thecrucible Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I would find that sort of thing a really big turn-off because it ruins the spontaneity of the moment. I feel like the guy should sense the right time. I suppose the moment someone asks it just feels so contrived. But I absolutely agree that if someone is into you, that stuff just happens naturally and something like that won't really put the brakes on it.
Robratory Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Did I blow it? Over just that? No, no... you didn't blow it. I mean, I don't know how you asked if you could kiss her, but how can a single little thing like that lead to sudden death? This isn't Seinfeld. Just chill. Call her in a few days and see what's up. 2
Spikiera Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 There is no definite answer to this. Everyone is different, you cannot say this is a complete turn off for everyone. I don't know why some people are so against it. For the girl I was dating a month ago, even though I didn't ask that question, this topic did occur during one of our conversation, and she told me that is totally fine. So OP, like other posters said, it might be just fine. But, as I mentioned, since everyone is different, this particular girl who you just kissed, might not like that you asked. You will find out whether she goes out with you again or not.
misty1114 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 The guy I was dating asked if he could kiss me on the 3rd date and I thought he was being respectful. It's appropriate considering I had only met this stranger 3 times. To be honest, I wasn't giving him much signals that I was interested in a kiss so that's why I appreciated that he at least asked instead of trying to go for a kiss if I don't feel it. So to me personally, I don't think he was being insecure or that it was a turn off. It's true that most guys don't ask so your date might have been taken by surprise. However, I think your response to her question "Do you always ask for a kiss?" could be worded better. Instead of saying every girl is different, I'd say I really like you and I just want to make sure I'm not overstepping the boundary. It's really not a big deal though and if she likes you enough, she wouldn't care.
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I don't think you blew it, OP. If anything, I think she made things a little awkward by her response but don't necessarily think it was intentional, sometimes a person just doesn't know the perfect words to use. I'd say ask her out again and don't think about it anymore. Also, if a guy isn't sure if I'm game for a kiss I'd rather have him ask because if I haven't turned the heat up to a level he can feel it chances are good I don't want a kiss and I hate having a guy's face come at me and having to turn away.
Zapbasket Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I think the only potential turn-off in someone asking if they can kiss you is if the perceived need to ask stems from insecurity on the guy's part that he's trying to mitigate by pushing forward to the next dating step. In that situation, it's not the request for the kiss that's the turn-off, but the insecurity and the resultant pushiness. I do think that when there really is a perceived mutual attraction and a gelling of vibes, you just know when the time is right for a kiss, and you don't need to ask. A kiss is good in part because it grows out of a sense of COMFORT and CONNECTION around and with the other person. When sought out of insecurity, it loses its charge. That said, just because a moment didn't gel doesn't necessarily kill interest. You can be out of sync and then get back in sync in the next interaction. If you're interested in this girl, OP, ask her out again and try to be more aware of her body language and other cues she sends before you make a move.
Xiomn Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Well common sense should be a factor. If you ask a woman out on a second date and she chooses to see you again, she'd probably be OK with a kiss if the vibe still holds up. If she wasn't at least considering kissing you, she wouldn't want to see you again..LOL Except you're forgetting one simple women logic which applies in majority of cases: Women don't like rejecting face to face, hell, most of them don't even have the confidence to reject over text. So who is to say she agreed to meet for a second date but in reality she didn't? You go in for a kiss she might not be OK with it in reality. On my (first ever date ever i.e no experience of dating whatsoever is my justification) I asked If I could kiss her at the end of the second date and she said yes so I did. Was it a turn off to her? Probably. I'll have to try the random 'just go for it' approach next time and see how that works. Edited January 10, 2016 by Xiomn
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I know being angry and pissed off about it won't change anything, but I just can't stand on how unapologetic non-permission leading, aggressive us guys are expected to be, we're expected to just go for what we want without hesitation, yes it is what it is but that doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it
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