My GF of 3yrs (26) told me (31) to move out immediatly because I'm unhappy.

January 8, 2016

**tl;dr: Gf (26) told me (31) to get out by weekend because I communicated I was unhappy. Stuck in limbo while she won't communicate.**

I've lived with her for 1.5 years and moved into her existing rental apartment in the city from the suburbs an hour away due to her constant request of me to be closer and around more. Very much amazing and loving relationship. We had a few drunken fights that turned ugly. But we reconciled always. Hurtful words, thrown cellphones nothing awe full. She's Mexican/Irish, I don't let things go and get argumentative when drinking. We recognized drinking was an instigator and have adjusted fairly successfully.

The past 14 weeks or so she decided to work a shift complete oposite of mine. I'm 6A-4P, her 5P-11P. At first I voiced concern but tried to do ok. The past 6 weeks or so I've told her it's hard on me because I moved for her and left everyone a 2 hour round trip behind and feel a seasonal depression being alone night after night, stuck in a funk. I also felt detached from her physically as she was never around or tired from work or just not in the mood. This conversation came up a few times in a civil way. I was trying to communicate. She is awful at communicating her feelings and thoughts. Her reaction was always that this is the shift she likes and works for her life.

I guess I had a few drinks and during a phone conversation with my parents Wednesday evening and they picked away that I'm unhappy being alone and to change something. So I confronted her again when she came home that night and we ended up in a argument over it again. The next day as she left for work she told me It was over and needed me to move out. I texted a few times while she was at work and asked her to talk it through, she did not response. She didn't come home and I received a call from my parents asking if I was ok as she had contacted them rather than discuss with me.. I haven't heard from her since. She was around today while I was at work because she's packed clothes and belongings to stay with her mom. There was a note on the whiteboard simply saying "Be out by weekend".

I don't know what to do. 80% of the belonging in the home are mine. I have nowhere to move to beside storage and sleep on my parents couch while I look for a place. I've paid for this month and feel it's rash and unfair to kick me out without communicating. I hurt very much because we TRUELY felt we've never met a partner so compatabable, had a great Christmas and spoiled each other.

On top of everything this is now my 5th 3+ year long relationship to have failed by being dumped or cheated on and dumped. It hurts and has me scratching my head why im so easy to give up on. It's frustrating at 31 to keep starting over and failing after allowing myself to love and be hopeful this is the one. I want an adult life and keep working towards a family and a home.

Part of me wants to pack up and leave her with an empty apartment in spite and go full NC. Part of me wants to just wait and weather the storm. But ultimately I'm unhappy recently and feel her reaction is completely un just nor loving. It hurts because i love her and always want to put the work in to keep the spark alive and well. I'm also worried since it's her place on paper I have a risk of coming home to changed locks and she is being irrational.

Thanks for listening. I'm pretty strong but today I was fighting the tears at work. I'm an electrical Forman with a crew of 20 guys and it was close a few times to being embarrassing.

January 8, 2016

**tl;dr: Gf (26) told me (31) to get out by weekend because I communicated I was unhappy. Stuck in limbo while she won't communicate.**

I've lived with her for 1.5 years and moved into her existing rental apartment in the city from the suburbs an hour away due to her constant request of me to be closer and around more. Very much amazing and loving relationship. We had a few drunken fights that turned ugly. But we reconciled always. Hurtful words, thrown cellphones nothing awe full. She's Mexican/Irish, I don't let things go and get argumentative when drinking. We recognized drinking was an instigator and have adjusted fairly successfully.

The past 14 weeks or so she decided to work a shift complete oposite of mine. I'm 6A-4P, her 5P-11P. At first I voiced concern but tried to do ok. The past 6 weeks or so I've told her it's hard on me because I moved for her and left everyone a 2 hour round trip behind and feel a seasonal depression being alone night after night, stuck in a funk. I also felt detached from her physically as she was never around or tired from work or just not in the mood. This conversation came up a few times in a civil way. I was trying to communicate. She is awful at communicating her feelings and thoughts. Her reaction was always that this is the shift she likes and works for her life.

I guess I had a few drinks and during a phone conversation with my parents Wednesday evening and they picked away that I'm unhappy being alone and to change something. So I confronted her again when she came home that night and we ended up in a argument over it again. The next day as she left for work she told me It was over and needed me to move out. I texted a few times while she was at work and asked her to talk it through, she did not response. She didn't come home and I received a call from my parents asking if I was ok as she had contacted them rather than discuss with me.. I haven't heard from her since. She was around today while I was at work because she's packed clothes and belongings to stay with her mom. There was a note on the whiteboard simply saying "Be out by weekend".

