Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I was having a heart to heart discussion with my wife , I explaind to her that I am not satisfied with the intimacy level we have ; and that we need to identify the problem. she clearly expressed that I don't love her like before because i refuse to satisfy her needs , which are shopping on my credit card as she is spending her salary and it is not enough(she rarely contribute in Bills). I am keen now to put more constraints on spending because the logic , love against services is a bitchy approach . the question is , do women really relate services and mney to love ? to ladies who says no , do you love your husband/bf if he is a great man but won't let you do shopping on his credit card after you blow your salary on funny things ?
MuddyFootprints Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) Would you loosen control of the purse strings if you were more sexually satisfied? Edited January 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
MuddyFootprints Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I've read a few of your threads and you don't seem to have much respect for your wife's needs, either. Her needs aren't monetary. That may be her outlet, but her needs aren't material. I feel sorry for her.
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 I shouldn't at least from now on , I am married since18 years , a great women in front of society , the image is distorted in my mind because the way i see it is that majority of women care more about their shopping list than anything else.
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 so i should go into debt again to make her feel better ? do you do this ?
MuddyFootprints Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 If I had to blow my husband for a designer bag or a manicure, I'd be out. Fortunately for him, that's not where I want to spend 'his' money. 1
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 If I had to blow my husband for a designer bag or a manicure, I'd be out. Fortunately for him, that's not where I want to spend 'his' money. I totally agree with you , the question is , do you hate your husband if he was not generous enough in material requests ? it could be anything , even a new piece of furniture, the question is do you consider services and material things a sign of love , meaning that would you love him more/less based on it ?
MuddyFootprints Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 You want her to love you. What work have you done with her (or independently) to change the dynamics of your relationship? Google love languages. The two of you aren't on the same page. 1
MuddyFootprints Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I totally agree with you , the question is , do you hate your husband if he was not generous enough in material requests ? it could be anything , even a new piece of furniture, the question is do you consider services and material things a sign of love , meaning that would you love him more/less based on it ? No. For me, it's time. It's attention. It's repairing to the dishwasher when it doesn't clean the dishes, it's taking the dogs out, it's calling the guy to pump the septic tank, it's listening to me bitch about politics. And, it's him finally understanding that he's not getting a blow job for it. 3
basil67 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I totally agree with you , the question is , do you hate your husband if he was not generous enough in material requests ? it could be anything , even a new piece of furniture, the question is do you consider services and material things a sign of love , meaning that would you love him more/less based on it ? I cannot work because I'm a carer. My husband has a good income and supports our family comfortably. Part of his financial support is to keep us all clothed and furnished. Part of me being a carer is to care for our son and our household. We both have to do our part - if I left the house neglected or he left us all wearing rags we'd have issues. And no, I don't love him BECAUSE he supports me financially. I love him because he's a good man. If he tried to leave me without clothes in an effort to force me to do a sexual act I disliked, I'd probably leave him. I am not a prostitute who's sexual services can be bought.
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 If I had to blow my husband for a designer bag or a manicure, I'd be out. Fortunately for him, that's not where I want to spend 'his' money. I totally agree with you , the question is , do you hate your husband if he was not generous enough in material requests ? it could be anything , even a new piece of furniture, the question is do you consider services and material things a sign of love , meaning that would you love him more/less based on it ?
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 I cannot work because I'm a carer. My husband has a good income and supports our family comfortably. Part of his financial support is to keep us all clothed and furnished. Part of me being a carer is to care for our son and our household. We both have to do our part - if I left the house neglected or he left us all wearing rags we'd have issues. And no, I don't love him BECAUSE he supports me financially. I love him because he's a good man. If he tried to leave me without clothes in an effort to force me to do a sexual act I disliked, I'd probably leave him. I am not a prostitute who's sexual services can be bought. the issue is the other way . nobody is forcing anybody , the question is if you are a demanding person , and he refuses to buy you a neckless let's say because it is v expensive , though he buys you on accasions good things (gold, diamond , etc ) . would u in this case love him less , mine won't speak to me for 2 weeks and claim there is nothing wrong , but I know that she is not fine with it . if I do a compromise , she looks at it like **** ...
