anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 (edited) A little background: My ex and I were HS sweethearts who tried to make it work at separate colleges. After a while it was obvious things weren't working because we argued all the time and just the thought of having to talk to her repulsed me. I was very comfortable, even if manically depressed, with my close group of friends and my long distance GF. I don't know what my end game was. I guess I figured I could just be unhappy forever. For so long I clung, and I'm starting to realize that my unwillingness to leave was driven by my fear of being single in college. MY college to be specific. Don't get me wrong, I love my university and I don't want to leave! But it has the reputation for being a party school, and rightly so. Located smack dab in the middle of nowhere, 20,000 18-22 year olds have nothing to do but drink jungle juice and snort cocaine until ODing or worse (seriously, 4 people have died this year purging their stomach contents out of the same frat's fourth story balcony). I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't go to crazy parties and grind with loose women. And I also don't have casual sex with strangers. I know mine is not the typical male stance on this, and many probably would trade places, but this scene is just not for me. I don't have any issues with these things nor do I condone those who participate, I've just never found it appealing. Now I have found myself single and in college, surrounded by scores of beautiful women who I have absolutely no interest in talking to. It's not that I have problems talking to them or that some don't seem interested in me, but it seems that the majority of them would rather just hook up than go on an actual date. If I'm not trying to have sex with them, they lose interest (at least let me buy you dinner first!). It's kind of a turn off when a girl starts talking about how much she can drink and how many dudes she's slept with. I always thought I would be able to leave my university with a degree, a fiancé, and a plan for the rest of my life. But now I see how hard it is to find a nice girl here, and so many articles online say finding commitment in college is impossible as well. So my question: Is finding a serious relationship in college realistic? And will I have to sacrifice my non-hookup, non-party lifestyle to do so? Edited January 8, 2016 by rjblak13
Versacehottie Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 well my college was like yours. So you just need to look in the right places and take the approach that will develop into a gf. Think more long term. Develop a flirty friendship with someone you know from class or some activity other than party activities or greek life. I'm not going to lie. It won't be the easiest because of the party lifestyle but definitely if your a good guy, with a great personality and are cute. One of my cousins is gorgeous and at a huge party school and she has a bf--going on 3 years!! Actually you need to think of it like this: it is a selling point. The majority of guys are going to NOT want relationships, such is the lifestyle, well as someone who does it becomes a selling point for you. Not a negative at all---as long as you see it that way. You are offering something (potentially) that not many other guys are going to be able to offer. That's a plus to the right girl---and you really only want those ones anyway. If you get a party girl who doesn't REALLY want a bf, she might just cheat and then that will be a big headache. Make sure you vet your candidates It's possible though!! At my huge party school, lots of us had bf's and we were a very social and outgoing group. It just kinda happens when the right guy comes along. Don't underestimate the romantic, easy to attach side of girls. Honestly maybe guys don't know this but it's almost always there with the type of girl you'd want as a gf. If you can unlock her heart in some way, girls are pretty open to a relationship. That's my happy generalization for the day 2
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Posted January 8, 2016 Actually you need to think of it like this: it is a selling point. The majority of guys are going to NOT want relationships, such is the lifestyle, well as someone who does it becomes a selling point for you. Not a negative at all---as long as you see it that way. You are offering something (potentially) that not many other guys are going to be able to offer. Wow I had never thought about it that way before! A very positive outlook indeed. But like you said, vetting the candidates is a challenge. I try to get know girls who seem really nice and fun, but soon find out they just want to FWB. Glad to hear there is hope though! 1
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Even at a party school (& I went to one of the biggest out there), not all 20,000 undergrads are into the party scene. It's just easier to find the partiers because they are the most visible. Look around. Find groups that do things which interest you. Is there an honor society for your major? Work to get your grades up to get into that & go to the events they throw. Play an IM sport. Join a club like yearbook or peer counselors. Find somebody interesting in class & form a study group. Then as you get to know them you can socialize with them in a way that is not all about partying. 2
stillafool Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 You could always date a girl who is not in college.
