sadpanda3 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Unless I've had a significantly long relationship with the person (2 years or more) and I'm the dumpee I take it as a sign they never loved me and strung me along the whole time. The only time I believe them that they truly loved me is when I am the dumper and they take the break up really badly. I usually start looking for signs to "prove" they never loved me (stupid stuff like "he didn't pursue me hard enough", "didn't put enough pictures on facebook" or "his friends hated me") and spend a while hating men and being bitter. I usually also feel very bad about myself during that time and beat myself up for being "fooled" this way. Is this normal? Just wondering if a lot of people experience this.
Qboro90 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 It's common. But it's not correct. He had feelings for you and loved you and meant the things he said to you when he said them. When you first started dating up until probably a couple months before the break up. The thing is that people can lose those feelings or stop having them or they can diminish. It's normal. He doesn't dislike you, he just doesn't wanna be your boyfriend anymore. Nothing personal against you even tho you feel that way.
DrMario Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I sometimes feel like this, but when I read back through past messages and emails I snap out of it because I feel like at that point, I really did mean something to her, but the fact that I don't (at least not in the same way) anymore, it rubs me the wrong way, I don't get angry about it, but it definitely hurts, going from being somebody's world one day to not so much at all the next, it's a shame because it will take years before I'm fully healed and over her and for her, she was over it in days (for the most part), I'm sure she feels some pain but it's not on the same level as the one who was dumped by her, and unfortunately, 9 times out of 10 that is always the case, but even so, just know, you will regain your faith in humanity eventually and you will put your trust in somebody and love again.
Silver_star Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 OP I think you know deep down what you meant to him at one point. Honest moments shared between two people are something that you can remember forever, but be careful not to cling to those memories because feelings do change as well, and they did. You can appreciate those moments for what they were at the time. It was not ALL a lie. I know what its like to feel so betrayed by the sudden harsh end of a relationship you invested in that your very concept of it is hazy, and you feel like maybe you were the one who made it up in your mind to be something it wasn't. It is normal to feel that way. It is a psychological defence against realizing our fear that sometimes even people you trust the most can betray you, and feelings of love can dissipate before our eyes. You don't need to waste your energy legitimizing the relationship and whether or not it was "real".What is more important NOW is the way that you feel and what you are going to do to feel happy again. One day at a time.
Liono84 Posted January 8, 2016 Posted January 8, 2016 I think it's only natural for us to think that way and I've done so myself, so I understand exactly what you're saying. However, nothing is absolute. There is no formula to this whether it be 1 year or 2 being the cutoff. it's not black or white. So while that may indeed be the case with your experiences, it doesn't necessary mean it's always the case. As others have mentioned, people change, and feelings change. Love is not necessarily permanent and you can be very much in love with someone at one moment in time, only to later not feel the same way. From my personal experience, I agree with you and disagree with you. There have been times when I've dumped someone and never looked back in a short term relationship, since they didn't mean much to me and we didn't develop a bond needed. But there has also been a time where I've dumped someone in a short-term relationship, only to regret my decision very much so later on in life and realize I loved them more than I ever thought. Sometimes, long-term relationships are more meaningful and harder to get over both from a dumpee and a dumpers perspective since there was a longer period of time of bonding. But sometimes, it's quite the opposite. Sometimes, when you dump someone and you were in a long term relationship with them, they can be easier to get over, since you exhausted all your efforts and knew the person through and through by the end. Sometimes, it is the short term relationships that kill you the most as a dumper because you may have ended it prematurely and there was potential and a 'What If' factor unlike that of a long-term relationship. So in the end, there is no answer to the question you seek. In the end, it doesn't matter. It is always best to move on and never look back when you get dumped and if you thinking they never loved you helps you achieve that, then so be it.
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