SiaLv82 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Talking to a guy for two months and just had our 5th date. First month was mostly text and two dates because of my nonexistent time due to grad school. My time is free now and we has three dates back to back. We did stop talk prior for a week bc i told him i was concentrating on studies. I thought we would part for good like nice to know ya, but forever reason we both seeked each other out again. And other than for the one week we didn't talk, we have kept in contact daily for 9 weeks. 5th date things heated up. We both discussed what we are thinking about each other. He mentioned there is something obviously there but he's not sure, not ready to just date me. He said other than two girls he's texting he has gone on no dates recently. I have a gut feeling that's a lie. People tell me just go out a few more times but i feel i cant be 100% myself if i know he is still keeping a bunch of options lined up. We dont need a label. I just want to know everyone else has stopped if we start hooking up...which will happen within the next date or two. Before everyone says 5 dates!! Back in my 20s u met someone, you liked them, you gave then your undivided attention until decided didn't work for either. Nowadays in my 30s everyone has options upon options and are looking for the next best profile. Am i being too unrealistic here? Why was everything easier in my 20s with dating!
Snakechammah Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 A lot of women go through the anguish. It's always best to go with the flow. Why the rush to be exclusive? If you want to be exclusive first before you have sex, that's really admirable. Then don't have sex... yet. If he initiates, go as far as you're comfortable with, then stop if he wants to go any further. If he wants to know why, then tell him. Just state it clearly - 'You only have sex when you are in an exclusive relationship'. Don't pressure him for it, don't suggest it, don't nag it, don't beg it. Just state it as a matter of fact because he wanted to know why you stop. If he leaves because he can't have easy booty, then good riddance. Women are so scared that the guy will leave if they don't give their body when the guy wants... that they are willing to forgo their own concerns. Look, if the guy doesn't respect your decision or leaves because of this, then you don't want him anyway. Be confident. Be clear about your goals. Don't let anyone pressure you, not even the guy you like. If you feel ready to sleep with him, without the exclusitivity label, then by all means, go have fun! It's your body, your choice! And as for the exclusitivity, it's only been 5 actual dates. Slow down your horse! It's still early to put any label on it. Wait till he asks for it. As a woman, just allow him to lead. When he stops leading, you know he has lost interest and probably banging another easier chick. That's when you know you've dodged a bullet. All the best! 3
introverted1 Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 Don't overcomplicate it, OP. Do you still want to date him, even though he's on the fence? If so, do so. If not, don't. Are you willing to have sex if you are not exclusive? If so, do so. If not, don't. And so on. If he asks at any point whether/why you are doing or not doing a certain thing (dating others, not having sex, whatever), that's a good opportunity to share what you are looking for, etc. For now, it would appear that you should date others and not put all your eggs into this basket. 1
Recommended Posts