Barbarella44 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 For 3.5 years I had a LDR with a man 11 years my junior. We had been open about dating others but it had never happened. He hadn't been in a relationship in a long time. Hadn't ever been intimate with someone. Essentially I was his longest and most serious relationship. In September he came here to spend time with myself and my children. On October 15, he informed me that he had met someone local and "wanted to see if he could make something work here (his hometown)". But he wanted to be friends Initially I freaked. I went smothering. I couldn't imagine someone telling me he was in love with me a month before and now wanted someone else. I tried friends but we both had issues with it. Then I went NC/LC. I started to see a therapist. I wanted to move on. But I found myself always yearning for him. Today I contacted him and once again he gave me the "we can just be friends" line. I asked him if I'm alone in the pain. He told me "no this sucks" I don't understand. He dumped me. How can he still feel pain 2.5 months later? Clearly he is in a rebound but holding onto the idea that it could work (he told me this). I'm working on moving on but it's the most difficult thing I've ever done. My divorce was easier than this. How the hell do people survive this???
Itsfriday Posted January 9, 2016 Posted January 9, 2016 He is just keeping you to the side in case things dont work out. You should never be someones second fiddle. He is just looking for something more serious with this person sorry to say. he did drop you so easily after the time you spent. You should just drop all contacts with him so it wont poison and cloud your mind. Its really hard. Ik the feeling you have. it honestly does get better but you should look for someone whos willing to invest more time and dedication into you. Coping us the hardest but you gotta do it for your own sanity and mental and physical health. First you drop all contacts with him. You immediately get yourself busy and do things to take your mind off him. Try new foods and new places, the more fresh memories you create the more you forget the old. Do things for yourself, take yourself shopping hell spend some dough on yourself you deserve it. Time is the biggest healer. The fire burns the closer you are to it. So get out of the fire. the less you have to do with him the less pain you'll feel, and soon that flame will be a memory with no pain. Take care.
Author Barbarella44 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Posted January 9, 2016 I'm very much aware that he is trying to keep me on the back burner. He's young and emotionally immature. I just find it very interesting that after so many months he is still feeling the pain. I feel it less and less but my guess is that he is just starting to feel the heavy sting now. My nurturing self wants to fix that. But I recently read where someone went thru the same thing and told their ex "I know you are hurting right now but I'm the only person in the world that can't fix it". so I'm carrying that He's NC for me. Ive become good friends with one of his family members and will continue that but it is a fully supportive situation.
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