Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

January 10, 2016

Thank you everyone for your input. I know height threads often give rise to a collective eye roll, and I appreciate people not automatically flaming me.

I was bullied really badly when I was younger. I've talked about this in therapy. I'm sure this has a lot to do with it. I was never bullied for my height per se, but have definitely been called short a few times over my 30-something years.

I guess I just feel like...powerless and unmanly sometimes. It's like...if a woman can have someone like me who's just average or tall...why would she pick me? I know definitely not ALL women feel like this and I know being tall doesn't automatically guarantee a guy an amazing life. But tall guys, even with all the problems that live will inevitably throw at them (and everyone, man or woman) never have to think about this sh*t. They are free to deal with the other problems that life will hand them without having to think about their height. And many other issues (weight, skin, teeth, etc.) can be relatively easily fixed with hard work and/or minor plastic surgery, braces, Pro Active, etc...

January 10, 2016

Thank you everyone for your input. I know height threads often give rise to a collective eye roll, and I appreciate people not automatically flaming me.

I was bullied really badly when I was younger. I've talked about this in therapy. I'm sure this has a lot to do with it. I was never bullied for my height per se, but have definitely been called short a few times over my 30-something years.

I guess I just feel like...powerless and unmanly sometimes. It's like...if a woman can have someone like me who's just average or tall...why would she pick me? I know definitely not ALL women feel like this and I know being tall doesn't automatically guarantee a guy an amazing life. But tall guys, even with all the problems that live will inevitably throw at them (and everyone, man or woman) never have to think about this sh*t. They are free to deal with the other problems that life will hand them without having to think about their height. And many other issues (weight, skin, teeth, etc.) can be relatively easily fixed with hard work and/or minor plastic surgery, braces, Pro Active, etc...

JMO but feeling powerless and unmanly, has little, if anything, to do with your height.

You have serious low self-esteem, and your insecurity about your height is a symptom of that ...not the disease.

The disease is low self-esteem, low self-worth ...which clearly goes way back, since you were not even bullied because of your height.

And guarantee, if you were to suddenly wake up four inches taller, you would still have low self-esteem.....because low self-esteem is based on internal issues ...not external, like your height or your looks, your job, etc.

Try and find a new therapist, cuz clearly the one you have now sucks!

Again, g'luck.

January 10, 2016

But tall guys, even with all the problems that live will inevitably throw at them (and everyone, man or woman) never have to think about this sh*t. They are free to deal with the other problems that life will hand them without having to think about their height. And many other issues (weight, skin, teeth, etc.) can be relatively easily fixed with hard work and/or minor plastic surgery, braces, Pro Active, etc...

That's just your lack of perspective talking there. Height or lack of it isn't the worst thing that can happen to someone in life. It just seems like it because it's your issue and it's in your face 24/7. If you had something like cystic acne for example, and your face had been permanently scarred by it, you wouldn't be saying it could be easily fixed.

Being slightly shorter than average isn't one of the biggest problems ever, even though you think it is.

January 10, 2016

Cofidence rediates from within, not from height. I know some short guys and they have beautiful woman by there side. It's the way you carry yourself that matters.

I've also known a few short men that had no problems gettin' the ladies. I'm short myself and prefer men under 5ft. 10inches

Someone once said to me that height to a man is what big ***s are to a woman, I believe they are right. Some say that if you are lacking in either department, wear lifts in your shoes or stuff your bra. As a joke, of course. Do you really REALLY want to do that? The answer is no, or it should be no that is.
.

That's a myth lol. I once hooked up with a short dude, he was about 5ft. 8in. And his ****s was HUGE.

January 10, 2016

i'm 5'10, a very thin and attractive female and i see all of the taller men with women about 5'4 or under. i understand how you feel about your height b/c i also live with the thought sometimes that 'if i was shorter i would get more dates and attention.' whether short male or tall female there are dating dilemmas. but... that thought has never inhibited my ability to live, love, get dates, or carry on in life. i would venture to say, just imo, that a lot more is going on with you than just having issues over being short(er) than you'd like. you probably have other things going on and the height is something more visual you can attribute lack of success to. you can't manufacture confidence, i know that and think it's lame to tell people to 'be more confident', but you can do other things to make yourself stand out from a crowd. that's when you'll see results... when you make yourself a really rich and full person with a lot to offer

January 10, 2016

Thank you everyone for your input. I know height threads often give rise to a collective eye roll, and I appreciate people not automatically flaming me.

