Why can I get over this? Am I looking to be treated like dirt?

[xuanqi1988]

It's been over 2 months now and I still feel sad, angry and want to slap him on the face. About a month after I felt like I was getting better, but it keeps going back and forth and I am still not fully over him yet. I still dream of him a lot, and often wake up feeling sad, frightened, and vulnerable, like I've fallen into this black hole.

I have no intention to get back with him, but still miss him a lot as well as the memories we have together. I have been on a couple of dates, but can't help comparing the new guys with him and end up with the conclusion he is better. Either that he has a better sense of humor, works harder or appears more masculine...But the only problem is, he didn't want me.

It's my first experience getting dumped after an official relationship, so maybe that's what makes it hard. But after the breakup, I had found out he was lying, deceiving and technically cheating on me emotionally. He was still thinking about his ex when we met, although I was not aware of that at all. During the time we were together, he caught up with his ex over lunch and implicitly expressed interest in reunion without my knowledge.

When asked whether he was with someone, he avoided the question and told her he was not interested in having a relationship. In a way he hid both of us from each other. This also explains why he wouldn't put anything up about us on social media. In turn, he made me feel needy and demanding for asking him to do so. I feel used, manipulated and deceived. I don't know how to get over this experience because up to the day, I still want to confront him about all the things that happened before the break up and slap him on the face. It's just really hard not having the clarity, although I know it wouldn't have made any different even if I did. :confused:

Edited January 9, 2016 by xuanqi1988

[Neffer]

I feel used, manipulated and deceived.

 

You were. I completely understand the need, desire, to confront him. It's only natural to want to hold someone accountable for bad behaviour. I get that. But that said, he won't register it. People that have the capability to treat someone(s) that way are masters at self deception and rationalization.

 

Be angry; you have good reason. Don't contact him, but get that anger out via writing, working out, etc

 

You were open with him, and trusted him - so naturally you feel betrayed. Fooled. Part of the pain of that kind of breakup, one with someone who really is not worthy, is that is a blow to the ego. I have been there. For me, being really really really angry worked to get rid of a lot of it. I preferred anger to feeling hurt. I did confront the jerk in my case, but I can't say it made too much of a difference.

[smudge21]

Your post rings true with me as I recall the whole anger thing kicking in when I worked out what she was really like. Love truly is blind. It was another emotion but at the very least it removed the love I had and allowed me to see the truth. Just ride out the feelings and let them come, don't bottle them up. You have every right to feel the way you do. It does get better though and you're on the right path.