Broke up with girlfriend because she sleeps with ex

[Whisky1981]

Hey loveshack just checking in to see your opinion on this. I guess I need a little reassurance that I am doing the right thing even if it hurts a lot.

 

So I've been with my girlfriend for 1 year. Her parents own a business where she works. The problem is that her ex-boyfriend works with her. Her mother who owns the business always cheerd for her daughter to get back to him even if they already broke up 2 times. I knew that from the very beggining but she reassured me that they are just friends now, even if she never really solved the relationship and put a definitive end to it. Now I never had a reason to doubt her telling me the truth about this but I was always careful for the signs if they would ever showed up.

 

All this until now. Her mother as the boss of the company sent her and her ex to a school. They visit the school twice a month and because it is a 2h drive away from home they sleep in a hotel for the night.

 

First time they went she rented 1 room with two separate beds and I was angry, she told me this after she slept in the same room as him. We discussed that trough and I said that she has to take two separate rooms because I was not comfortable if she sleeps in the same room as her ex. She agreed with this. And now it came the second weekend and I discovered that she has rented one room for two, again. I didn't told her that I knew this instead just asked her if I and her can go together and at least spend the night together. And I asked her if she already has rented the room, she said no, and that was a big fat lie! She said that she will think about it. After two days she stopped answering my phone calls and sent me a text that she needs some time alone to calm down.

 

I didn't replay to the text because I know what is going on and why. I won't stand her sleeping in the same room as her ex every two weeks.

 

So even if she calls me I am not answering anymore.

 

It hurts like hell knowing that she will sleep with her ex today....

 

Am I doing the right thing not calling her and crawling back to her? At least I'll save a little pride....

[Silver_star]

Not sure of your ages, but come on. She is being ridiculous.

 

This is a situation where it doesn't matter if they are in separate rooms or not. They are exes travelling together and spending a lot of time together. You have every right to be upset about this. Her not respecting your boundaries on the issue and brushing you off and lying to you about the details proves that she is wanting the freedoms to act however she likes with her ex. So be it. Let her go man. She is shadyyyyyy and obviously not done with her ex. How would she feel if the shoe were on the other foot and you were travelling around with your ex and spending nights with her?

 

Yeah not cool. Don't be boyfriend #2, while she is still entertaining boyfriend #1.

[Friskyone4u]

You absolutely did the right thing..

 

It is obvious her idiot mother may have even orchestrated this, but a woman in a supposedly exclusive relationship with a boyfriend of a year does NOT SHARE A HNOTEL ROOM ON MULTIPLE OCCAISIONS WITH AN EX BOYFRIEND WHO SHE HAD SEX WITH MANY TIMES.

 

That is about as crazy and disrespectful as it gets. This crap of her needing space to figure it out is just a childish attempt to bully you into accepting her having sex with her ex every few weeks with a perfect alibi.

 

Head for the hills. You need this like a whole in the head

[PegNosePete]

Am I doing the right thing not calling her and crawling back to her?

Absolutely.

• She lied.
  
• She disrespects your wishes by getting a twin room after you told her it makes you uncomfortable, and expressly promising you that she wouldn't.
  
• She "wants space" which basically means she wants to choose between you and the ex
  
• She is not telling her mother to back the hell off, instead allowing her to continue interfering
  
• She wants to sleep in the same room as her ex (otherwise she would not do it)
  

As Iron Maiden say. Run for the hills!

[kendahke]

I'd have dropped her off at the mall the first time this happened. It wouldn't take 2 times .

 

Also, if her mom is backing their relationship and your GF is getting her means of support from mom, then she's got that tied up nicely with a bow. I think you never stood a chance once you found out her mom supports his relationship with her daughter and not yours.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, when you caught her out on the lie, that should have hurt worse than knowing she was going to share a room again. But, why would she say that she needed time alone to "calm down". Calm down from what?

 

 

Personally, my thoughts on this is she asked for time off from the relationship to be "alone". Basically, she's telling you that she needs a "break" because she knew that she was going to be with this guy over the weekend. And if anything happens, well...she can ease her guilt, because you two are on "a break". So; it apparently, doesn't count. You can't be mad.

 

 

Yeah dude, write this one off. Just go straight into NC. heal from this and move on. Do not respond to anything she sends you after this weekend. Consider yourself broken up with.

Edited January 8, 2016 by Chi townD

[Whisky1981]

Thank you all for your support. It really means a lot to know that I did the right thing to not persist with her.

 

Yeah I know that she told that she needs time to basically not cheat on me if something happens trough the weekend with him. But you know what, she didn't have the guts to break the relationship because she just dosen't know what she wants. They broke up 2 times in a 7 year long relationship. I've been there too and it is a miracle IF the second try works out let alone the third. Now the reason she still wants him is because he has a higher education than me (thats why her mother loves him much more than me) and she likes working with him and talk about work with him. In everything else she said I am above him...god help me.

