My GF of 3yrs (26) told me (31) to move out immediatly because I'm unhappy.

[marky00]

Really?

 

I usually try offering bjs to calm fried nerves.

 

The only one whose ever turned that down is my husband.

 

Generally guys feel a little better and are willing to talk things out if they've had one.

 

Plus they are enjoyable.

 

Maybe I should teach a course or something.

 

LOL

 

I must be picking the wrong girls. All my Exes have run to the hills the minute I hit a rough patch.

[marky00]

I did read your post and it's not how most women in relationships who care about their SO behave. I've seen my bf down and out, and never wanted to kick him out because of it...that's not a relationship. Something out of the ordinary is going on behind the scenes that OP doesn't know about

 

I agree about the kicking out part... and I understand not all women are the same.

 

I think initially when the love i high... they do try and help to a degree. But women tend to get lose respect for their man pretty quick if a few months later he still in his rut.

 

A few weeks.. maybe a couple of months. Any longer than that.... its game over.... HASTA LA VISTA BABY !!!!

[marky00]

two people who truly love and respect each other, don't get into fights.

 

Not so sure about this.....

 

Hate and arguments isn't the opposite of love... indifference is...

 

It really just depends.

 

Some relationships require the arguments to stay afloat so the participants can let off steam and push their boundaries. When people start fighting from the get-go but get past the first year, they will always fight to some degree but may last the distance.

 

In other relationships (usually where no fighting occurred at start), fighting can become a sign of a relationship becoming terminal.

 

Its also how you fight. If both people give as good as they get, that can sometimes work. But if 1 person starts copping all the blows and never fights back... then its not going to last.

[Itspointless]

Hate and arguments isn't the opposite of love... indifference is...

Yes, you offering some wise things here. It all depends on the characters in the dynamic. My comment earlier was quite personal in that respect.

[dreamingoftigers]

LOL

 

I must be picking the wrong girls. All my Exes have run to the hills the minute I hit a rough patch.

 

My husband and my ex were like this.

 

No gender corners the market on being a runner.

 

I notice its the ones that appear more "passive" that tend to run for the door.

 

In my husband its total anxiety response. His biological mother did the same thing. Disappear and get into something addictive. Finally at 37 he's done enough work to break the cycle. Eleven years into our relationship.

 

I am pretty stubborn too. I just knew I had to out-stubborn him. It was a heavy gamble marked with a lot of misery. I don't recommend it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Not so sure about this.....

 

Hate and arguments isn't the opposite of love... indifference is...

 

It really just depends.

 

Some relationships require the arguments to stay afloat so the participants can let off steam and push their boundaries. When people start fighting from the get-go but get past the first year, they will always fight to some degree but may last the distance.

 

In other relationships (usually where no fighting occurred at start), fighting can become a sign of a relationship becoming terminal.

 

Its also how you fight. If both people give as good as they get, that can sometimes work. But if 1 person starts copping all the blows and never fights back... then its not going to last.

 

That's actually a Gottmann principle in "why marriages succeed or fail"

 

Three types tend to make it:

 

1. Both are passionate arguers

2. Both are assertive (think your "healthy communication")

3. Both are conflict-avoidant.

 

My parents are definitely number one. Every freaking day. It was ridiculous.

 

But they've been together almost 40 years.

 

The only kind that doesn't seem to long-haul is with passive-aggression.

 

You can both be aggressive, passive or assertive but passive aggression doesn't seem to generate a lot of empathy or understanding.

[David84]

So I appreciate all the replies. I've read everyone as they are posted.

All this transpired Wednesday. On the Thursday when she left a note to leave before the weekend I waited till late in the evening to respond with a text saying leaving by the the weekend isn't reasonable and doesn't work for me. She texted back, which she hadn't previous, and asked what was reasonable. I told her when I figured out what I'm doing and find a place and that we still have things left unresolved. She responded that there's nothing to resolve. I just left it at that. I don't want to fight and rush due to emotional thinking.

 

She messages me yesterday afternoon simply with, rent a storage locker. I didn't respond. I don't want to bicker. That seems unjust and unfair.

Today is her birthday. I went out with a buddy last night for moral support and to vent about what's going on. He suggested I try calling and talking and atleast wish her a happy bitlrthday and be a bigger man. I disagreed because I know she won't answer and feel she shouldn't be expecting anything from me in this situation on her birthday. I did text her simply happy birthday which obviously got no response.