I was bullied really badly when I was younger. I've talked about this in therapy. I'm sure this has a lot to do with it. I was never bullied for my height per se, but have definitely been called short a few times over my 30-something years.

I guess I just feel like...powerless and unmanly sometimes. It's like...if a woman can have someone like me who's just average or tall...why would she pick me? I know definitely not ALL women feel like this and I know being tall doesn't automatically guarantee a guy an amazing life. But tall guys, even with all the problems that live will inevitably throw at them (and everyone, man or woman) never have to think about this sh*t. They are free to deal with the other problems that life will hand them without having to think about their height. And many other issues (weight, skin, teeth, etc.) can be relatively easily fixed with hard work and/or minor plastic surgery, braces, Pro Active, etc...

See? Some of the therapy is getting through. You can learn a lot about yourself through therapy, but just having the knowledge does not mean it instantly fixes you. That comes with time and rumination! But it makes you try to see things without your usual old assumptions. Don't be impatient.

January 10, 2016

That's a myth lol. I once hooked up with a short dude, he was about 5ft. 8in. And his ****s was HUGE.

lol I can vouch for this (again, not bragging)! The girls I've been with in the past were all very satisfied, with some downright shocked I was as big as I was, because they assumed I'd be small due to my height. One girl immediately said as sex "started"..."Are you f*cking kidding me!" lol

I'm not porn star big, nor do I want to be...but at least I'm not short there.

Short men with big d*cks = justice (at least, partial)

January 10, 2016

Thank you everyone for your input. I know height threads often give rise to a collective eye roll, and I appreciate people not automatically flaming me.

I was bullied really badly when I was younger. I've talked about this in therapy. I'm sure this has a lot to do with it. I was never bullied for my height per se, but have definitely been called short a few times over my 30-something years.

I guess I just feel like...powerless and unmanly sometimes. It's like...if a woman can have someone like me who's just average or tall...why would she pick me? I know definitely not ALL women feel like this and I know being tall doesn't automatically guarantee a guy an amazing life. But tall guys, even with all the problems that live will inevitably throw at them (and everyone, man or woman) never have to think about this sh*t. They are free to deal with the other problems that life will hand them without having to think about their height. And many other issues (weight, skin, teeth, etc.) can be relatively easily fixed with hard work and/or minor plastic surgery, braces, Pro Active, etc...

Hello Someguy :-) Don't know if you're a UFC/MMA fan... But your thread made me think of Conor McGregor. He's 5'8" as well. Now I'm a self-confessed height lover; => 6' being my preference. However, I'd tap McGregor in a heartbeat! Because he's hot and has attitude. Fame does nothing for me and I don't generally have celebrity crushes, but his moxy just works for me.

And you know what? You don't sound that dissimilar to him. By your own admission you're attractive, driven and successful; and you've even had great partners before. And bonus points for being hung and good in the sack! Sorry but not hearing anything unmanly here at all :-/ You just need to add your particular brand of positive attitude (or to rediscover it).

There are ladies out there who will absolutely appreciate what you have to offer when you get around to putting it out there. And remember that confidence is really only about getting to the starting gate. Most women don't require or even want a 24/7 impervious knight in shining armour. In an actual R they want someone who loves and trusts them enough to be vulnerable as well.

And of course there'll be rejection along the way. It's par for the course. Every R ends... Until one doesn't. Every new person is a mystery, and every new R (however fleeting or un/successful by your measure) an adventure.

Good luck!

Edited January 10, 2016 by SolG

January 10, 2016

Hello Someguy :-) Don't know if you're a UFC/MMA fan... But your thread made me think of Conor McGregor. He's 5'8" as well. Now I'm a self-confessed height lover; => 6' being my preference. However, I'd tap McGregor in a heartbeat! Because he's hot and has attitude. Fame does nothing for me and I don't generally have celebrity crushes, but his moxy just works for me.

And you know what? You don't sound that dissimilar to him. By your own admission you're attractive, driven and successful; and you've even had great partners before. You just need to add your particular brand of positive attitude (or to rediscover it).