I don't know what to do. 80% of the belonging in the home are mine. I have nowhere to move to beside storage and sleep on my parents couch while I look for a place. I've paid for this month and feel it's rash and unfair to kick me out without communicating. I hurt very much because we TRUELY felt we've never met a partner so compatabable, had a great Christmas and spoiled each other.

On top of everything this is now my 5th 3+ year long relationship to have failed by being dumped or cheated on and dumped. It hurts and has me scratching my head why im so easy to give up on. It's frustrating at 31 to keep starting over and failing after allowing myself to love and be hopeful this is the one. I want an adult life and keep working towards a family and a home.

Part of me wants to pack up and leave her with an empty apartment in spite and go full NC. Part of me wants to just wait and weather the storm. But ultimately I'm unhappy recently and feel her reaction is completely un just nor loving. It hurts because i love her and always want to put the work in to keep the spark alive and well. I'm also worried since it's her place on paper I have a risk of coming home to changed locks and she is being irrational.

Thanks for listening. I'm pretty strong but today I was fighting the tears at work. I'm an electrical Forman with a crew of 20 guys and it was close a few times to being embarrassing.

David, I know you're hurting and looking back with rose coloured glasses. So I'm going to refresh your memory as to what it was actually like.

* You see the two of you as being compatible, however she had communication issues, your love life was lacking, the two of you were having awful fights (hurtful words and thrown cellphones ARE awful fights) and she didn't want to spend time with you. Mate, this isn't what compatibility looks like.

* Making up after a fight is good. But those hurtful words can never be taken back. And if the two of you throw things....how long is it before you come to blows?

* Confronting her about the issue when you've had a few drinks and have gone back to being belligerent was the perfect way to prompt her to throw you out.

Frankly, this relationship sounds abusive. You've admitted that you've got issues with drinking and then being abusive - and perhaps she was matching you. I'm guessing is that she took that late shift because she was unhappy with the relationship.

My advice is to rethink what a good relationship looks like. When you find a relationship where you're both calm and happy and with good communication, you will find that it's far less likely to end.

January 8, 2016

I've paid for this month

Assuming no abuse, if you're splitting the rent, I'd ask her to pro-rate and refund the days that you aren't there.

January 8, 2016

^^screw the prorate. DOn't show you need money or have no dignity for yourself by asking for some money back. People pay millions for freedom and not ask for money back.

My take is a bit different..forget all the BS that was said and hand grenades thrown...the question how the f are you going to get over her pulling this stunt on you..even if you two got back together you know it's going to eat you and bring more fights.

Let her be her ugly self.

Honestly if it was me, no BS I couldn't wait to be out that MF. There is no woman on planet earth to tell me those two words "get out". But that's how I work. She could call me any names but when you're going to that level of making things like I'm being a burden to you at your house, now we have a problem. Screw that. I'd rather be homeless than feel like n

Garbage being thrown away.

See it as a good thing this is happening now. It's not about not making it work, it's about not being with the right person. People fight so what, they don't kick each other out..that is just terrible.

On the other hand you need to find the common denominator that caused issues in your previous relationship.I don't think your parents should be involved in anyway. You are 31 and it shouldn't effect what they think of your gf or relationship. You are stressed, so WHAT. You are going to take action because your parents feel that way.

I dk man, if it was me, the couch feels Much better right now.

If she said by Sunday, B+++ I'll be out by the end of tonight you'll see. Get your buddies and move your stuff when she's not there. Don't even let her know let know till she finds out the house empty. Sometimes you just gotta be ****ty back

January 8, 2016

^^screw the prorate. DOn't show you need money or have no dignity for yourself by asking for some money back. People pay millions for freedom and not ask for money back.

I agree that's better if he can do it financially, make a clean cut. But I see on this site that a lot of people are really into making sure things are "fair," so if he's inclined, I think it's owed to him, but I'd probably just walk away at this point too.

January 8, 2016

Thanks for all the feedback.

The money is a non issue. I spent twice as much on her for xmas than my split rent return.

My concern is not running. I have a full 5 ton worth of **** to move. Literally she owns a TV, Box Spring, Coffee Table and dishes. I need to hire movers because my couches are horrendous to move from this place and I would never do that to my buddies again. I have a dog so I need to find a place that I'm going to make work for me. I need to decide if I'm staying in the city close to work or suburbs an hour away back to friends and family. It's not just a quick fill the trunk and go.

I'm not dumping my hard earned money of moving to a storage locker and than moving again a week or two later just because she snaps her fingers. We have joint bills to cancel and sort. Some mutually bought **** to split. The more I let it stew the more I get pissed off at her going NC and expecting me out in 48 hours and not handling **** like an adult. I didn't involve my parents. As much as I love them I'm a grown man, she communicated her intentions to them rather than talk to me. Same bs with writing on the white board to get out after ignoring my call and texts asking wtf is up?