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 I went mad in the sales..... Man , mine would shop and shop and shop and shop ... I close my mouth because it is her money , then after she is done with her money she tells me "can you settle my credit card so that i continue shopping !" SALES! who cares if you don't need them . The funny thing is that she asks me always to go with her , she needs a driver ( though she drives ) , she needs someone to carry the bags I believe !
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I was having a heart to heart discussion with my wife , I explaind to her that I am not satisfied with the intimacy level we have ; and that we need to identify the problem. she clearly expressed that I don't love her like before because i refuse to satisfy her needs , which are shopping on my credit card as she is spending her salary and it is not enough(she rarely contribute in Bills). Excuse me; did she specifically say "I want to shop on your credit card, because I am spending my salary.."...? Is this the one and single reason she gave you for not giving you the intimacy level you feel you require? I seriously doubt this is just about money. I think there's far more to her rational than you are suggesting. I am keen now to put more constraints on spending because the logic , love against services is a bitchy approach . What exactly do you mean by this comment? the question is , do women really relate services and mney to love ?Every relationship is give-and-take. If you really wish to take it to a basic profound level, we all enter into relationships to get something out of it, and part of that something is carnal satisfaction. We all give out and expect input in return. Don't turn this into something that in your mind obviously equates with vulgarity and prostitution. to ladies who says no , do you love your husband/bf if he is a great man but won't let you do shopping on his credit card after you blow your salary on funny things ? The way to proceed is to have a central pot to pay into according to household expenses, and each partner pays in a suitable proportion. For example, if one partner has a part time job earning $19,000p/a, and the other a full-time job, earning $40,000p/a, it's not either fair or appropriate to ask the lesser-paid partner to contribute an equal amount to the central pot. It should be proportionate. But the issue also centres on emotional input. Do you treat your wife to the same level of emotional input as you did in the past? To put it bluntly, do you want sex from her without giving her an emotional incentive at the same time?
PrettyEmily77 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) Did you marry her for a looks then, OP? Have noticed that the money vs sex dilemma tends to crop up in Rs that were originally based on shallow stuff. To answer the OP, I make my own money so in my situation it'll have to be shopping and sex. Edited January 9, 2016 by PrettyEmily77 3
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 Excuse me; did she specifically say "I want to shop on your credit card, because I am spending my salary.."...? Is this the one and single reason she gave you for not giving you the intimacy level you feel you require? I seriously doubt this is just about money. I think there's far more to her rational than you are suggesting. -in this specific occasion she said I spent my salary already (on shopping) , I want to shop more ,please pay the due in bank so that I can continue tomorrow.in this specific incidence when I told i cant she stayed a week or so no even talking to me ; when I asked her what is the problem she didn't respond ; she goes silent mode ... Intimacy for her is not an urge , so she believe that she does her duties by accepting to sleep with me once per week lets say , I have to initiate , she never ever take any step , she just lay on her back and wait ; any attempt from my side to go into anything other than PIV is rejected. kissing is one way (mine) , and if I try to use my hands or go down on her she refuse . this has been the same since years... she is a spoiled child , and I admit that because I love her I used to give a lot , serve her majesty ; because I love her and my family I used to help her a lot ;I am getting no love in return since the begining. she makes 24K I make a lot more , she doesnt pay any bill , I pay everything since ages to make her feel independant; she has the freedom in spending her salary . yet she comes to me every month because she wants to buy or do more things . when it is a necessity i just give ; but won't pay anymore for 600$ f.. leather bag while i have 700 in my pocket !