There are ladies out there who will absolutely appreciate what you have to offer when you get around to putting it out there. And remember that confidence is really only about getting to the starting gate. Most women don't require or even want a 24/7 impervious knight in shining armour. In an actual R they want someone who loves and trusts them enough to be vulnerable as well.

And of course there'll be rejection along the way. It's par for the course. Every R ends... Until one doesn't. Every new person is a mystery, and every new R (however fleeting or un/successful by your measure) an adventure.

Good luck!

lol thanks.

Part of it also is due to the fact that I had my heart absolutely crushed like over 2 years ago. I wanted to marry this girl. We had our fair share of problems, and most of my family and friends didn't like her and felt she was kinda using me. We were together for 5 years. I actually broke up with her first a year prior to her leaving me...but I reconciled with her because I thought "I'm short, what options do I have with attractive women? I need to make this relationship work no matter what." And it blew up in my face a year later. I felt trapped in that relationship because short men have to go through so much more rejection to finally find that one "yes" that they actually like and are attracted to on all levels (who likes them back).

I just don't want to be in the same boat once another woman leaves me. I want to get married, but feel like divorce and breakups are so damn commonplace these days. If I were taller, I'd have the confidence to know that even if sh*t hit the fan again, I could much more easily go out there and find someone I like. I don't have that luxury now.

I feel like tall men can just play the field, short men have to hang onto relationships (especially if they actually get one with a woman they like). I know, I know, you all know tall guys who aren't players and short men who are, and I believe you...this is just how I feel in my heart of hearts.

Edited January 10, 2016 by someguy391

January 10, 2016

It sounds like you have a much bigger problem than height.

January 10, 2016

Two of the three girlfriends I've got into relationships with over the last 7 years were taller than me when wearing heels, I'm 5'9 they we're 5'6 and 5'8 respectively, also dated someone for about a month before getting into the second relationship and she was 5'9 too (over 6'2 in her tallest shoes, loved it). They didn't care because I clearly acted more of a man than men taller than me who also wanted them, it's not your height dude... start watching some self help videos about confidence or attend some local courses if possible.

To reiterate... it's not your height that's the problem, it's your excuses and attitude - both of which you can change IF you are open to it, or you can continue doing what you're doing and nothing will change

In the city where I live, the women all wear silly high shoes & boots and there's literally hundreds of couples you see out the weekend were the woman is taller. There's shorter guys than me in work, with really attractive girlfriends. Honestly dude, you're lying to yourself - get your confidence down and learn how to handle rejection. It's just a nature and numbers game, you will be fine if you keep going - if they aren't into you, next... don't give it a second thought.

Letting a figment of someone's imagination affect you, which is what their thoughts really are (i.e. they don't like me because I consider myself small) is a form of neurosis.

Good Luck, chin up - progress

January 10, 2016

Hm 5ft 8" isn't short to me. I'm 5ft 5" and as long as the guy is taller than me that's good enough for me. I don't mind about the being taller than me when I'm in heels. I dated a guy the same height as me once.

I've also known how important confidence is. I was at a crazy party a couple of years ago in someone's flat and was talking to this guy who was on the short side (as in about 5ft 2"). He was hitting on me but wasn't my type although I seriously admired his boldness and he seemed comfortable in his own skin. Shortly after I met him he joined up on POF, met a girl and they are now engaged with a house together and planning their wedding. She is about his height or slightly taller. Despite the fact this guy wasn't my type (and this wasn't directly related to his height), I was able to discern that some women would find him attractive because he had a handsome face and carried himself very confidently.

January 10, 2016

I know it's not ALL women who care about height, and I agree with many of talking about confidence, etc. I truly appreciate everyone here taking time out of their day to post and trying to cheer me on.

I've just seen so many times women go crazy about height (in real life as well as online dating). I see it at my job in the office every single day. I just can't make a woman feel protected, or give her that special feeling of getting on her tip toes to kiss me or look up at me. I feel like I'm a half man.

And now I feel like people are just gonna start yelling at me and kicking me while I'm already down for saying these things. Yes I was bullied when I was younger and yes I had my heart broken. But I didn't always care about height, and didn't wake up one day and say to myself "I'm going to be insecure about and obsess over my height." There's a reason you see so many height threads and there's a reason the height surgery exists. Let's not put the chicken before the egg. The height of a man matters big time. There are only a few inches between me having a huge and much better dating pool (and confidence).

I know women are brutally judged for their looks, especially their weight. I am not attracted to heavy women (but don't want a stick thin girl either). But at least heavy women (most of them, I know some who are medically obese and I understand that)can more often than not bring their weight under their control and improve their dating option. I as a very short man don't have that option (sans the height surgery which is kinda barbaric...but it has been done and it has greatly improve some men's lives).

I just genuinely despise being short. I feel like it just ruins me. I know I have other issues, but I honestly feel like I'd have a girlfriend if it weren't for my height, and even if not, I feel like I'd be better able to deal with the sh*t that life has handed me otherwise.

Maybe I should just get the height surgery. I'd rather a woman be attracted to me physically and for my personality (despite what you see here, I do have a great personality - I'm intelligent, funny, caring, outgoing , etc - I hide this well) than my money.

Edited January 10, 2016 by someguy391

January 10, 2016

Bro. Its fitted clothing. Little taller shoes. Nice shades n your good. My friends are short but this works it really does. Also do sumn regularly with yoir hair. Keep changin it. I know it sounds stupid maybe but wow does it work for my boys. And they arent all that lol.

January 10, 2016

I've just seen so many times women go crazy about height (in real life as well as online dating). I see it at my job in the office every single day. I just can't make a woman feel protected, or give her that special feeling of getting on her tip toes to kiss me or look up at me. I feel like I'm a half man.

The height of a man matters big time. There are only a few inches between me having a huge and much better dating pool (and confidence).

I as a very short man don't have that option (sans the height surgery which is kinda barbaric...but it has been done and it has greatly improve some men's lives).

I just genuinely despise being short. I feel like it just ruins me. I know I have other issues, but I honestly feel like I'd have a girlfriend if it weren't for my height, and even if not, I feel like I'd be better able to deal with the sh*t that life has handed me otherwise.

You know what? You're right. You're totally f'd, your whole life is ruined. There is no cure. You'll never be married, I mean you're only 5ft 8', that's just dating suicide right there. No woman will have you. Here......have a bible and a one way fare to the nearest monastery.

Feel better now?

January 10, 2016

I know it's not ALL women who care about height, and I agree with many of talking about confidence, etc. I truly appreciate everyone here taking time out of their day to post and trying to cheer me on.

I've just seen so many times women go crazy about height (in real life as well as online dating). I see it at my job in the office every single day. I just can't make a woman feel protected, or give her that special feeling of getting on her tip toes to kiss me or look up at me. I feel like I'm a half man.

And now I feel like people are just gonna start yelling at me and kicking me while I'm already down for saying these things. Yes I was bullied when I was younger and yes I had my heart broken. But I didn't always care about height, and didn't wake up one day and say to myself "I'm going to be insecure about and obsess over my height." There's a reason you see so many height threads and there's a reason the height surgery exists. Let's not put the chicken before the egg. The height of a man matters big time. There are only a few inches between me having a huge and much better dating pool (and confidence).

I know women are brutally judged for their looks, especially their weight. I am not attracted to heavy women (but don't want a stick thin girl either). But at least heavy women (most of them, I know some who are medically obese and I understand that)can more often than not bring their weight under their control and improve their dating option. I as a very short man don't have that option (sans the height surgery which is kinda barbaric...but it has been done and it has greatly improve some men's lives).

I just genuinely despise being short. I feel like it just ruins me. I know I have other issues, but I honestly feel like I'd have a girlfriend if it weren't for my height, and even if not, I feel like I'd be better able to deal with the sh*t that life has handed me otherwise.

Maybe I should just get the height surgery. I'd rather a woman be attracted to me physically and for my personality (despite what you see here, I do have a great personality - I'm intelligent, funny, caring, outgoing , etc - I hide this well) than my money.

I live in NYC and I see all the hot girls with shorter guys, not the taller ones. Shorter guys have loads of advantages - they are more social and playful because they are closer to women at events, they are less intimidating / threatening, they can almost always dance better. And there are ton of women who are short but super hot who don't want to date a giant.

I think you are making an excuse to be honest. You got to work with what you have in life, and make it into an advantage. Being 5'8" is nothing to cry about and if you have game and hobbies, you can do just fine. Maybe your struggles are not related to your height...

January 10, 2016

I know women are brutally judged for their looks, especially their weight. I am not attracted to heavy women (but don't want a stick thin girl either). But at least heavy women (most of them, I know some who are medically obese and I understand that)can more often than not bring their weight under their control and improve their dating option. I as a very short man don't have that option (sans the height surgery which is kinda barbaric...but it has been done and it has greatly improve some men's lives).

Actually, no, it's not that easy for a lot of people to lose weight, either physically or psychologically. Many resort to bariatric surgery, which might also be considered fairly barbaric. I think you are just feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone doesn't have it easier than you. You aren't that short. I don't even consider 5'8" short.

Here are your choices: accept your height, get surgery, or continue to futilely complain about it. How do you want to live?

January 10, 2016

I agree with others that you have a lot of work yet to do in therapy to improve your self-esteem, but I'll go ahead and add my own little anecdote in the hope that it helps--

I'm a 5'6" female, and if you'd asked me two months ago, I'd have said my physical "type" is tall and lanky. My three LTRs have been with men who were 6'4" and taller. Recently, I started dating someone I met through OLD who is much shorter. (His profile says he's 5'8", but I think he's actually right around my height.) I was a little skeptical that I would be attracted to him before we met because of my history, but it turns out that his physical stature is one of the things I like most about him! He's the perfect height for me. I love that we can stand face to face and I can look directly into his eyes. I love that I can walk up behind him and rest my chin on his shoulder while I wrap my arms around his waist. I love that he has totally challenged my concept of what is physically attractive to me. In the future, I think I'll actually prefer shorter men to taller men.

January 10, 2016

If you're a 9 in the face and a 9 in personality than your height is irelavent to me dating you.

Seriously. And I'm a 5' 9" woman.

January 10, 2016

It would be more unattractive to hear a guy was so hung up on having height surgery than hearing he was 5'8". Girls look at the whole package, not just focus on height. If you are only seeking out hot girls, I guess height would be a problem.

January 10, 2016

It would be more unattractive to hear a guy was so hung up on having height surgery than hearing he was 5'8". Girls look at the whole package, not just focus on height. If you are only seeking out hot girls, I guess height would be a problem.

I definitely don't just seek out super hot girls. I know my height drops me a few levels (my being a 9 in the face saves me a tad, but I'd need to be 5'10" for the height to not be a major negative). I go for girls around the 7 range, girls who are very cute but not models (models go for men who have it all, including height). I know where I stand. And when I was actually trying, I did pretty well. This has just gotten the best of me lately. Recently started a new job (that I like and am good at), but being one of the shortest guys in the office (and shorter than a good amount of women with their heels) really blows.

January 10, 2016

I'm over 6ft tall and it hasn't done anything for me over the course of my lifetime

January 10, 2016

I'm 5ft and half an inch tall.

I've dated men 5ft 6 in and above.

Your attitude about yourself would put me off dating you, not your height.

January 10, 2016

OP, you keep insisting that your height of 5'8" makes you fundamentally unattractive as if it were a fact. But it's not. It's just your perception/belief, and in my view, it is distorted and unrealistic. I suggest CBT for you, and I recommend the Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. He has a really supportive writing style, and can help you challenge your thoughts and test them for truth. A realistic assessment will help you see that while it is true that male height is an asset in the dating world, there are many other assets and detriments and people have various mixes of both. Some people appear golden and favored by nature in all areas, but if you truly knew them and their experience, you'd learn a more nuanced view.

Also, on the "who has it harder in dating, men or women" question, how about we all just acknowledge that both groups have their struggles? I'll acknowledge that for a man who has to face overt rejection again and again if he is to have any chance of a mate, that can tend to be painful and demoralizing. Women in a traditional dating role deal with primarily covert rejection....being ignore, ditched, neglected, used and dumped, or left on the shelf. Any man who thinks that there isn't a lot of severe pain going on among women because of this needs to work on his empathy skills (which, not so coincidentally, would be of great use in forming a r/s with a woman).

Anyhow, I sympathize. Please read the book, I am convinced it can change your life (assuming you really do the exercises in the book with paper and pencil as instructed). Good luck!

January 10, 2016

Oh, and don't even consider height surgery, that is the worst idea in the world....to put your lifetime health at risk for such a trivial goal. Especially when I can guarantee you that it won't flip a switch and make women flock to you, not in the slightest.

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Seriously depressed over being a short man [in the dating world]

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