CTRL C Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 So I got set up on a date a couple weeks ago, just before Christmas. I hadn't been intending on getting back to dating for a while yet (left a bad LTR back in July) but you know how enthusiastic friends can be, so I decided what the hell, might as well try this one semi-blind date. Anyways, it turned out much better than I had hoped. He pretty much checks all of the initial boxes - polite, courteous, intelligent, well educated, independent, a little goofy and nerdy like me, and very attractive. We really had a great time and even though I hadn't been planning to date again, I agreed to a second date, then a third. He's made it pretty clear he's very interested, and I know I'm really attracted to him, but not having dated for a long time, I'm really trying to keep things a little slow... It's also just date 3 so there's a lot to learn yet. And yes, when he suggested date 3 I did explain the backstory and he respected that... neither of us are seriously "husband/wife hunting" so it's been just a let's-see-what-happens thing. He lives a few hours away so he's invited me to come visit a few weeks from now for the weekend, which I'm considering and haven't said yet one way or the other. That's not really my question, but in discussing the weekend he mentioned he discovered his parents recently decided to come visit that same weekend. Of course I then said that I wouldn't interrupt time with his family, to which he said that "you'll meet them eventually anyways." Brakes!!! We have been on 3 dates (talked on the phone plenty but those dates are the only face to face time), we've not had the "exclusivity talk" and he not only wants me to meet his parents, but the first introduction to be as some chick spending the night with their son? That situation just doesn't feel right at all. Is it just me? Can someone translate what's going through his head?
Gaeta Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 He's made it pretty clear he's very interested, and I know I'm really attracted to him, but not having dated for a long time, I'm really trying to keep things a little slow... It's also just date 3 so there's a lot to learn yet. And yes, when he suggested date 3 I did explain the backstory and he respected that... neither of us are seriously "husband/wife hunting" so it's been just a let's-see-what-happens thing. He lives a few hours away so he's invited me to come visit a few weeks from now for the weekend, which I'm considering and haven't said yet one way or the other. That's not really my question, but in discussing the weekend he mentioned he discovered his parents recently decided to come visit that same weekend. Of course I then said that I wouldn't interrupt time with his family, to which he said that "you'll meet them eventually anyways." Brakes!!! We have been on 3 dates (talked on the phone plenty but those dates are the only face to face time), we've not had the "exclusivity talk" and he not only wants me to meet his parents, but the first introduction to be as some chick spending the night with their son? That situation just doesn't feel right at all. Is it just me? Can someone translate what's going through his head? How clear were you on not wanting to get in anything serious? I think he likes you so much he accepted your limits but deep down he's hoping you'll change your mind about him. It's not that uncommon for people to do that. I think it's time for another talk about what exactly you meant when you said nothing serious. It means A, B, C, no meeting the parents, no exclusivity, no expectations, etc. 1
introverted1 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Some people have quite a relaxed relationship with their parents, where an introduction is not a big deal. He lives a few hours away so you spending the night/weekend is not the same thing as the parents showing up at 7am on a Sunday and finding you both naked! I think he handled the potential change in plans quite nicely. Sounds like a sincere, mature guy. 1
Author CTRL C Posted January 8, 2016 Author Posted January 8, 2016 (edited) How clear were you on not wanting to get in anything serious? I think he likes you so much he accepted your limits but deep down he's hoping you'll change your mind about him. It's not that uncommon for people to do that. I think it's time for another talk about what exactly you meant when you said nothing serious. It means A, B, C, no meeting the parents, no exclusivity, no expectations, etc. I said that I hadn't been dating at all since the end of the LTR and that I didn't want to jump into a real relationship so soon. It's not like I'm out dating other people - I'm not at all - but I need some time to be independent and make sure I get my bearings back as a single person. I'm not opposed to an eventual relationship with this guy, my reasoning is that I don't want an unintentional rebound - I don't miss my ex, but we all want companionship and I really want to make sure I don't jump ahead just for that. It's purely me making sure I don't get selfish and disrespectful. Especially because, good grief, the "clicking" really is on par here. Also, we're both mid to late 20's, so that's part of the lack of urgency (26 still feels too young for a wedding to me). Edited January 8, 2016 by CTRL C 1
introverted1 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I said that I hadn't been dating at all since the end of the LTR and that I didn't want to jump into a real relationship so soon. It's not like I'm out dating other people - I'm not at all - but I need some time to be independent and make sure I get my bearings back as a single person. I'm not opposed to an eventual relationship with this guy, my reasoning is that I don't want an unintentional rebound - I don't miss my ex, but we all want companionship and I really want to make sure I don't jump ahead just for that. It's purely me making sure I don't get selfish and disrespectful. Especially because, good grief, the "clicking" really is on par here. Also, we're both mid to late 20's, so that's part of the lack of urgency (26 still feels too young for a wedding to me). You've been single for 6-7 months, so I think an "unintentional rebound" is quite unlikely. Of course, only you know if you are truly over your ex and have "processed" that R. Assuming you are... My advice, as someone older than you and who realises how elusive that "clicking" can be, is to enjoy this man and see where it goes.
Recommended Posts