Author Phoenician Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 Did you marry her for a looks then, OP? Have noticed that the money vs sex dilemma tends to crop up in Rs that were originally based on shallow stuff. To answer the OP, I make my own money so in my situation it'll have to be shopping and sex. I loved her , and she did , she claims that she still does. she gets upset and say that if i love her i should give everything (money ,assets,emotions )without any control , which I did for a long period because i loved her ; in return I expected what ? -I just expected that when I broke a hand / got sick that she will take care of me , she didn't . -I expected that if I Can't pay for her wishlist she will understand . -I expected that if I like to be aroused with her and make love she will try at least to be anything except a dull .! I expected love . Women of this kind can suck happiness from your heart , because whatever you do it is not enough.
PrettyEmily77 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 I loved her , and she did , she claims that she still does. she gets upset and say that if i love her i should give everything (money ,assets,emotions )without any control , which I did for a long period because i loved her ; in return I expected what ? -I just expected that when I broke a hand / got sick that she will take care of me , she didn't . -I expected that if I Can't pay for her wishlist she will understand . -I expected that if I like to be aroused with her and make love she will try at least to be anything except a dull .! I expected love . Women of this kind can suck happiness from your heart , because whatever you do it is not enough. That doesn't sound like a happy/healthy /fulfilling R for either of you. What practical steps have you made so far, both together and individually, to address your marital issues?
xxoo Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 We have joint accounts and access. I appreciate him as a provider, but I am not interested in shopping our family into debt. We share financial responsibility as adults. Is be horrified if he spent hundreds on purses for me at the expensd of our savings and financial security. That would màke me feel married to a fool, not loved. Love isn't about sex and money. If it were, prostitution would show love. 2
burnt Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 the question is , do women really relate services and mney to love ? "Women" do not fall into a generic category of species with a defined set of behaviors. In fact, it's not even important what most 'women' do or don't do. You need to understand the behavior of YOUR woman, her words and her actions--and most importantly the INTERACTIONS between you and her. she clearly expressed that I don't love her like before because i refuse to satisfy her needs , which are shopping on my credit card as she is spending her salary and it is not enough(she rarely contribute in Bills). Look at the bold text; what I read is you USED to show her 'love' by letting her buy stuff on your money. YOU have taught her that 'love'='money'. When you got married, think back, was she the kind of woman who became happy when you turned yourself into a wallet for her or was she the kind of woman who valued above all your attention, affection, quality time with you and non-materialistic things? If the answer is she has always been the 'I want stuff' type, then sorry to say, you chose your mate--she didn't misrepresent herself, it just took you a while to see who she always has been--the 'honey-money' type. If she wasn't like this materialistic before, then I think she is using the shopping as an emotional outlet for void/depression/anxiety/loneliness, something emotional. In which case, the root of that problem needs to be addressed.
OpenBook Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 the question is , do women really relate services and mney to love ? No, this woman doesn't (me). to ladies who says no , do you love your husband/bf if he is a great man but won't let you do shopping on his credit card after you blow your salary on funny things ? I've never cared about the income level of my SO's. And I would never DREAM of asking him to fund my own shopping excursions! When I was married (briefly/3 yrs, a loooooooong time ago) we pooled all our money into one pot and spent it together. Of course we were poor as church mice back then. Also, we were both bringing in about the same amount of income, so it was equal (albeit very little). I've never been in your shoes (longtime married) so my own experiences may be absolutely useless to you, sorry, but you asked about women in general (right?) so I responded. Your wife does not represent all women.
mrldii Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 ...nerous enough in material requests ? it could be anything , even a new piece of furniture, the question is do you consider services and material things a sign of love , meaning that would you love him more/less based on it ? No, I haven't/don't/wouldn't. Neither do any women I know who are in relationships...and, at my age, I've known a lot of women. I have seen this dynamic in many sitcoms, though, as it makes for a *funny* premise. Most of the women I know/have ever known [appear to] lose interest in sex when their emotional needs in the relationship aren't being met; since good, healthy sex is an act of intimacy, it can be difficult for some (most? many?) women to desire a man when there is no [emotional] connection. 1
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