Lord Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 So I have been in dating scene for a while and I found a girl with following qualities. Can anyone analyse her a bit for me. I have been with her for almost a year. She is good looking, smart. caring Funny Professional cook Always lets me dominate and be the leader at everything Shy and crazy when needed I feel happy talking to her Introvert Gets mad sometimes so doesnt talk but then comes back and says sorry after few hours Ready to work hard and make career changes just to stay with me Knows all the household stuff Good with pets and loves kids Never cheated and highly trustworthly person. Her last relationship was 5 years old when the guy left her for another girl because she had gone to work abroad and timezone issues. Always messages me and updates me on what is she upto Bad things: A bit lazy sometimes Has poor english talking skills but not a dealbreaker for me(She from different country) A bit attached to me and misses me a lot so gets upset sometimes. Is she a keeper? How to test her more to see she is the right fit for me?
TheArtist Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Yeah... don't test people, they tend not to like that. You've been together a year, surely that says something. The fact that you're asking us - strangers - what we think isn't a great sign to be honest. Forget the tests, how does she make you feel? Does the world spin when you kiss her? Is she on your mind when you wake up? Then she's a keeper. 3
Zippy2000 Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Easy tiger! Only time will tell. There was a thread here a few weeks ago where someone had finally met someone only to find out 2 weeks later she was a total nutter! You still dont know her so date her and find out more.
soph-walker Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 As befuddling as this can be, deciding whether or not someone is right for you, it's ultimately only a question you can answer. In addition, I don't believe in 'the one'. I think you meet someone and if you are both equally interested, you both do the work required to keep it going. 'The one' is a silly and damaging concept that people cling onto. 1
salparadise Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I don't believe there is only one person in the world who we are destined to be with either. The "one" is a designation we attribute to someone we love enough to want to spend the rest of our lives with. It's a decision we consciously make. In that sense I think it's a legitimate question. Some people just know, others struggle with making the decision and look for ways to assess the many facets. I've been thinking about it lately too. What are the most important considerations, and given that there are no perfect people, what compromises do we accept? Off the top of my head, here are things that are important to me. Not all inclusive by any means, just a few things to think about... Relationship criteria: acceptanceappreciation affection attentionallowing (to be ourselves, not controlling)dedicationsexual compatibilityreliabilitygoals and beliefsattuned to the same wavelengthattachment style (mostly secure) Character attributes: authenticityintelligence (various types- cognitive, emotional, etc.)awareness (self, others, situational)integrity/honestycompassionate/empatheticagreeablenessconscientiousnessnot prone to interpersonal dramasolid same-sex friendships (no opposite sex fan club) Personal preferences: values, beliefs, world viewinterestslife goalsdiet, alcohol, lifestyle choicestolerance, acceptance, ambition
katiegrl Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Easy tiger! Only time will tell. There was a thread here a few weeks ago where someone had finally met someone only to find out 2 weeks later she was a total nutter! You still dont know her so date her and find out more. They've been dating for one year Ziippy.
TheArtist Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Personally I wouldn't make a list like that. Ticking boxes to find a good match? Really? If anything the opposite of that list would be better as it would make you much more open to new people. In that case my 'must not' list would be: No smokersNo one married/separated - I want all of you!Two children or fewer (three starts feeling like they're ganging up)Not a complete bore See how much simpler my list is? I can even memorise it.
lilmissjava Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I wouldn't want to be on someone's check-list and having to keep checking it after a whole year! Just go with how you genuinely feel, checking this "list" is pointless at this stage. As for testing? You do that and you're going to start something you will regret. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 The Q boils down to do you love her? does she love you? are you attracted to her / turned on by her / does the bedroom work for you both? do you have compatible views on finances? can you see yourself still having fun together 10 years? 25 years? 50 years from now? Personally the submissive aspects of her personality especially where you said she was willing to change careers for you (her mere BF of only 1 year) made me think a lot less of her. But you listed that & her willingness to let you lead in all aspects of your relationship as a positive, so what I think on this issue doesn't matter. It's your relationship. 2
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 If you have to ask then I doubt she is the one. A man in love would not come up with such a list and be looking for 'tests'. You're not in love so no, she's not the one. 2
Glitters Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 she ticks your personal boxes , but doesn't tick the guy standing next to you. She needs to click with you , not anyone else. You are going to have a relationship with her , not anyone on this board. Anywho, from your list ,they are good qualities in a woman! Don't go into the drama of testing , could backfire on you if she is smart 1
Author Lord Posted January 7, 2016 Author Posted January 7, 2016 Personally the submissive aspects of her personality especially where you said she was willing to change careers for you (her mere BF of only 1 year) made me think a lot less of her. Can you elaborate a bit more on this? What's wrong on her side for doing so? She actually just 1 year old in working for some company and graduated like 2 years back.
Author Lord Posted January 7, 2016 Author Posted January 7, 2016 If you have to ask then I doubt she is the one. A man in love would not come up with such a list and be looking for 'tests'. You're not in love so no, she's not the one. Well i don't know what makes you judge the relationship just on the basis of my question. I just wanted to list down her traits so I can get some idea.
Tribble Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 I'm assuming you mean the ONE you want to spend your life with rather than your destined ONE. So on that assumption... You seem to like her. But do you love her? Loving someone is amazing, you're all in and those negative traits seem to fade into the background and not matter. If you're compatible and it works that is. If they are your one. It sounds like she's great for you on paper. You've been going out for a year and she has a lot of the attributes people would want in an ideal partner. But she doesn't really get your motor running does she? If she did, you wouldn't be asking. Paper and reality aren't always the same. Heck, I never thought I'd end up with people I have in the past on paper but in reality it just somehow works. Some people do find it difficult to know if they're with the one. But usually that's a worry that you won't stay compatible into the future. Forever is a long time. You don't weigh up your gf on her good and bad qualities and ask the internet if she's the one for you. You know you want her in your life. How do you feel if you think of a future without her in it?
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Well i don't know what makes you judge the relationship just on the basis of my question. I just wanted to list down her traits so I can get some idea. How do you feel about her?
Author Lord Posted January 7, 2016 Author Posted January 7, 2016 I'm assuming you mean the ONE you want to spend your life with rather than your destined ONE. So on that assumption... You seem to like her. But do you love her? Loving someone is amazing, you're all in and those negative traits seem to fade into the background and not matter. If you're compatible and it works that is. If they are your one. It sounds like she's great for you on paper. You've been going out for a year and she has a lot of the attributes people would want in an ideal partner. But she doesn't really get your motor running does she? If she did, you wouldn't be asking. Paper and reality aren't always the same. Heck, I never thought I'd end up with people I have in the past on paper but in reality it just somehow works. Some people do find it difficult to know if they're with the one. But usually that's a worry that you won't stay compatible into the future. Forever is a long time. You don't weigh up your gf on her good and bad qualities and ask the internet if she's the one for you. You know you want her in your life. How do you feel if you think of a future without her in it? How do you feel about her? Looks like I wasn't clear in my OP on how much i really love her. I defintely care for her and just because I ask about her here doesn't mean I dont love her. Its just that I really wanted to make sure as I also feel she is the best for me and I wanted a second opinion because they say when someone is in love they are totally blinded. Anyhow maybe the way i framed the question wasn't right @Gaeta - I feel great with her. I never get bored while talking to her and she understands me a lot. She always satisfied me emotionally and sexually too! She motivates me to work harder in business so I can spend the future with her. She never says no to anything and doesnt expect anything from me other than love. I actually want to pinch myself to believe i really found someone that good as its not easy to find true love they say and I am already giving my 100% for her.
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2016 Posted January 7, 2016 Always lets me dominate and be the leader at everything Ready to work hard and make career changes just to stay with me Can you elaborate a bit more on this? What's wrong on her side for doing so? She actually just 1 year old in working for some company and graduated like 2 years back. I'm what most would call an alpha female. I view my marriage as a partnership. Sometimes He's in charge. Sometimes I am. I have always had my own career & my own money. I have never needed a man to support me. Only one year in, I would never make career changes solely to stay with some guy. Granted I wouldn't upend my whole life & marriage to go off on a lark but before my husband accepted a new job that was going to require us to move I would expect that we'd have a long talk about it. Nobody gets sole decision making power over things like this. The way you describe her & your emphasis on you in charge & how domestic she is (good cook, "knows all the household stuff" and loves kids & pets) gave me the impression that you aren't looking for marriage where you are both equal partners but for an arrangement where you say jump & she says how high. You describe a woman who seems happy to do just that. If that is what you both want & that is what makes you both happy, good for you. I'm somebody on the internet. In the end, what I think about your relationship is irrelevant because I'm not in your relationship. I worked with my husband to structure our marriage the way we want it. You must do the same.
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