. I work in a great and respected finance firm, and there are many women there, and MANY in senior leadership roles. My boss' boss is a woman and I'm fairly senior. I commend women for largely attaining equality in many ways (or at least, greatly lessening the disparity between their and men's freedom/opportunities, etc)

I doubt as a short man I'll ever get that kind of respect. No matter what any of you say....short men are defined by their height. There's always someone around the corner who will let us know we're short (usually a woman), so there's no forgetting it. That's all people see.

Again...if you're a woman (who faces less OVERT rejection and isn't almost always judged by something she can't fix and is almost universally disdained) or a tall man, you just don't get it.

January 10, 2016

My advice, surprisingly, is to go after really tall girls. Really tall girls don't have the luxury of being choosy with height, since the vast majority of men will be shorter than them, and eventually learn not to look for or care about height after a while.

I've met a couple of really short guys, and all of their girlfriends were really tall, not just by comparison with the guy, but compared to most guys in general (well about 6 feet). Some of these girls could have been basketball players!

January 11, 2016

Sometimes I don't think my self-hatred from my height isn't so much to do with womens' general strong disdain for short men (which despite what all have said on here, cannot be denied - height is the single most important component of what women are physically attracted to, it's more often a pre-requisite rather than a super strong preference) but rather hating and despising myself for being shorter than other men my age. Particularly the ones I work with. And I've talked about this in therapy ad nauseam...but it just doesn't change the way I feel. I just feel so inherently and helplessly unmanly (and therefore, unattractive to women, who compare men in question against other men).

Luckily, I have enough money to get the height surgery. It just sucks because I actually like and am good at my job. I feel like I have to choose:

a) Keep my job and keep hating myself for being very short (average height in my office and where I live must be 5'11/6ft without blinking an eye)

b) Get the height surgery and get my dream body (and open up a ton more dating options from simply being taller, and of course, more confident), but have my career stall/have a gap in my resume/have to explain said gap on job interviews

I've said this several times before (and this is directly at the tall men on this forum/thread), but I'll say it again. I don't believe that being tall, in and of itself, will guarantee you a great life. Not at all...you still have to go to the gym, groom yourself perfectly in all other areas, get a good education, get a good career, make money (own a car - women care about that too, which is so superficial, but whatever)...all those things. Women want it all. But at least if you're tall or average...you don't get to know what it's like to have everything, but be "ruined" by your height. You are free in ways I will never be. At least, not until I get the surgery. Then I'll be free. Then I will finally be on a level playing field with all you average men.

I don't want the benefits that come with being tall...I just don't want the negatives that come with being short (and with being short, there are ONLY negatives).

January 11, 2016

Oh this has made me laugh.

I turned down a date on Friday from a tall dark handsome man who drives a Marc because I am hooked on a ginger guy who is around my height! When I met him he had a clapped out old peugeot!

Height issues etc are exacerbated by OLD I will give you that but in reality it holds no bearing at all to dating success.

OP - use your therapy time wisely and it will all come to you.

January 11, 2016

OP, you are short.

Accept it.

January 11, 2016

OP, you are short.

Accept it.

Except I don't. I CAN change it. The surgery exists for a reason. I've been researching it for a long time and know exactly what I'm up against.

I think I'll just work this year, resign or take a leave of absence, and do it about a year from now. I refuse to live the rest of life despising myself for something so critically important that I didn't choose.

January 11, 2016

...
b) Get the height surgery and get my dream body (and open up a ton more dating options from simply being taller, and of course, more confident), but have my career stall/have a gap in my resume/have to explain said gap on job interviews
...

Generally speaking, people that think their problems all stem from one specific issue are missing the larger picture. And unfortunately fixing the specific issue seldom results in fixing their actual problems. Under the best of circumstances, having surgery, the $$$, the uncertain outcome, etc., is a huge risk. And you're then likely to just focus on some other perceived shortcoming (sorry, pun not intended, just can't think of a synonym off the top of my head).

Just like the stories of large people who lose lots of weight but are still large in their minds, I see a parallel story brewing here: (surgically) tall people, that are still short in their own minds.

I recommend focusing on non-surgical approaches.

January 11, 2016

Except I don't. I CAN change it. The surgery exists for a reason. I've been researching it for a long time and know exactly what I'm up against.

I think I'll just work this year, resign or take a leave of absence, and do it about a year from now. I refuse to live the rest of life despising myself for something so critically important that I didn't choose.

I'm two inches taller than you. Is two inches really a matter of life and death?

January 11, 2016

I'm 5'7 and only get annoyed when a 5'2 girl lists in her OLD profile that she only wants guys 5'10 or taller.

January 11, 2016

Except I don't. I CAN change it. The surgery exists for a reason. I've been researching it for a long time and know exactly what I'm up against.

I think I'll just work this year, resign or take a leave of absence, and do it about a year from now. I refuse to live the rest of life despising myself for something so critically important that I didn't choose.

So you want to put yourself through all of that just to attract superficial women who mean nothing?

Really someguy391 your priorities are in completely the wrong place!

Instead why not learn to like and then love yourself as you are and instead go out and improve on what you have i.e. your mind?

Just think you could spend all that time, effort, pain and money to get those 2 extra inches and some silly girl then have an accident, loose both your new elongated legs and the silly girl anyway.

Rethink what matters.

I get it, I understand, when people are nasty its horrible but to put it bluntly if you can rise above that it will make you a better man. A far better man than one that is just 2 inches taller!

Do you know what is probably the biggest turn off for women? Low confidence and self esteem... It has NOTHING to do with how tall you are. The images you have of yourself are your own projections not those of other people.

January 11, 2016

I'm two inches taller than you. Is two inches really a matter of life and death?

Yes. It is. You made the cut, dude. Most women want 5'9/5'10 and up. You, my friend, are on a level playing field. I regularly compare myself (and yeah, I know I'm gonna get flamed for admitting this, but I didn't just wake up one day and start doing that, there's a reason I do it) to guys in the 5'9-5'10 range. You guys just make the cut and come off comfortably average. At 5'8" I look extremely short. There are so many men who just barely edge me out on a day to day basis in the 5'9/5'10 range, and that's where I want to be. I want to be average, and taller than most women in their oh-so-precious heels. I want to know I have the options of the average guy out there.

January 11, 2016

So you want to put yourself through all of that just to attract superficial women who mean nothing?

Really someguy391 your priorities are in completely the wrong place!

Instead why not learn to like and then love yourself as you are and instead go out and improve on what you have i.e. your mind?

Just think you could spend all that time, effort, pain and money to get those 2 extra inches and some silly girl then have an accident, loose both your new elongated legs and the silly girl anyway.

Rethink what matters.

I get it, I understand, when people are nasty its horrible but to put it bluntly if you can rise above that it will make you a better man. A far better man than one that is just 2 inches taller!

Do you know what is probably the biggest turn off for women? Low confidence and self esteem... It has NOTHING to do with how tall you are. The images you have of yourself are your own projections not those of other people.

I understand and appreciate what you said. But I'm not doing this for any one hypothetical woman. I'm doing this for myself. I want to blend in as a real, average man. I don't want to look short, I don't want the horrible short label. I've had it all my life, and I'm done. I want to blend in with most other guys. And know that I have options with women. I don't care about women on a case-by-case basis, but it really rubs me the wrong way to know what most women are universally not attracted to short men. That other men don't see me as a real man and don't respect me (even if they act nice on the outside, I know inside they know they're better than me because men are defined by their height).

This surgery will get me confidence, respect, and by extension, a much larger dating pool (and confidence from KNOWING I have a much larger dating pool). 5'10" and up is what women want (and we all know women usually get what they want, they have the power in the dating world).

I don't ever want a woman to think she settled for me, wondering how it would be if I were taller. I want to make sure my future woman is totally satisfied in every possible way. It's very, very hard as a guy to find a woman you're actually excited about dating, but if you ever do, you have to do everything you can to keep her (including look as good as possible, that's super important).

Edited January 11, 2016 by someguy391

January 11, 2016

Yes. It is. You made the cut, dude. Most women want 5'9/5'10 and up. You, my friend, are on a level playing field. I regularly compare myself (and yeah, I know I'm gonna get flamed for admitting this, but I didn't just wake up one day and start doing that, there's a reason I do it) to guys in the 5'9-5'10 range. You guys just make the cut and come off comfortably average. At 5'8" I look extremely short. There are so many men who just barely edge me out on a day to day basis in the 5'9/5'10 range, and that's where I want to be. I want to be average, and taller than most women in their oh-so-precious heels. I want to know I have the options of the average guy out there.

So you just want to be average and not exceptional? Really? That is all you strive for?

The guy I am hooked on at the moment is shorter than you. He doesn't care if I wear heals or not. He cares if I am comfortable in his company, am I safe and secure, am I happy. I can't wait to see him again.

He has charisma. He is who he is, he is comfortable in his skin and believe you me he is hot because of it!

I have bolded that because it really is true. This guy has a way about him that is just so confident and at ease with himself he exudes sexiness.

You can learn that - you don't need some highly dangerous silly operation for that.

If I were dating a guy and found out he had had an operation like that I would be seriously worried and it would be a turn off.

Really sexy men don't have a heigh limit or certain weight or hair colour. What really sexy men have is charisma and self assurance.

January 11, 2016

I understand and appreciate what you said. But I'm not doing this for any one hypothetical woman. I'm doing this for myself. I want to blend in as a real, average man. I don't want to look short, I don't want the horrible short label. I've had it all my life, and I'm done. I want to blend in with most other guys.

So you don't want to stand out from the crowd and be noticed as someone special? How do you think all these other guys get dates? They stand out! Its not anything physical it their attitude.

And know that I have options with women. I don't care about women on a case-by-case basis, but it really rubs me the wrong way to know what most women are universally not attracted to short men. That other men don't see me as a real man and don't respect me (even if they act nice on the outside, I know inside they know they're better than me because men are defined by their height).

You do have options with women. More than you think but an extra 2" is not going to change that. A change in attitude WILL. Which do you think would be better? Learn to love who you are and value who you are as you are or spend thousands of pound on new legs, suffer months of agonising pain and torture only to realise that you are still the same person and still not getting the girl?

This surgery will get me confidence, respect, and by extension, a much larger dating pool (and confidence from KNOWING I have a much larger dating pool). 5'10" and up is what women want (and we all know women usually get what they want, they have the power in the dating world).

How is changing your physical appearance going to give you more respect? Do you respect the woman who has fake boobs? I can tell you now very few do! It is exactly the same principle. Women do not get what they want. We have to work for it - just the same as you. It takes two to tango and you are refusing to step into your dancing shoes.

I don't ever want a woman to think she settled for me, wondering how it would be if I were taller. I want to make sure my future woman is totally satisfied in every possible way. It's very, very hard as a guy to find a woman you're actually excited about dating, but if you ever do, you have to do everything you can to keep her (including look as good as possible, that's super important).

If you want to keep a woman happy over a sustained period of time you need to be yourself and put effort in. Being yourself is not faking yourself.

Edited January 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Clean up quote formatting

January 11, 2016

Yes. It is. You made the cut, dude. Most women want 5'9/5'10 and up. You, my friend, are on a level playing field. I regularly compare myself (and yeah, I know I'm gonna get flamed for admitting this, but I didn't just wake up one day and start doing that, there's a reason I do it) to guys in the 5'9-5'10 range. You guys just make the cut and come off comfortably average. At 5'8" I look extremely short. There are so many men who just barely edge me out on a day to day basis in the 5'9/5'10 range, and that's where I want to be. I want to be average, and taller than most women in their oh-so-precious heels. I want to know I have the options of the average guy out there.

I'm not buying it. Besides, I bet you have a full head of hair. I don't, so I'm pretty sure I don't "make the cut" and I do okay.

I'm not that old either. I started losing it in college. And for almost a year it was a problem, including getting dumped by a gf because I was a wreck confidence wise. It only stopped being a problem when I stopped acting like a big blubbering vagina about it.

January 11, 2016

I am 1.72 (5.8), and I dont feel short at all. Never had any problem in dating or having sex because of my height. Something else is making you feel that way and its showing to the women you surround yourself.

January 11, 2016

I am 1.72 (5.8), and I dont feel short at all. Never had any problem in dating or having sex because of my height. Something else is making you feel that way and its showing to the women you surround yourself.

Bingo.

OP I strongly recommend FOOLED BY RANDOMNESS by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. It's about financial markets but the ideas presented are have a lot of crossover value. Definitely one of the 10 books I'd recommend just because.

Human beings are conditioned to look for cause and effect and simplify the world around them. But personal lives, like financial markets - and most aspects of life - are defined by rare events and feedback loops. Holding onto limiting beliefs like the one you have makes it impossible to make optimal decisions in your personal life, at a level that is so subconscious that it is uncontrollable.

January 11, 2016

The surgery. How much taller will it make you?

January 11, 2016

Let me start by saying that I have been in therapy regularly, and I recognize that much of this is my own problem. Still...I can't help feeling how I feel. Therapy does not seem to be helping.

I am handsome (without bragging, have an 8.5/9 face on my best day), intelligent, in great shape, successful (make over 6 figures)...but I feel like it's all negated by my height. I'm a true 5'8" (not adding or subtracting, and this is my barefoot height right before I go to bed). Before any of you say "that's not that short" - trust me, it is. It is short compared to most other men, and more importantly, for many womens' preferences for 5'9/5'10 and up.

I understand there is a lot of truth to the confidence factor, especially as a guy. And I know that there are short men (some shorter than me) who have been quite successful with women. I have been fairly successful with women in the past (I'm in my early 30s), but this has been really getting to me lately. I know that women compare the heights of men against other men, and I do the same to myself...at my office, I'm one of the shortest guys there, easily. I see how women throw themselves at men who are like me (all the qualities I have)...but they are 6'2", so basically, they're "perfect." I know perfection doesn't exist, and I know that none of us can be attractive to everyone, and I'm not trying to be...I just want to be confident. I just want to be happy.

I feel like dating is just overall much easier for women. I'm not trying to start a gender war, I swear. It's just that, even though women go through rejection too, they get so much more attention and chances on average that their confidence rebounds much faster after a rejection. Women say that men reject them for not having a huge chest or big butt, but that's honestly a myth. As long as the woman in question is cute (to the guy), he will forgive her other flaws. A man's height, on the other hand, is the biggest deal breaker in dating.

I just feel in my heart of hearts that I'm less worthy in a way. Like, no matter what I do...I'm ruined by my height.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, because I feel like I'm going to get mocked and flamed. I guess I'm just venting. It just sucks that my cross to bear is something that I'll never be able to change (unless I sacrifice my career, basically, and take a year off to get the height surgery to get to around 5'10" or so).

Again...I know confidence can really do me so much good in dating. And I've been that guy before. Or at least, I've seen the positive results by having faked it really well (at least, for a certain period of time with some women). But I just want to be truly intrinsically confident.

I want to be free of this self hatred.

Oirme papi, there's nothing but truth in having that confidence! My bf right now is 5'6 & I love him up so ****ing much its crazy lml.

Cant do nada about being short so u need to make peace with yourself & get over it then u start rebuilding that confidence again .

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Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

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