kathoga Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) The first time I met this girl was at a group event. Right after this event (the same night), we hung out for a couple more hours and we got to know each other a bit. A few days later, I ask her out and we had our first date (or maybe it's in between a first and second date) and I think it went really well. We had dinner and went to a bar/lounge for a drink. We spent a total of about 5 hours together. She laughed a lot and we teased back and forth. We got a taxi back to my car (I had business before our date in her area, so I was already parked) and instead of having the taxi take her home, she asked me to (even though she lived less than 5 minutes from where I parked). No, we didn't have sex. But she did text me a little while after I got home thanking me and throwing in a joke we shared earlier in the evening. I'm not Mr. Mack when it comes to the ladies. I don't do obvious, stupid, unattractive things but I'm not a smooth player. Often times, I rewind a date and kick myself for not doing this or saying that. I truly applaud those guys that have somewhat mastered women. Basically, I don't know how to proceed with a woman that seems to be reserved or who wants to take her time. Here are some facts: * I'm black, she's asian. First time I dated an asian and first time she dated a black guy * We have good conversation... no long awkward pauses * She didn't say anything along the lines "let's just be friends" * She dressed very sexy for our date (which shows some thought and interest on her part) * At the bar/lounge, we sat very close. For most of the time, I had my arm around her stroking her hair and/neck and she didn't flinch or act weird when I rubbed her inner thigh (she had on a short dress) * No kiss when I made an attempt. She said "she's not ready for that" * I didn't try to kiss her again when I walked her to her door It seems like there are all these rules for dating. Rules on when to text/call, what to say when you text/call, how soon to ask out again, what to do on a second date, etc... I like her. She's smart, interesting, has a good sense of humor, very pretty, very slim (which I really like), and many other decent qualities. I know for a fact if a man isn't quick or doesn't take action, a female can lose interest or you find out she's in a serious relationship with someone else. I also know when a man and woman have sex (not a one night stand), there's a much stronger bond (but not always). It's also tough because I haven't had sex for quite a while, so I'm eager to be intimate but I also respect her for more than just sex. Does anyone have any tips? Is calling her the next day too soon? How can a man avoid appearing too eager, but at the same time, clearly communicate she's someone he wants to continue seeing? If I give her the impression I'm just dating around then that could send the signal that I'm in demand and boost my value, or it can turn her off and next thing I know, she's with somebody else. What are some advanced techniques for introducing the idea of us being more intimate or having sex? I've had sex with several girls in my life on the first date or when we first met and I didn't really do anything different. I don't really remember what I said or how I acted, but I didn't act like somebody else. This is more of a question for women. In the past or currently, when you tell a guy or reject a guy's advances for a kiss or sex, is this something you live by for every first date you go out on, or do you make exceptions? Edited January 9, 2016 by kathoga
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Yes she plays by a different set of rules, so don't push it. Not all women are the same. Some women won't sleep with a guy until a couple of months go by.
Author kathoga Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 Yes she plays by a different set of rules, so don't push it. Not all women are the same. Some women won't sleep with a guy until a couple of months go by. Don't push it? Does that mean don't make any attempts for physical affection at all?
basil67 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Don't push it? Does that mean don't make any attempts for physical affection at all? No, it means don't push her future than she's comfortable with at the time.
basil67 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Back when I was dating - and I was usually successful - I COMPLETELY IGNORED dating rules. I think I've broken every dating rule there is! I simply trusted myself and did what I felt like doing. I was true to my personality. If my personality scared some guys away, then so be it. They were obviously unsuited me to me and there is always another guy around the corner. Yes, I realise I'm a woman sharing my own experiences - but I'd be very put off by a guy who followed rules instead of his own instinct. Just do what feels right.
basil67 Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 No, it means don't push her future than she's comfortable with at the time. That should be 'don't push her *further* Auto correct fail
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 Well ... you need to go on a few more dates first!! And you start with kissing. I am surprised she didn't draw back with the inner thigh touching because I would have if we weren't even at the kissing stage yet. Anyway seems to me like she is interested in you, ask her out on a date, call her soon but set it up a few days from now. Plan it and let her know what you've planned. Ladies usually like that!! Good luck!
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