slider1985 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Hey, I was out on a second date and we had a great time. Sexual attraction is evident on bother sides. She seems a little reserved and I felt there was not a right time to reach in for the kiss. At the end of the night while waiting for a cab I reached in and asked if I could kiss her and she said yes but aukwardly responded Do you always ask for a kiss? I told her I do because every girl is different. It seemed to throw the night off. She seemed turned off. Is this a deal breaker ? Is it over? How do I proceed from here? How soon should I text her again.. Thanks for all the input. S
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Because it shows insecurity......big turn off. Been there. 3
katiegrl Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Hey, I was out on a second date and we had a great time. Sexual attraction is evident on bother sides. She seems a little reserved and I felt there was not a right time to reach in for the kiss. At the end of the night while waiting for a cab I reached in and asked if I could kiss her and she said yes but aukwardly responded Do you always ask for a kiss? I told her I do because every girl is different. It seemed to throw the night off. She seemed turned off. Is this a deal breaker ? Is it over? How do I proceed from here? How soon should I text her again.. Thanks for all the input. S Just like when a man is REALLY into a woman, SHE can do no wrong ......when a woman is REALLY into a man, HE can do no wrong too.... Point being, had she been really into you, she would NOT have reacted that way.....heck, after you asked, she probably would have just kissed you! You said the sexual attraction was *evident*. How so? Given her reaction, it certainly does not appear that way. Can you provide more details about that?
fitnessfan365 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) Ah dude..NEVER ask a woman if you can kiss her. Just go for it. Now personally, if I am attracted to a woman and want to see her again, I'll go for a kiss on the first date. But I can understand wanting to play it a bit slow if you're not comfortable. After all, the first date is based more on curiosity where a woman is feeling you out. But..this was your second date. This is where a woman makes a conscious decision to see you again based on her interest level. I mean if she didn't like you on a basic level and have some sort of attraction, she wouldn't want to see you again. So if you get a second date w/a woman and the vibe still holds up, take that as a green light to just go for it. Edited January 9, 2016 by fitnessfan365 4
Author slider1985 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 Did I blow it? Over just that?
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Did I blow it? Over just that? If she doesn't go out with you on another date, then yup. Sorry first impressions count. Women want confidence. 4
katiegrl Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Did I blow it? Over just that? Said this earlier ....but had she been into you, she would not have gotten turned off. Had she been into you, after you asked, she would have either said Yes!!.....or just kissed you!!! Trust me on that one!!!! 2
Shining One Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 It must be so confusing for younger men these days. You have the conflicting approaches of confidence / just going for it vs. affirmative consent / asking permission first. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 It must be so confusing for younger men these days. You have the conflicting approaches of confidence / just going for it vs. affirmative consent / asking permission first. Well common sense should be a factor. If you ask a woman out on a second date and she chooses to see you again, she'd probably be OK with a kiss if the vibe still holds up. If she wasn't at least considering kissing you, she wouldn't want to see you again..LOL 2
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Ya if I wasn't kissing them by the end of the first date....there was no second date lol. 2
Author slider1985 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 I appreciate the comment. I do realise first impressions count. I have tremendous dating experience and have learned that every girl is different. Some expect it some don't. Some push away some embrace it. There's never a right time. Girls need to step up a bit too. You want to be kissed then act like it. Unfortunately last night there was not a right time that presented itself and so I was a polite about it. Probably a mistake. It's not always about being insecure as it is about every person being different. Thanks. I'll keep you guys posted.
newmoon Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 asking for a kiss is weird and juvenile. it just doesn't show confidence. i guess maybe if you're younger (teens, very young 20s) it might be somewhat reasonable, but anything over 23... i'd be bummed that he couldn't read the signals w/out help
Sunyata Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I hate that men are supposed to just go on. I'm 30 and would probably still consider asking. I guess I have to shut that **** down. I grew up with such a ****ed up mother with sexual messages, that I would feel like a dirty pervert if I went in for a kiss when she didn't want one... and even worse if she went through with it.
