ilovemusic3 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I'm a 26 yr. old female, he's 26 too, we met on a free dating site, our first date was 3 hrs. out for coffee. He messaged me the next day asking to go out again with a few suggestions in mind for where to go. He seemed really interested. Our second date was to a restaurant, and then walked around outside. It seemed like we had a good time at the restaurant, but when we got outside we weren't talking as much. He messaged me when he got home saying that sometimes he gets shy and doesn't know what to say but he did enjoy his time with me. I said that I did too, and hopefully we can do it again soon, but I haven't heard back from him in 4, almost 5 days. Why did he lose interest after liking me so much after the first date? Link to post Share on other sites
Leucine Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Probably found someone he liked even better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 This is quite similar to your other thread, but OK. You said yourself that he's shy, did you message him in those five days? He could well have his own thread on here asking exactly the same thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Maybe he lost his phone? Have you tried to message or even call him? If you have, then maybe once more is fine but after that, back off (hard as that can be) and let him come to you. If you haven't, then do so. There's nothing wrong in showing interest but as long as it doesn't drop into stalking, so once, maybe twice, but after that, nothing. If he's interested, he'll contact you. If not, he won't. I'd like to think people, men and women, are all decent and honest and will tell someone when they're not interested, but bitter experience has taught me otherwise and sometimes you just walk away never knowing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Are you sure you didn't do anything to change his opinion about you . . . drink too much? Take a phone call? express passionate views about a controversial subject? Sometimes people look good OL but when you get to know them more in person they aren't who you thought they were. He may have also thought you were not interested, especially if he's shy. If you are really not sure what happened & you do like him, call him (don't text) & you ask him out on a date you planned & you pay for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I ve been that man. I thought I really liked the girl. Was attracted to her but after a 2nd date there was one girl no matter how attractive she was. There was no attraction to her personality. She came across as dull and uninspiring and I had made most of the conversation. What made me decide was she never paid for any of the 2 dates! Thats was the deeciding factor. I m not saying its to do with who paid the bill at the restaurant but you cant ask us why he lost interest. Many people think he may have found someone better but we dont know that. It could be theres no "spark". He isnt as excited meeting you in person. Some people may build up an expectation of you and when they meet you you dont meet their expectations is another factor. In fact we`ll never know why he lost interest until he tells us. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Well, the short answer is, "who know." There are a myriad of possibilities as to why he dropped off. This happened to me once, but in hindsight I realized that the guy was probably waiting for me to step up to initiate date three, and I, rather obliviously, never circled back to him. It wasn't until a couple of months later that it dawned on me that, oops, my bad. I just figured he wasn't all that interested and shrugged it off. And I think that's what you should do in this scenario. Just shrug it off. If you're actually really interested in the guy yourself, send him a quick note, otherwise try not to take it too personally and brush it off best you can. It's probably got nothing to do with you, insofar as you "messed up." I think it's easy to have even an enjoyable time with someone and not necessarily want to date them. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 This is quite similar to your other thread, but OK. You said yourself that he's shy, did you message him in those five days? He could well have his own thread on here asking exactly the same thing. This^^^ You need to reciprocate and call/text/set up a date to show YOU are interested. Shy guys will second guess themselves and bail. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Did you flirt with him? Did you show that you're interested in him physically? If a woman acted strictly like a platonic friend for the first two dates, there would not be a third. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I ve been that man. I thought I really liked the girl. Was attracted to her but after a 2nd date there was one girl no matter how attractive she was. There was no attraction to her personality. This could be it. Sometimes your personalities don't gel. I don't think the guy was as into it as the OP says as he didn't attempt to ask for another date while on the first date or bring up the idea of a second date at all. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 If you are really not sure what happened & you do like him, call him (don't text) & you ask him out on a date you planned & you pay for. d0nnivain, you're obviously a mature, practical, no nonsense woman. What you suggest won't happen as the OP is a girl. No girl is going to call a guy, ask him out and pay for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilovemusic3 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 He messaged me when he got home from the date that night saying that sometimes he gets shy and doesn't know what to say, but enjoyed his time. I wrote "me too, hopefully we can do it again soon." Doesn't that count as asking him out again and showing interest? Why haven't I heard from him? Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 He messaged me when he got home from the date that night saying that sometimes he gets shy and doesn't know what to say, but enjoyed his time. I wrote "me too, hopefully we can do it again soon." Doesn't that count as asking him out again and showing interest? Why haven't I heard from him? Kind of, but not really. It's too open-ended. As far as I'm concerned asking someone out is actually setting a place and time to meet, whereas this is just an agreement that you liked each other's company. Get in touch and ask him out! 'Hey, there's a great film on this weekend and I was wondering if you'd like to come?' 'Hey, are you any good at bowling? Fancy a challenge this weekend?' 'How do you fancy driving up to the woods this weekend with a spade to help me get rid of something?' All are valid. Ish. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 He messaged me when he got home from the date that night saying that sometimes he gets shy and doesn't know what to say, but enjoyed his time. I wrote "me too, hopefully we can do it again soon." Doesn't that count as asking him out again and showing interest? Why haven't I heard from him? It shows interest, but doesn't ask him out. If I was a guy interested in you and I received that, I'd be thinking that you weren't really that interested. However, if I was just undecided or okay with things then maybe I'd see a positive in that, but it still doesn't ask him out. Either way though, you're trying to think what he will be thinking. Do what is right for you as that's the only person you can truly know. Be honest with yourself and ask him out, or at least say outright you would like to see him again. The question is, can you handle if he says no and are you ready for if he says yes? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Kind of, but not really. It's too open-ended. As far as I'm concerned asking someone out is actually setting a place and time to meet, whereas this is just an agreement that you liked each other's company. Get in touch and ask him out! 'Hey, there's a great film on this weekend and I was wondering if you'd like to come?' 'Hey, are you any good at bowling? Fancy a challenge this weekend?' 'How do you fancy driving up to the woods this weekend with a spade to help me get rid of something?' All are valid. Ish. :laugh: Good advice here, OP. Except for maybe the last one... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 :laugh: Good advice here, OP. Except for maybe the last one... To be fair, if a possible date agrees to help you "with the evidence" then you know they're worth keeping hold of. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilovemusic3 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 He finally called last night and left a voicemail telling me to call him back. I did a few hours later but couldn't leave a voicemail because it said this person hasn't set 1 up yet, and I texted him but no answer, now I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 He knows you've made contact so now it's a matter of waiting until he gets back to you! In the meantime try to stop stressing and keep busy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I think women who don't initiate are boring. It is your job as well to reel him in, it's not supposed to be a one-sided thing. Docile, passive women are dull. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilovemusic3 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 He texted me in the morning and said he would call me tonight after work but he never did, what's up with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Rik777 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 He is playing games to match you. Why wait several hours to re-contact him after he rang, especially when you're interested? Doesn't the fact that he did contact you demonstrate to you that he is interested? In similar situations guys are told the girl might be busy BS and not to be patient. I hope it works out for you two, but quit the game playing. Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 This is dating in your 20s I'm afraid. Look, just call him and ask him if he wants to go and grab a coffee. Be specific about a time and place, don't just say, 'at some point next week', set a proper date out. We're all rooting for you guys but come on, one of you needs to make a move! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts