Dumped 3 times

[Wuku]

When do the feelings of belief, in the possibility of getting back together again, go away?

 

I've only been dumped for a couple of weeks now, and I'm having a really hard time of it. We are both middle aged, and we had been together 5 1/2 years. This is the 3rd time we have split up in the last year, all instigated by her. It feels worse this time though, even though she says "we don't know what the future holds" and "I need time and space" and "we can't be together right now", lines she has used before. The reason it feels worse is because the last 2 times it's happened, it's only been a week before we are texting each other daily again, even though we didn't see each other for several months before getting back together. This time she is not making any contact, except to briefly answer a couple of texts, which isn't normal for her.

 

She is going through severe depression, and has been for the last year and a half. She blames me for some of this, from things that happened when we had rough times in the past, and I accept a lot of the responsibility unfortunately. I just want to see her get better. I really do love her, and she has always said that I am the only man she has ever truly loved, and the only man she wants in her life, and she knows she will love me for the rest of her life, but that now she may have to be on her own if she can't get over some of the things from our past.

 

Even though she has ended it, she hasn't used the terminology of it being over forever, leaving the door open a little bit as she has before. How do I get better during this period? I know NC is probably the best advice, but I don't want to completely block her in case there is a chance at a reconciliation. At the same time, I realise I'm hanging on a string now. Is it best to treat it as its completely over, and get on with my life, then if anything happens, it happens? I usually break any period of silence first, should I just wait for her to contact me, and give her the space she needs? She has told me she doesn't mind contact between us, and doesn't seem to want me completely removed from her life, not yet anyway. I don't know exactly where I stand as she gives out conflicting messages. Is this just breadcrumbs?

 

As she is very unwell, I don't want to let her down either. She was there for me through my own problems, and I want to be there for hers. Having said that, she has pushed me so far away now. Any advice please?

[d0nnivain]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me, for believing you.

 

 

This woman has already played you for a fool 3x. Why do you want to go back for a 4th helping of immature drama, the inability to communicate intelligently and a bunch of brinksmanship BS? Don't tell me it's because you love her. That is a teenager's answer at this point. Your relationship needs more than love to fix what is wrong because she clearly doesn't love you enough to work with you to stop this destructive pattern from reoccurring.

 

 

Mature people work out their problems. They don't break up & storm off every time there is a problem. They work together toward a resolution. This middle aged woman doesn't do that. She throws you away & runs off & pouts. Then she comes back & you let her.

 

 

How long are you going to put up with this? Read some books about self esteem.

[Wuku]

Wow! That tells me lol! I understand your point, and appreciate your advice, but did you see the bit about her having severe depression, and some of it being my fault? It seems a little harsh to ignore that, or have no sympathy for it. Depression is a terrible illness, and often leads you to make decisions you wouldn't normally make. The point for me posting here is because it isn't a straight forward situation. I do have days where I feel exactly how you describe I should, and want to move on, but, teenage answer or not, I do love her and want to see her better. If I thought she was lying when she said she loves me too, I wouldn't hang around. It's a difficult decision, do I need to let go and move on, or not give up on her and try to help?

[kittyxo]

Your story is 100% very similiar to my own. This is our 3rd breakup as well, all intitated by him.

 

Everything your ex has said to you, my ex told me in our last conversation, even the bit about not knowing what the future holds. He even said to me that if we're meant to be, we'll be.

 

I'm not sure if they say this to let us down easily, or they actually mean it. But the thing I am learning to deal with right now, is not caring about what he is doing or over analyzing every last thing he said to me.

 

Through time and NC, I am asking myself, who is important here, me or my ex? I will admit to you that in previous breakup, my concern was him. I was concerned with what he was doing, if he was dating someone, if he was thinking about me, if he would call me. This time around, I realized that it's me that I should be focusing on. I posted my story on LS and many people said that I should focus solely on me and rebuilding my self esteem and my positive nature.

 

Let it go.

 

As hard as it sounds, you have to let it go. And I'm not saying let go of the love you have for her, just let go of the relationship for now. It has died. If in the future your ex comes back to you, let her do it on her own.

 

I want you to focus on yourself and please do NC. It will help you so much. Remember the focus is on you. Who cares what NC does to your ex, it should be used to help you get back on track and heal.

 

This is what I have been doing for a month now..

[Nickr3023]

As someone who suffers from depression, and as someone who was just in a relationship with a woman who suffers from depression.......yeah you need to move on. She needs to get help if she's not already, and unfortunately she needs to get better on her own. This is going to be a long difficult process and it's not one that you can be, nor will you want to be around. I tried it for a year, and eventually her depression dragged me down further and further. She would say and do things that would absolutely crush me, even though she loved me. I was also dumped twice, and let her back in, and then she ended up cheating on me...don't fall into the same trap that I did. I'm sorry you're going through this as it's a simply awful thing that I wouldnt' wish on my worst enemy. Take care of yourself though.

[DrMario]

I can also relate to this and it's rather spooky how similar this situation is to mine, only this is my 2nd time being broken up with in this fashion, I saw a massive change in her this time though, she had pushed me away and picked at me for months for every little thing I did and didn't do, I couldn't approach her at times without seeing her get herself into a state, even when I approached her in a loving way, seemingly she directed her anxiety and depression at me, I'm certain it was on a subconscious level, she had never been the same since depro provera (contraceptive injection), she focused on a certain point in time where I was acting out of line (I really was a dickhead at this point) and that seemed to be her stumbling block in the end, she couldn't get passed it and inevitably she had to part ways with me, she pushed and pulled a little when I had to leave the house, we fried to make it work but she couldn't bring herself to spend any time with me, she looked frightened, to be honest, I didn't take the whole thing well and I would cry and get upset, in the end she stonewalled me for a week or so and then I got the text "sorry but I think we can only be friends in the future, please take this seriously), she has given me the silent treatment ever since no matter how much I reached out, so my advice to you is, don't do what I did, tread carefully and be sensitive to her need's, let her know the door is always open for her if she needs you and needs somebody to talk to, I feel you'll have to be very patient this time I'm afraid.

[Wuku]

Thank you for all the advice, it's very much appreciated.

 

I guess I know what I have to do, it's just hard doing it. I feel responsible for a chunk of what she is going through, a chunk caused by my own depression and mental health issues several years ago. It seems she just can't get over things I said back then, even though the last couple of years I haven't put a foot wrong. It was always being brought up, and I was always apologising for it. She is a very sensitive and emotional woman, but she doesn't seem to be able to see her role in things, and I know it's not 100% me. How she deals with things is not the way most people do. Anyway, I think I have been completely demonised by now, but I do feel I deserve some of it.

 

I think NC is the way to go, although if she contacts me I would reply, I think not to would be rude and uncaring, and I do care, even if I know it's over. I won't put my life on hold, but if she does want to reconcile some way down the road, I would want to know, and see how I felt at the time. Right now, I have to accept everyone's advice, and concentrate on me, and my own healing. That means not contacting her, and trying to lead a happy life without her. I think I can at least try that.

 

We all seem to be in the same boat. Good luck to all of you!

[DrMario]

I'll say it again, it really is spooky how similar this is to the situation I find myself in, though I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, it helps to know that I'm not the only one going through this, it's probably one of the most difficult break ups I have ever been through because it feels like if it had not been for certain factors, we could have resolved our issues and been a happier and healthier couple in the future, but sadly, I have never had a break up like it, most breaks up I have had in my life time have been from a build up of many things over time rather than something that couldn't be overcome in the distant past.

 

When she hammered the final coffin nail, I panicked and sent her a very long detailed letter of apology for my part in things, it was the most emotional piece that I'd ever wrote, I felt very guilty and remorseful, like you, I had put her through it some time a go, I was grieving my dads death when I met her and my mental state was shipwrecked, I said many horrible things I didn't mean and acted out in ways that weren't befitting of me, it was a very long time a go and I would say I've shown her nothing but love and kindness since, but unfortunately she couldn't find a way to forget all of that, I would cry and apologise every single time she brought it up, because it brought me great shame that I would treat somebody I loved in the ways that I did.

 

She wasn't innocent by any means, she had her parts to play, and there had been times when she acted out at me irrationally, that being said, I can only apologise from my side of the fence, I'm not expecting her to ever apologise for her part in things, chances are in the state she was in when I last saw her I'll never get that apology, once she convinces herself that she has done no wrong, even a private investigator with evidence wouldn't be able to change her mind, that's how stubborn she is at times.

