Bigbangyas Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Hey everyone, I made an account because I'm having excessively morbid thoughts and I can't eat, sleep, or function. Here is the story, please help me analyze how and why. I met this girl a year ago online, we were hitting it off amazingly and soon became romantically attached to each other. She was coming out of a relationship right as this happened, but it didn't really seem like a rebound deal because of how emotionless she was towards this person now. Shortly after long evenings and days of chats and flirting, we decided to exclusively see each other. Everything was perfect, and she flew to meet me. We hit it off and had a wonderful time. Since then, She had gone back home, come back to visit a month or two after and this process repeated consistently throughout the year. I always took care of her when she came, took her out on dates and explored the city together. We played games online together, skyped, and were in touch even when she wasn't physically near me. The only arguments we'd have is when I'd have an comment or issue with her being glued to her phone or Twitter around me as the relationship progressed. Any tiny argument would make her stressed out and upset because she seemed to be a very emotionally immature person. I should've bit my tongue here or there yes, but I never said anything cruel or terribly upsetting to a normal person. Regardless of this stuff, on the last visit, it was nothing but smiles and happiness. She wanted me to meet her parents for Christmas, so we flew to her hometown the last two weeks of December. Everything went really well, we exchanged I love yous and kisses frequently, her parents were very fond of me, and all was well. We flew back to my town for New Years, and everything was perfect, until 3 days after. She was on her phone non stop the last few days so I asked that she please spend a little less time on there and a little more being with me in my presence. It was at this point that she broke down crying, saying that she can't trust me because she feels like I check up her and have some insecurity so I examine her Twitter and try to see what she's up to behind her back (even though all her social media is public). She continued, saying she loved me but she's not in love with me, that we argued more than we should have (she was exaggerating) and that she doesn't feel happy when she's visiting, like she's missing out on things from her hometown. She said that we are just different people and don't have a lot in common which is untrue considering how much we do have in common. After crying on both sides, I drove her to the airport in silence because her mom bought the next ticket home after she texted her. After all of our happy memories, freshly meeting and staying with her parents, traveling together, everything, she was able to walk away this easily and not feel any sadness or remorse. (she admitted she was only crying because she was sad she hurt me, not because of her own feelings). Everything gone in the blink of an eye, from cuddling on the couch to one comment causing her to launch into an entire break up and never seeing me again. This girl was the love of my life, I was planning on marrying her and she was the one. I can't handle this and I am dying inside. I want to kill myself. A few notes: This girl lives at home with their parents, she stays inside a lot and doesn't really socialize unless it's online with all her social media friends and gamer friends. She was very active on social media but would never post anything about a boyfriend or even having one. She claimed that close people knew and that she didn't want anyone else to know. The day of and day after, I looked at her social media out of desperation, and she seemed fine/happy and was chatting with all her friends like nothing just happened. This includes her past two exes. She is unhurt from all of this and I don't know what to do. I want her back. I need her in my life. I don't want to hear "there's a better girl eventually" because out of all the relationships I've been in, this is the only girl who made me feel this in love. How can I possibly have her in my life again when she is apparently entirely out of love with me? Please help.. I'm desperate and can't go on.. I feel like I'm dying and haven't eaten since it happened. All the get your ex back guides mention NC then asking them out to something casual like coffee, but if they're far away, that isn't really an option.
siamia Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) You need to get of the panic mode because the only thing you can do now is damage. It's essential to get yourself together before you contact her. It's a cliché but you need to work on yourself first. I know it's hard and believe me (if you'll read my topic) I'm not the one to judge, I made lots of mistakes in the process but so did my ex - and guess what when he was begging and pleading I couldn't forgive him or get back together. Good luck Edited January 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
K2z Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I was where you are just a matter of months ago, and a bit more than "nearly" suicidal I might add. Understand that you are under assault by every lizard brain anxiety your brain can gin up. Almost none of it is connected to reality. Lean on friends, give yourself some benefit of the doubt, and stay connected to this community. No one can predict the future, but it is crucial to admit to friends-- and perhaps a professional counselor, as I have done-- that you need some help and that your emotions and thoughts are total scrambled eggs at the moment.
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 You are desperate, sad & upset. It may feel like you can't go on but you can! Do not take your life because this LDR ended. She's not worth it. You have a life to live & true love to find. But you have to be here to do that. If you truly feel like you might kill yourself please call a suicide hotline or go to your nearest emergency room. They will help you work through this. When things settle down, you will feel less acute pain. As for the end of the relationship, things happen. She's not the kind of person who is built for an LDR. Many people can't handle them. You may have put too much pressure on everything. The sheer number of times you used the word "perfect" in your relatively short post makes me wonder if you have an unrealistic view of love & relationships. You sound like a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. That's not a bad thing, per se, but it does leave you vulnerable to this kind of pain because you are so desperate to have the kind of make-believe love movies & media have conditioned you to want. Yes, you are going to be in emotional pain for a while because she hurt you. The end of any relationship sucks. But you are not the 1st person to get dumped. You won't be the last. Hang in there & talk to people as you work through your grief.
Josh_7798 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I've been in a similar situation to you, meeting a girl online and eventually dating her before things took a turn for the worse as she was similar to your ex in terms of being very immature and not dealing with situations well. Unlike you I never actually met this girl but things seemed so real, and I know you spent time in person with your ex but let me tell you this, things WILL get better. You can get through this man, yeah it may hurt for a while, all break-ups do, but you need to come out of this stronger than ever before. You say she's 'the one' and that you don't want to hear there is a better girl out there for you, and I like you, thought like that too, but the thing is, like you said, she's fallen out of love with you, and I know that sounds horrible, seeing someone you love fall out of love with you but you just have to accept that she's out of love with you because as harsh as it sounds its her decision. You will get through this. Post on here, talk to close friends, spend time with family, there are many coping techniques. And please don't take your life over a LDR, as both I and many others have said, break-ups suck but honestly she's not worth it and she isn't the one, you cannot let this bring you down man, you've gotta be strong, it's the only way through this. Just accept what has happened no matter how much it hurts and begin to work on yourself. We're all here for you, lots of us have been through similar situations, and I promise things will get better. You have a full life to live man, don't let it end because of this.
smudge21 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 You walk away from life over one person and you'll be walking away from so much. Trust me, I was there and were so many others, but time truly does heal. Even now I'm hurting over someone I thought was special but turned out not to be, but I know, 100%, that I will heal from this too and will meet someone better, or at the very least, just be happier than I am now. I will happen, but there's no rules to when. You'll face a lot of desperate times, but the measure of someone is not how they live through the good, it's in how they deal with the bad and still come out on top. Don't give up, you have my word it all gets better.
Author Bigbangyas Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 I genuinely appreciate everyone's responses.. it brings some form comfort even though I still don't feel like living. I think I would find some happiness in knowing she was sad or missing me in some capacity, but it's almost like none of our memories even matter or are relevant to her at all. If all she can say is "I'm sad I made you sad, but that's it", then it's like a completely different person from what I just spent the last year with. Bringing me from that ultimate high point of happiness and comfort to dropping me on a whim.. I just don't know how I can cope properly. The chances of meeting someone with all the same interests as you and all ideal things in a partner are low. Yes, I'm sure in 6 months, I'll find someone that I kind of sort of like in some way, but it won't even be comparable. This felt like the culmination of all my other relationships, like this was the one. Finding that again.. just seems impossible. I'm not trying to be morbid but I'm just still laying in bed.. haven't eaten.. haven't showered.. this is the worst pain imaginable. People saying "there's more fish in the sea" is not what you want to hear when you feel like you lost your everything, "the one"
smudge21 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Seriously, you are not alone in anything you say here. 5 years ago I came here feeling as low as you do, but hanging in there and reading others problems made me realise this is what everyone goes through. I guess we all need to kiss a few frogs until we find our Miss Piggy, if you get me. No one, NO ONE, is worth giving up your life for. This hurts like hell and no one can truly appreciate your pain, but you will heal and you will look back at this and wonder how you could feel so bad over just one person. Talking of that one person, I totally get what you mean about never meeting anyone like her again. Felt that way myself. Even now, I'm interested in someone who I think the world of. Sadly, she doesn't feel the same way, and I'm there now thinking "oh I'll never meet anyone like her" but hang on, I said the same about the ex from 5 years ago, so clearly my interests change evey now and then. This new girl is nothing like my ex in everyway, yet here I am feeling just as strongly for her. What I'm saying is, yes, you will not meet anyone like her, but you will love someone else just as strongly. Don't give up man, you won't realise it now, but you truly do have so much to live for. We all do.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 The break up is still fresh. You need time to grieve so laying in bed is OK, for now. However, you still have to go to work & live your life. Keep active. It will help but it's really OK to go through the grieving process. It's part of healing. Hang in there!
organizedchaos Posted January 10, 2016 Posted January 10, 2016 I genuinely appreciate everyone's responses.. it brings some form comfort even though I still don't feel like living. I think I would find some happiness in knowing she was sad or missing me in some capacity, but it's almost like none of our memories even matter or are relevant to her at all. If all she can say is "I'm sad I made you sad, but that's it", then it's like a completely different person from what I just spent the last year with. Bringing me from that ultimate high point of happiness and comfort to dropping me on a whim.. I just don't know how I can cope properly. The chances of meeting someone with all the same interests as you and all ideal things in a partner are low. Yes, I'm sure in 6 months, I'll find someone that I kind of sort of like in some way, but it won't even be comparable. This felt like the culmination of all my other relationships, like this was the one. Finding that again.. just seems impossible. I'm not trying to be morbid but I'm just still laying in bed.. haven't eaten.. haven't showered.. this is the worst pain imaginable. People saying "there's more fish in the sea" is not what you want to hear when you feel like you lost your everything, "the one" What you are going through and saying has been repeated here over and over and over again by so many others, including myself. Many others have been in longer term relationships that weren't long distance, like myself. My last ex was 3 years together before she just ended it 2 1/2 years ago. Not because of fighting or cheating but because she just changed her mind. We were together nearly every day. I was devastated and thought I'd never met someone I was so compatible with. But you know what? If we were so compatible and so in love, she wouldn't have let me go. And now? A year and a half ago I met someone who I've been with ever since. And it is 100x better. We are just as compatible and even more so! You cannot say you will never meet someone just as compatible because you can and will. No one is a unicorn. And like my story, it can be even better!
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