GoodOnPaper Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I always thought I would be able to leave my university with a degree, a fiancé, and a plan for the rest of my life. But now I see how hard it is to find a nice girl here, and so many articles online say finding commitment in college is impossible as well. So my question: Is finding a serious relationship in college realistic? And will I have to sacrifice my non-hookup, non-party lifestyle to do so? There are factors besides the party, hookup scene that can influence how receptive college girls are to the idea of an LTR. In general, this is their kid-in-a-candy-store phase of life when it comes to dating. It is tough to resist, even for many nice, relationship-minded girls. I had a 2-year relationship in college and we were talking marriage, then I was unceremoniously dumped because "I was her first boyfriend" and she had found someone else. Regional culture can make a big difference. I was in college 25 years ago at a small liberal arts school -- not a big party school, you just had to stay out of the frat houses -- where most students were from suburban Chicago areas. The girls there were very conscious about establishing shelf-lives for their dating relationships. Very few couples graduated intact -- although some got back together after testing the waters in the real world for awhile. Now, I'm a professor at a regional university in the middle of the country. Most students are from small towns and most of the girls run to the altar after graduation. I wish this had been the atmosphere at my school. So, keep your options open and don't lose patience -- as a relationship-minded guy, the long-game is your friend.
hasaquestion Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 A little background: My ex and I were HS sweethearts who tried to make it work at separate colleges. After a while it was obvious things weren't working because we argued all the time and just the thought of having to talk to her repulsed me. I was very comfortable, even if manically depressed, with my close group of friends and my long distance GF. I don't know what my end game was. I guess I figured I could just be unhappy forever. For so long I clung, and I'm starting to realize that my unwillingness to leave was driven by my fear of being single in college. MY college to be specific. Don't get me wrong, I love my university and I don't want to leave! But it has the reputation for being a party school, and rightly so. Located smack dab in the middle of nowhere, 20,000 18-22 year olds have nothing to do but drink jungle juice and snort cocaine until ODing or worse (seriously, 4 people have died this year purging their stomach contents out of the same frat's fourth story balcony). I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't go to crazy parties and grind with loose women. And I also don't have casual sex with strangers. I know mine is not the typical male stance on this, and many probably would trade places, but this scene is just not for me. I don't have any issues with these things nor do I condone those who participate, I've just never found it appealing. Now I have found myself single and in college, surrounded by scores of beautiful women who I have absolutely no interest in talking to. It's not that I have problems talking to them or that some don't seem interested in me, but it seems that the majority of them would rather just hook up than go on an actual date. If I'm not trying to have sex with them, they lose interest (at least let me buy you dinner first!). It's kind of a turn off when a girl starts talking about how much she can drink and how many dudes she's slept with. I always thought I would be able to leave my university with a degree, a fiancé, and a plan for the rest of my life. But now I see how hard it is to find a nice girl here, and so many articles online say finding commitment in college is impossible as well. So my question: Is finding a serious relationship in college realistic? And will I have to sacrifice my non-hookup, non-party lifestyle to do so? I think you should consider why you want to settle down so quickly personally, as you have a lot of life ahead of you and are going to grow a lot over the next 5-10 years. Are you religious? If so there might be organizations with like minded people.
truth_seeker Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I never took dating seriously in HS or College. Everyone around me in a relationship were cheating. Why invest into someone, get heart broken and see them all the time and be reminded of it? At that age who needs that drama and heartache? Wait till college is over and meet a girl who is mentally and physically ready for a monogamous relationship. That's my advice. However, for argument's sake, I'm sure there are 18-22 year olds out there who like to be in a relationship and not sleep around. I just don't think there are many.
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Posted January 8, 2016 Are you religious? Not at all, which yes, based on my lifestyle is a bit surprising. And it's not that I'm looking to settle down NOW. I'm not even looking for a relationship NOW. It's just that the prospects of finding a relationship here in the future don't look good right now. I'm sure two months is not enough time to really judge the single life here, and maybe I'm just attracted to the wrong girls.
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