 

I have started therapy because honestly, the guilt I feel at times makes me feel like I'm not worthy of being alive, I've forgiven her in my own way for her part's of the inevitable break up, but I struggle to find forgiveness for myself, therapy has definitely helped and has given me some understanding and perspective that I have needed.

 

All you can really do at this point is give her the space that she needs and be a kind and caring figure should she ever find herself in need of your help, you should focus on yourself and work on yourself for now, try to forgive yourself, understand yourself and work towards being the person to you truly want to be, that in it self can give a much needed feeling of self bliss and happiness, I wouldn't shut her out, definitely go no contact but remain available to her if she should ever reach out.

 

I'm not the kind of person to hold grudges, so I have no problem being there for my ex should she ever reach out, she's hurt me a lot and she's acted pretty cold towards me but I could never force myself to see her as a bad person, I care about her a lot and even though I'm focusing on my own life and my own health and we'll being, I will always have shoulder's and ears for her should she ever speak to me again.

[d0nnivain]

Her depression is NOT your fault. You can't make somebody depressed. It's not like the flu. You didn't give her germs.

 

 

I have suffered with depression for a lifetime & the last 4 years have been bad. Not once did I break up with my husband or my previous BFs because I was depressed. I did withdrawn into myself & be hard to get to go anything but I never pulled the nonsense your GF is pulling on you.

 

 

Just because she's depressed does not mean she gets to jerk you around.

[DrMario]

I completely understand what your saying, however different people react to depression in different ways, so while I'd never end a relationship while depressed, others might, I have suffered depression for many years myself, but anxiety for me has been the killer, I was once with a very nice girl, only I went through a really bad year with anxiety symptom's fully heightened, she was very patient with me but eventually I rarely saw her and without realising pushed her away, as the thought of being around people at that point in time made my anxiety go haywire, so I don't always believe it's intentional, but I agree with you, just because depression and the like takes a hold of you isn't any excuse to exhibit poor behaviour and break somebody's heart, but society these day's... How many people do you know of that stand to fight for the relationship?, nobody I know comes to mind.

[Wuku]

I do feel that I contributed to her unhappiness, but I realise I didn't give her depression. Thank you though, makes me feel a bit more human!

 

DrMario, your story seems to mirror my own in a scarily close way! Like you I feel guilty about my actions in the past, i let my girlfriend down with my behaviour and some of the things I did. There was no cheating, or psychical abuse, just stupid things I said. Like you I'm a forgiving person and I don't hold grudges, and I believe if she was more forgiving we could have sorted things out. I would have forgiven her almost anything. I find its hard not being forgiven. On the other hand, isn't it her failing to be unforgiving?

 

I will try to remain NC, unless she contacts me. If she needs my help, I'll try to be there, but after reading advice and stories on this site, I need to tread cautiously. I need to focus on me and learn from this somehow. No matter how much I blame myself, she certainly has a role to play in all this.

[DrMario]

You are human, everybody makes mistakes and everybody at some point in life falls on hard times, there's a statistic somewhere that says most people at some point in life will suffer some form of mental health issue, it's rough but you need to forgive yourself and recognise that you have apologised and tried to make up for it, that's all you can really do in this situation.

 

Again, we are in the same position, I was always loyal to her and I would never harm her, and I would forgive her for anything, I practically did throughout the entire time we was together, I'm a fan of drop it and leave it in the past where it belongs, I would never hold something over her head, but I think because I did this, despite my best intentions, she lost a lot of respect for me, it saddens me that I never gave up or walked out on her, but she couldn't bring herself to forgive me and refrain from doing the same on seemed like a spur of the moment thing.

 

Focusing on yourself right now is all you can do, I learned a lot from my time with her and without her and I feel better that I'm improving all the time, I'm always willing to let her back in but she would have to make it clear to me that she wouldn't pull this on me again, because like your ex, mine also had a big part to play and unless she recognises that and owns up, nothing can proceed forward.

[Wuku]

I often wonder if the way I changed from being an ill and crappy boyfriend, to becoming a more rounded saner person made her go off me, maybe I became to easy to walk over or dismiss. At least I know I did my best, and tried as hard as I could to fix things, and learnt a lot on the way.