 

Im feeling kinda ****ty about the situation. It's disgustingly frustrated to not be able to communicate. This isn't the first time she has packed a bag for her moms. About 6 months ago was a similar situation which lasted over a week. Her mom is a single mom and lonely and very anti guy taking away time with me and my daughter so it doesn't help that's where she goes. Last time it was resolved when finally she came to talk and it took about 20 minutes to resolve with conversation and ended in her crying because she "has a bird brain" and "can't think clearly" and "just shuts down" which are all ****ty excuses I shouldn't have to compensate for constantly.

 

Never the less I have sent her a text asking if tomorrow would be good for her to figure things out. No response obviously.

If it's another guy I like her to tell me because it's easier for me to say **** You I'm out. I have started looking at places and the potential of finding a place such short notice is dismal 3x what I'm currently paying in overhead and nothing with pets. I live in Vancouver Canada where a 1 bedroom 600 sqft 1960's apartment is 1100-1300 w/o utilities. My current living cost is below 500 WITH utilites. I would ultimately like for her to come home and for me to be wrong about another guy and hash out a plan to make things work and not blow up an otherwise great relationship for both of us. However I feel like there are some deep deep cuts and it might not be practical.

 

Just typing out loud.

[theredpill]

It wasn't a post about the opposite of love and you would be right in that case. Although I know a few long term couples who continually argue, they're not happy - but neither has the strength to move on. I wouldn't accept that kinda shenanigans and can only really comment on my point of view, whether it's right or wrong.

 

 

I think most women could consider a man who doesn't argue, communicates effectively and has clear boundaries is a hundred times better than someone who has such limited self control, they can't keep their temper in place.

 

 

There's a time and place for anger and rage, only those in denial think it's part of a relationship.

 

 

Just my 2p

[gaius]

I'm from an Italian / Irish background and if I was ever dating a girl from either of those cultures and had the audacity to whine about having a seasonal depression they wouldn't even give me 24 hours to get out, let alone a whole week. She was generous.

 

Look, a lot of women, especially from that background are looking for strong, masculine men. They aren't looking for guys they can lead around, or who communicate about how unhappy they are. If you're unhappy then do something about it. Come to the party with plans and action. It's not about getting her to talk about her feelings and responding to them. It's about you being the man and leading. These are probably the mistakes that are causing you to be frequently cheated on and dumped.

 

Stop with the polite texting asking her nicely to talk to you. Decide once and for all whether you want to be with her or not, and if you do figure out a plan to make yourself happy. Text her or leave a message telling her to be home at a certain time you know she can be there and if she doesn't show up you'll show up somewhere you know she'll be, because you need to talk. And when you do LEAD, don't whine and don't try and get her to talk about her feelings.

 

That's all the advice I can give you. You've probably dug your hole so deep you can't get out but that will give you the best shot possible. And keep it in mind for future. And if you need to talk to someone about depression then do, but don't make it your girlfriend the one hour a day you see her. A therapist could be helpful.

[d0nnivain]

She may be under the impression that you want to talk about fixing the relationship & staying together. First, communicate to her that the only thing you want to talk about are the time frame & the logistics for you moving out.

[David84]

I haven't heard from her at all. Tried calling just now and she didn't pick up.

I followed with a text saying simply when is a good time to talk?

 

Very hurtful and frustrating. I can't possibly understand why she is so check out and resentful towards me.

 

I don't think it was unreasonable for me to want to work with her to resolve me being unhappy. Sadly without her around this weekend I was able to have a great time with seeing friends and family and was out almost all weekend. This doesn't get to happen normally as my weekends are the only time to see her normally and I can't see friends and family because logistically it doesn't make sense to travel 2 hours round trip to do so for an hour or two.

 

We used to have dinners together and weeknight dates. We used to have sex regularly before bed or when we both got home after work. I moved out here because she wanted me closer because the commute sucked seeing each other. I don't think I'm wrong in asking her to switch her shift back to make us healthy again.

 

I know I'd do that for anyone I love, try to be considerate and work

 

Not kick her out and never talk to her again. Really heartbreaking.

[ExpatInItaly]

Had you noticed any other unusual behaviour in the weeks or days leading up to this?

[dreamingoftigers]

So what ended up happening?