Heather4 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Im still feeling depressed. The guy I slept with on New years eve has talked to me. But only to ask me to snap him or send him nudes. He keepa saying he wants to hang out..at 10pm. But when I said, "well what do you want to do?" He replied," Idk whatever". No other response. I told him when he figured it out to let me know...he said Ok. I havnt heard from him since. If i could just find a guy that is easy to talk to and actually wants to hang out after meeting me for thr first time that woukd be great. Guys always just want to sleep with me or once they meet me never want to get to know me anymore. Somedays I want to jump off a bridge. I get so sad and lonely being in my room all day studying. Im like the female version of Good luck chuck. ALL of my exes or guy dates have a serious relationship. Here I am. Lonely and bitter as hell. The single cat lady who embarrases her self date after date when I have to explain to people that Im not talking to that guy anymore. Please tell me it gets better...
Robratory Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 You know, there really is something to not sleeping with someone right away, and it's not about morality. The first thing that waiting does is precisely to weed out those who are just looking for serial sex partners. Waiting also lets you evaluate the guy before you add the emotional aspect of having sex with him. You want someone who is easy to talk to, but how deeply do you delve in your conversations? It's perfectly reasonable to ask someone after a date or two what they're looking for in a relationship. What each partner wants should not be a secret. I'm not sure what you mean about explaining things to people. Who you're dating is nobody's business. I hope you feel better. You're only 24 (it says). You're too young to be bitter.
lilmissjava Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Take control and don't sleep with guys you aren't in a relationship with. If they don't stick around after you refuse their sexual advances, they weren't right for you.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 How soon after meeting him did you sleep with him? It might be a good idea to wait if this is a recurring pattern.
Author Heather4 Posted January 7, 2016 Author Posted January 7, 2016 I do it early. Idk why. I like to have sex. But there have been times that I waited. It ways ends the same way.
Eighty_nine Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I do it early. Idk why. I like to have sex. But there have been times that I waited. It ways ends the same way. Chin up, girl. This won't be helpful now, but I promise you we ALL go through this. It always gets better. But let me say something, simply and as directly as I can-- it is the best advice I could ever give a young single girl-- do not sleep with men early; ideally, wait 1 month. DO NOT. EVER. It doesn't matter how beautiful, sexy, smart, funny and amazing you are. Men like a chase; they are biologically programmed to. Yes, SOMETIMES, though very rarely, relationships come from early sex. More often though, this happens. It is so, so easy to weed the guys who aren't worth your time out when you don't sleep with them. They'll either lose interest when they see sex won't be easy or they'll pursue you like they should. And don't get trapped in an unwanted FWB situation. Pursing should mean that men contact you, make real plans to hang out, in advance. Doesn't matter if they're spending money or taking you to nice dinners. What matters is forethought and consideration toward you. Yes, there also are times when women wait to have sex with someone, and men still end up rejecting them. This is correct. But you will save yourself so much hurt and wasted time if you promise yourself right now that you will not sleep with men right away.
Qboro90 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I do it early. Idk why. I like to have sex. But there have been times that I waited. It ways ends the same way. You slept with this guy so early on that it established the dynamic of what he expects when he asks you to hang out. His 10pm texts with "we can do whatever" are the definition of booty calls. Hope you are mature enough to see that and not naive. Asking him "what do you wanna do tho?" Makes you look silly. He's prolly thinking "umm you know what I wanna do, wtf" When he texts you again for a booty call you have to tell him flat out "sorry ___(his name). The random 10pm booty call texts aren't gonna work. And neither are the snaps. If your next text doesn't involve "dinner" , or "date", or "when can I take you out?", then don't bother sending it" You probably have established a reputation around the guys you would want to date more than once and that's preventing you from being taken seriously. Either step outside your normal dating pool and try going out with someone that way or establish restraint when you first start seeing someone. Don't sleep with a guy until at least the 3rd date. I don't care if you were a girl I had a crush on for 5 years and finally said yes to going out...If you slept with me on the first date I would lose a little bit of that spark and respect I had for you.
preraph Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 Heather, I'm so sorry. We've all been there. It is so disillusioning. You need to just block that guy. He did you and now he just wants proof to pass around. Never give anyone that. I am not being judgmental. I had more than my fair share of fun in the 70s. But I would just say that since it makes you sad and unhappy, "having fun" is not for you. So you have to not trust a man to do you right and you need to start setting and holding them to your own standards -- and yes, it will be like watching flies drop most of the time, but that is how you find out what they are really wanting. Some of these same guys who are like that at 19 or 28 may turn into perfectly acceptable companions after 30, but by no means should you wait that out. Just set your boundary and let them go away if they don't like it. Keep making female friends and hanging out and having fun and taking part in any of the things that you best love to do because that is how you can truly connect with a guy, even if he might otherwise consider himself a Don Juan. Don't be sad. Be true to yourself and what you want and you will have no regrets and probably not even that lonely either. Good luck. 1
thecrucible Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I'm concerned that you are so down on yourself. The guy sounds like an ass, asking to send you nudes. Please don't waste any more thoughts on him. Please don't let that affect your sense of self either as I'm sure many of us women experience the same - meeting guys that only want one thing. It doesn't say anything about your worth as a person. I think preraph has some great advice and I'd also recommend figuring out your personal boundaries. It will seem odd at first but you will get a real buzz when you stick to your own guns the first time. Lissvarna is also right. You'll notice that some men will drop off like flies as soon as you make it clear that they'll have to actually make an effort to get you into bed. Once you see how unwilling they are to get to know you in a real way, you'll lose interest in them too. The right guy will stick around and want to get to know you.
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