gardenoflife Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Hey guys. First post, and it'll be long, so please bear with me. Well, as the title says I'm in the process of recovery from a pornography addiction. It has made me see women in ways I don't want to. I'm 19 and haven't had much experience with women, so I used the porn as an escape from that pain. Now that I'm recovering, I want to start getting to know women and what it's like to be around them on a consistent basis without losing myself in my thoughts. Life is looking up for me and I'm currently in school and working a full time job. Thank God for that am I right? (Sorry if I offended any non religious people out there.) Anyways, I haven't had a good time searching for girls my age so far. Some see me as a wuss and others have tried to use me for my money (They were promptly cut off I might add.) It's not that I'm really that shy or anything. I can mostly handle myself with girls. I'm just a lot different from most men my age. I'm very mature and I'm not that brash, in your face, sexy bad boy type. I'm an old soul in a young body. I just sort of do me for the most part and am working to build a life I'm comfortable with. I'm on a good path so far. However, a big dilemma for me right now is the HR woman at my job. Quite frankly, she's hot. She's probably 25 or 26, so definitely a bit older. It's not just her physical appearance though. I admire her ambition and personality as well. She's an MBA, very respectable, I could go on for a bit. Obviously we work together, and with her position and mine, I think seeing her is a no-no. I just want to get to know her in some way. This is the type of woman I'd like to have in my life at some level, be it a friend or more. Am I going a bit far with this? Or is there something I can do to break the ice? For now it's just been her greeting me in passing. But I'd really like to do something and be proactive about this if I can. It's been on my mind for a bit and I'd like to know if I should call it a loss or not. Thank all of you so much for reading if you've made it this far. Hopefully I can get some sound advice.
Samhain Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 First of all, I don't know any teenage guy who wouldn't look at porn way more than they should. I love porn, but on a healthy level (i.e it doesn't interfere with my sex life). You've mentioned that you're an "old soul" which would probably match you with older women more than girls who are also 19. However, women in their mid to late 20s probably aren't looking to date teenagers. But that's if you go in for the kill, like approaching her and asking her out .. She will only see you as a guy hitting on her, who is younger than her, and that's it. If you want to try and start something up here, the key is confidence, and interacting with her regarding something she is interested in. Try and find out what her interests are, by either speaking to her (Strike up a convo with her should the opportunity arise) or being astute and noticing things that seem to interest her that you can then approach her about. Music, books, movies, things she likes doing outside of work. You have to make yourself appealing to her and because of your age, you will have to work a little harder. But just flat out asking her on a date isn't going to work unless she finds you physically appealing.
Robratory Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I don't think it would be a good idea to try to put the moves on the HR lady because... * She's older. Few 25-year-old women are into 19-year-old men. * She works there. * She's in management. * And she's the HR lady.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I don't think it would be a good idea to try to put the moves on the HR lady because... * She's older. Few 25-year-old women are into 19-year-old men. * She works there. * She's in management. * And she's the HR lady. Absolutely agree. You could find yourself in hot water for hitting on staff, especially HR personnel! Better not to dump where you eat, you know?
Qboro90 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Do you have break rooms or areas in your workplace where people gather or where she would be on occasion? I think your best chance is to start slowly building a cordial line of communication with her. If she's in the break room, make it a point to go in and small talk. "Hey, happy new year, did you have a nice weekend? Do anything enjoyable?", "so is 2016 going to be a positive year ya think?, I decided this year I'm going to give up on making resolutions, seems to be going well so far, haha". ...I ddon't think we've ever formally met, I'm ___ by the way" Just small things to where she starts knowing your name and who you are and gets the vibe that you're a nice guy and mature for your age. Not saying to stalk her at your job btw. But you're not going to hook up with her or date her out of nowhere or anytime soon. It require patience and time. If you're ok with that, then go for it. Ideally you want to get to the point where if your company has holiday parties or get together outside the office (happy hour or dinners) so that you can have more personal conversations in a less strict environment as opposed to at the office.
Samhain Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Why shouldn't he try? She's not insanely older, and there are plenty of older guys in superior positions that end up in relationships with the "little folk". I agree he shouldn't right up ask her out, but there's nothing wrong with trying to talk to her and share interests and establish a friendship/connection. If you don't try you will never know..
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Why shouldn't he try? She's not insanely older, and there are plenty of older guys in superior positions that end up in relationships with the "little folk". I agree he shouldn't right up ask her out, but there's nothing wrong with trying to talk to her and share interests and establish a friendship/connection. If you don't try you will never know.. I'm not advising against it because of age. I'm advising against it because they work together and she is in HR. That's quite a risk, whether or not there is company policy against it.
preraph Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 My first advice is to not try to see women until you can not inject "recovering porn addict" or "porn" into the conversation with them. Wait until you are no longer feeling the pull and put it behind you. No woman wants to deal with that. Bravo for trying to do something about it. All those women are real people with something toxic in their past that led them to that point. It's not good. Concentrate on doing physical activities and hobbies and just totally immersing yourself in that for at least a year and see where that takes you. It takes time to shake any addiction. Don't date until it is not on your mind anymore.
Samhain Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 My first advice is to not try to see women until you can not inject "recovering porn addict" or "porn" into the conversation with them. Wait until you are no longer feeling the pull and put it behind you. No woman wants to deal with that. Bravo for trying to do something about it. All those women are real people with something toxic in their past that led them to that point. It's not good. Concentrate on doing physical activities and hobbies and just totally immersing yourself in that for at least a year and see where that takes you. It takes time to shake any addiction. Don't date until it is not on your mind anymore. I disagree, you are right in part, a lot of those women are "damaged goods" but a lot are also normal women looking for a big break who think their looks and bodies will lead them there.
Samhain Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Plus of course, there are a multitude of women who really enjoy their sexuality and love their job in the porn industry. It's not always black and white.
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