Makes me wonder what's going on behind the scenes. Must be something. If she told me she was so unhappy it was making her depressed and in a funk and feel unloved I wouldn't be telling her to get the **** out, if she's was drunken or not. I wouldn't leave someone alone in my house to move without me around and leave my house empty. Seems pre meditated like she's been waiting for a blow up to make her move. Sad cause xmas was great. Said I love yous and texts earlier in that day. She posted all our xmas photos that day.

Just baffled. I'm always reluctant to start a ball rolling that can't be stopped. Like moving and signing a new lease. I've yet to be in a relationship where both people have had instances that were justifiable to walk away or work through it. I never seem to know when to walk away and start over AGAIN.

Just rambling now. I go from pissed off to reminiscent. I need time to process and make a rational decision. I haven't contacted her today at all.

January 8, 2016

First, take her and the relationship off the pedestal. Getting so angry you two are throwing things is awful. Never in my life would I stay in a relationship that was volatile like this. So, you need a reality check first which I think will help you eventually move on.

Second, I would bet any money she's projecting. She's unhappy but turning it around on you to make you look like the guilty party. I think she's probably not been happy for a while and she didn't communicate that to you. And I agree, I would imagine there's more she isn't telling you about what lead her to this decision.

Third, you need to start making moving plans. Let her enjoy the consequences of you taking her seriously this time. There is a much happier and healthier relationship waiting for you someday.

January 8, 2016

depending on your local laws, she may not legally even be able to kick you out without notice. I know in my state, you have to give someone a 30 day notice of eviction.

I wouldn't count on that. What could he do if she were to simply change the locks while he's at work? Break a window to regain access? It's a rental property and he's not even on the lease. If she called the police then not only would they remove him from the property to avoid a domestic situation, he could also get arrested for vandalism. No matter what the eviction laws say, I don't think trying to remain in the property by legal loophole is a good idea.

OP, I would simply tell her that you are going to give her what she wants, but you need more time to organize your things. Try to remain civil at all times, remember that she holds all the cards here so do not fight with her. Tell her that you need a week or two to find somewhere else and organize removals but after that you will be out of her hair forever. Hopefully she will agree to this compromise.

And next time, if you move in with someone, make sure your name is put on the lease, so this can't happen!!

January 8, 2016

Seems pre meditated like she's been waiting for a blow up to make her move. Sad cause xmas was great. Said I love yous and texts earlier in that day. She posted all our xmas photos that day.

This is a really common way for people to end relationships when they have trouble making sense of really good times vs really bad times.

Thing is, your bad times with her sound really, really horrible. God knows, I would have thrown you out much earlier than she did. However, she gave you more chances and got confused when the good times happened - like at Christmas. But then she sees the drunken, abusive you, realises that it's never really going to change and uses that anger to throw you out.

Shouted insults and thrown objects never end well.

January 8, 2016

You could follow the advice of those telling you to ask for longer to sort your stuff out. But if she's got evidence of your anger, she may hit you with an AVO. If she does have evidence or witnesses, you'd be better off leaving quietly.

January 8, 2016

Hmmmm..

Id say the only thing that would have saved it would have been you moved out yourself when you were feeling unhappy.

The women on here wont like this comment but here goes.

WHEN A WOMAN SEES A MAN UNHAPPY AND SHUTDOWN WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH.... THEY ARE OUT OF THERE.... SIMPY AS THAT.

They don't want you to complain or state ur perspective. They want you to act with leadership and fix the problem without making a scene.... simple as that.

IS that easy to do???? No bloody way.... its tough but its what u must do if u never want to be dumped by a woman again.

January 8, 2016

I'm not dumping my hard earned money of moving to a storage locker and than moving again a week or two later just because she snaps her fingers. [...] not handling **** like an adult. I didn't involve my parents. As much as I love them I'm a grown man, she communicated her intentions to them rather than talk to me. Same bs with writing on the white board to get out after ignoring my call and texts asking wtf is up? [...] Makes me wonder what's going on behind the scenes. Must be something. [...] Seems pre meditated like she's been waiting for a blow up to make her move.

Hi David, I am very sorry all of this is happening to you and hope you will find a solution soon!

I think ExpatInItaly is spot on with her observations. When you are in somewhat calmer water it might be good for you to think about some things. I notice you are a prideful guy, the way you write. That is also what makes you strong and eventually lets you move on. I am just wondering, is it possible that she expected you to go in discussion with her if she told you directly? Perhaps she was afraid that things might go ugly again. It could be the reason she still is not talking to you, but has no problems contacting your parents.

In your writing you go quickly to all sorts of emotions, and anger usually isn't the emotion I see when someone has just been kicked-out out of the blue. It usually is despair or disbelieve.