losangelena Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I dunno ... maybe I'm a bit different, but I've had a guy ask before and it wasn't that big of a deal. I mean, he was closing the gap as he was asking, so I don't know what would have happened had I said no. It doesn't have to always be a reflection of confidence, necessarily. One guy I dated said after the fact that he'd wanted to kiss me at the end of our first date, but he didn't—is that a sign of insecurity? My ex didn't ask, but he was sweating and fretting so much before going in that he may as well have asked to save himself the anxiety. I mean, kissing CAN be a nerve-wracking thing. If it makes someone more comfortable and confident to ask, then I say why not? Might get a better kiss out of the deal. 1
katiegrl Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I dunno ... maybe I'm a bit different, but I've had a guy ask before and it wasn't that big of a deal. I mean, he was closing the gap as he was asking, so I don't know what would have happened had I said no. It doesn't have to always be a reflection of confidence, necessarily. One guy I dated said after the fact that he'd wanted to kiss me at the end of our first date, but he didn't—is that a sign of insecurity? My ex didn't ask, but he was sweating and fretting so much before going in that he may as well have asked to save himself the anxiety. I mean, kissing CAN be a nerve-wracking thing. If it makes someone more comfortable and confident to ask, then I say why not? Might get a better kiss out of the deal. Totally agree, and if she is attracted and the chemistry is there, she will not get turned off. OP, if you want to ask then ask. If she gets pissy about, then you know she's just not all that into you anyway. And it wouldn't matter if you asked or didn't ask. You did nothing wrong IMO. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I dunno ... maybe I'm a bit different, but I've had a guy ask before and it wasn't that big of a deal. I mean, he was closing the gap as he was asking, so I don't know what would have happened had I said no. It doesn't have to always be a reflection of confidence, necessarily. One guy I dated said after the fact that he'd wanted to kiss me at the end of our first date, but he didn't—is that a sign of insecurity? My ex didn't ask, but he was sweating and fretting so much before going in that he may as well have asked to save himself the anxiety. I mean, kissing CAN be a nerve-wracking thing. If it makes someone more comfortable and confident to ask, then I say why not? Might get a better kiss out of the deal. Fair enough LA. However, would you agree that there are different levels of desire? Like the guy you mentioned awhile back that was a bit dominant, lifted you up, etc.. It was that confident assertive nature to be a man that hit on your biological urges. Granted I'm not a woman. But I'd think that if a woman had a choice, she'd rather have full blown passion that drives her nuts versus luke warm timid guy. That's all I'm saying. 1
carhill Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Guy tip: Women know how to turn their cheek. If you feel like kissing her, kiss her and accept the response with grace. No need to have a discussion or request permission. This shows you have confidence in yourself and how you feel and expressing your feelings. Smile and continue on. Response, even if a rejection of that particular act, will tell you whether continuing is healthy or not. Pay attention to your instincts. Good luck! 4
jen1447 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 At the end of the night while waiting for a cab I reached in and asked if I could kiss her and she said yes but aukwardly responded What does that mean exactly - you did in fact kiss her and she didn't really feel it or was her 'permission' awkward? If you put it on her it could be she was put off by the quality of the kissing itself. Women are usually very kissy-oriented and we evaluate guys very closely on how they kiss. 2
losangelena Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Fair enough LA. However, would you agree that there are different levels of desire? Like the guy you mentioned awhile back that was a bit dominant, lifted you up, etc.. It was that confident assertive nature to be a man that hit on your biological urges. Granted I'm not a woman. But I'd think that if a woman had a choice, she'd rather have full blown passion that drives her nuts versus luke warm timid guy. That's all I'm saying. I just think there are different approaches, is all. I mean yes, when a guy knows or is in-tune with me and then acts on that desire and swoops in, that's pretty hot, I'll admit. But sometimes two people don't come "in-tune" with each other so quickly. I never went out with Mr. Pick-Me-Up again—he pulled the "I'm not ready for a relationship line," and we actually ended up becoming friends after a while; so while being dominant/confident is maybe sexier in the moment, it doesn't always mean that the guy will come out on top, relationally. It may build sexual tension, but it doesn't mean a lick when it comes to compatibility. I guess, to alleviate confusion, maybe everyone should abide by the edict, if you have to wonder, it's not the right time. 2
Author slider1985 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Posted January 10, 2016 What does that mean exactly - you did in fact kiss her and she didn't really feel it or was her 'permission' awkward? If you put it on her it could be she was put off by the quality of the kissing itself. Women are usually very kissy-oriented and we evaluate guys very closely on how they kiss. I asked for a kiss and she said "yes and do you always ask girls for a kiss"? We then kissed. The kiss was fine but it felt aukward After. She then asked if some girls pull away. I told her " some do some don't, I'm just beng polite." Then I went in for another kiss and it was better. But it still it felt like she was turned off after that. Not sure what to say. . I could sense the sexual tension but at no point did she ever get touch Feely or gave me sign that invited a kiss. I felt the Sexual tension when we sat across from each other but she was too far for me to reach across and kiss. T Her texting today was very limited. I think I blew it.
preraph Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I know it doesn't make a lot of sense on the surface, but it's embarrassing to be asked to be kissed for a woman. I mean, if she doesn't want to kiss on the mouth, even if she's timid, she can simply turn her cheek. I think your intentions were good, but I guess the ideal situation is for you to both be comfortable enough that you can tell you're both having fun and liking each other and simply not have to ask. It's kind of like trying to get a guarantee she likes you -- when you should either already know that or not be trying. 1
katiegrl Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I know it doesn't make a lot of sense on the surface, but it's embarrassing to be asked to be kissed for a woman. I mean, if she doesn't want to kiss on the mouth, even if she's timid, she can simply turn her cheek. I think your intentions were good, but I guess the ideal situation is for you to both be comfortable enough that you can tell you're both having fun and liking each other and simply not have to ask. It's kind of like trying to get a guarantee she likes you -- when you should either already know that or not be trying. I dunno , I have been out with guys where the chemistry was off the charts .....I recall one time, the tension was so thick, we were staring at each other, and he just blurted out "Can I kiss you"???? And all of a sudden we started making out right then and there! If she is into you, she won't care if you ask. All she cares about is that you kiss her!!!! 1
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I wouldn't make too much of it. Perhaps it was just an awkward response like you said. (sometimes people don't know what to say - words are so awkward sometimes). Now if going forward she starts acting frustrated and treating you like a wimp, then you know that it actually turned her off and she wants a more take-charge guy. 1
KatZee Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I've had a guy ask me too, as someone else said, I didn't think it was a big deal. I actually thought it was kind of cute. I obviously was making him nervous and he wasn't sure he should go for it and he asked. I actually laughed out loud and joked/flirted with him a little bit and said, "why did you ask me?" And then he went for it. I wasn't turned off, annoyed, I didn't think less of him, think he was insecure, or not a man. Everyone's different. 4
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I have been asked before once, it wasn't a big deal. But, we also didn't have a dialogue about it afterwards. I still think it's possible that she was just rambling out out awkwardness. OP, now that you have broken the ice, don't ask her anymore. Just go for it. 1
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