 

The past has to stay were it belongs, each day is a new start. I think, if I were to ever let her back in, I'd need some way of knowing she meant it, I'm not going through this again!

[DrMario]

Wow, another similarly, I was also ill and a crappy boyfriend because of it in the beginning, I wound up depending on her quite a bit, she spent an awful lot of time with me back then, once I started getting back on my feet, I think she felt left behind because I was enjoying activities all the time and genuinely making huge strides to improve my mental and physical well being, I think the transition from shipwreck and dependant to active and independent really hurt her and left her thinking about what her new place and value would be.

 

I can honestly say I did my best as well and I think your in to something, she walked all over me at times and I think she knew she was in complete control of the relationship, she knew I would never leave her side, anything she could say or do never needing fixing, I'd always let it slide but I remember working my butt cheeks to the bone trying to please her and make up for any wrongs I may have caused her, I thought I was handling things in the right way, but I guess not, it just became complicated.

 

I hope you stick to that last part, I need to remind myself of that as well, some days, I feel I could dive back in just like that simply because I'd be overjoyed at the fact that she'd have come back, other days, I see straight and know I'd need a big effort from her to make things right, either way, I never think badly of her, and I'd never rule anything out with somebody I once shared my life with.

[Wuku]

The thing is, I know if my ex were to post on this forum, from her side of the story, she would get the advice and sympathy she would deserve, and I would be vilified. That's what I have trouble with, imagining what people would say if she was posting in this thread. That's why I'm as honest about things as I can be. My Daughter pointed out to me that I am always defending my ex's behaviour, even when other people are pointing out stuff she has done that is wrong or unfair. I guess I'm always lambasting myself for what I did, and find it difficult to forgive myself, because I know I caused major problems and unhappiness in the past, and I'm embarrassed and ashamed of it.

 

There was a time she really gave all of herself to help and love me, she stood by me and held me together and I couldn't of wanted more. She would have done anything for me. But I wasn't in a place to see it, and ended up breaking things. For a long time I was difficult to live with, moody, grumpy, angry, argumentative, hurtful, immature, and just about holding on to my sanity at times. I was a dick. I pushed her to far. I Just wish she could move on from those days, and judge me on who I am and what I do now, and how I've been for the last couple of years almost. I always thought I could make it up to her too, and that's why I accepted how she was, because she had to put up with me at one time. She didn't deserve the pain I caused, so I felt that I did deserve the pain she was causing. I need to take her off the pedestal I put her on, and accept the things my family and friends, and people on this forum have said and advised.

 

I agree that I wouldn't close the door on her completely, but at the same time I'm not expecting to get back together, and need to think as though it's over, and get on with sorting my life out. If she does want to try again, then we'll see how I feel there and then, but it's got to come from her. I still find it difficult to believe we may never be together though, we shared so much, went through so much, it just feels wrong that she's not in my life, a bit like a bad dream sometimes. I don't know when I'll finally get past the false hope stage, especially as she hasn't seemed to have completely shut and locked the door on me.

 

 

On the plus side, I've just completed my first full week of no contact, it was difficult yesterday, bad day, but I'm glad I've done it.

[galaxys5]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me, for believing you.

 

 

This woman has already played you for a fool 3x. Why do you want to go back for a 4th helping of immature drama, the inability to communicate intelligently and a bunch of brinksmanship BS? Don't tell me it's because you love her. That is a teenager's answer at this point. Your relationship needs more than love to fix what is wrong because she clearly doesn't love you enough to work with you to stop this destructive pattern from reoccurring.

 

 

Mature people work out their problems. They don't break up & storm off every time there is a problem. They work together toward a resolution. This middle aged woman doesn't do that. She throws you away & runs off & pouts. Then she comes back & you let her.

 

 

How long are you going to put up with this? Read some books about self esteem.

 

 

Hahaha that was a very good reply.liked!

[Thistooshallpass21]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me, for believing you.

 

 

This woman has already played you for a fool 3x. Why do you want to go back for a 4th helping of immature drama, the inability to communicate intelligently and a bunch of brinksmanship BS? Don't tell me it's because you love her. That is a teenager's answer at this point. Your relationship needs more than love to fix what is wrong because she clearly doesn't love you enough to work with you to stop this destructive pattern from reoccurring.