Take care man.

Edited January 8, 2016 by Itspointless

January 8, 2016

Are you on the lease?

She is being ridiculous. If she wants to end things that is one thing, but expecting you out in a couple of days is beyond immature. I would just tell her it's not possible and you will be out by months end. It's very strange that she snapped in a second just because you are struggling right now. I would think she'd want to help you through that.

I'm sorry

January 8, 2016

Tonight talk to her more calmly.

Explain that you agree that you two need to break up & that you are willing to leave but she has to be more realistic about a time line. Tell her you will be out by the end of the month & then set about finding a new place. Meanwhile sleep on the couch & move any true valuables (jewelry, cash etc.) to your parents

Even if you are not on the lease, if your mail goes to that address you will have some claim to get back in to get your stuff if she changes the locks.

At this point you are seeking a civilized departure nothing more.

January 8, 2016

Are you on the lease?

It's very strange that she snapped in a second just because you are struggling right now. I would think she'd want to help you through that.

I'm sorry

Nope read my post. Not strange at all.

January 8, 2016

Simply tell her you are looking for a place, but with all your stuff it's not possible to move out within her time frame. People should be more considerate in life.

People behaving irrationally like this would make me run the other way.

January 8, 2016

I agree to tell her that you need more time to find a place to move and then to move.

I don’t see anything more to talk about, other than timing and logistics.

I think it’s a good idea to end a relationship where people are unhappy and fighting rather than pinpointing problems and then solving them, either on their own or together. One of you was going to end it because you two didn’t fix the problems. Fighting isn't a substitute for problem-solving. It's just another problem.

January 8, 2016

Hmmmm..

Id say the only thing that would have saved it would have been you moved out yourself when you were feeling unhappy.

The women on here wont like this comment but here goes.

WHEN A WOMAN SEES A MAN UNHAPPY AND SHUTDOWN WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH.... THEY ARE OUT OF THERE.... SIMPY AS THAT.

They don't want you to complain or state ur perspective. They want you to act with leadership and fix the problem without making a scene.... simple as that.

IS that easy to do???? No bloody way.... its tough but its what u must do if u never want to be dumped by a woman again.

Really?

I usually try offering bjs to calm fried nerves.

The only one whose ever turned that down is my husband.

Generally guys feel a little better and are willing to talk things out if they've had one.

Plus they are enjoyable.

Maybe I should teach a course or something.

January 8, 2016

Really?

I usually try offering bjs to calm fried nerves.

The only one whose ever turned that down is my husband.

Generally guys feel a little better and are willing to talk things out if they've had one.

Plus they are enjoyable.

Maybe I should teach a course or something.

Sorry, this made me lol

January 8, 2016

Quote: 'I don't let things go and get argumentative when drinking.'

Lesson for next relationship, never argue with a woman.

January 8, 2016

Quote: 'I don't let things go and get argumentative when drinking.'

Lesson for next relationship, never argue with a woman.

Ah c'mon, I bet you there are many women saying the exact same thing about men.

I personally hate arguing and I am a men. I often cannot see why we cannot just communicate without getting into anger.

January 9, 2016

In three relationships in the last seven years I've only ever got into one minor argument, because when you argue the relationship is over in terms of love & respect for the most part and also the biggest sign of settling for something you're not happy in - two people who truly love and respect each other, don't get into fights.

Women want men who communicate and it's a skill that can be learned, also absolutely necessary for a happy fulfilling relationship.

When there's a problem, discuss it maturely and if your partner can't... I'd be tempted to suggest it won't get any better, only worse and it's probably time to move on, even if you love them dearly - you can't fix people, they can only become better versions of themselves.

January 9, 2016

Nope read my post. Not strange at all.

I did read your post and it's not how most women in relationships who care about their SO behave. I've seen my bf down and out, and never wanted to kick him out because of it...that's not a relationship. Something out of the ordinary is going on behind the scenes that OP doesn't know about

January 9, 2016

Something out of the ordinary is going on behind the scenes that OP doesn't know about

I think she is calling his bluff and forcing his hand to try and win the argument so all can go back to the way it was before the argument...

January 9, 2016

I brought up the 30 day thing because I know this from experience. I broke up with a girl who lived with me and tried to send her packing. 30 day law got me on that. If he has any evidence that he lives there, like bills arriving at that address or any kind of mail really, she can't legally make him leave. She can try to play games and lie to the police, but otherwise the guy doesn't have to move so fast.

Landlord tenant laws vary by state. That may be the law in your state, but it is not the law everywhere. In my state an owner occupied property, which the lease only in her name counts, can get somebody out in 72 hours.

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My GF of 3yrs (26) told me (31) to move out immediatly because I'm unhappy.

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