 

But now this dosen't matter. Even if she comes back next week, after a month or whenever I won't even answer to her, let alone be with her again.

 

Thank you.

[sandylee1]

This is her mother's doing... but she needs to stand up to her. I don't know how strong a person she is.. but her mom not liking you and wanting her back with the ex will make it difficult to have a great future with her.

 

Put your foot down and get the respect you need.

 

How old are you guys BTW?

[Whisky1981]

This is her mother's doing... but she needs to stand up to her. I don't know how strong a person she is.. but her mom not liking you and wanting her back with the ex will make it difficult to have a great future with her.

 

Put your foot down and get the respect you need.

 

How old are you guys BTW?

 

Ok. Now you will laugh. I am 34, she is 32. She is not a strong person, her mother always had and will have absolute dominance over her. I don't know. In the beggining she had a lot of issues at home just because she never knew how to stand up for herself at home, or this is what she told me. She never had problems to stand against me and doing whatever she wanted so I doubt that she told me all the truth. But yeah the relationship she has with her mother at this age is pretty insane. She dosen't always listen to her but her mother surely knows how to change her mind subconsuosly. She seekd help in the beggining and after a while I realized that she is as much as a problem as her mother. I tried to change her and to pull her away a bit but failed in the end. I know that trying to change someone at this age is stupid but all the same I was naive. The problem is that her parents live 40km away and she owns horses, whose she ride 4 times a week. Horsechicks, crazy chicks by definition . And every time she went riding those horses, her mother tried to put some pressure on her, about me, about her work, about her ex who is also her co-worker and so on. I know I was stupid to even try. She dosen't have her basic things in order for living a normal life.

 

Thanks.

[RightMyWrongs]

It was a good riddance pal. Like others said, head for the hills. She has no sense of respect and she definitely crossed the boundaries.

[hopelessromanticxo]

You are most definitely doing the right thing. If she continues to sleep in the same room as her ex after you've told her you're not comfortable with it, she doesn't respect you enough to consider your feelings.

[Gigolo]

Dude, which part of this story don't you get? A girl sleeping in the same room with an ex means one and only one thing. She and he are sleeping on the same bed. In other words she is banging him. I don't care if there are 10 beds in that room.

 

As long as there are only two people spending a night in that room, and the two happen to be Ex GF and BF, there is only one way this night ends, with him in her.

 

That her mom is desperate for her daughter to get into a relationship with daughter's ex, leaves absolutely no doubt about the script that this movie is running on.

 

There is only one course of action left for you here. Give her the gift of vanishing.

 

Disappear from her life COMPLETELY. And IMMEDIATELY. The sooner you quit this circus the better it is for your sanity and self respect. Tons of girls out there. Why get strung along to be played like a fool.

[Draper]

Dude, which part of this story don't you get? A girl sleeping in the same room with an ex means one and only one thing. She and he are sleeping on the same bed. In other words she is banging him. I don't care if there are 10 beds in that room.

 

As long as there are only two people spending a night in that room, and the two happen to be Ex GF and BF, there is only one way this night ends, with him in her.

 

That her mom is desperate for her daughter to get into a relationship with daughter's ex, leaves absolutely no doubt about the script that this movie is running on.

 

There is only one course of action left for you here. Give her the gift of vanishing.

 

Disappear from her life COMPLETELY. And IMMEDIATELY. The sooner you quit this circus the better it is for your sanity and self respect. Tons of girls out there. Why get strung along to be played like a fool.

 

Damn son that was a hell of a first post

 

That being said, I agree completely.

[theredpill]

Absolutely, this is exactly what you must do.

 

My previous ex pulled this kinda **** once, found out and that door was immediately closed (welded shut) forever. The pain you're probably going through right now immediately disappeared when I met someone even better a few months later, then when the ex came back as this new relationship started to look like it was getting serious, could look her straight in the eye say it's way too late for that tiger.

 

Don't have to be a dick about it obviously, but you have to be a man... listen to Gigolo

 

Was always gonna be a tough situation mister, never going to be as easy as a normal relationship should we say and now you're out of it, do what you need to do, stay occupied, take that rage to the gym and get back out there ASAP. No waiting 6 months and all that ****, as soon as you can and you will meet someone.

[Amelie1980]

Ok. Now you will laugh. I am 34, she is 32. She is not a strong person, her mother always had and will have absolute dominance over her. I don't know. In the beggining she had a lot of issues at home just because she never knew how to stand up for herself at home, or this is what she told me. She never had problems to stand against me and doing whatever she wanted so I doubt that she told me all the truth. But yeah the relationship she has with her mother at this age is pretty insane. She dosen't always listen to her but her mother surely knows how to change her mind subconsuosly. She seekd help in the beggining and after a while I realized that she is as much as a problem as her mother. I tried to change her and to pull her away a bit but failed in the end. I know that trying to change someone at this age is stupid but all the same I was naive. The problem is that her parents live 40km away and she owns horses, whose she ride 4 times a week. Horsechicks, crazy chicks by definition . And every time she went riding those horses, her mother tried to put some pressure on her, about me, about her work, about her ex who is also her co-worker and so on. I know I was stupid to even try. She dosen't have her basic things in order for living a normal life.