 

 

Mature people work out their problems. They don't break up & storm off every time there is a problem. They work together toward a resolution. This middle aged woman doesn't do that. She throws you away & runs off & pouts. Then she comes back & you let her.

 

 

How long are you going to put up with this? Read some books about self esteem.

 

Right on the money, for OP situation and myself. Thank you for putting this here and bringing it to light. My ex and I just recently broke up for the third time as well and this helped me view the situation in a better light.

[DrMario]

I'm ashamed to say the same, if she posted about me based on the bad times that we had early on in the road, I would be a goner for sure, I wasn't somebody I was proud of and though I did everything to change that and be good to her, nothing really made up for it so it seems, it lived with her and wouldn't leave her alone, or rather it did for a while then it crept back up in her mind, people have told me pretty much the same "she wasn't easy to live with, she did this that this that and this" and I can see that, but I see that in part as retaliation rather than based on her own actions and words, it all became very complicated.

 

She was always there for me and I could tell she really loved me and cared for me but down the line all that stopped and became pretty cold towards me and wouldn't put in any effort, it was very hurtful, but I was in your shoes, because of how I had acted out to her, in the same exact ways, stupid, immature, grumpy, generally a miserable so and so, I put up with it and chalked it off as my come uppance, believing if I kept on doing the right things by her it would all change and the situation would turn around, I spent many of my nights crying in front of her apologising for how I was, I thought that might have opened her eyes as she'd never seen somebody so remorseful and aware of the hurt and pain they'd caused but sadly it didn't do anything to help the situation.

 

I think your doing the right thing, I know it's hard but all you can do is forgive yourself, take time to heal and reflect and hopefully if she ever comes back, she might have done the same and may want the same as you, to reconcile, put the past in the past and move on from it, I treat my ex as though she's family in this situation, as my sister not long after my ex did something similar to me and shut me out, the door is always wide open for my sister and the same applies to my ex.

 

Congratulations on your first week of no contact, it's hard, I think I'm on day 8 since I last reached out, it's hard to refrain at times but what else can we do? we have accepted our part to play in the downfall of the relationship, they need to accept the same for there to be any hope of moving forward, otherwise it'll remain the exact same way, and we'll be the scapegoats.

[Wuku]

Scapegoat is right, everything she did that was unfair, any mood she was in, any odd behaviour, was firmly blamed on me and the past. I always apologised at the time I did things, once I'd calmed down and if it was my fault. But over the last couple of years have found myself apologising time and time again for the same things, and obviously not having my apologies accepted, even though she seemed to sometimes. And I accepted it all because I felt bad for what I had done before.

 

Maybe going through this 3 times, and even considering going back for more is madness, but you can't help who you love. And I can't help but blame myself. The door will be open at least until either of us meets someone new, and moves on.

 

For me though, I don't intend on being in a relationship for some time. I need to heal, and improve myself, and she is going to be difficult to get over. I certainly don't want a rebound, or to hurt someone else either. Being middle aged makes it all seem more difficult to me though, like time is running out, a scary thought. I rarely go out these days, meeting up with my mates every month or two is about it. Who knows how I will meet someone else, or even if I will meet someone at all! We had so many plans for the future and they all disappear with the relationship. She is in a better position than me, so will be able to carry out some of those things, were my future is more uncertain. Just got to face each day as it comes I guess.

[DrMario]

Without sounding nasty about my ex, I used to take the blame for a lot of what she did sometimes, or I would at least accept the excuses when the excuses where based on what I had been like in the past, it was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from, and when I did wake up I would have it all held at the tip of my throat, the thing she probably never realised was that I'd already been beating myself up about it and living in shame without need of having her do the same.

 

I don't think your nuts, I think these days the moment somebody mentions any type of issue to anybody else, the person hearing it all will say "get out of there, don't go back, not after you've been treated like that" etc etc, and I don't believe that is key to a successful relationship, I believe in sticking it out for the person you love, I believe that's what anybody you look at who has had any kind of success in their marriage/life long relationships has had to do, it's rough but that's life, you have to fight for the one you love, times in life aren't always good, so it's good in my eyes that you would leave the door open and it's good to slam it shut should there ever be another man in her life, I'm the same and that is where I draw my line.

