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I have to move on from this older man because of my family.

sunshineforyou

By sunshineforyou
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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sunshineforyou New Member

sunshineforyou

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WARNING: Lengthy post!

 

Okay so I met this man who is 27 years older than me (I'm 20, soon 21) a few years ago. My family automatically assumed he was a creep because of his age and because he got along with younger people (as well as older people). We became close friends for awhile n really started something by last Christmas. But my dad said as long as I'm living at home I can't see him....that worked for about a week or so. I just hid our relationship or whatever it was from my family for a year. But I wasn't ashamed of him, I just knew they wouldn't get it. My friends knew and were completely fine without it after they met him. They loved him! My fam started to suspect something the last few months. Well over nye we went to a hotel to get away from everything for a bit. It got out cause my mom went crazy and messaged so many people online and talked to his sister's family members. My dad was crushed to find out I was lying to him for so long.

 

I feel so awful for lying but I will never regret the time I spent with this man. No one believes me when I say he didn't want me for sex. I'm still a virgin!! We had such a connection and feelings so strong. I know, I know. I'm young and I should be with someone my age, but to me it's stupid for someone to tell me what's best for me in the long run. Because no one knows the future!

 

He isn't some old man hag who will die in a year. He is a martial arts man and takes care of himself. I feel like a chunk of me is missing right now. My dad said if I continue to see him he will kick me out. Regardless if I see this man, I need to continue to save my money to move out. It's just hard since I'm trying to go to school and working at a preschool/daycare.

 

I just need help getting past this. I said goodbye to him last night and he told me when I went over to this guys house who liked me (since we weren't super serious back then and he told me he didn't want me to stop living life) he couldn't sleep for days or breathe when he went to bed. We both cried when we said goodbye. This man loved me so much and it seems like a waste to just stop it. He gave me happiness, he shared the same faith in God, and he had a heart of gold. He was respectful and went above and beyond for me. I've had a breakup, but not like this. I hate not hearing about his day. From falling asleep to watching tv, to car rides, to going to church, I enjoyed everything with him no matter what it was! I was always smiling. He never did anything wrong.

 

My family will never ever change their views about him. Only me, our friends, and a couple of his family members see the real side of this man. It breaks my heart for someone to spread such garbage about him when they haven't met him. Horrible rumors about him being a perv and his family saying I'm a slut. My dad said he will kill him if he ever sees him....I blocked his number n everything. Right now I just plan on writing down my feelings and how my day went as if I were talking to him in a notebook and maybe give it to him one day. Idk it's something to help me I guess. I don't want to let this man out of my life. All the bs I went through was worth it. He is legitimately perfect and I wish everyone could see how happy he makes me. I love my family and I understand their view, but they're going about this the wrong way. Help!

Edited by sunshineforyou
CherryVanilla Member

CherryVanilla

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Wow, that is one of the most intense posts I have read in here so far!

 

Well, I understand your love for older men, I had my first kiss when I was 18 and the guy was 36. Anyway...

 

What you really need to understand are a few things:

 

1. I don't think only because he is 47 that he is disgusting or whatever. I know older men can be attractive, fit, and interesting.

 

2. What the hell did you do in the hotel with him anyway?

 

3. You gotta understand that you're 20, you're a virgin, and although this guy may seem super sweet, nice, respectful and etc he MAY still be only interested in sex. But he knows you're super young, innocent and etc so he will play the "I am romantic and super sensitive and caring" role, till he has sex with you and then dumps you. Your father is worried that he may be this kind of guy, and honestly I understand his worry. When I was younger I was involved with a man who was 39 and though I didn't have sex with him he shattered my heart... Because his attitude towards me became more and more perverted and daring with time. He was a gentleman at the beggining and a pervert in the end. So please, be careful.

 

4. Fortunately or unfortunately, most of the time our parents' instincts are right.

 

5. You're so young, you have still a life to live and you'll know other guys who you may fall in love deeply and truly. I don't think any man should be a reason for you to fight with your parents, when all they want is your own good.

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sunshineforyou New Member

sunshineforyou

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Some of our friends came up to the hotel too but we watched tv, ate ice cream, walked the town a bit and just had fun. We could just be talking and it's amazing. He's not your average 47 year old.. I promise you he isn't wanting me for sex. He could get that anywhere if he wanted. He waited until I wanted to kiss him first. He's never ever pushed me to do anything. I understand why everyone is freaking out, but I have never felt so emotionally connected/attached to someone before. No boyfriend will ever treat me this way, I promise. This man is beyond patient and caring. He goes on mission trips, helps old people for free with fixing their houses. He was there for me through thick and thin.

NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

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You worry too much about others and what they say..first off hes 27 , idk where in the world you got "this old man" Pfff

 

I think this break up is good because he needs to be with someone that can step a food down. No disrespect but as a guy, this is too much unnecessary drama. I don't see anything from your post that truly raises an eyebrow about the love you have for him. You are upset other people say he's a perv or others simply don't like him but really who cares if YOU really loved him?

Why all this non sense. We've all dated people we weren't allowed to date but this is truly overboard.

I don't know what guy goes through this for a year, have a gf just to hold hands and can't even have sex with her then also have his image burned by your parents rumors.

Seriously , are you parents going to be around when you get older or he is? When you grow together with someone YOU won't have your parents in the picture.

I personally don't think you love him at that high point you think you do. If you did..It's very simple what you would have done already. To me it seems more about missing things you used to do With him like going to church together then actually the warmth and the loving feeling of missing being in someone's arms. Maybe im wrong...but maybe im right..eitherway you are the one who is blocking "the one" with the flip of a switch over mammy and daddy.

 

I honestly don't think you're mature enough to be In a serious relationship..I feel like I'm in highschool all over again

NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

Posted
Posted (edited)
Wow, that is one of the most intense posts I have read in here so far!

 

Well, I understand your love for older men, I had my first kiss when I was 18 and the guy was 36. Anyway...

 

What you really need to understand are a few things:

 

1. I don't think only because he is 47 that he is disgusting or whatever. I know older men can be attractive, fit, and interesting.

 

2. What the hell did you do in the hotel with him anyway?

 

3. You gotta understand that you're 20, you're a virgin, and although this guy may seem super sweet, nice, respectful and etc he MAY still be only interested in sex. But he knows you're super young, innocent and etc so he will play the "I am romantic and super sensitive and caring" role, till he has sex with you and then dumps you. Your father is worried that he may be this kind of guy, and honestly I understand his worry. When I was younger I was involved with a man who was 39 and though I didn't have sex with him he shattered my heart... Because his attitude towards me became more and more perverted and daring with time. He was a gentleman at the beggining and a pervert in the end. So please, be careful.

 

4. Fortunately or unfortunately, most of the time our parents' instincts are right.

 

5. You're so young, you have still a life to live and you'll know other guys who you may fall in love deeply and truly. I don't think any man should be a reason for you to fight with your parents, when all they want is your own good.

 

She is 20 not 16, she can have sex as she is an adult..it has nothing to do with him being 27 years older and wanting to take advantage of her. I don't know what person wants to be dragged along for over a year to just get to sex with their partner..he has dealt with this for that long I don't see how he just wants to use her...and what partner nowadays doesn't wanna have sex with their loved one? I think that speak high volume for him sticking around.

 

What her dad is saying isn't his problem or hers. She can make choice. She chooses to pick dad over someone she can be happy with for life, then so be it..but don't make him look like the bad guy because you got your heartbroken by a 39 yr old when you were younger.

She could be chosing to lose her virginity next month as far as you know. It's not about the sex it's about the big picture and sticking around. She claims he's perfect and is "it"...but then you choose your dad?? Why not date someone dad likes ...love my arse..more like puppy love.

 

Yea let this OLD MAN be . He needs to be with an actual woman and you with a pretty high school boy.

Edited by NoLeafClover
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sunshineforyou New Member

sunshineforyou

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Thank you!! You were brutally honest! I didn't want to choose my dad over him, it's just I have no where to go if he doesn't want me living at home anymore. I picture myself with this man in the future but I also picture my family not speaking to me or being able to see my soon to be niece. Today I thought he will never get to see my grandkids or maybe see my kids grow up. But my friend said he isn't in it for the long haul, he is in it for me and to spend the rest of his time with me. Right now I just plan on saving up, moving out, and making my own choices. It's so frustrating for them not to see the real side of this man and see how genunie he is. I'm tired of them thinking I'm a slut, crazy, or naive. I've had the "perfect Christian" bf who had anger issues and hit me, I've also had may guys just want me for sex. My dad said there are other guys out there and I'm not looking "hard" enough...complete bs. I didn't shut down my options when I met this man, but I did stop searching as soon as I met him.

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