 

Thanks.

 

Hi I noticed you are from Slovenia. I dont know muhc about it other than it is former Yugoslav, but is there a cultural issue we are missing here?

 

Are families more traditional, expected that you marry, live a traditional home life? Is it normal at your ages for parents to meddle in relationships and tell you what to do?

 

What do you mean horse chicks are crazy chicks?

[sandylee1]

Ok. Now you will laugh. I am 34, she is 32. She is not a strong person, her mother always had and will have absolute dominance over her. I don't know. In the beggining she had a lot of issues at home just because she never knew how to stand up for herself at home, or this is what she told me. She never had problems to stand against me and doing whatever she wanted so I doubt that she told me all the truth. But yeah the relationship she has with her mother at this age is pretty insane. She dosen't always listen to her but her mother surely knows how to change her mind subconsuosly. She seekd help in the beggining and after a while I realized that she is as much as a problem as her mother. I tried to change her and to pull her away a bit but failed in the end. I know that trying to change someone at this age is stupid but all the same I was naive. The problem is that her parents live 40km away and she owns horses, whose she ride 4 times a week. Horsechicks, crazy chicks by definition . And every time she went riding those horses, her mother tried to put some pressure on her, about me, about her work, about her ex who is also her co-worker and so on. I know I was stupid to even try. She dosen't have her basic things in order for living a normal life.

 

Thanks.

 

I am suprised indeed. At your ages... she should be more sensible than to think her sleeping in the same room is acceptable.

[Whisky1981]

Hi I noticed you are from Slovenia. I dont know muhc about it other than it is former Yugoslav, but is there a cultural issue we are missing here?

 

Are families more traditional, expected that you marry, live a traditional home life? Is it normal at your ages for parents to meddle in relationships and tell you what to do?

 

What do you mean horse chicks are crazy chicks?

 

Hello,

 

No it is not normal for parents to interfere in their children love life. Only if needed, as in any other western country.

 

A girlfriend lying and sleeping in the same room with her ex...we are human beings and all of us work by the same rules dosen't matter what countries we are coming from.

 

Her mother is possesive and wants to control all her life, but it's not entirely her fault as the daughter just dosen't want or has no ability to stand up against her. Not a normal situation but not because of the culture but because of the brain that resides in their head.

 

In the end the problem is her. She made a perfect picture of her boyfriend in her mind. It has to be educated, has to love horses and help her with horses, hes to help her with her company and work. She is seeking for a new mother and father in one men. She met someone (being me) that did't apply to those rules and it was fun, she became attached and in the end she didn't know WTF it was going on the needs she was longing for in a boyfriend weren't covered and she having fun at the same time...that wasn't normal. She is indecisive and from that she never really sort out things with her ex.

 

Horse chicks are crazy chicks because only one thing matter in their lives. Horses. All the time and the money will go into this. And those animals are a complete black hole for women (financialy and emotionaly).

 

Thank you.

Edited January 9, 2016 by Whisky1981

[Amelie1980]

Hello,

 

No it is not normal for parents to interfere in their children love life. Only if needed, as in any other western country.

 

A girlfriend lying and sleeping in the same room with her ex...we are human beings and all of us work by the same rules dosen't matter what countries we are coming from.

 

Her mother is possesive and wants to control all her life, but it's not entirely her fault as the daughter just dosen't want or has no ability to stand up against her. Not a normal situation but not because of the culture but because of the brain that resides in their head.

 

In the end the problem is her. She made a perfect picture of her boyfriend in her mind. It has to be educated, has to love horses and help her with horses, hes to help her with her company and work. She is seeking for a new mother and father in one men. She met someone (being me) that did't apply to those rules and it was fun, she became attached and in the end she didn't know WTF it was going on the needs she was longing for in a boyfriend weren't covered and she having fun at the same time...that wasn't normal. She is indecisive and from that she never really sort out things with her ex.

 

Horse chicks are crazy chicks because only one thing matter in their lives. Horses. All the time and the money will go into this. And those animals are a complete black hole for women (financialy and emotionaly).

 

Thank you.

 

So maybe her upbringing has caused her to be this way, do you know if her mother made her feel guilty growing up if she didnt do what she wanted?

 

Mind you, I think there is only so much you can blame her mother. If I genuinely loved a man and wantd nothing to do with my ex, if my mom booked me a room with my ex to share.....I would go an spend my own money and book my own single room. She had that choice.