 

I'm at an age now, a mental age at least where I wouldn't ever want something like a rebound fling/relationship, my attractions in this sense have shifted in recent years, unless I feel a good connection and like my heart and soul is fully committed to somebody, I wouldn't invest myself in to it, I'm not quite middle aged yet but I'm old enough to have fond memories of my commodore 64 (that is the only hint I shall give you lol) I do feel that fear in the pit of my stomach, it isn't as easy as it used to be to meet women and get a ball rolling, I feel rather dated these days and often struggle with things to bring up as I don't have much in common with most women I meet.

 

It's really sad that I thought my ex was the one for me, as I feel disappointed now that the dream's we dreamt up together will never come to be, I hope I'm wrong and I hope she'll come back and slam them back down on the table, if not, it's looking like a life of solitude for me as I don't know if I can really hack hitting the reader button and starting over again with another woman.

[Nightwriter]

I'm with you guys in a lot of ways. My ex and I were in a deep relationship together for almost 3 years. Well, she snapped and let herself be captured by a charming guy and left me for him.

 

After all the work we put in and memories we had, I don't want to start all over. And I still hold out hopes she finds remorse and comes back. If she does come back, it shouldn't be because her new relationship didn't work. She really does need to be sorry for her selfishness and disrespect and she needs to know it will be work to earn trust back. You shouldn't settle for less.

 

Anyway, I recently started talking to a woman that I am attracted to. I'm taking it slowly and will not smother her. It might or might not be anything but at least I'm not repelled by meeting someone new as I was in the beginning of the breakup. My point is, love is still possible after all the damage a person does to you. Just make sure you are mentally in a good place to not bring the baggage of the old relationship to any new one.

[Wuku]

I know I'll get shot down for saying this, but I don't think NC is always the right choice in all situations. If two people are 100% finished and both know it, then I get how NC helps you recover, although if you are that certain I don't know why you would contact them anyway. I get it if it's used because someone won't leave you alone, and you have made it clear it's over, or if you just want to move on and heal. But in cases where it hasn't been made 100% clear, or there is a chance, however slim, then surely you would want to test the water. I'm the type of person that needs to get stuff of my chest, and I wouldn't be happy if I hadn't tried, and didn't know conclusively. I'm not harbouring false hope, I think we are over, but I need to know 100%. I don't like the open ended wording used to dump me, even if it's common place in a lot of break ups. I need to be certain. So I'm sure I will contact her at some point, and see if anything has changed. She asked for time and space, so that's what I'm doing. I honestly don't expect to get back together, and am living my life that way, but not knowing for sure would eat me up.

 

I understand not wanting to build up another relationship, it's a scary proposition. You put so much work into it not to mention emotion, and end up crushed. I don't want to go through that again, and anyway, I still have feelings for my ex that aren't going away anytime soon unfortunately. Starting over with someone new doesn't excite me, it scares me. And, as nightwriter said, I have to be ready to leave the baggage behind to, and I'm nowhere near that yet.

 

DrMario, you say your Commodore 64 age eh? I was around at the time of arcade space invaders, the birth of gaming lol

[DrMario]

I'm with you on that one, I believe in working through issues rather than running away from them, I have never applied no contact without being absolutely sure that it's what the other person wants, so I tend to try to communicate first, leave it a good while and then try to talk again, and if that doesn't work out too well, then at least I can say I really tried and gave it everything I had, I'd rather my pride take a whollop than live with any kind of regret, no contact is for healing and figuring myself out, I think in my case though it looks bleak, I didn't get a goodbye and it is really hard to live without a proper goodbye, I think in my life time only one person has ever ended a relationship to my face and told me what I truly meant to her, looking back I appreciated that as it hurt like hell but it gave no doubt what so ever that my only way forward was moving on knowing the relationship was 100% done, it's hard to grasp the context of a text.

 

Half of me believes my relationship is over but the other half of me seems to be living in hope and having faith which is really annoying >.> lol maybe I just think I know her better than she knows her self sometimes, either way I have to overcome that and live like she's never coming back as even if that was the case there are many issues for me and her to sit down and talk about and I'm not too sure she will want to stick around to tackle that.

