smile95 Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 what I find so funny is that I cannot even take my own advice? Why is it that I can give logical answers to others in my same situation, but I cannot do it myself??? Oh that makes me mad. Maybe one day further into NC, my blinders will come off and I can see more clearly. I ask all about NC and then can tell others what it is about? odd. Maybe helping others is actaully helping me too? Thanks to everyone out there who listens to all my issues and helps! This site has really helped me vent and make the right decisions. Sometimes it has saved me from contacting. I just hope that one day I can write on here that I am over him and cannot believe I wasted all this time crying over him! Like Isaid earlier today, if he is "the one" and I do NC, he will come back when the time is right. If he is not the one, why in the world would I want to be with someone who is not as in love with me as I am him! just rambling.............
Fallen_Angel Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 Rambling is very, very good. You may as well spill your thoughts instead of allow them to run around in your head endlessly. It's dizzying and tiring! I too find myself looking at the advice I give and saying wtf? This is what I should do too! But of course it's easier to wax poetic about a stranger's situation. You're not the one involved, so you don't know all of the details and intricacies. But in your own personal situation, you know every bit of analysis and theory, so it's hard to mesh the logical advice you get (which your head says "Yes, you'd best be doing that!") with what your heart wants. Sometimes coming to the site makes me feel a little worse (in that I want to contact my ex...weird!) but most of the time I'm comforted by the knowledge I'm not going through this alone. I also have to keep reminding myself that if my ex does change his mind, then he'll come back, but I can't force the issue. He is very stubborn. I don't know why I feel as though he'll forget about me - must be paranoia, I guess. I would hope after three and a half...well, closer to four years he wouldn't forget about me overnight, or even after 2 months. I still can't get through a day without thinking about him. You're absolutely right; you shouldn't waste your time on someone who doesn't completely return your feelings. I'm sure someday we'll all have happier stories to share.
mazza32cott Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Oh how difficult life can be with matters of the heart. I was married for 18 years and have 2 children. All I can say is that it was sooooo hard but I am sooooo happy to have done it!!! I now am free to love someone and be loved. And it is going to happen!!! The problem is we know what to do but it is easier not to do it. So you have to be strong and keep telling yourself what is the right thing to do! We cannot advance by going back to the same situation which has not worked before. Maybe the saying "the best way to get over one is to find another" holds some weight.... People say you should give yourself space before entering into another relationship but I have known many people that have broken up and gone into another relationship and they are still together. Your thoughts? Maz
Author smile95 Posted June 5, 2005 Author Posted June 5, 2005 how long did it take you to get over him.....did he want the split or did you? That is great that you are ok now. If you can do it after all that time, I guess I can. The common fear is to never find anyone and that is what I feel now. I had such a connection with my ex and it is hard to imagine that again. How does it work out with the kids for you? I am not sure if a relationship right now would help me. He would still be on my mind and I still have hope that he will return. I have to let go of that and get closure and then maybe a new person in my life will come along.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Beth, we all go through this stage. Recovery just takes time and patience.
dgiirl Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by upsetnhurt http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56181/ lol that's pretty funny. I know I wrote a topic like this a few months ago. Maybe it's part of the healing process to recognize you can help other people but cant take your own advice. Like denial, anger, bargain, depression, acceptance, knowing you cant take your own advice
mazza32cott Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 You do get over a relationship. Time is the key. You need to preoccupy yourself to eventually rid yourself of constant thoughts about him. It took me a very long time to get over my 18 year relationship. I guess it took a year before I felt I was worthy again. My children suffered during this breakup because mother didn't really have it together for a short while, you know, unhappy, tears. Now we are very happy and I have just the greatest relationship with my boys. Still now I feel a twinge of sadness but I soon put it out of my mind as I KNOW that relationship was not working and it is best to move on. Don't think you will get left on the shelf. I have been out there and there have been many offers, however, I am a bit fussier now but I know the right one will come along. Let go of the past and most importantly be positive about the future. Maz
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