 

I would have refused to share with my ex if I genuinely loved the new guy.

 

I would call this one a wash. And yes horses are very expensive and need alot of upkeep.

 

i like your user name, are you fond of the whisky?

[Whisky1981]

So maybe her upbringing has caused her to be this way, do you know if her mother made her feel guilty growing up if she didnt do what she wanted?

 

Mind you, I think there is only so much you can blame her mother. If I genuinely loved a man and wantd nothing to do with my ex, if my mom booked me a room with my ex to share.....I would go an spend my own money and book my own single room. She had that choice.

 

I would have refused to share with my ex if I genuinely loved the new guy.

 

I would call this one a wash. And yes horses are very expensive and need alot of upkeep.

 

i like your user name, are you fond of the whisky?

 

Yes her mother made her feel guilty and always send her in the world telling her that she shouldn't shame the family name. She told me that once...maybe is true.

 

I told her if I had a room booked with my ex I would have gone to the other side of town on my own expenses just to not sleep with her. That this was disgusting. And no, her mother didn't book the room for two. She did, I know that which is even worse. I assume that she did this not to cause trouble in the company thinking that it would made the ex unconfortable. I shouldn't have known that she booked the room for two. If I wouldn't have found out by my own she would have lied that she booked two single rooms. She just didn't expect that I would check this out by my own. And I didn't tell her that I know, I just told her that I will go with her and that I willl book a room for us two. At that point she didn't know what to do anymore, she said that she will think about it and then she disappeared from sight telling me that she needs time to calm down. From that moment on I went NC and will never again answer to her.

 

It really is incredible what kind of people walk this earth and I always have to meet that kind.

 

In fact I love Whisky especially right now .

[irishguy]

You know yourself there is only one reason she wants to share a room with him when she doesnt have to .You are right to walk away .

[Whisky1981]

You know yourself there is only one reason she wants to share a room with him when she doesnt have to .You are right to walk away .

 

Yes I know that. The reason could be that she woudn't show him that she is really out of the game causing trouble at work. Or her mother didn't want to finance two rooms. And she tought that she will go away with it telling me that she rented two separate rooms. Yes financialy the family was really skimp. If things weren't 50% discount they never bought anything. And if the price went up 10€ they made a scene at the counter. She never payed for anything and at one point I caught her refounding parking tickets that I payed for at her company, never giving me the cash. So basically she was robbing me . And I am talking about a really wealthy family.

 

I know this is far fetched and that the reason she just wanted to sleep with him is the much more plausible one. I am not comforting myself with this.

 

But we aren't talking about a completly normal person here that has all her cards sort out in the right way and I know this.

 

The status quo was the best for her. Having me and not directly showing to the ex that she has somebody else. This way she left open a door for him to come back into her life and she didn't cause trouble at work.

 

She just dosen't knew that I found out the truth of what she was doing.

 

Yea, most probably she just wanted to bang him or banging him now and then leaving a door open to the previous relationship. I don't know. She never acted like a normal woman or a normal person. That's for sure.

 

Thanks!

[NoLeafClover]

Whiskey, you did the right thing.

Please don't take her back. This is like the ultimate betrayal for me to be honest. If it was me I could never be over this kind of thing. It's one thing they work together which is hard as is...but then sleeping in one room...Screw that man.

 

The fact her mom likes him over you because of school level is said. I have a friend with a phd, good guy but would make a terrible longtime boyfriend. School doesn't mean you would make a good partner. I'd say don't even answer her. She made her decision for you and you have no one to blame but her.

Be strong and you will find someone else that won't do this to you sooner or later.

[kendahke]

Ok. Now you will laugh. I am 34, she is 32. She is not a strong person, her mother always had and will have absolute dominance over her. I don't know. In the beggining she had a lot of issues at home just because she never knew how to stand up for herself at home, or this is what she told me. She never had problems to stand against me and doing whatever she wanted so I doubt that she told me all the truth. But yeah the relationship she has with her mother at this age is pretty insane. She dosen't always listen to her but her mother surely knows how to change her mind subconsuosly. She seekd help in the beggining and after a while I realized that she is as much as a problem as her mother. I tried to change her and to pull her away a bit but failed in the end. I know that trying to change someone at this age is stupid but all the same I was naive. The problem is that her parents live 40km away and she owns horses, whose she ride 4 times a week. Horsechicks, crazy chicks by definition . And every time she went riding those horses, her mother tried to put some pressure on her, about me, about her work, about her ex who is also her co-worker and so on. I know I was stupid to even try. She dosen't have her basic things in order for living a normal life.

 

Thanks.

 

Wow. My daughter is 32 and there is no way she'd allow me to dictate to her who she could date, even when some guys have been obviously no good for/to her. But in the end, I trust her judgement--she knows when she is being gaslighted and when she's got a good guy.