 

I'm trying not to think too much about my next relationship, no matter how hard I look for somebody I never find anyone, I wind up forcing myself trying to like people and hurting them and myself because of it and because I'm not ready, my last 2 girlfriends seemingly came out of nowhere so I kind of like to leave it to fate in this way, of course I would rather my ex see's the light and changes her mind, but if not, I think it's best I keep myself to myself heal and catch up on some videogames.

 

Haha sad to say I miss the arcades, I say that now because arcades aren't the same anymore, my mum used to send me to the shop for groceries, I came back empty handed "sorry I tripped and the money fell down a grid".

[Wuku]

My girlfriends seem to have come along without me looking for them too. I just think it will be less likely to happen now, due to a change in lifestyle and social activity. Who knows, maybe I'll try internet dating eventually. Of course, I'd rather have my ex back. Even if that happened, I'm not sure she would be willing to look at herself and admit she doesn't always handle things rationally or fairly. I can't go back to how it was, always worrying when I'm going to get dumped next and walking on eggshells, no matter what I've done in the past. There has to come a time that I can move on from that, that not everything can be blamed on me anymore, and I won't feel guilty and accept it. I need to stop punishing myself.

 

I wonder how many relationships end face to face nowadays. Mine seem to end over the phone or via text, ambiguously. I think only my daughters mother ended it face to face and decisively, but we were living together, and mobile phones weren't wide spread then. It seems that everything is throwaway or constantly upgradable now, and that includes relationships.

 

I don't know, maybe I do have some false hope left, it's hard at the moment and my mood or beliefs change daily. One minute I think I'm doing ok, then the next I've come crashing down. But I'm going to do as she has asked, give it a few weeks, and then maybe reach out and see where I stand once and for all. I just need that decisive decision that means there's no chance, and either way, I think I'll be better able to move forward. It's the not knowing, or being 100% sure that's hindering me at the moment.

 

I loved the arcades, spent a lot of money in them over the years! Still relive the games, via emulators now lol

[DrMario]

Unfortunately I'm rarely not busy these days so I often worry about the same things, most people now seem to meet through clubs, social group's etc, I don't really do clubs and I haven't really got a social circle as such anymore, I tend to have one or two very close friends and I've been happy enough and getting by just like that, I tried online dating some years a go after me and my son's mother broke up, mayhe I was just unlucky but I never met anybody who was right for me unfortunately.

 

I have a feeling I would be in the same scenario as you should she come back to me, she isn't the kind of person who would allow herself to be vulnerable and I doubt she would she would show me the remorse I deserve for really putting me through it, I couldn't live with her again, I know that much, I was always treading lightly trying to ensure I was making her happy and when she would randomly lash out at me and accuse me of doing something or being such a way I would always try to approach her gently and defuse the situation, but it didn't really matter because if one argument went down no matter how small, the relationship would be over and she would tell me to move out, it was very anxiety producing, I couldn't really live with any kind of optimism as it was always "too much", I put up with that as my just deserts, but I couldn't go through that again, nobody should have to live like that, I loved her and I loved her son, I did my best by the both of them, it's hard to accept that I deserved the kind of treatment she put me through.

 

As I've said only one woman had ever ended things with me face to face, I got my closure, we both cried on each other even, it's painful thinking about it but it's one of my cherished memories, I try to stay away from social networking, as I feel my life is far better when I haven't got a screen in my face 24/7, that and I'd always rather talk to somebody over the phone or face to face, no crossed wires that way.

 

I didn't hear her say goodbye to me and she didn't give me any parting words of meaning, I guess that's the part that holds me back at the moment, as much as I would love to reach out, I think I'm going to let her reach out to me as I doubt she would reply to me if I did send her anything, I'm going through the same as you right now, I can be okay one day for the most part and then, well, there is no protecting yourself from dreams is there?, and that sets the tone for the rest of the day, I actually find myself writing her letters that I'll never send, I have a draw full of them.

 

I have been emulating TurboGrafx games lately, I missed out on that system, I'm rooting through some hidden gems, but it's sad that nothing really helps to take her completely off of my mind, what's really sad is though is that while I'm struggling to get by, I hear from people that she looks hardly affected and is getting by just fine.